"Sometimes Garrett can be thoughtless. Here he is kissing Nicole right in
front of Lily. Geez, now they are French kissing. That's disgusting."
Thought Bug as he saw Garrett and Nicole. Then he looked over at Lily and
saw that she wasn't looking at Garrett and Nicole. In fact, she was staring
at Bug. "Why does she do that? She has been staring at me ever so often for
a week." When she saw he was looking at her, Lily blushed and looked away.
Apparently she didn't now that he had seen her doing that a lot recently.
Nigel came over to Lily and said in a hushed voice "You should stop staring
at him so much. Its getting obvious, luv."
"Liar. He's only seen me once. I just wish I could do more than stare.
Omigosh, he's coming over here." She said, as her eyes grew wide.
"Lily, do I have something on my face because you and Nigel keep looking
over at me and whispering."
"No. There's nothing on your face, we were just talking about you. That's
all. Sorry if we made you uncomfortable."
"No problem."
"I have to go get Garrett a copy of the electricity bill. Catch you later."
As Lily walked off, Nigel kept on saying something under his breath.
"Do you know why she has been avoiding me Nigel? And what are you
whispering?"
"I have no idea why anyone would avoid you. And what I am whispering is
really none of your business, now is it luv?"
"Please stop calling me love. It makes you seem gay."
"I'll try, luv."
***********************
As Jordan passed Bug's office, she saw Bug sitting there daydreaming. "Earth to Bug. Come in Bug. We have a situation here." "What the heck you do that for? I was just thinking." "You, my friend, were daydreaming about a girl, Lily most likely. Don't even try telling me you weren't because when ever you do, you get a huge grin. You were grinning." "You grin, Nigel grins, everybody grins. Except when I grin people think I'm a mental person. Why is that, do you think?" "Because you look so serious. You are fun to hang out with once you get used to your face, but you always act so serious around strangers. You just need to lighten up. Especially around Lily." "I just never had a sister. I'm not used to being around woman." "You sure don't have a problem with being around the dead ones." "That's because they don't dump you, get close to you, or date you. They just lay there not saying a word." "Whatever. Just loosen up and learn to have fun. If fun is in your vocabulary, that is." "It isn't, actually. I guess I'll just have to have no fun. * fake sigh* Too bad." "Oh, funny. I'll teach you to have fun and not get tongue-tied around Lily." "I'll pass, if that's okay. You see, some people like to be alone part of their day. If you didn't catch the hint, go away please." "Okay. I can tell when I'm not wanted." "Then why weren't you gone fifteen minutes ago?" "You are really rude, you know that?" "Goodbye."
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Garrett had just decided to go find Lily when he found her sitting in the meeting room staring out the window. "Lil-, I mean, Lebowski, what are you doing? I thought you were going on your lunch break." As soon as he started talking, Lily jumped out of her chair. "Sorry Dr. Macy. Were you just about to call me Lily? Cause I'm fine with that. Or you can just call me Lebowski or whatever. Sorry, I meant to go about fifteen minutes ago, but then I saw a birds nest in the window and started looking at it. Then I started thinking about a few things. Sorry again." "It's fine. I just thought you were going to lunch, and when I called the Porgue to see if you were there yet, you weren't there, so I wanted to make sure you were here." "Thanks for worrying about me. I think I'll skip lunch and go see what Nigel is up to." "Nigel left for lunch about five minutes ago. I was just about to leave myself. You want to come?" "That's okay. I'll just stick around a little longer. Like until I leave to go home." "Fine. We'll all be back in about half an hour. Bye." "Bye." "I think maybe I'll forget to tell her that Bug decided to stay around too. Yeah, why not?" "What?" "Nothing. Just thinking." After he left, Lily started to wonder around. She wasn't paying attention to where she went, she was just going. Then all of a sudden she saw that she was standing in the break room. "Well, I might as well get some coffee. There won't be much else to do." She was pouring herself some coffee, when all of a sudden a noise behind her made her drop both the pot and her cup. She spun around and saw a blushing Bug standing in the door. He looked as surprised as she did to see someone else in the morgue. "I thought you went to lunch!" They said in unison. "I decided to stay here." "Bug, what are you doing here? Garrett said everybody went to lunch." "Garrett lies like a dirty dog then because he told me everyone else was gone." "He thought I was until he saw me just before he left, so he probably didn't mean to lie to you." "He told me when he was at the door leaving." "Jordan probably told him not to tell. It seems like something she would do." "Gosh, why does she have to be so gorgeous? And not notice I live to see her?" "He is kinda cute, once you get passed the fact that he has probably only smiled twice." "So what's your excuse for staying here?" "Jordan was bugging me, and I didn't want to be around her, Nigel, or Garrett." "And me, right?" "Huh?" "You said Jordan, Nigel, or Garrett. Shouldn't it have been her, Nigel, Garrett, or you?" "Oh yeah. Sorry." "Why do I always have to be a tongue-tied moron around