This was supposed to be for Hibari's birthday, but I was being lazy and couldn't come up with anything in time -_- my humblest apologies, mister demon...I mean, Hibari-san. One word for you all which should pretty much say everything that needs to be said on the story: CRACK : D
People stared as the black-haired boy stepped off the curb and crossed the road. He didn't look to see if cars were coming. Traffic came to a halt as drivers sharply braked to avoid hitting him. More than a few cars crashed. Horns sounded, accompanied by loud cursing from various drivers. The black-haired boy merely gave the nearest driver a cold stare before he got to the other side and continued on as if all was well.
From the pavement across the road, a blond-haired man was hyperventilating. "Kyouya…wha…! He's okay!" His breaths came in short gasps and it was a while before he calmed down. His hold was tight on the hand of a small brown-headed boy. Big brown eyes stared up at the man, slightly pained because his hand felt like it was being crushed. "D-Dino-Nii?" he stammered. "My hand…"
Having calmed down a little, Dino looked down. He immediately let go. "I'm sorry, Tsuna! You okay?"
The child nodded and started forward. He went close to the curb, intending to cross. Dino yanked him back by the collar. "What're you doing?" he screeched. "You're to hold my hand when we cross the road!"
Defiant eyes stared up at him. "That's not fair! Kyou-Nii crossed by himself!" He jabbed an angry figure at the other side of the noisy road, where the crowd had already swallowed the figure of the black-haired boy.
"Your Kyou-Nii is a retard! Don't copy him!" Dino snapped. He regretted saying that the moment Tsuna's eyes widened in wonder. "Retard…" he mumbled. He grinned a toothy grin. "Kyou-Nii's a retard!"
Dino groaned as he took hold of the boy's hand and, taking advantage of the still cursing drivers and their halted vehicles, he crossed the road. "Don't say that."
"But Dino-Nii said it!" Tsuna harrumphed.
"If Dino-Nii jumped off the cliff, would you do it too?" Dino searched the crowd as they weaved through the throng. He couldn't see Kyouya anywhere! That child was so troublesome!
He stopped when he felt a tug on his hand. Tsuna wasn't moving. He looked at the child. Tsuna was looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. Ignoring the wave of people around them, he knelt before the child, his eyes suddenly filled with concern. "What's up?"
Tsuna started to sob and then launched himself at his guardian. "Dino-Nii wants to jump off a cliff! I won't ever say it again! I promise!"
Various people stared down at the two as they passed, more than a little bewildered by the child's declaration.
Well, that was one problem sorted for Dino. He grinned and picked the child up, schoolbags and all. "All right, but you have to keep your promise, kay?" Who knew what Kyouya would do if he heard himself being addressed as such by the younger boy.
Tsuna pulled back, wiping at his eye as he did. He nodded. "Okay."
The man smiled. "Atta boy. Now let's go find that Kyouya."
They found him a while later, standing in front of the door of their little house. Dino nearly collapsed with relief. He'd been fighting back panic all the way home!
He towered over the child. "Kyouya Hibari, how many times do I have to tell you not to go off on your own? What am I do to with you?"
Kyouya was nonchalant. "Kill yourself so I can be free of this place."
Dino ran a hand through his hair, looking tired. "Whatever."
Tsuna glared at the black-haired boy, partially hidden as he wrapped his arms around Dino's leg. "Don't say that to Dino-Nii!" he said, retreating further back behind his guardian's leg.
Dino sighed and opened the door. "Inside."
Kyouya looked at both his brothers before he strolled inside. "Hn."
Dino's fingers curled. Brat…that little brat is getting out of line, he thought. He forced on a smile and gently pushed at Tsuna's head. Tsuna went inside. Dino followed him in and, closing and locking the door, he collapsed against it. Mission accomplished.
The kids shed their shoes, schoolbags, and jackets in the entrance before they bolted off down the short hallway, past the open living room door and the staircase, and to the kitchen beyond. Just a few moments later, Dino heard Tsuna crying. With a groan, he pushed himself to his feet and took off his jacket. Hanging it up, he then followed the sound.
