The Price of Sinning
As I walk down the long narrow hall toward the ring, everything feels like it's moving in slow motion. The conformation I just received has changed my life forever not to mention the two men involved, although they don't know it yet. Damn I am so foolish for allowing myself to get into such trouble. Okay I just need to calm down and focus on the task before me, my match tonight against Jazz. Yet now I'm not so sure if I should go through with this match. Yeah I've faced her a million times before but this time it will be under different circumstances. Jazz has never shown mercy in the wrestling ring and I'm not sure if now would be the time to risk injury. Although if something tragic were to happen then it may help eliminate this burden I've caused on myself. What the fuck am I thinking? I can't allow myself to purposely get hurt let alone my…
"Trish we need to talk?" Startled I hear that deep sexy voice I've managed to ignore since the night we spent together. I turn around look up and see a stern look on his face.
"Not now Nash. I have a match in a few minutes." I try my hardest to stay strong and keep my composure. There are a million emotions running through my body, as I stand before this tall, leather clad, man. Part of me wants to kill him for his irresistible charm. Then there is the other part that wants to jump him right here and now. Although it is the latter that caused this trouble in the first place.
"Nash?" I see the disgust on his face, "why the hell are you so formal now Trish? Are you trying to pretend nothing happened between us last month? Are you trying to pretend that you didn't make your way to my hotel room crying that you and Bubba got into another argument? Are you trying to pretend I didn't comfort you and that we…"
"No stop Kevin! This is not the time or the place. I'm not denying that we slept together. However, it was a mistake and it won't happen again. Hell I haven't talked to you since that night, wasn't that a clue I didn't want to see you?"
"So what? You now fuck and run. Was that all I meant to you? A cheap fuck to feed your ego after Bubba hurt it? That's bullshit and you and I both know it!"
Releasing a deep sigh, I realize there is nothing I can say or do to make Kevin believe that there is no future between us. Although I am not entirely sure I believe that myself. Yet there is a part of me that will always care for Bubba and I know Bubba cares for me, although this little secret will no doubt complicate matters.
"Kev, please don't make this a bigger situation than it really is. We shared one night and I will never forget it. However, it was just one night that's it. Please move on because I have." I quickly turn around and continue my way toward the ring.
"Trish! Trish!" I hear him scream but I do not turn around to acknowledge it. I can feel the stares of the people who are lingering backstage but I don't give a shit what they may think. I have a lot more to worry about than what people think of me.
"Hey Trish ready for your match?" I hear a friendly female voice ask.
"Oh hi Molly. Stopping, as she walks up to me, I can't help but envy her perkiness. I would give anything to be happy again. Forcing a smile I continue, "yeah I'm as ready as I'll ever be."
"Are you feeling okay? You sound unsure and look kind of pale."
I quickly lie to one of my good friends; "yeah I'm fine. I have a few problems clouding my mind and I think I'm coming down with the stomach flu or something, but it's nothing that should get in the way of my match."
I see a young female stagehand walk toward my direction, "Two minutes until your entrance Trish. Please take your place." She yells. I react with a nod, focus my attention back to Molly, and see a motherly concern on her face.
"If you say so. But remember I'm here if you need anything." She continues.
"Thanks Molly." We give each other a friendly hug and go our separate ways. I wish I could tell her about the little secret, now almost four weeks old, growing inside of me. I have no doubt whose it is but God how I wish none of this happened.
I'm not ready for the responsibility of motherhood. I have so much going for me right now and a baby just doesn't fit in anywhere. Why did I allow myself to be caught up in the heat of passion with Kevin? God if we had to fuck I should have at least had the sense to ask him to put on a damn condom. I feel like banging my head against the fucken wall. Why am I so stupid? I guess I have two options. Neither of which is actually keeping this thing. The first would be an abortion. However, I really don't like the idea of going to a clinic and getting the baby sucked out of me. Just sounds like an awful way to end a life. The other choice is to give it up for adoption. Yet, I don't really want to carry this baby inside of me for eight more months and then have it try to find me some time down the road. Fuck, shit, damn it all to hell! I have no idea what I'm going to do about this.
"Hey Trish let's put on a match these people will never forget." I slightly stumble forward as Jazz slaps my back not realizing her own strength.
