Odi et Amo
A one–shot of one of my OCs. It was supposed to be sort of fluffy/angsty but I don't think it worked very well xD
The title is from the first line of a poem by Catullus.
Rai belongs to Megan. Aaron and Blaze both belong to Anni.
I don't think I'd ever experienced real love, other than the love I had for my children. I say "my", but they're really not my children at all – but I had fostered them for so long, they felt like my own. So other than my children, I had never felt love for another person and I doubted I ever would – after all, I'm not the most loveable person.
But that was before I went to the Darkness compound and before I saw him.
It wasn't as if I'd never seen him before, never spoken to him. I had – we had gone through the first Fayz, then the second, with each other. I don't know if 'friends' was the right term to describe our relationship; 'acquaintances' was probably a more fitting term. Although, the fact that we barely left each other's sides during the Fayz (both of them actually) may cause a person to think we were friends. But I think we argued too much to be true friends. Anyway, after the first Fayz, we never saw each other or attempted contact, until the second Fayz brought us back together. But when that one ended, we again went our separate ways, and again we never attempted to stay in contact. So I naturally assumed that that would be the last time I saw him.
Then I got the phone call from Blaze, asking if I would be willing to help him and others destroy Darkness. Of course I said yes, because I wanted to get my daughter back from the compound. Loads of people have said that a simple phone call has changed their life, although they usually tend to be exaggerating. But I think that phone call really did change my life, or at least contributed to it. Without that phone call, I don't know if I would have gone on my own, even to rescue my daughter. Facing the Darkness people by myself was a daunting prospect, and I probably wouldn't have made it far enough to rescue her anyway.
I suppose I should have known that he would be there, but I was only focussing on rescuing Alexa, not who I might encounter. Seeing him at there at the compound was a surprise to me, and despite having not seen each other for so many years, it was as if nothing had changed between us. Especially as his first words to me were: "You're an idiot." Mainly because I had almost walked into a tree, but still.
Later, after we had talked for a bit, he had kissed me. And things just went from there I suppose. By that I mean after we left the Darkness compound, I had told him I loved him and, after a slight hesitation, he told me he loved me too. Saying the words felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders because I suppose in a way I'd always liked him, even though he could be a right idiot at times. But when he kissed me, I knew that I more than liked him – I think it was safe to say that I really did love him.
After our confessions of love, not much had changed between us. We were still as childish and immature as we had been when we 14. I get the feeling it was only around each other that we acted so childishly, as I can't imagine us behaving the way we did towards anyone else. When I was preparing to leave London with Alexa and go back to Arbour Bay, I felt that there was no question of me not asking him to come back with me.
Or at least, that's what I thought.
After we had eventually managed to return to Arbour Bay after what had been a very eventful day, I had thought to myself, in a silly "love–struck" moment that everything was perfect. One of the most clichéd and over–used sayings, I know, but everything really did seem perfect. But of course, when something seems perfect, it very rarely stays that way.
I had woken up in the morning, his warm body beside me, and everything still felt perfect to me. But then someone had knocked at the door, and I had obviously answered it – just to see my kids standing on the doorstep. Which was unexpected enough, but what had been even more unexpected was when their eyes turned black. After that, I found myself at the Darkness compound, a place I hadn't planned on returning to. And if that, mixed with Aaron torturing me and forcing me to join, hadn't been bad enough, Rai appeared. Not to rescue me, as I had hoped, but to see if I had joined or not.
When I saw his eyes turn black, all I could do was stare at him in disbelief. I wasn't even as angry as I thought I would have been – probably due to the fact that I was in shock or something. He told me he had lied to me because he thought it was funny that I thought he was a nice person.
Then, when I found out he was the one who had persuaded my kids to join Darkness, I was furious. But when I found out that the reason he had done it was just to get me here, well I was absolutely livid. Naturally, I told him I hated him. And it was true; I really did hate him at that moment. Why wouldn't I? But as he pointed out to me, I had told him before that I loved him, and that you can't just fall out of love with someone. That was true too – I did love him, yet I hated him too. And I knew I probably wouldn't stop loving him, no matter how hard I tried.
odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
The Latin at the end translates to "I hate and I love.
Perhaps you ask why I do that.
I do not know, but I feel that it
is happening and I am being tortured."
It's by Catullus.