her?" "Why are you mentally abusing yourself?" "Who was I said?" "Huh?" "Who said I was?" He said as he turned rather crimson. "The fact that you were frowning more than usual." "I don't frown. I grimace." "Okay, fine. Have it your way. You were grimacing more than usual. Happy?" "Yes, almost. Do you want to talk about anything? How about your life, your house, or work?" "How about your life, house and job? Why can't we talk about them?" "Because I am as boring as Charles Dickens. So is my life from when I was born to now. You have to be slightly more exciting than me. Nothing happened to my family since my great-grandparents moved to America." "Ouch. My life is pretty boring, too." "Oh yeah. You dated, you went to MEXICO, you live with your grandmother, and you don't kill insects for a career, but all that is pretty boring." "Okay I give in. I would wave a white flag if I had one, but you'll have to settle with 'I surrender'." "Fine with me." "Well, originally I lived in New York, but then when I was four, we moved to Massachusetts. Not Boston, either. I went to a public school till college when I went to NYU. Don't laugh. Then I moved back in with my family for three years, till they moved. Then I went to psychology school, graduated that and worked miscellaneous jobs until I landed this one. And you know how that worked. Now moving on to you." "Not so fast. I said you life, your housing situation, and work. You have only told me your life story." "Fine. My housing situation, as you put it, is an apartment, and don't ask where because I won't tell you. My work as a grief counselor is definitely boring, but it pays good enough that I can pay all the bills and I have a lot of friends that I know I can count on. You for instance I can count on when I am in trouble or just not feel very good, among a few other things that keep me occupied. Nigel I can count on when I need cheered up, Jordan I can count on for the girly things in life, and Garrett I can't really think of what I can count on him for yet, but eventually I will. So what about you, Charles Dickens Jr.? What are you up to?" "Lets see. Falling in love with you, thinking of you, cutting up insects, and thinking of you." "Nothing much. Just the usual. Cutting up a butterfly or any other insect. Helping Nigel escape the wrath of Garrett, giving Jordan advise on whether or not Woody will think she took forever getting ready, telling Garrett whether or not Nicole called, and calling mum. I think that basically covers my week. Oh yeah, and catching you staring at me." "You've seen me doing that?" said a blushing Lily. "Yeah. Who hasn't?" "I'm fully embarrassed now, thank you." "Welcome." "Spill about your childhood." "Do I have to?" "Yes. Now." "Okay. I grew up in America, went to school, was good at science and math, went to college in a different state, graduated, and started working here before you did." "Lengthen it will you? They won't be back for about twenty minutes." "Okay. I lived in North Carolina till I was ten, then we moved to California where I went to the local High School for a while. Then I went to the University of Rio Grande and got my medical and science degrees. Then I did some odd jobs, quite literally odd, and then ended up here in Massachusetts. That about covers it." "What do you mean about covers it? Shouldn't it be that covers it?" "Yeah, I guess. What to talk about now that we have fifteen minutes?" "Your ex-girlfriends." "How about your ex-boyfriends? That would be funner." "No it would not. We would be here for about three seconds." "Yeah right. You have probably had a ton of boyfriends." "You have probably had a lot of girlfriends." "Fine. I have had three." "I want specifics. How long you dated, what her name was, how tall she was, you know, the whole nine yards." "The first one I dated was named Chandra. She was 5'3", one hundred and twenty pounds and we dated for two weeks. She broke up with me because she was moving and didn't think the long distance thing would work. The next one was named Jacqueline. She was 5'2", one hundred and twenty pounds as well. She was a waitress, and we dated for a month but then Chandra called me while she was there and said she wanted to get back together. Jacqueline heard this on the answering machine and didn't know I had an ex-girlfriend. She called Chandra and asked when she and I had broken up. Chandra lied and said the day before. Jacqueline dumped me after telling me why and I told Chandra no. The next one was named Brina. She got pregnant through another man, and left me. And that ends the small romantic life of me. How about you?" "Including Garrett, four guys. The first one was named Chen. He was Chinese, 6'6", football player, one hundred and sixty pounds. We dated for three weeks then broke up because he wanted to be with his ex-girlfriend. The next guy was named Hugh, 6'0", one hundred twenty pounds. We dated for two days then he cheated on me with some cheerleader that went to a different school and looked good in anything. The next one was named Cletus. Stop laughing. He was 5'9", two hundred pounds, and we dated for one month. He wanted to date his brother's girlfriend. The next was named Garrett, my height, no idea how much he weighed, and we dated for two months before he cheated on me with his ex-wife. And he kept forgetting to tell me this for a week. Convenient for him, not for me." "I can't help but notice a pattern in the way they left you. They all dated somebody different, two of them while still dating