Better Man

Author: Kamikazee

Rating: PG-13 (for swearing)

Category: BtVS/AtS, Romance, Drama

Summary: Being with her made him want to be a better man. BtVS Challenge Fic-a-thon response for Elisabeth

Spoilers: Post season 1 of Angel, Post season 4 of Buffy

Distribution: Personal Space, , SOG. If you want to post it, please e-mail me an URL.

Author's Note: Hope you like this Elisabeth. Italics are flashbacks. Challenge at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or plot ideas affiliated with either Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel.

"It takes only a moment to be kind, but the result can last forever."

Lindsey McDonald had loved only three things in his life.

The first had been his baby sister Nicole. Nicole had been beautiful. She had been all long, dark brown hair and big, innocent blue eyes. She had liked horses. She had done well in school. She had wanted to be a veterinarian. She had looked up to her big brother Lindsey. She had died when she was ten.

The second had been his hands. Those elegant, long fingered hands. His mother had called them painter's hands during her brief moments of lucidity. Lindsey had loved the things his hands could do. He had loved the way they turned the pages of a book. He had loved the way they handled something fragile. He had loved the way they played the guitar. Angel had taken away his right hand.

The third had been Willow Rosenberg. She was a petite, redheaded, Sunnydale born and bred witch. She was everything Lindsey shouldn't have been associating with. Kind and distracting and all around good. She had a pure, simple goodness that radiated through everything she did. She had made him feel like he was worth something.

"Come on." She pouted, looking up at him with delightfully pleading eyes, "We're going to be late if you don't hurry up."

"I can't believe you talked me into this," Lindsey replied, pulling the blue t-shirt over his head. His movements were purposefully slowed. Judging by the aggravated look on Willow's face she knew exactly what he was doing.

"There's no getting out of it now, mister," she told him, poking a slim, white finger into his chest, "You promised." Her emerald eyes met his with determination, a set look to her face that he had come to recognize as her famous resolve face.

He smiled, reaching out an arm to snake around her waist. He pulled her tightly against his body and pressed his lips firmly against hers. When he pulled back she was breathless and giggling. He smiled down at her, knowing his own charm, "I'm a lawyer, I can get out of anything."

She smiled back at him, small, white teeth peeking out from behind pink lips. Moving to the tip of her toes, she placed another kiss lightly on the corner of his mouth. It ended quickly but left Lindsey's mouth feeling pleasantly buzzed.

"Not this." She said quietly, before twirling out of his arms in a swirl of red hair. She bustled quickly into her jacket before leaning against the doorframe. She arched a single, plucked eyebrow at him. Lindsey sighed, knowing all along that he would give in. Anything to make her happy.

His sweater settled neatly on his shoulders as he grabbed his keys and opened the door, letting her slip out in front of him. He gave her one last searching look as he locked the apartment up. "One last thing... Why the circus?" His voice was pleading, though his eyes sparkled.

She smiled up at him and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the elevator. He never did get an answer.

Lindsey McDonald had hated only one thing in his life.

Angel.

Goddamn, fucking, vampire with a soul.

His life had been going perfectly before Angel. He had a wonderful career that just kept improving. His apartment was enviable. He had women throwing themselves at him and he was making more money than he could spend.

Angel ruined everything. He came crashing into Lindsey's city, riding the proverbial white horse. Help the hopeless, damn the wicked. He was all moral superiority and righteous indignation. As if he was better than Lindsey. Lindsey may be a lawyer and he may have done wicked things, but he wasn't a monster. He wasn't a dirty, blood-sucking fiend. A soul didn't make Angel human, as much as he might want it too.

Angel single-handedly destroyed Lindsey's career. He made it a hobby to turn his cases into laughing stocks and his efforts into horseshit. From Winters, to Anne to Faith to almost every other client he had had since.

Then he had taken his hand. His fucking hand. Chopped it off with a clean swipe of a sword and a blank look on his face. He wished Cordelia had died. It would have been equal payment for his pain. He wished Angel could know what it felt to have a piece of you missing. To look down at something he had been proud of and see a sickly stump, or worse, that aggravating, deplorable, prosthetic hand they had given him.

Still, he had gotten something from Angel, without him even knowing anything about it. Willow; sweet, trusting, lovable Willow. Willow who had been able to look at him and see Lindsey, not the junior partner, not the one-handed man, but Lindsey. Just Lindsey.

He should have known Angel would take that away from him as well. He should have fucking known.

Lindsey was tired. Beat. Exhausted. All he wanted was a soothing drink and to lie down on the couch with his girlfriend. A couple of quiet hours to forget about this god-forsaken case would do him a wonder of good. He needed some clarity.

The car shut off easily and he was already half out when he noticed her. She was dragging a large suitcase out the front door and there were tear tracks running down her face. Lindsey felt concern and fear bubble up almost immediately. Something was wrong. Something had upset Willow.

The last thing he expected to happen when he moved forward to find out what was wrong was the bulking form that blocked his way. A form that Lindsey knew all to well. Angel was standing in front of him, arms crossed over his chest with his over-hanging brow crinkled in intense hate.

