Heyyyy, guys. It's rippingbutterflywings here, uploading this for IWriteNaked (who is currently working and probably rolling her eyes at people). This one-shot is gr9 and it was, as always, a pleasure to beta. Because yes. This one-shot is short, but very gr9 and powerful and yes. Also, IWriteNaked has a life, so if anyone says anything along the lines of "why the frick frack are you writing one-shots/doing things instead of updating SS/RA/etc", I will kick your butts. Seriously. If you're logged on, expect a message, and if you aren't, then I'm gonna be side-eyeing you the whole time. IWriteNaked has her own life, and she can write whatever the frick frack she wants, and you have no right to give her crap for it. In her words, "Tell them not to fuck with me bc I have a life." Agreed. Agreed so hard.
Bam.
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If you are looking for a reason to stay sober, I've found him. His name is Sebastian Verlac. He will break your heart on more than one occasion, and you will still want him. When it ends, you will love him. When he leads you on again, you will love him. When he chokes you during sex...you will love him, even then. You won't stop him. You won't say no. You won't even be afraid.
When you find him, you will put yourself through hell. And you will love him the entire way. When he threatens you, chokes and violates you despite the word "no", you will love him, unconditionally.
You will never stop loving him, but one day you will stop belonging to him. Your life will stop leaking from the scars he left you with, and the indentation of his body will rise out of your mattress. The red will come clean from your sheets. You will love him, but you will no longer wear it upon your sleeve. You will wear it in your smile, which will be returned upon letting him go.
Your lungs will no longer feel hollow, and you will be able to inhale. You won't need to fill yourself with Red Bull and cigarette smoke in order to feel whole again. You'll be able to look him in the eye and smile like nothing can touch you, because you are no one's bitch.
You will feel warm again. You will still have demons, but they won't be as intrusive, and they won't taste like him.
You will love again.
One day you will learn to love yourself.