I'm sweating and shifting all over my bed, having the same nightmare I've been having for the past year and a half.
"Come on Joker. Going down with ship won't save the Normandy."
"Get in the pod! Go Joker!"
"Commander! Commander!"
I sit up quickly covered in a cold sweat; it's the same nightmare every night. Seeing John die over and over again and it's all my fault. If I had left the cockpit when I was supposed to then he never would've had to make me leave. He could've gotten into an escape pod himself and he would've been ok.
A year and a half and I'm still grieving; still missing John. Most people thought that Kaiden and John were close, but it was actually me and John. John wanted to tell people; he wanted everyone to know that we were together, but I didn't. I wasn't ashamed of John; hell I loved him, still do. I was more concerned with how people would perceive him. The great Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel is in a relationship with a cripple. John said that he didn't care but I just didn't want to risk it; and now I regret it.
I slowly get out of my bed and walk over to the window; as I'm staring out I went from sad to angry. After the crash the Alliance grounded me and forbid any talk about reapers or anything else John found out about; when John died the Alliance just wanted everything gone and buried along with him. Liara, Tali, Garrus, Wrex and I all tried to fight it; tried to make sure that defenses were still built up in order to try and protect everyone from the Reapers, but it didn't work. After I was grounded everyone saw that there was honestly no point. Wrex went back bounty hunting, Tali continued with her pilgrimage; Liara continued her studies and Garrus went off the grid. The only one of us that stayed in the Alliances good side was Kaiden, and that was only because he had no problem in denying what happened.
I've tried getting any job possible that would let me fly but it seems as though the council has pretty much blacklisted me; the bastards. I miss flying; before I flew because it gave me the freedom that I missed out on in life due to my Vrolik's syndrome, but now flying would just make me feel closer to John.
In the midst of my self-loathing I received a message on my console. Walking over to it I didn't recognize the name, but I opened it anyway; not too many people know how to contact me. The message was from someone named, Miranda Lawson.
Mr. Moreau,
Please meet me at the ramen shop on the Citadel. I have an offer for you to fly again.
Miranda Lawson
Well, that's very mysterious; I debate going for the longest time but in the end I decide to go. I hope this is a serious offer and not someone wanting to play a cruel joke on me; it'll be flight school all over again.
When I arrived at the ramen shop I began looking around for anyone that I knew or anyone that looked suspicious; not seeing anyone I took a seat at a table and ordered some food. I figured that I'd eat while I waited, if no one showed up at least I'd get a meal. I was half way through my ramen when this woman came out of nowhere and sat at my table; I'm guessing that this was Miranda.
"Mr. Moreau?" She asked.
"Yeah, but you can just call me Joker. Is this a legitimate job offer or am I just wasting my time here?" I asked her.
"This is a legitimate offer but there's only one thing."
That figures there's always a catch.
"And that thing would be?" I asked.
"The job isn't for the Alliance; it's for Cerberus." Instantly I started to get up and walk away, as much as I wanted to fly I didn't want to work for Cerberus.
"Joker, wait please." She said before looking around the restaurant.
"Is there somewhere we can talk in private? This is extremely important and I don't want you to make a decision without knowing all the facts. Please." Miranda looked like whatever she had to say was life or death. I finally decided to let her come back to my room so we could talk.
Once we arrived at my room, I sat down and waited for her to explain.
"Joker, I know that you don't trust Cerberus, but you need to understand we know that Shepard was looking for the Reapers and we know that the Council and the Alliance want bury what happened, but we don't. We want the truth and there's only one person that can find that truth, and that's John Shepard."
I gave a humorless chuckle. "Yeah, lady tell me something I don't know, but you're too late. John's gone and everything he dug up has been buried along with him."
"Not necessarily." She said. She pulled out a data pad and showed me a live feed of…..
No, it couldn't be; instantly there were tears in my eyes as I looked at the feed. It was John; he was alive, attached to a bunch of machines but alive.
I went to speak but my voice cracked; I took a deep breath and tried again. "How is this possible?" I asked her, finally letting the tears fall.
"When we heard what happened Cerberus began looking for Shepard's body. When we found him, we started trying to bring him back. We call it the Lazarus Project; we've completely rebuilt him just the way he was before, mind and all. We want to fund Shepard's search for the Reapers, but we know that he can't do it alone. More importantly we know that he doesn't trust Cerberus either; that's where you come in."
Still looking at the feed I can't believe it; it seems too good to be true.
"Shepard is going to need someone he trusts by his side; someone he loves." Miranda said before reaching into her pocket and pulling something out that I'd never thought that I'd see again. It was a locket that I gave John after the showdown with Saren. It held a picture of the two of us from one of our secret dates to the Citadel. Looking at the picture, we looked so happy and in love.
It was in that moment I knew what I had to do; even if John didn't come back the same he would still be back, and that's truly all I want. I wiped the tears from my face before looking up at Miranda.
"When do we leave?"