AN: Just a short drabble about Morgana's opinion of the poisoning in season two episode twelve, and the reason she was so ruthless when she came back.
Morgana could pinpoint the exact moment in time that her destiny had set in stone. The moment when she knew there was no going back, and that those she once called her friends, could never be on her side.
She could still see the room. Bright in the noonday sun, but unnaturally quiet. The deep silence heard throughout the castle the only indication that anything might be wrong. She could still remember Uther, passed out on the floor, as Arthur, went to get a wheelbarrow so they could make it out. Merlin looking dead tired, but alive and awake all the same, and her, sitting on the floor, wondering what she had gotten herself into.
She still remembered the bright sunlight streaming through the tall stain-glass windows at the edge of the throne room and the dust in the air. But most clearly, she still remembered the fear. The fear for Gius and Gwen, Asleep and helpless. The fear for Arthur, out facing the Knights of Medhir alone, for Merlin standing beside her, so full of life, but doomed to fall with the rest of the city all the same. And in the back of her mind, the fear of what this attack might mean. The nagging feeling that the sleeping spell might have had something to do with her and her meeting with Morgouse.
She remembered Merlin's stubbornness that day. His insistence that she drink the water. She remembered his arms holding her, his tear-streaked face twisted in agony as she struggled to breathe. She remembered the pain, not only of the poison racing through her blood, making her gasp for air, but also the pain of betrayal. The sinking feeling she felt in her heart when she realized that even the sweetest most innocent person she knew was so tainted by Uther that he would poison her for her magic. It was then that she knew she could never have a home in Camelot.
Because if Merlin could find it in himself to kill her, anyone could.
It was that moment that haunted her sleep for the next year as she stayed and learned magic with Morgouse. It was that moment that became the fuel for her hatred of those without magic, and in times of weakness, it was that moment that pushed her over the edge, giving her the strength and resolve she needed to carry on.
The moment she realized Merlin had betrayed her.
There were times she thought about how it might have turned out differently, about the person she could have have been. But those thoughts were few and far between. And when they did come, they were locked away with all the other things Morgana never let herself consider.
Because in the light of that horrible moment, she found that it was easier to smile at the dark.