Hello dear readers. So, I just decided to reread and fix the many mistakes I always make. I hope it's better now, but it's basically the same story.
Smile!
Chapter 1 - Past
Pathetic. Life is pathetic. I'm pathetic.
Yes world. Believe me. Sasuke Uchiha is pathetic.
Look at him.
Drenched and alone.
Lost and wandering aimlessly through the rain like a pet without owner, thrown out and who no one else wants.
Pathetic. Life is pathetic. Sasuke Uchiha is pathetic.
Yes world. Look at me. I'm pathetic.
Who to blame?
I will not be proud. I threw all my pride out when I left home this morning.
Yes, it's my fault.
It's mine and the damn karma's fault.
Who knew that, after five years, karma would finally avenge me, laugh and spit at my face?
I should have imagined.
After all, what did I expect?
That after all I did, everything would be okay?
Oh no. Certainly not.
What does it matter?
It's in the past. On a past I've done everything to ruin the most wonderful experience I have ever had.
At that time I was young, immature, selfish and arrogant.
I have not changed, nor was it so long ago, just five years.
If only I knew what I was doing...
It no longer matters.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
Before narrating the events which happened in the last year of high school, let me tell you a little about how my life used to be.
My mother chose my name based on a legendary ancestor of our , as the legends say, the first Uchiha Sasuke had a shitty life, in short: his parents were killed by his brother, he got his revenge, went mad and disappeared for who knows how long. Nobody knows how or why he came back, and those are just legends. The important thing is that he was known to be beautiful, strong and a genius. And for these reasons my mother chose me his name.
I don't have much in common with him, aside his physical and intellectual characteristics, but what I mean is that my life has never been bad. My parents are alive and I have no siblings. It never lacked me anything and I always got what I wanted.
And, in this relatively perfect environment, I grew up.
I always liked games, all kinds of games, it didn't matter the game, since I won. And then when I was 15, they showed me a new game, a game I had only heard of but hadn't played yet.
It became my favorite game, its name: sex.
And the fame soon spread.
Sasuke Uchiha is the ice prince, a player. Place your bets, who is able to beat him?
The game was simple, whom thought was good could try not to fall for me. But if it happened, you ran away or gave your soul trying to make the ice prince like you back.
My part was to deceive, make them think they had succeeded, that I was by their feet. And when they thought they finally had a happy ending...
I destroyed them.
Oh yeah, I loved to see their expressions of pain, anger and disappointment.
I had won again.
Nobody escaped the game. When they didn't come on their own, I went after them. I used any method to make them play and I always won.
One by one I destroyed; it was a delightful game for me and I didn't feel anything for anyone, only the satisfaction of winning and destroying their souls and hearts over and over again.
And when players ended, I found new ones or repeated the old ones, and so did I use them all but, unexpectedaly, none of them hated me; it was a game.
You can't hate Sasuke, it's one of the rules.
No matter how many times I used them, they came back as a cycle that remained until the senior year, exactly five years ago.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
Five years ago, a new player was transferred to school, Uzumaki Naruto.
He was handsome, kind and tried to like everyone, always smiling, always, always.
I hated him from the first moment my eyes fell on him.
My only thought was to get that smile out of his face, and I knew exactly how.
Naruto had become my new game, not a player. To destroy him became almost a mission in my life. Naruto was the game I would not lose, could not lose.
Unlike everyone else, he didn't know it was just a game. Yes, he heard the rumors about me; he knew that I had taken to bed the whole school and others.
"I will not be another one for you, Sasuke," he tole me.
And that made me want more, made me want to destroy him more, to win and to see his face twisted in pain and anger, and then I would say.
"Yes, you were another one for me, Naruto."
-
Naruto tried to avoid me, tried and failed, he is only human, and although he was different from others since the beginning, as I said, he is only human.
He wasn't surprised when I pressed my lips to his in front of everyone, claiming him as my new game.