you. That's kinda weird." "It was like dajouvou all over again. Over, and over, and over. It wasn't funny, it was weird. They should be here soon." "Who, your ex-boyfriends?" "No. The rest of the morgue workers. They should be here like, now. And here they all are." She said as everybody else came in. "Hi you two. Been making out while we were gone?" "No, we haven't. You are so sick. You and Bevan are the ones who make out." "Yes we are. Aren't we?" "Go shut up." "You're so snappy now that you two have been dating. You used to be better." "How's this? Put a foot in it." "Not very good. Try 'Put your lip over your head and swallow it.'" "Fine. Put your lip over your head and swallow it." "Better." As everyone started laughing at Bug's way of helping Bevan, Lily noticed Jordan kept looking at her and Bug with a look on her face that she couldn't read. "Jordan, what are you looking at me and Bug for? It's kinda freaking me out." "No reason. I just figured that you two should tell us what you all talked about." Lily looked at Bug at the same time he looked at her, and they said at the same time "Nothing. We just sat here. Doing nothing." "Yeah right." Later, Jordan was sitting at her desk trying to decide who was the weaker and finally she decided on Lily. Lily could never keep a secret from her, and she had looked like she was going to tell her later. When she finally found her she just started blurting it all out without even being asked. "We talked about each others ex's, lives, and what we thought about work. After, of course, I dropped the coffee pot and my mug. Did you tell Garrett to do that?" "Do what?" said Jordan in a would-be innocent voice if it weren't for the look on her face. "To not tell me and Bug that the other was staying instead of going to lunch." "Yes. How did you know?" "Because your car was outside when Garrett left and when he went to his car you came out just then. Good job, though. On the pretending to be gone thing." "Thank you. You are a good detective." "I just notice my surroundings." "Now, I want a minute-by-minute replay of you two's conversation."
**********************
After work everybody was going to the Porgue to try and pry out of Lily and Bug what they did while everybody else was at lunch. Even Mr. Cavanaugh wanted to know. Lily was talking to Garrett. "Garrett, stop trying to pry information about today and tell me how your day was." "Good. What did you and Bug do today while we were gone at lunch?" "Didn't I tell you to stop asking me about that? You shouldn't pry, it doesn't suite you." "It suites me fine if I'm prying into the private life of one of my employees. And yes, you did tell me to stop, but I don't obey you, know do I?" "Obviously you don't as your not obeying me about not prying." "Just tell me, please. I'm just making sure you two didn't kiss or anything." "Well, I guess it's your lucky day, because we didn't kiss, but I think I should let you try and pry out of Bug what else we did. I can assure you that I have never done what we did with anyone else." "What? You didn't." "We didn't what, Dr. Macy?" "You know." "No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" she said with an evil grin. "You do to know and you're just trying to embarrass me," "Am not. Just tell me what you think we did and I'll tell you whether or not we did that.' "Did you two kiss?" "No." "Did you two hold hands?" "No." "Did you two sleep together?" "I use my rights." "Just tell me the truth." "I never said I'd tell you the truth. I said I would tell you whether or not we did that. That is not the same as saying I will truthfully tell you whether or not we did that. So ha-ha." He sat there looking at her with a look that said he was trying to find a loophole in what she had just said. She took a sip of her drink and started to doodle on her napkin. "There are no loopholes if you're trying to find one." With that she turned her napkin to him. He saw that it had a picture that resembled Bug and a word bubble above him saying 'Will you go out with me?' Apparently, he had an odd look on his face, because she started laughing her head off. "You have a look of pure disgust on your face." "Did he ask you out?" "Maybe." "Did he? These are yes or no questions." "No." "Did you two have sex?" "What would that be, Dr. Macy?" "You are either severely stupid or you are trying to embarrass me." "I'm stupid. Now back to my question. What would sex be, Dr. Macy?" "Are you giving Lily the sex talk, Garrett? You really shouldn't do that in a public area." Said Bug as he came up behind them. "Dr. Macy was just asking me what you and I did today and he asked whether or not we had sex, so I said 'What would that be Dr. Macy.' So now he is supposed to be explaining it if he wants answers." "I am not giving you the sex talk, Lily. That's disgusting." "I know. It would also embarrass you more than I can. Maybe I should have Abby ask you. That would be a really funny sight to see." "No, it wouldn't. And Maggie already gave that certain talk to her." "So. I wanted both my parents opinions. That was really funny to see my dad stuttering about it and then my mom had apparently been prepared, because she did it perfectly." "Why did your dad stutter?" "Because I was three." "Lily! Why did you ask him when you where three?" "Because according to my mom, I had the mind of a twenty year old when I was six. I doubt it, because I still don't have the mind of a twenty year old. And I'm definitely not six anymore." "How old are you?" "BUG!!!!" "Just