"Yeah lets go do this." I try my hardest to sound enthusiastic. Oh no why do I have this awful sharp pain in my stomach? I hunch over holding my stomach hopping that adding some pressure will help relieve the pain. Suddenly I hear my theme music blare and I jump up. Ignoring Jazz's questions of concern, I walk form behind the curtain and onto the ramp. I hear cheering and whistling as I smile and acknowledge the lively crowd that I pass on my way down the ramp. Once I step inside the ring, I still feel a sharp pain in my lower abdomen.
"Please just let me make it through this match." I whisper to myself.
Jazz intensely makes her way down the ramp next. She quickly slides in the ring and the match begins. We start at a fast pace hitting at one another. I already feel weak and winded.
"Corner," Jazz yells in my ear signaling me to whip her into the corner. As I do I suddenly feel dizzy and lose my balance falling to my knees as she flies into the turnbuckle, back first, slamming hard. The ref is in my face asking if I am okay. I use him as leverage and pick myself off the mat. Jazz is limp in the corner barely holding herself up, and I run full speed at her. She quickly moves out of the way and I hit the steel post between the ropes. Fuck that hurt like a bitch. I'm starting to feel weaker but I muster up all my strength and charge Jazz, who is standing in the center of the ring, only to be closelined back down to the hard mat. Oh I don't think I'm going to make it through the rest of this match. God please help me. My eyes are rolling around my head. When I finally regain focus, I see Jazz on the top rope. Two seconds later she is soaring in the air ready to land on me. My wrestling instincts kick in and I roll out of the way. I don't see her land but feel the ring shake indicating that she crashed down on the mat hard. Slowly, I pick myself up and stumble to the corner. I climb up the first rope, then the next and then the next until I am at standing at the very top. I am struggling to keep my balance. My head is spinning and my stomach is cramping. I soon realize this is a bad idea. My weight shifts to the right a little more than it should and as hard as I try to catch myself it is no use. I fall off the top rope and land hard on my side outside of the ring. I lay there for a brief second.
"They will never forget this match." I mumble to the ref hovering over me and close my eyes.
***
I love you Trish! Never did I think things would end up like this. It's actually quite sad that this is the only chance I get to express my feelings for you. Who would have guessed 'Big Sexy' Kevin Nash acting like a big love sick fool? But baby you bring something out in me. A feeling I haven't felt in a long time. I know that you say you love Bubba but when I look into your eyes, they tell a different story. Why can't you just admit you love me too…
"Wh-what happened?" I mange to whisper. I look at my arm and see an IV attached to it. The smell, the small sterile room, and the IV indicate I'm in the hospital. Looking to my left, I see Bubba asleep in a chair that looks way too small for him. Poor guy, he's going to be sore when he wakes up.
"Bubba honey." I murmur, my voice sounding raspy and weak.
"Holy shit Trish you're up!" He yells as he awakes startled. I watch as he fights with the chair to get out of it. I can't help but smile at the comical events before me.
"How are you feeling?" He asks as he finally pulls the chair off and walks toward my bed.
"I'm sore as hell. Bubba did I…" The expression on his face answers my question before I even finish it.
"Yeah you had a miscarriage."
"Because of the match?"
"No. The doctor said it would have happened regardless if you had participated in the match or not. You passed out most likely due to the pain and not to mention you were also dehydrated."
"That explains the IV." I say holding up my arm.
"Trish, why didn't you tell me we were going to have a baby?" It's obvious to me he is upset.
"I-uh don't know Bubba. I only found out for sure earlier today. Look do you mind if we discuss this when I'm feeling a little stronger?
"I guess I can wait." There is an unsure look on his face. I know I am only delaying the inevitable but I just don't know how to tell him that I'm actually relieved I'm not going to have a baby anymore let alone that it wasn't his.
"Bubba can you please get me some water? I feel really thirsty."
"Yeah sure Trish. Would you like anything to eat?"
"Um no just…" I stop in mid sentence as I see Kevin peek his head through the door.
"Are you up for visitors Trish?"
My mood instantly perks up. I'm not sure what it is about Kevin but whenever I am down and depressed I can always count on him cheering me up. I guess that's why I…I love him. I can't believe I've just admitted that to myself.
"I think she needs her rest Kev. Why don't you come back later?"
"No Bubba I would like to see Kevin. Can you please just go and get me some water?"
I watch as he tries to study my expression. I keep a stern face and he walks out of the door without saying another word.
"Glad to see you're finally awake. I was here earlier and saw you sleeping. I decided to come back when you were up."
"Kevin when you were here earlier did you…never mind."
