Halo Combat Evolved Screwed Up Version

Hey guys this is Neptin The Sangheili and what I'm about to show you is another halo story I hope you enjoyed the last one. This one is a combat evolved story and it has the same story line but in a messed up way. Well I'm ready to show you how random this can be. Okay let's go. Enjoy guys! XD

P.S. This is not my game, Its Bungie's. I said this because some lines from the halo game are being used in this story.

Chapter 1: The Pillar of Derp Part One

The pillar of derp was driving away from the doomed planet of Reach.

When they made it away from Reach, Captain Keys questioned, "Cortana all I need to know is did we lose them?"

Cortana answered back, "I believe we know the answer to that"

Keys said, "Um, no I don't, tell me."

Cortana said, "You know the answer. You just won't admit it."

Keys snapped back, "Yeah, I won't and how did they…"

Cortana interrupted, "…get here first covenant ships has always been faster."

She continued, "As for tracking us all the way from Reach my light speed and my maneuvering options were limited."

Keys said, "So where do we stand."

Cortana said, "You are standing, dumbass."

Keys yelled, "That's not what I meant bitch."

Cortana said, "Our fighters our cleaning up their recon picket now nothing serious."

Keys said, "It sounds serious to me."

Cortana said in frustration, "Just shut the fuck up and listen!"

She continued, "…but I've noticed of multiple CCS Class battle groups make three capitol ships per group. In about 90 seconds they will be all over us."

Keys said, "Well that's it then, bring the ship back up to combat and alert alpha. I want everyone at their stations and that means everyone. Oh, and Cortana?"

Cortana questioned, "Hmm?"

Keys said, "Let's give our gay friends a warm welcome."

Cortana says, "I've already begun."

Then the scene changes to where all of the marines are getting ready for battle.

Cortana said over the com, "This is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill.

Sergeant Johnson yelled, "You heard the lady move like you got a purpose."

Then ten marines lined up on the left and right side.

Then Johnson yelled, "Okay bitches, time to kick ass and chew bubble gum if we had any. What we are going to when we get out there is to rip their heads off and shit down their necks.

Johnson paused for a moment and yelled, "AM I RIGHT MARINES!"

The marines yelled back, "SIR, YES SIR!"

Johnson said, "Uh huh, damn right I am."

Then yelled, "NOW MOVE OUT, DOUBLE TIME!"

The marines moved out while hearing Johnson saying, "All you greenhorns who wanted to see covenant up close, this is going to be your lucky day if you want to die in the process."

He started laughing after he said that.

Then the scene changes where there is a screen that's from cortana.

It says unseal the casket.

Then one of the two guys said, "Wow. Um, sir.

The other guy said, "Right let's thaw him out."

"Ok bringing low level systems online cracking the case in thirty seconds."

Then air starts coming out of the cryo machine.

The same guy continues, "He's hot like my mom blowing the pins at five.

We'll stop here so what do you think. Please press the blue letters and if you do your mom won't get laid by me. lol