He wasn't surprised nor red; but he had a curious expression that seemed to say 'What have you just done?', and this expression quickly changed to a smirk.
He pinned me on the wall with our hands above my head and devoured me with his mouth, making me dizzy and breathless.
Nobody had ever kissed me like that. Nobody ever kissed me like that. Only him.
At that moment I felt so angry at him.
'How dare him do it to me?'
It was the shock, I said to myself, the reason my heart pounded so hard and I lost my breath. I tried to convince myself.
Naruto broke the kiss and smiled as I gritted my teeth.
He winked and left.
And then I was sure I would win and would use him as I pleased before destroying him.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
In six months, he had submitted himself to me completely.
If before he was aggressive and impulsive, I had tamed him. And I was just waiting to throw him out and see all his fury. Yes, he would beat me, hit me to no end, but I would have won, and it would have been worth every punch, kick or slap.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
Having sex with him was the best thing in the world, but I repeated that it was just a fuck. I pretended not to see that he was perfect, how much my body trembled when I joined him; I pretended not to hear him moan my name so sweetly and I only heard the groans of 'more' and 'more' that had praised my ego. I pretended that my heart exploding in my chest was just a result of the adrenaline produced by the act, not a sign that I was already addicted to him.
I didn't admit that there was more than just sex between us, more than the game. I didn't say to myself that talking to him, meeting him, listening to his voice or just feeling his presence had become everything to me.
No. Instead, I decided to close my eyes and think of the game. The game was important, not Naruto, to destroy him was the mission, not to make him smile more.
And then, on any given day, I decided to end the game.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
I took Naruto to the bathroom promising him a surprise. He smiled and held my hand.
Inside that cubicle, he kissed me like he had never done, it was almost like he knew it would be the last and did his best not to be. But I didn't care.
Instead of paying attention to that amazing kiss, I focused on taking our pants as soon as possible. I wanted it to be fast, I wanted to just get everything over between us the faster I could.
-
I turned him to face the wall, clutching on his hair and waist painfully hard. And without any warning, I shoved my hard member in his unprepared entry.
He screamed in pain and despair, and I tried to convince myself that I liked to hear him scream. That was the only sound he allowed to escape.
I didn't wait him to adjust or take a breath; I was going on it again. Again and again without looking at the tears and blood dripping on the floor.
So I emptied my content without any protection like I had never done before.
His body was still shaking when I pulled him by the wrist out of the bathroom almost without giving him time to pull his pants up.
-
I threw him on the crowded hallway, announcing once again that Sasuke had won, but it was not enough for me.
I used all kinds of verbal humiliation that my brain could think at that moment. I humiliated, cursed and vulgarized him in front of everyone, just to get the reaction I wanted.
-
When my eyes met his, there was no pain, anger or disappointment.
There was only sadness.
Sadness and tears that he was keen to show, differently from everyone else.
Even with my chest getting tight with the scene, I continued. I wanted to awaken the anger in those eyes, I wanted him to stand up and break every bone of my body.
And I almost smiled when he stood up, eyes full of determination coming towards me.
I closed my eyes in fear, yes, I felt fear. Even expecting what was coming, I was afraid.
My body froze.
-
Naruto hugged me tightly, and using his voice, shaking with tears, he whispered in my ear.
"It's not a game. Falling in love is not bad, Sasuke. I don't regret it."
I still sought satisfaction in my victory, but I did not. I had won, but why did I feel so bad?
He looked into my eyes and my heart broke.
What had I done?!
His eyes swam in sadness; the tears just kept falling, silently.
And he smiled
"I love you, Sasuke."
No. Do not say it, not like this.
I wanted to do something to stop everything, to go back in time half an hour, only half an hour.
Then he released me.
"But I also hate you now"
No. Do not say it, not like this.
I wanted to do something to stop everything, go back in time half an hour, only half an hour.
Naruto turned around.
