Ollen70: I Never, ever do first person stories because I think they almost always turn out horribly, but please forgive me in this case. This one practically wrote itself - I don't feel like I really did much. These are thoughts, but I'm sure you'll figure out why the name's in quotation marks soon enough. Hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 3 (6, if you prefer,) is not mine. Too bad, huh?


All that I have



What a quiet place this is, here at the edge of things. I've been here for years, living as best I can in the caverns that only the zone eaters know how to enter, waiting for... well, I don't know, exactly. So much has changed in the time that I've been gone, I'm sure of it. I felt the day the earth was torn, though since I haven't ventured to the surface, I really don't know what to expect. So here I sit, waiting for you to find me again, knowing that you will, if I give you enough time.

Not that I really have a choice, after all. I've waited this long. What am I supposed to do if you never come? It isn't as if there's anything else left for me, or any place that I can go and be accepted. I've learned to become a shadow, master of the simulacra, because that is the only way for me to survive. Any individuality I had died away in that moment, just as I'm certain a very significant part of you died as well.

I'm not entirely alone here in the depths of the world. Others have come, including a strange man called Siegfried. Very strange, and not personable at all, but he spoke enough of the affairs of things, and it was interesting to me that he knew you. He was suspicious and guarded when I asked, because I understand his meetings with you weren't exactly under the best of circumstances, but he knows of the Falcon, which means you must have repaired it.

I knew you would find it eventually, just as I know someday you'll come. Of course, I look forward to that with very mixed emotions. You won't know me when you see me, and I won't go out of my way to reveal who I am to you. Things have certainly changed for us, in ways neither of us ever imagined they could. Are you proud of the decisions you've made? I hope so. From what I've heard, you have absolutely every reason to be.

If you do come, what happens then? Nothing will be the way it should, because I'm not what you remember. You can probably still picture flowing, golden hair, deep blue eyes, fair skin... but those were only ever temporary things. We know how the world works, you and I. Beauty is beautiful because it fades so fast, and I'm very certain you won't consider me beautiful any longer. Not physically beautiful, at least. I know that those things never really mattered to you, but that doesn't change the truth of these things. I hate the sight of myself, which you can surely understand, especially if I ever pull away these layers of fabric and let you see me for what I am now.

I know I shouldn't doubt you, since you and I were made from the same mold. We aren't as odd inside as we appear, nor are we as gruff or as strong. But we were the only people who ever understood that about each other, weren't we? That's what brought us together in the first place, as well as our love of the sky. It's been years since I've seen the sky. According to Siegfried, it isn't even blue anymore, which breaks my heart. He explained a lot about a man and three statues, but it didn't make sense to me. All I cared about was you, since all of my other cares were taken away long ago.

What would you say if you knew that I've thought about you every day? Not just random thoughts in passing. All I've thought about has been you. I wouldn't expect the same in return, because I know how much more must be dominating your time, now that the world is dying. I can't even explain how elated I was to learn that you are trying your best to stop that. I wish you would come and take me from here, so that I could fight with you. I want to help too. Maybe if we could stop this man who ruined our world, the sky might be blue again some day. I'd like that, but as long as I'm with you, the color of the sky we're under really wouldn't matter
to me.

I'll never tell you any of this. You've probably assumed as much, but if I ever speak to you I'm sure you'll know it's me. It would take more than the crash of an airship to take away who I am, though most of the stark confidence you used to admire is long gone. I admit that I'm afraid of you. If you were to turn away from me, I don't think I could go on, since it's been your memory and nothing else that's carried me this far.

Have you forgotten me? No, I don't think that you have, but I'd forgive you, just the same. To you and to the entire world, I'm dead and have been for years. You placed a monument to me in the tombs near Kholingen, never realizing that it wasn't my body you'd sealed there. Siegfried told me much about you, Setzer Gabbiani, but I have many questions of my own that I'd like to ask, even if you don't have any answers. just to speak to you and hear your voice in return would be enough.

You might have found someone else, and in that case I don't belong in your memories anymore. That's alright as well. I'm happy to live on by your side as someone else, just as long as I can be near you. What I feel is more than love - I need you and i always have. I flew closest to the stars, I traveled faster and farther than any man or woman ever had before, and in the end, as I lay in the wreckage of my glory, I remembered your face before anything else. You see, you're all that I have. Please come soon. I've been waiting for far too long.




Ollen70: Well, there you go. Let me know what you think, please. Like I said, I'm new at this first person' thing, plus I've never written from a woman's (?) perspective before, so I have no idea. This was more or less prompted by a conversation I had with an ex-girlfriend last weekend (though none of the monologue has anything to do with either of us). Anywho, enough of me rambling. Thanks for reading.