AN: I have revised this to hopefully get rid of grammatical errors, and I have added the exact location of the cabin in Colorado. Silt happens to be an actual city in Colorado, but any reference I make to it or about people or places in it is purely fictional.
Chapter 2: Italicized means thoughts.
Sam walked out of the trashy motel room, slamming the door behind him. As he did so he heard the shower cut off. "Damn," he cursed under his breath and took off running around the corner. He didn't know where he was headed, and he didn't care at that moment. All he knew was that he needed some fresh air, freedom, and a lot of personal space. It wasn't that he didn't love or like Dean, in fact he just about worshiped the ground Dean walked on, but Sam was a loner by nature. He valued lots of alone time, and unfortunately for him, his kidnapping by the Benders was far too fresh on Dean's mind to allow it anytime soon.
He finally stopped running when he reached a riverbank with some picnic benches near it. He loved the water. There was something about the sound of the moving water in a creek, stream, river, or ocean that helped calm him down. Sam glanced at his watch before he sat down on the bank. It was only four in the afternoon. The only thing missing to make this perfect was his sketchbook. He couldn't believe that he had forgotten his sketchbook. His sketchbook was like a journal to him. It didn't matter what emotion he needed to let out, he almost always could in his sketchbook. It wasn't like he couldn't talk to Dean. Hell, Dean had offered enough times lately to have a "chic-flick moment", but Sam wasn't ready to open the dam completely. Every now and then when the reservoir threatened to overflow the dam, he would open it just long enough to lower the water level. Sam almost snorted when he thought about how Dean considered Sam a walking chic-flick moment.
"Oh, big brother if you only knew", Sam murmured aloud.
"Knew what?" came the soft question behind him.
"Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" cursed Sam, silently this time.
Sam looked up from where he was sitting to see a slightly pissed Dean looking down at him.
"If I only knew what, Sam? And since when do you run from me? You ran across a street Sam. Did you even look?" Dean asked, his voice raising an octave with each question.
'Street?' thought Sam, 'What street? Oh, crap!'
"Sorry, Dean", Sam said remorsefully, 'I wonder if Dean is ever going to call me Sammy again. Who would have thought that I would want him to call me Sammy?'
"Sorry for what? For trying to get yourself killed, running, or not answering my first question?" Dean asked. 'Sorry little brother, you're not getting off that easily. Do I want to talk? No, I don't want to spill my guts, but apparently you need to or you wouldn't be running from me.'
"For all three, I guess. Look, I just needed some alone time. I'm still upset about Dad, and your reaction to how I was dealing with his death. I mean, was it so bad what I was doing? I know I fought him every step of the way when he was alive, so it is hypocritical for me to try to obey him now. It made his death easier to deal with for me. An olive branch if you will. I need to believe that he can see and understand what I'm trying to do here", Sam answered. 'Shit, did I really just tell him all that.'
Dean just glared at Sam. 'So it makes it easier, huh? That's supposed to make it right?'
"You can't just all of a sudden decide to do a 180°, Sam. You showed your true feelings to his face. You can't just decide to make it right now that he's gone. I don't give a rat's ass if it makes it easier for you to deal with his death. If you want to respect him now, you should have done it when he was ALIVE!" Dean yelled. Throughout his rant he had been pacing back and forth, and in his rage he failed to see the wounds he was inflicting on his brother. "I don't want to hear anymore of your excuses right now. We're leaving now. You have fifteen minutes to pack and be sitting in that nightmare of a van, and then we are out of here!"
With that last sentence Dean stormed off leaving Sam shell shocked on the ground. After looking around vacantly for a couple of minutes, he finally stood to go get ready to leave.
'Why the hell is he so mad at me? I know he blames himself for Dad's death, but why take that out on me? Unless he's mad at me for getting the summoning supplies for Dad, but if it had been the other way around Dean would have gotten them.'
Eight Hours Later:
Dean kept glancing over at Sam in the passenger seat. He could tell that he had hurt Sam with is outburst, but he didn't know or really have the urge to try and fix it. He may not have wanted to fix the damage, but the tension in the car was starting to suffocate him. He noticed a sign for a diner up ahead, and he immediately made the decision to stop. He hated one horse towns, and this was definitely one. Everything was all on one street, and the street couldn't be more than three blocks long. However, they both needed out of the stupid van and more importantly they needed to eat. They were both losing too much weight, and in their line of work that could get them killed.