curious." "It's fine Garrett. I'm twenty-nine." "Cool. I think Jordan is thirty-three, and you are more mature than her. And you say you don't have the mind of a twenty year old yet? I'd hate to see what age mind Jordan has. Or Nigel. That would be very scary." "That's mean. They have perfectly developed minds. They just don't act like they do. So what? My cousin is eight and he acts like a nineteen year old. Some people mature faster than others, that's all." "Yes. But they are probably the slowest people to mature." "What? And you're the fastest?" "Actually, no I'm not. I matured at a almost normal rate, thank you very much." "What do you mean almost normal rate? You act mature." "I matured faster than. some people. That's all I'm saying." "I matured a lot faster than my brother was what I was gong to say. Why is Garrett giving me that look? Oh yeah, he knows. I forgot." "You're lost in thought, Bug. Should I send someone after you?" "Very funny, Lily." "I thought it was, actually. Now Garrett has some questions for you and I have a Root Beer waiting for me over there. Excuse me, please." "Why does she always get out of situations, then put me in them?" "Because you're funner to see trying to answer really hard or embarrassing questions. And because she is a lady. Ladies can do as they wish. Now, if you'll excuse me, there is a ravishingly beautiful young woman over there who I just have to go see." Bug looked over to where Garrett was pointing and saw the DA woman, Renee. "Geez Garrett. She is hideous. She must be about seven hundred pounds." Said Bug as he pointed to the woman to Renee's right. She was in a leopard print mini-dress that when she bent over, which she was doing a lot, showed her buttocks. Garrett looked at Bug and glared while Bug laughed his head off. "Very funny, Vijay- Bug." " I thought it was, Garrett." "Here comes Lily." "What do you mean, here she comes? She was already here." "She left for the ladies rooms about two minutes ago. And I think she changed clothes." Bug turned around to see Lily in the same clothes, but her hair down from its usual bun. It looked like she had just woken up and forgot to brush her hair. "Nice hair, Lily." "Thanks. The bun was falling out. I'm going to go see if Jordan has a brush I can borrow. Be right back." "I doubt she will." Lily came back about a minute later, looking like a goddess, in Bug's opinion. Of course, to him she always looked like a goddess. "Very nice hair Lily." "Thanks again. Jordan actually had a brush that looked like mine. Weird." "Yeah. Weird." "I'm gonna go get drinks. Either of you want one?" "Thanks, but no thanks." "Same here." After Lily walked away, Garrett turned to Bug. "If you don't tell her how you feel tonight, I'll tell her myself." "No. Don't you dare tell her." "I gave you a nice big chance today by telling everyone to go to lunch and leave you two alone. I left it up to you. But I won't have her hurt." "Why would she be hurt?" "Say she would all of a sudden pick up on the signs. Then think if maybe she had feelings for you, and went to tell you about these feelings. And then imagine her having told you, and you not being able to say anything." "How about you imagine something for me? Imagine I tell her and she has no feelings for me, and then we would always act awkward towards each other, which would mean no friendship or anything. I for one do not want our friendship to turn out the way you two's did after you broke her heart. She has been through enough, and I would be totally humiliated about it and any one that might witness my sudden emotional outburst would tease me till the end of my days. How would you feel then, having caused all that?" "Lousy. But I'm telling her the end of this week." "Can't you wait until I think she might actually like me?" "Since you complained, I'm telling her tonight." "Telling who what?" "Nothing." "Garrett was going to tell someone something, so don't say nothing." "Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing." "Shut up Bug. Lily, would you and Bug please step outside? He has something he needs to tell you." "What? Garrett!!!!" "Okay. I'll be outside and you two decide if he has something to tell me or not." "Could you just wait by the door actually?" "Garrett, shut up before I punch you." "Bug, there is no need to get violent." "Please wait by the door, Lebowski, and Bug will be right with you." "Okay. I'll be right over there." "Bye." Lily walked over to the door looking slightly more than a little confused. "Garrett, I can't tell her tonight. We just talked about each others lives, and I really would like to see a sign that she might in any way, shape, or form like me as more than a friend." "Fine. Just go over there and talk to her some more, or ask her whether or not she would ever consider dating you." "THAT would be conspicuous. 'Hi Lily. I was just wondering whether or not you would ever be interested in dating me. Just out of curiosity.'" For some reason unbeknownst to Bug, Garrett had gotten rather quiet and was looking over Bug's shoulder. "What are you looking at?" "Turn around." Slowly Bug turned around to see Lily behind him. He accidentally let out a small peep. "How long have you been standing there, Lily?" "Long enough to know that I want to tell you something." "What would that something be?" She looked a him, and then kissed him. "That I feel the same way." "W... Wow." "You know, mom always said that bluntness like mine would never get me anywhere, but look where it got me just know."