" Did I what?" He takes a seat at the edge of the bed and waits for me to answer.
"Did you say that you loved me? Or was I dreaming?" I so desperately want him to tell me it wasn't a dream.
I intensely watch as he stands from the bed and makes his way toward me. We gaze into each other's eyes and my heart starts to beat rapidly. He leans closer into me and I move closer into him. The next thing I know we are gently kissing. A few seconds later we pull apart.
"Trish I love you."
"I know Kev and I love you too.
"I knew you did. I'm glad that you finally admitted it."
"Wait…Kevin I have something else to tell you. You know that I…"
"Had a miscarriage, yeah I know. I just didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure how you were feeling."
"It was um…"
"It was what Trish?" I hear Bubba sternly ask. Startled I look toward the entrance of the room and see him standing there with a pitcher of water and a cup.
"Look Bubba I think there is something you should know about Trish and me."
"Kevin no!" I'm not ready to tell Bubba about Kevin and I.
"Trish you can't keep lying to him or yourself. Bubba, Trish and I are in love. It's as simple as that."
"You're what? What the fuck is he talking about Trish? Do you really love him?"
"It really isn't that simple Kevin. Listen Bubba, my intentions weren't to hurt you and I still love you. It's just that well…I also love Kevin and I want to be with him."
"So that's it. Our three-year relationship is over just like that." I see the clear glass pitcher and cup fall to the floor, "and all for this big asshole. Let me ask you something Trish. Where you fucking him while we were together? Huh?"
"Don't answer him. Who the hell do you think you are calling me an asshole? Have you looked at yourself? If it wasn't for you treating Trish like shit she wouldn't have came to me for comfort. Yeah we slept together and it was good. Damn good! Remember this Bubba, you were the one who blew it with her. All those nights of putting her down and treating her like shit has caused you to lose her. It's your fault and no one else's! She's with a real man now!" I watch these two men yell back and forth and am too paralyzed with fear to speak up.
"Screw this! Trish you are nothing but a whore. Our arguments were not permission to sleep with other men no matter what Kevin says. And Kevin you were supposed to be my friend but obviously you are nothing but a low life who takes advantage of an emotionally hurt woman. You two deserve to be together." With that, I watch Bubba, the man I once thought I would marry, walk out of my hospital room.
"Are you ok babe?" Kevin asks me as he walks back to my bed.
"Physically I'm sore as hell and emotionally I am a wreck. Look Kev since everything is being laid out in the open I have to tell you something that I was trying to tell you before. The baby…it… was yours." I watch him stand there in shock. I cannot read how he is emotionally feeling.
"I can't believe this. You killed my child."
"What?" What is this man trying to imply?
"You knew you were pregnant and you went through with the wrestling match anyway? It's no wonder you had a miscarriage." I can hear his voice begin to rise.
"Kev you're all wrong about this. The doctor said…"
"I don't want to hear it. Look Trish, I'm not mad at you but this is a lot to take in at the moment."
"What do you mean a lot to take in?"
"If you never had this miscarriage Bubba would never have found out about us. More than likely you two would still be one big dysfunctional couple with him raising my baby. Now there is no way you can tell me that things would have been different."
"You're right I mostly likely would have been with Bubba. But Kevin I'm not with him anymore. Thanks to you we can be together." I am getting a bad vibe from him.
"I love you and you know that. I've always been there when you needed me but the more I find out the more I just need time to sort things out."
"Kevin I don't understand you. One minute you were telling off Bubba and now you're what… abandoning me?"
"No not abandoning just taking a break. I think that would be the best thing for us both. I know I did the right thing by telling Bubba off. After all those nights when I would see him call you names and order you around I wanted to do something right then and there. However, I respected your wishes and stayed out of it. But tonight I saw this as my chance and I don't regret what I did. Trish I know you still love him. Besides that, you've been through hell with losing the baby. Sort things out with yourself and Bubba. I will do the same with my feelings about this baby and our friendship. Hell, I've waited this long for you and if we are meant for one another then I want it to be perfect."
"Please don't leave me alone Kev."
"Bye Trish."
I can't believe he's leaving. Unfortunately, I have no choice; he has made up his mind. He walks out the door and now I am left all alone. Bubba is gone, Kevin is gone and my unborn baby is gone. I can feel the tears run down my face. People view wrestling as a soap opera but my life right now can easily top any storyline. I guess this is the price I have to pay for my sins.