Sam raised his head off the window when he felt Dean slowing the van down. He had seen the diner and had been hoping Dean would stop. Not that he was hungry, but he had noticed something more important next to the diner. There was a bus station next to the diner. Now all Sam had to do was to convince Dean to stop here for the night not just for supper.
"Hey Dean?" Sam hesitantly put out there.
"What?" Dean answered, 'Shit, the kid's scared of me right now'.
"Can we stop here for the night? I'm starting to get a bad headache" Sam sort of lied. He was getting a headache, but it was not the type that he would have ever worried Dean with. He knew that in Dean's eyes, Sam with a headache equaled vision and/or trouble.
"Sure. You okay?" Dean immediately asked. Sam noted the way Dean had sat up straighter when he admitted to a headache.
"I'm fine, I just need some rest", Sam replied, "There's a motel a block down the street. Why don't you go check us in and I'll grab us some food". Sam needed Dean to agree to this. Man, he needed Dean to not fight him on this.
"Okay, we can eat in the room, but why can't we take the food with us?" Dean asked.
'Damn, I should have known he'd fight me. Well, other way around I would have fought him. Okay, gotta think fast', Sam thought.
"I think some fresh air will help my headache, and besides it's only a block. Food will be no colder than if we get it now and take it with us", Sam answered.
"Fine, get some fresh air. Here's some money for the food. You know what to get me", Dean gave in.
"I've got enough money for two meals, Dean", Sam replied opening jumping out of the van and going into the diner before Dean could respond. He had to get away from Dean. He was going to shatter soon if he didn't. 'Okay, Sam, you better decide if this is really worth it, because he may not take you back. You need this, he doesn't want to talk, and both of you are hurting and need to deal with it. Maybe he will deal with it if he doesn't feel like he has to hide it from you. You need the alone time as well. I can't handle him attacking me like that anymore. It hurts too much. We're both near breaking point. Just think: mountains, snow, the river, your Jeep. Man, I wish I was there now'.
Sam grabbed one of the menus off the counter and pretended to be deciding what he wanted while secretly he was waiting for Dean to leave. He didn't have to wait long before the van backed out and went to the motel. He was thankful that the diner was set up where he could order at the counter and see the main office of the motel at the same time.
Sam walked up to the lady behind the register and gave her a small smile. She was an elderly woman, the kind you see and immediately think 'Grandma' and warm cookies.
"Would you be willing to give someone a message for me when they come in?" he asked.
She gave him a knowing look, "You're talking about that man you're traveling with aren't you, honey?"
"That's my brother, Dean. Look, could you tell him that I'm fine. I just need some time alone", replied Sam. Sam knew she wouldn't have to keep the message long. If Sam wasn't at the motel room in fifteen minutes, Dean would be at the diner looking for him.
"Sure, I used to have siblings myself", the lady chuckled, "I actually did the same thing you're about to do once. I should warn you, if your brother is anything like my older brother you won't get more than an hour head start. My brother was waiting for me at the station when I got off, and he was mad as a hornet".
"I need to do this", Sam said quietly.
He left the diner and went next door to the bus station. Sam bought a ticket for the bus that was getting ready to leave. The bus was going to Utah, but it wouldn't be hard to get on another bus in Utah to go to Silt, Colorado.
There was a hunting cabin that Caleb had always let them use when he was growing up that he loved. When Sam had left for college, Caleb had surprised him by sending him a deed to the cabin and the land it was on. Sam had spent at least part of every school vacation he had at that cabin. He had even been planning on starting his law practice in the small town that was near the cabin, so he could live there year round. The cabin was the perfect place to go to try and heal. He felt a twinge of guilt for leaving Dean, but Sam knew if he had told Dean then he would be able to go. Dean was ready to get back to the Impala, after his assault on the car he had become obsessed with fixing it.
Sam walked up to the counter and bought his bus ticket and got on the bus. He slid down in the seat, so that if Dean decided to look for him, he wouldn't be able to see him. Sam almost started laughing at himself. He had no luggage and he knew none of the clothes he had left at the cabin still fit him. There was also the fact that Dean would only be like the waitress said, an hour behind him if that. He was easy to track, but hopefully that fact would keep Dean from panicking.
'Oh well, it's done and there's no going back now', thought Sam as the bus pulled away.