The kitchen was a tidy and small place. To the right of the door, the corner was taken up by a square table. To the left, the chamber was taken up by an island with a fruits basket. Hibari stood before this island, an apple in one hand. The other was shoved into Tsuna's face, holding the smaller child at bay as he ate his apple.
When he saw Dino, Tsuna scurried over. "Dino-Nii! Kyou-Nii stole the apple I was going to eat!"
"Then be a man and fight for your food." Dino grumbled as he went over to the table and sat down.
"E-eh?" Tsuna cried, staring up at the man with an incredulous gaze. "Fight…?" He looked back at Kyouya. The older boy smirked. "Try it. I'll bite you to death."
Tsuna got scared while Dino's eyes nearly bogged out of his head. "Wh-what was that, Kyouya? Where did you learn a phrase like that?"
Kyouya continued to eat his apple calmly. He walked over to the table and climbed onto a chair. He stared at Dino over the tabletop, still munching. Tsuna and Dino waited expectantly. Kyouya finished eating and lobbed the remains of the apple in the bin, on the other side of the room. Taking out a folded up tissue from the pocket of his school pants, he wiped at his hands and then his mouth. Scrunching the tissue up, he tossed that in the bin too.
He cleared his throat and folded his hands atop the surface of the table. "At break today," he began, his perpetually blank face not changing a bit as he told his story, "two teachers went into the janitor's closet. The man said "I'll bite you" and the woman sounded like she was in pain and she kept screaming "harder" and then she screamed really loudly. I thought he'd killed her, so the man must have bitten her to death, but I saw her at lunchtime and the man was touching her leg when he thought no one was looking. His hand went up her skirt and…"
"That's enough!" Dino hollered, slamming his hands on the table. "What kind of teachers do you have at that school? I'm filing a complaint! Tell me their names…!" He felt a tug at one pant leg.
"Dino-Nii, why is my nose bleeding?" Tsuna asked innocuously as a thick trail of red leaked from his nose, over his lips, and down his chin onto his white shirt.
"ARGH!" Dino yelled. He picked the child up and set him down on the tabletop. "You dirty-minded little boy! What were you thinking about?"
Tsuna started to wail. Dino tried to clean up the bloody mess with a handkerchief he pulled out of the breast pocket of his shirt. He growled. "Tsuna, shut up a minute! I'm tryna clean you up!"
If anything, Tsuna's wails gained volume. Dino yelled, hands curled in his hair, about ready to yank it out.
He paused, though, as Tsuna's cries abruptly ceased. He frowned. His eyes nearly fell out of his head as he saw a baby's milk bottle sticking out of the boy's mouth. He was sucking like there was no tomorrow.
Dino groaned as he sat back in his chair. "Why the hell's a five-year-old drinking milk from a bottle?"
"Because he never got any from his momma's titties." Kyouya replied, face still blank.
"What? Where did you pick up language like that?" Dino yelled, one hand slamming down on the table again. This startled Tsuna, who started to cry again, the bottle falling from his grasp. "Crap!" Dino cried, picking up the bottle and shoving it into child's mouth. Tsuna started to choke.
"SHIT!" Dino screeched, taking the bottle back and rubbing the child's back. "Kyouya, quick! Get some water! Hurry! I'm sorry, Tsuna! Come on, calm down! Please!" He was practically hyperventilating. And the more panicked he grew, the harder he hit Tsuna's back. Tsuna's cries were one decibel away from bringing the roof down.
"Kyouya, where's that water?" the guardian howled, looking back as Kyouya stopped behind him. Dino blinked. "What…what the hell is that?"
Kyouya held up his cupped hand. Water dripped from between his fingers. "You said some water." he shrugged.
"A glass! I meant a glass of water! Please!"
Sighing as if he was bearing the weight of the entire world on his little shoulders, Kyouya turned and went back to the sink. Dino took a few calming breaths and tried to pat Tsuna's back more gently. "You'll be okay, Tsuna. Probably."
Um...yeah, my sense of humour isn't that great, I know :\ anyway, there is very little story here so I'm open to suggestions for these three :) any crackish scene you want to see, lemme know and I'll try to write it. No pairings, though. At all. Whatsoever. Not sure when I'll be able to update, as this was a very random project that I decided to undertake and I have other more pressing matters to deal with. Thanks for reading!^_^