"Goodbye Sasuke"
-
And I wanted to scream, to beg forgiveness and to have him back. But the voice didn't come out; my body was not moving, not blinking, not breathing, nothing. I just looked at his form leaving and I heard his footsteps each time more distant.
When he disappeared from my vision and the steps couldn't reach my ears, I fell on my knees.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
The tears fell and fell.
What did I do? What had I done? Why? Why?
Not a game, it is not.
I love you, love you too.
I tried to console myself saying he'd back, he had to. He would be back and I'd fix it all, yes, I would do anything to be with him forever and ever.
-
He did not come back.
-
The new rumors started.
Sasuke won for the last time and gave up the games.
Sasuke Uchiha is human, he also loves and cries.
-
It's true.
I quit the games, all of them.
Lose, win, what difference did it make?
I had lost, I had lost Naruto, and nothing else mattered.
-
I kept on living, focusing all my attention in the studies. And soon I graduated from high school and college as the first class.
For five years, it was the only thing I did, always thinking about meeting him one day.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
This morning, I received a call from a girl who studied with me at school, Sakura. At least that's what she said, I don't remember her nor her face or anything, but she said she had to tell me something.
'Naruto is back' she said 'I just met him in the street XXX'
I didn't hear the rest, my heart beating hard and fast. The girl could be deceiving me, but it was the hope that I hold myself onto, the only one.
I went to the store, but nothing. I ran and tried to find him through the streets.
-
Finally, I saw him, he was alone, and even from his back I knew it was him.
"Naruto!"
He turned and I lost my breath. If he was perfect before, now he was a god.
The smile, I so wanted to destroy, I so wanted to have just for me in the last five years, disappeared as soon as his eyes recognized me.
"Sasuke?"
I shook my head and grabbed his shirt without caring we were in the middle of the street.
"Anything" I said
"What?" He was rigid to my touch.
"I'll do anything, anything in the world, just forgive me. Please forgive me. Naruto, forgive me." my voice was dense with emotions.
-
He had grown and gotten taller than me. I cried and soaked his shirt, but he did nothing.
Until...
"Anything?"
"Anything."
He then pulled me to a relatively dark alley. The day was gray, it would soon rain so there were few people on the streets.
-
Naruto avoided looking in my eyes. He leaned back against the wall and unbuttoned his pants freeing his member.
"Kneel down, you know what to do."
And I did.
I still wanted my lips to touch his lips first, but I couldn't complain. I was more than willing to press my mouth on his skin, to move my tongue on his sensitive spots.
But he didn't moan my name nor asked for more, he only coordinated my movements clutching on my hair.
-
He pulled me off by the hari and lifted me up just before almost reaching his climax, making our eyes lock for a moment, and I waited for his kiss.
He passed through me and before I could protest, he had turned me away and threw me against the wall.
Naruto caught my fists above my head with one hand while the other unbuttoned my pants and teased my member. His breath in my ear gave me chills.
"Moan for me Sasuke"
I moaned, I moaned as I had never done before.
He lowered my pants to the knee and I waited for the pain. And it came, much stronger than I could imagine.
He did to me what I had done to him five years earlier.
It ached and burned, it hurt so much I thought I would faint. I could only imagine if it had hurt him so much, or did it hurt more because he didn't expect that. I thought it'd never end, but it did eventually.
And all that pain would have been worthwhile if it wasn't for...
"Goodbye Sasuke"
I ignored the physical pain and hugged him from behind.
"No. No. I thought... but..."
"But what? You thought what, Sasuke? "
His voice was so cold, so similar to mine from that time, and he turned and spoke in my ear.
"What do you want? Did you really think that being my bitch once would make me forgive you? Did you really think letting me fuck you would make me forget everything?"
Yes, I thought. Yes, I hoped so.
"No, Sasuke. I don't regret loving you, but it doesn't mean I forgive you. And I still had the decency to not expose you to everyone. Goodbye Sasuke, goodbye."
And again, I saw him leave me, unable to move.
