Thank you to Pudding333 for your character question idea.
Dear SiriousB1,
I am a body builder. I lift weights 24/7. (Well, I used to. I just really wanted to kill someone so I dedicated all my time to improving my muscle.) Anyway, since I started lifting weights, I can't stop! I don't do it constantly as I used to, but still fairly often. My muscles keep growing and growing! I can lift five elephants without even breaking a sweat. A lot of the people that I know (I won't call them my friends because I hate everyone) call me "Mr. Beefy" because of my physique and it really pisses me off. What can I do to get people to lay off about my physical build?
From,
My Clothes are to Tight
P.S.
Don't tell me to stop lifting weights, because I seriously can't!
Dear Too Tight,
Mr. Beefy? Wasn't that the name of the dog from the Adam Sandler movie? What was it called? Oh yeah...Little Nicky. (That was a kick ass movie!!) So, anyway, why are these people calling you a dog that comes from Hell who is addicted to going to strip clubs and wasting all his money on booze and sex? That makes no sense to me! Anyway, if you really aren't going to quit lifting weights, you could always build your own exercising machine like Tony Little. Or, you could work at a gym or enter into the next summer Olympics. That way, weight lifting and being physically fit would be your profession and people can't make fun of you for that. Just for kicks, you could find out when the next episode of Jerry Springer has a topic on "How much muscle is too much muscle?" and be the star. However, that might just make people make fun of you more, but at least you'll get some more advice from professionals on how to quit.
Sincerely,
SiriousB1
A/N: Okay, well, since FF.net has "cleaned up its act", so to speak, I decided I'd try re-posting my advice columns. For those of you who have magically read them before, you might remember them all suddenly disappearing from existance. Well, some readers who were deeply offended by my use of language and sardonic tones reported me and my stories were removed. Sadly, many of them were lost forever because I neglected to buy Norton and I got a virus on my computer, deleting all of my Word documents. However, I have Norton now and I am searching my room for random scraps of paper that might possibly contain saved notes from the columns. Feel free to send advice questions (in a specific character or not) via FF.net's review system or my e-mail (siriousb1yahoo.com); I am always looking for things to do other than pay attention during Health class, so this is a critical step! Thank you for listening to this retarded rambling; hope you enjoyed it.