Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
^v^v^
Ianto sat on the highest rooftop he could find and stared at the stars. He thought, briefly, of driving out to Pontypridd or Newport, but the Rift had been so active lately that he couldn't justify being that far from Cardiff merely to escape a little light pollution.
He dragged his tired eyes over every single start he could see, wondering which of them was shining its light on his lover. He hoped, at least, that it was a warm sun. Jack had told him once, in the glorified cubby hole he called a bedroom, about planets bathed in the icy light of a cold star. He wanted to imagine his Captain on a beach with warm waves leisurely lapping at his sun-kissed skin.
Ianto chose the brightest, prettiest star he could see—because didn't Jack love pretty things?—and stared. He allowed everything else fade away. The other stars, the cool breeze, the sounds of traffic below him, gone. It was only Ianto, the rooftop and Jack's star. He took a deep breath.
"I've missed him, you know. I'm not sure when it happened, but somehow he'd become the center of my life. He's my boss, my lover, my mate. Hell, he was on my team for pub quizzes. I'm…not sure I know who I am without him. I need him. The team needs him. Not the pub quiz team, though with his experiences and my memory, we were unstoppable."
Ianto laughed, knowing he was rambling. It just felt so…freeing to let it out. "But I mean the Torchwood team. Gwen is still too green, too inexperienced, but none of us have the heart to fight her over command. The only one really qualified is Owen and he just about destroyed the world with a life-devouring Rift demon. And poor Tosh is terrified that UNIT is going to come and snatch her away and put her back in that dark cell. The arrangement in her paperwork was that Jack had to be her…warden. With him gone, they can declare it void and there wouldn't be a damn thing any of us could do about it. She's been sleeping at my flat, too frightened that they'll snatch her in the night. I wonder if it ever even occurred to him, that his leaving put her in danger." He sighed, but kept his eyes trained on Jack's star.
"I'm…I'm only justifying it now, aren't I? Even when I know no one's listening, I'm making excuses. The truth is…I can't imagine a life without him anymore. After—After Lisa I spent every ounce of energy I had to regain his trust. To get my hands on some part of his life. I fought tooth and nail for every single second of it. I don't know anything but that fight anymore and without him…I just feel empty."
Ianto forced his eyes away from the star, feeling pathetic. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag.
"He's everything I'm not. He's so brave, so charismatic. He's so sure of himself and the most outgoing person I've ever met. He's so handsome that sometimes it hurts to look at him. He's the most dashing of heroes. And he makes me feel whole. He gives me meaning. I need him back. I miss everything about him—from his ridiculous stories to his handsome smile. He's always smiling. Did you know he even smiles in his sleep?"
He flicked the ashes idly and glanced back up to Jack's star. "I know he's after answers, I know he wants to right all the wrongs he thinks he's responsible for and I know that with you, he can make all of space and time his oyster. But I think…I think he was happy here, on Earth. I think he was happy with me. He belongs here."
His voice broke. He trampled down the urge to sob before continuing. "You don't know me from Adam, Doctor. You've lived hundreds of years, like Jack has, while I'm not yet thirty. Maybe I'm not old enough or wise enough or important enough to make it to your radar, but I'm begging you. Give him his answers and send him home. It's been months now. You don't need him, but I do. Send him home to me."
Ianto ground what was left of his cigarette into the concrete when his phone beeped. Sighing, and suddenly glad he hadn't taken that drive, he flipped it open to reveal a text message from Tosh.
"Blowfish stole a car. Where r u?"
^v^v^
A/N: It's a bit rambling, I know, but I feel like someone as quiet as Ianto is would need to get it out somehow. He has his diary, but sometimes it's just not the same. Thanks for reading.