-
The rain began and I stood there, cold, so cold.
I pulled my pants up slowly; it hurt so much, not only physically, and I started walking.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
Pathetic. Life is pathetic. I'm pathetic.
Yes world. Believe me. Sasuke Uchiha is pathetic.
Look at him.
Drenched and alone.
Lost and wandering aimlessly through the rain like a pet without owner, thrown out and who no one else wants.
Pathetic. Life is pathetic. Sasuke Uchiha is pathetic.
Yes world. Look at me. I'm pathetic.
And that's how I am in the moment, pathetic.
At least the rain stopped.
-
Buzz. Buzz.
Without having anything to do, I look at the mobile screen.
Unknown number.
I answer, but I say nothing.
"It hurts, doesn't it, Sasuke?"
My breath quickens as much as my heart rate, but I still have no voice.
"It hurts to be used and thrown away, doesn't it?"
I just nod my head slowly as if he could see me, idiot.
"But it hurts to use people you love"
And I finally find my trembling voice.
"Na-Naruto"
"We are pathetic and stupid, hurting each other in this way in exchange of nothing."
In exchange of nothing, it's true.
My voice is weak, but it's enough to express the three most important words at the moment.
"Where are you?"
The line goes mute.
-
I feel a hand on my shoulder and then...
"Behind you"
And I turn and see his smile back on face. It is the most beautiful and amazing sight in the world. So beautiful and amazing it makes me smile too, relief.
I close my eyes and leave myself at the mercy of his touch, his hands so hot walking around my neck, down my face, my hair. My trembling hands, wet and cold, hesitate a bit before finding his waist.
I can feel his breath near my mouth, so close.
And all the apprehension dissolves into a strong, desperate, hungry and sweet, so sweet kiss.
I hold him trying to deepen the kiss, wanting more, asking for more, needing more, giving more, giving more from me, all of me, and getting everything and more of him.
-
We only part when the need for oxygen equates the need for each other. Only he can take my breath away like this. Only him.
-
In silence, he takes me by the hand and leads me to his apartment.
I'm sore and wet from rain, tears and sweat, but it doesn't matter.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
Naruto fills the tub, slowly undress me and makes me enter it.
I whimper in pain when the warm water comes in contact with the most painful part of my body.
"Sh, sh... it will pass... sh... it will pass."
He assures me. His touch calms me down and his fingers bathes me gently massaging my body slowly.
For a long time, the sound of water is the only one that echoes in that room. It's good, so good.
I don't do anything, I just allow myself to be spoiled by Naruto like that. Howsoever, I'm still young, immature, selfish and arrogant. But I really...
"…do not deserve you, Naruto."
He laughs, kisses my cheek and answers with love.
"Not a bit"
I laugh too, and my hand lands on his face, looking into his so blue eyes.
"Sorry"
He doesn't answer, but he gets me out of the bath and wraps a towel around my body like a child. I dry myself while he gets me dry clothes.
Dressed, he takes me to his room.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
Through the window I realize that it is night, it is not possible, I left not long ago this morning. On the other hand, this morning seems so far away now.
-
Naruto gets dressed and lies us down on the bed, which is big enough for two embraced bodies to be comfortable.
I lay my head on his chest and hug his waist while he plays with my hair making me realize how tired I am.
My eyes close and my breathing is low.
Naruto stops playing with my hair thinking I slept, he approaches his mouth to my ear and whispers very quietly.
"I love you, Sasuke."
And it's so sweet and so good that it brings tears to my eyes and my so calm heart accelerates.
-
He is surprised when I turn myself locking our eyes and then say in the same tone as his.
"I love you too, Naruto."
And finally, I fall asleep listening to the strong beat of his heart.
-
The next morning, Naruto would bring me breakfast in bed and we would stay almost the whole day in bed, talking about our last five years, hugging and kissing and slowly savoring every moment.
But this is only the first day of our wonderful future together.