The
End
***********************
As Jordan passed Bug's office, she saw Bug sitting there daydreaming. "Earth to Bug. Come in Bug. We have a situation here." "What the heck you do that for? I was just thinking." "You, my friend, were daydreaming about a girl, Lily most likely. Don't even try telling me you weren't because when ever you do, you get a huge grin. You were grinning." "You grin, Nigel grins, everybody grins. Except when I grin people think I'm a mental person. Why is that, do you think?" "Because you look so serious. You are fun to hang out with once you get used to your face, but you always act so serious around strangers. You just need to lighten up. Especially around Lily." "I just never had a sister. I'm not used to being around woman." "You sure don't have a problem with being around the dead ones." "That's because they don't dump you, get close to you, or date you. They just lay there not saying a word." "Whatever. Just loosen up and learn to have fun. If fun is in your vocabulary, that is." "It isn't, actually. I guess I'll just have to have no fun. * fake sigh* Too bad." "Oh, funny. I'll teach you to have fun and not get tongue-tied around Lily." "I'll pass, if that's okay. You see, some people like to be alone part of their day. If you didn't catch the hint, go away please." "Okay. I can tell when I'm not wanted." "Then why weren't you gone fifteen minutes ago?" "You are really rude, you know that?" "Goodbye."
************************
Garrett had just decided to go find Lily when he found her sitting in the meeting room staring out the window. "Lil-, I mean, Lebowski, what are you doing? I thought you were going on your lunch break." As soon as he started talking, Lily jumped out of her chair. "Sorry Dr. Macy. Were you just about to call me Lily? Cause I'm fine with that. Or you can just call me Lebowski or whatever. Sorry, I meant to go about fifteen minutes ago, but then I saw a birds nest in the window and started looking at it. Then I started thinking about a few things. Sorry again." "It's fine. I just thought you were going to lunch, and when I called the Porgue to see if you were there yet, you weren't there, so I wanted to make sure you were here." "Thanks for worrying about me. I think I'll skip lunch and go see what Nigel is up to." "Nigel left for lunch about five minutes ago. I was just about to leave myself. You want to come?" "That's okay. I'll just stick around a little longer. Like until I leave to go home." "Fine. We'll all be back in about half an hour. Bye." "Bye." "I think maybe I'll forget to tell her that Bug decided to stay around too. Yeah, why not?" "What?" "Nothing. Just thinking." After he left, Lily started to wonder around. She wasn't paying attention to where she went, she was just going. Then all of a sudden she saw that she was standing in the break room. "Well, I might as well get some coffee. There won't be much else to do." She was pouring herself some coffee, when all of a sudden a noise behind her made her drop both the pot and her cup. She spun around and saw a blushing Bug standing in the door. He looked as surprised as she did to see someone else in the morgue. "I thought you went to lunch!" They said in unison. "I decided to stay here." "Bug, what are you doing here? Garrett said everybody went to lunch." "Garrett lies like a dirty dog then because he told me everyone else was gone." "He thought I was until he saw me just before he left, so he probably didn't mean to lie to you." "He told me when he was at the door leaving." "Jordan probably told him not to tell. It seems like something she would do." "Gosh, why does she have to be so gorgeous? And not notice I live to see her?" "He is kinda cute, once you get passed the fact that he has probably only smiled twice." "So what's your excuse for staying here?" "Jordan was bugging me, and I didn't want to be around her, Nigel, or Garrett." "And me, right?" "Huh?" "You said Jordan, Nigel, or Garrett. Shouldn't it have been her, Nigel, Garrett, or you?" "Oh yeah. Sorry." "Why do I always have to be a tongue-tied moron around her?" "Why are you mentally abusing yourself?" "Who was I said?" "Huh?" "Who said I was?" He said as he turned rather crimson. "The fact that you were frowning more than usual." "I don't frown. I grimace." "Okay, fine. Have it your way. You were grimacing more than usual. Happy?" "Yes, almost. Do you want to talk about anything? How about your life, your house, or work?" "How about your life, house and job? Why can't we talk about them?" "Because I am as boring as Charles Dickens. So is my life from when I was born to now. You have to be slightly more exciting than me. Nothing happened to my family since my great-grandparents moved to America." "Ouch. My life is pretty boring, too." "Oh yeah. You dated, you went to MEXICO, you live with your grandmother, and you don't kill insects for a career, but all that is pretty boring." "Okay I give in. I would wave a white flag if I had one, but you'll have to settle with 'I surrender'." "Fine with me." "Well, originally I lived in New York, but then when I was four, we moved to Massachusetts. Not Boston, either. I went to a public school till