Elena's POV

I'm such an idiot. I was crying when I got back to my house. I was in a ball and my hair was messed up and the straps of my dress were falling to reveal my skin. I hate myself so much..

2 hours ago.

"ELENAA!" Caroline screamed. We were at the Salvatore house, because they were hosting a party. Caroline dragged me here when i didn't even wanna come.

"Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?" I asked. I was pretty drunk and I was slurring.

"How do you like the party?" She asked.

"It's good." I screamed. there was loud music playing and i could barely hear her. I was about to say something but someone interrupted me.

"How are you ladies doing?" He asked. I turned around to see Damon. He was the hottest guy in our school. And i'm not going to deny it either.

"I'm just gonna go over there." Caroline said while she was winking at me. She was obviously drunk,too.

"Hey, it's loud, let's go upstairs to my room." He said. I didn't even answer but he took my hand and led me upstairs. When we got up there he led me to his room while he was closing and locking the door. When I turned around to face him he just kissed me. Hard and Long. I kissed him back feeling the spark. His hands trailed down to my back while he was exploring my mouth with his tongue. He put my legs around his hips and carried me over to his bed. I don't know why i was doing this, but it felt good and i didn't want him to stop. He started taking off his clothes while i just watched him. He stared at me until he said something.

"You're a virgin..aren't you?" He asked with an amused expression. He was naked completely and I looked at his manhood. IT WAS HUGE! I had surprised and scared expression on my face.

"Yes.." I said. blushing. He was taking off my clothes and i didn't stop him.

"Well don't worry it's going to hurt only a little." He 's the last thing he said before he thrust into me. It was so painful. but he put his finger to my mouth.

"Shhh." He said. He kept thrusting into me and his thrusts became more powerful. The pain turned into pleasure and i moaned. He smirked and kissed me. He was slowing down because he was probably coming to his climax. I came first and then he did. We both layed there looking at the ceiling. I dozed off to sleep. I woke up and hour later. I heard the shower running. That's when I came to my senses. What have i done? Damon walked back in. He just stared at me before he finally said something.

"You can go now. I think I'm done with you, even though that was great sex." He said while he was winking.I stood up and took my clothes and just let the tears fall. He saw and had hurt in his eyes too but it went away.I walked outside and started sobbing. What did i do?

Currently.

I was sobbing uncontrollably until sleep overcame me. I woke up the next morning and my eyes were puffy and red. I walked to the bathroom and took a shower. I decided on wearing a blue hoodie and skinny jeans with my converse. I walked to school. As i was walking down the hallway people were laughing at me and just staring at me. I stood there for a few minutes like a lost puppy until Damon and his friends came up to me.

"So, sweet cakes, you lost you virginity to Damon, eh?" Klaus said. He was an ass and I hated him. I just stared at Damon. I had hurt in my eyes and the only thing i managed to get out was:

"You told them?" I asked. He looked into my eyes and had sorrow. for like 2 seconds until it disappeared.

"Of course. You were drunk and I had sex with the hottest girl. AKA you. You should be happy that i was your first." He said. He said it cold and with humor.

"But now, everyone thinks you're whore. but owell, tough luck. We should totally do it again if you want to, you you have to do is ask.." He asked smirking. I was crying by then and everyone started laughing. I saw Bonnie and Caroline. I ran to them. I jumped into the'r arms and started crying like crazy. I wish Bonnie would've gone to the party. She wasn't the type to get drunk. She would've stopped me. I started crying harder. They both took me to the bathroom. They looked at me and Caroline talked first.

"I'm sorry I dragged you to the party. I didn't know that that would happen." She said as a single tear rolled down her cheek. I gave her a sad smile.

"I shouldn't have stayed home. I should've gone with you guys." She said with sadness in her voice.

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault, you guys. I should've been more careful." I said.

The bell rang and we went our separate ways. I was scared to face them. I walked into class and forgot that Damon was in my class. He looked at me and I looked at him. He quickly looked away. Everyone else came in and saw me. They started making fun of me. And i thought i was going to die there. Damon was looking at the ground the whole time. Our teacher came in and as usual gave us work. While I was doing my work some girls were throwing paper around the room. I grabbed one and read what it said.

"Elena is such a whore. She looks so horrible. I can't believe she slept with Damon She lost her virginity,so sad,shows how much of a whore she is.." It said. When I was done reading Everyone was laughing. They probably knew that i was reading it. Mr. Tanner grabbed it and read it. Mr. Tanner was a cruel teacher, but when he looked at me he had sympathy in his eyes. Everyone was still laughing and i was on the verge of tears. I stood up and ran as fast as i can out of the classroom and out of the school. I ran home opened the door and went inside. No one was home and i was grateful . I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and went up to my room. I started cutting myself. I hated myself so much. I can't believe this happened. I started cutting myself everywhere in my arms. After a few minutes my arms were bleeding and it was covered in blood. I went to my bathroom and washed my hand. I gasped at what I saw. I was cutting so much that i wasn't even counting. There on my arms were about 30-35 cuts. It was burning like hell. I went back to my room and went to bed. I just layed there wondering how my life got so fucked up. and started crying. I was screaming and sobbing until i went to sleep.

I don't think i can ever forgive myself..

what do you guys thinkkkkkkk? if you guys want me to continue then review. -:D