"Get the hell out of my way," Lindsey tried to push past the bulky vampire. The hand that fell against his arm was gripped painfully, but he still tried to move forward. The entire time, Lindsey was trying to ignore the desperate screaming in his head that everything was wrong.

"I don't think so," Angel's voice was a dangerous growl. He shoved Lindsey back and blocked Willow from his sight, glaring the entire time. Lindsey glared straight back. He wasn't about to let Angel do this to him. Not by a long shot.

"Willow," he called, his voice tinged with desperation, "What's going on?" He tilted his head around, trying desperately to catch a glance of the petite redheaded pixie. "Baby, are you all right." He just needed to talk to her. Then everything would be all right.

He heard a short gasp. Angel turned to look at Willow, giving Lindsey the opportunity as well. His shining star was staring at him, expressive green eyes filling up with tears as she hiccupped. The pain in those eyes made him jerk backwards. No.

"I want to go now, Angel."

Lindsey watched as the best thing to ever happen to him drove away with the worst.

Lindsey McDonald had never wanted revenge more in his life.

He had far surpassed any hate he thought was possible. His innate loathing for Angel was driving him insane with its intensity. He had to get revenge on the souled vampire, had to make him feel Lindsey's pain. He had to get him back for everything he had taken from Lindsey.

Killing Angel would be too easy. The vampire wouldn't be suffering enough. If Lindsey knew for certain that his soul would be sent to burn for eternity in the pits of hell, it might just be enough. However, he didn't have that guarantee. For all Lindsey hated him, he was still a fucking Champion for the Powers That Be.

No, Lindsey had to be more clever than that, more cruel, more hateful. He had to do something that would send Angel careening into the depths of despair like nothing else. Something that made him feel as though everything he loved had been ripped away from him.

Darla had been the first thought that came to mind. The newly human, former vampire would have been perfect. She knew so much about him, could exploit him at his weakest. But, it wouldn't work. Not only was Darla insane because of the soul, but she was also dying thanks to a centuries old case of syphilis.

Drusilla. The crazed vampire would be a constant reminder to Angel of what he had destroyed, of what evil he was capable of. She would surely convince him that he was beyond redemption; that he could never make up for the things he had done. Except there was no controlling Drusilla, she was a wild card that Lindsey wasn't willing to risk.

Cordelia Chase was an obvious choice. Angel had already proven what lengths he would go to for the beautiful brunette seer. She was human as well, which would theoretically make her easier to control. Of course, theory didn't pan out with Cordelia. Lindsey was well aware that Cordelia would not be easy to endanger.

Then there was the one person that Angel was the most protective. The one person aligned with Angel that Lindsey wasn't willing to hurt. Willow. Willow Rosenberg held a piece of that soul that Angel didn't deserve to have. Of course, he didn't deserve Willow either. Still, she was the only person guaranteed to wreck him.

Lindsey had once thought that the price of revenge could never be too high.

The sheets surrounding him were the finest silk, and the body lying against him was comforting in its unending warmth. Lindsey's arms were nuzzled protectively around the pale skin and he doubted if he would ever be able to let go of her.

Willow twisted in his arms and raised sleepy green eyes to his face. Curiosity warred with exhaustion. With Willow, curiosity always won. "What are you still doing awake?" The voice was heavy with sleep and softly whispered across his chest.

Lindsey thought on the question. There were lots of answers that he could give her. He wasn't tired. He was nervous about a case. He had to go to the bathroom. Any of them would have done. Lindsey felt like telling the truth this night, though.

"Wondering what I did to deserve you." His voice was soft as he tightened his arms around her, holding her close to him. He closed his eyes and felt her laughter rumble against his chest. She pushed against him and he loosened his arms, letting her rise up until they were face to face.

Light, tickling kisses covered his eyelids until he opened them for her. He was met with a soft smile and tender eyes. "You didn't have to do anything. You just had to be Lindsey." She punctuated her words with a sweet, brief kiss to his lips.

He enjoyed the kiss, but the answer left him less than satisfied. "What if Lindsey's not a good man? What if being Lindsey is exactly what makes me not deserve you?" He leant forward until his forehead rested against hers, his blue eyes troubled and cloudy.

"People can always change, Lindsey. We have choices."

Being with her made him want to be a better man.

Lindsey McDonald didn't want to do this anymore.

He didn't want to work for Wolfram and Hart. He was tired of defending criminals. Defending murderers and child abusers and corrupted businessmen and hired assassins. He didn't want to be a lackey for evil anymore. He couldn't do that work anymore.

He didn't want to keep up this inane rivalry with Angel. He would always hate the despicable vampire, and had no doubt that Angel felt the same about him, but he was tired of fighting. He didn't want any more pain or any more loss. He didn't want revenge. He didn't want to hurt Willow.

Lindsey McDonald wanted to be a better man.

Challenge:

Name: Elisabeth

Max rating will accept: NC17

Challenge: "It takes only a moment to be kind, but the result can last forever." - Unknown

Take above quote, apply the sentiment to a Willow/Lindsey fic.