college when I went to NYU. Don't laugh. Then I moved back in with my family for three years, till they moved. Then I went to psychology school, graduated that and worked miscellaneous jobs until I landed this one. And you know how that worked. Now moving on to you." "Not so fast. I said you life, your housing situation, and work. You have only told me your life story." "Fine. My housing situation, as you put it, is an apartment, and don't ask where because I won't tell you. My work as a grief counselor is definitely boring, but it pays good enough that I can pay all the bills and I have a lot of friends that I know I can count on. You for instance I can count on when I am in trouble or just not feel very good, among a few other things that keep me occupied. Nigel I can count on when I need cheered up, Jordan I can count on for the girly things in life, and Garrett I can't really think of what I can count on him for yet, but eventually I will. So what about you, Charles Dickens Jr.? What are you up to?" "Lets see. Falling in love with you, thinking of you, cutting up insects, and thinking of you." "Nothing much. Just the usual. Cutting up a butterfly or any other insect. Helping Nigel escape the wrath of Garrett, giving Jordan advise on whether or not Woody will think she took forever getting ready, telling Garrett whether or not Nicole called, and calling mum. I think that basically covers my week. Oh yeah, and catching you staring at me." "You've seen me doing that?" said a blushing Lily. "Yeah. Who hasn't?" "I'm fully embarrassed now, thank you." "Welcome." "Spill about your childhood." "Do I have to?" "Yes. Now." "Okay. I grew up in America, went to school, was good at science and math, went to college in a different state, graduated, and started working here before you did." "Lengthen it will you? They won't be back for about twenty minutes." "Okay. I lived in North Carolina till I was ten, then we moved to California where I went to the local High School for a while. Then I went to the University of Rio Grande and got my medical and science degrees. Then I did some odd jobs, quite literally odd, and then ended up here in Massachusetts. That about covers it." "What do you mean about covers it? Shouldn't it be that covers it?" "Yeah, I guess. What to talk about now that we have fifteen minutes?" "Your ex-girlfriends." "How about your ex-boyfriends? That would be funner." "No it would not. We would be here for about three seconds." "Yeah right. You have probably had a ton of boyfriends." "You have probably had a lot of girlfriends." "Fine. I have had three." "I want specifics. How long you dated, what her name was, how tall she was, you know, the whole nine yards." "The first one I dated was named Chandra. She was 5'3", one hundred and twenty pounds and we dated for two weeks. She broke up with me because she was moving and didn't think the long distance thing would work. The next one was named Jacqueline. She was 5'2", one hundred and twenty pounds as well. She was a waitress, and we dated for a month but then Chandra called me while she was there and said she wanted to get back together. Jacqueline heard this on the answering machine and didn't know I had an ex-girlfriend. She called Chandra and asked when she and I had broken up. Chandra lied and said the day before. Jacqueline dumped me after telling me why and I told Chandra no. The next one was named Brina. She got pregnant through another man, and left me. And that ends the small romantic life of me. How about you?" "Including Garrett, four guys. The first one was named Chen. He was Chinese, 6'6", football player, one hundred and sixty pounds. We dated for three weeks then broke up because he wanted to be with his ex-girlfriend. The next guy was named Hugh, 6'0", one hundred twenty pounds. We dated for two days then he cheated on me with some cheerleader that went to a different school and looked good in anything. The next one was named Cletus. Stop laughing. He was 5'9", two hundred pounds, and we dated for one month. He wanted to date his brother's girlfriend. The next was named Garrett, my height, no idea how much he weighed, and we dated for two months before he cheated on me with his ex-wife. And he kept forgetting to tell me this for a week. Convenient for him, not for me." "I can't help but notice a pattern in the way they left you. They all dated somebody different, two of them while still dating you. That's kinda weird." "It was like dajouvou all over again. Over, and over, and over. It wasn't funny, it was weird. They should be here soon." "Who, your ex-boyfriends?" "No. The rest of the morgue workers. They should be here like, now. And here they all are." She said as everybody else came in. "Hi you two. Been making out while we were gone?" "No, we haven't. You are so sick. You and Bevan are the ones who make out." "Yes we are. Aren't we?" "Go shut up." "You're so snappy now that you two have been dating. You used to be better." "How's this? Put a foot in it." "Not very good. Try 'Put your lip over your head and swallow it.'" "Fine. Put your lip over your head and swallow it." "Better." As everyone started laughing at Bug's way of helping Bevan, Lily noticed Jordan kept looking at her and Bug with a look on her face that she couldn't read. "Jordan, what are you looking at me and Bug for? It's kinda freaking me out." "No reason. I just figured that you two should tell us what you all talked about." Lily looked at Bug at the same time he looked at her, and they said at the same time "Nothing. We just sat here. Doing nothing." "Yeah right." Later, Jordan was sitting at her desk trying to decide who was the weaker and finally she decided on Lily. Lily could never keep a secret from her, and she had looked like she was going to tell her later. When she finally found her she just started blurting it all out without even being asked. "We talked about each others ex's, lives, and what we thought about work. After, of course, I dropped the coffee pot and my mug. Did you tell Garrett to do that?" "Do what?" said Jordan in a would-be innocent voice if it weren't for the look on her face. "To not tell me and Bug that the other was staying instead of going to lunch." "Yes. How did you know?" "Because your car was outside when Garrett left and when he went to his car you came out just then. Good job, though. On the pretending to be gone thing." "Thank you. You are a good detective." "I just notice my surroundings." "Now, I want a minute-by-minute replay of you two's conversation."
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After work everybody was going to the Porgue to try and pry out of Lily and Bug what they did while everybody else was at lunch. Even Mr. Cavanaugh wanted to know. Lily was talking to Garrett. "Garrett, stop trying to pry information about today and tell me how your day was." "Good. What did you and Bug do today while we were gone at lunch?" "Didn't I tell you to stop asking me about that? You shouldn't pry, it doesn't suite you." "It suites me fine if I'm prying into the private life of one of my employees. And yes, you did tell me to stop, but I don't obey you, know do I?" "Obviously you don't as your not obeying me about not prying." "Just tell me, please. I'm just making sure you two didn't kiss or anything." "Well, I guess it's your lucky day, because we didn't kiss, but I think I should let you try and pry out of Bug what else we did. I can assure you that I have never done what we did with anyone else." "What? You didn't." "We didn't what, Dr. Macy?" "You know." "No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" she said with an evil grin. "You do to know and you're just trying to embarrass me," "Am not. Just tell me what you think we did and I'll tell you whether or not we did that.' "Did you two kiss?" "No." "Did you two hold hands?" "No." "Did you two sleep together?" "I use my rights." "Just tell me the truth." "I never said I'd tell you the truth. I said I would tell you whether or not we did that. That is not the same as saying I will truthfully tell you whether or not we did that. So ha-ha." He sat there looking at her with a look that said he was trying to find a loophole in what she had just said. She took a sip of her drink and started to doodle on her napkin. "There are no loopholes if you're trying to find one." With that she turned her napkin to him. He saw that it had a picture that resembled Bug and a word bubble above him saying 'Will you go out with me?' Apparently, he had an odd look on his face, because she started laughing her head off. "You have a look of pure disgust on your face." "Did he ask you out?" "Maybe." "Did he? These are yes or no questions." "No." "Did you two have sex?" "What would that be, Dr. Macy?" "You are either severely stupid or you are trying to embarrass me." "I'm stupid. Now back to my question. What would sex be, Dr. Macy?" "Are you giving Lily the sex talk, Garrett? You really shouldn't do that in a public area." Said Bug as he came up behind them. "Dr. Macy was just asking me what you and I did today and he asked whether or not we had sex, so I said 'What would that be Dr. Macy.' So now he is supposed to be explaining it if he wants answers." "I am not giving you the sex talk, Lily. That's disgusting." "I know. It would also embarrass you more than I can. Maybe I should have Abby ask you. That would be a really funny sight to see." "No, it wouldn't. And Maggie already gave that certain talk to her." "So. I wanted both my parents opinions. That was really funny to see my dad stuttering about it and then my mom had apparently been prepared, because she did it perfectly." "Why did your dad stutter?" "Because I was three." "Lily! Why did you ask him when you where three?" "Because according to my mom, I had the mind of a twenty year old when I was six. I doubt it, because I still don't have the mind of a twenty year old. And I'm definitely not six anymore." "How old are you?" "BUG!!!!" "Just curious." "It's fine Garrett. I'm twenty-nine." "Cool. I think Jordan is thirty-three, and you are more mature than her. And you say you don't have the mind of a twenty year old yet? I'd hate to see what age mind Jordan has. Or Nigel. That would be very scary." "That's mean. They have perfectly developed minds. They just don't act like they do. So what? My cousin is eight and he acts like a nineteen year old. Some people mature faster than others, that's all." "Yes. But they are probably the slowest people to mature." "What? And you're the fastest?" "Actually, no I'm not. I matured at a almost normal rate, thank you very much." "What do you mean almost normal rate? You act mature." "I matured faster than. some people. That's all I'm saying." "I matured a lot faster than my brother was what I was gong to say. Why is Garrett giving me that look? Oh yeah, he knows. I forgot." "You're lost in thought, Bug. Should I send someone after you?" "Very funny, Lily." "I thought it was, actually. Now Garrett has some questions for you and I have a Root Beer waiting for me over there. Excuse me, please." "Why does she always get out of situations, then put me in them?" "Because you're funner to see trying to answer really hard or embarrassing questions. And because she is a lady. Ladies can do as they wish. Now, if you'll excuse me, there is a ravishingly beautiful young woman over there who I just have to go see." Bug looked over to where Garrett was pointing and saw the DA woman, Renee. "Geez Garrett. She is hideous. She must be about seven hundred pounds." Said Bug as he pointed to the woman to Renee's right. She was in a leopard print mini-dress that when she bent over, which she was doing a lot, showed her buttocks. Garrett looked at Bug and glared while Bug laughed his head off. "Very funny, Vijay- Bug." " I thought it was, Garrett." "Here comes Lily." "What do you mean, here she comes? She was already here." "She left for the ladies rooms about two minutes ago. And I think she changed clothes." Bug turned around to see Lily in the same clothes, but her hair down from its usual bun. It looked like she had just woken up and forgot to brush her hair. "Nice hair, Lily." "Thanks. The bun was falling out. I'm going to go see if Jordan has a brush I can borrow. Be right back." "I doubt she will." Lily came back about a minute later, looking like a goddess, in Bug's opinion. Of course, to him she always looked like a goddess. "Very nice hair Lily." "Thanks again. Jordan actually had a brush that looked like mine. Weird." "Yeah. Weird." "I'm gonna go get drinks. Either of you want one?" "Thanks, but no thanks." "Same here." After Lily walked away, Garrett turned to Bug. "If you don't tell her how you feel tonight, I'll tell her myself." "No. Don't you dare tell her." "I gave you a nice big chance today by telling everyone to go to lunch and leave you two alone. I left it up to you. But I won't have her hurt." "Why would she be hurt?" "Say she would all of a sudden pick up on the signs. Then think if maybe she had feelings for you, and went to tell you about these feelings. And then imagine her having told you, and you not being able to say anything." "How about you imagine something for me? Imagine I tell her and she has no feelings for me, and then we would always act awkward towards each other, which would mean no friendship or anything. I for one do not want our friendship to turn out the way you two's did after you broke her heart. She has been through enough, and I would be totally humiliated about it and any one that might witness my sudden emotional outburst would tease me till the end of my days. How would you feel then, having caused all that?" "Lousy. But I'm telling her the end of this week." "Can't you wait until I think she might actually like me?" "Since you complained, I'm telling her tonight." "Telling who what?" "Nothing." "Garrett was going to tell someone something, so don't say nothing." "Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing." "Shut up Bug. Lily, would you and Bug please step outside? He has something he needs to tell you." "What? Garrett!!!!" "Okay. I'll be outside and you two decide if he has something to tell me or not." "Could you just wait by the door actually?" "Garrett, shut up before I punch you." "Bug, there is no need to get violent." "Please wait by the door, Lebowski, and Bug will be right with you." "Okay. I'll be right over there." "Bye." Lily walked over to the door looking slightly more than a little confused. "Garrett, I can't tell her tonight. We just talked about each others lives, and I really would like to see a sign that she might in any way, shape, or form like me as more than a friend." "Fine. Just go over there and talk to her some more, or ask her whether or not she would ever consider dating you." "THAT would be conspicuous. 'Hi Lily. I was just wondering whether or not you would ever be interested in dating me. Just out of curiosity.'" For some reason unbeknownst to Bug, Garrett had gotten rather quiet and was looking over Bug's shoulder. "What are you looking at?" "Turn around." Slowly Bug turned around to see Lily behind him. He accidentally let out a small peep. "How long have you been standing there, Lily?" "Long enough to know that I want to tell you something." "What would that something be?" She looked a him, and then kissed him. "That I feel the same way." "W... Wow." "You know, mom always said that bluntness like mine would never get me anywhere, but look where it got me just know."
The
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