Yeah, like it says in my almost non existent profile, I have lots of one shots that I've been meaning to post. This one is the first. It's kinda a crack-ish idea, but not really. I'd say it's an odd mix of possible normality and wtfness. It's M purely because I felt as if teen was just too light for this. Also, its written in... I dunno what you'd call this. Play style? Who knows, but the reason's behind this is because it is meant that they are online, thus, no one can really see each other. Only hear voices, that's why this is written like this. There are more of these...plenty more in fact...but most are very short... just like this one. They will all end up in this one story as the collaboration if these types of fictions. That way i don't have a bunch of one shot stories floating all over the place.

* These stars are for what people hear as far as background noise/sound effects/other oddities.

I do not own Mai Hime

Natsuki: Yeah...I haven't really eaten anything of substance all day. Kinda hungry.

*Crinkle...crinkle...rustle...crinkle.

Nao: Shizuru is going to murder you...you do realize that, right?

*Fidget...fidget...

Natsuki: Yeah.. I know..

*SQUIRT~!

Natsuki: There we go!

Nao (While laughing profusely): What the fuck?

Natsuki: What? I'm hungry..

Nao: What the hell was that?

*Chomp, chomp, chomp, munch...crunch...

Natsuki (with a mouth full of food): The mayo bottle.

Nao: what are you doing, idiot...geez.

Natsuki: I'm eating mayo and bread...

Nao: Sound more like your killing the bottle...

*Crunch, crunch...rustle...squirt

Natsuki: Well, I'm being a lazy ass. I don't want to cook, besides that, last time I tried I obliterated an entire packing of instant noodles. I never knew you could set fire to water. Shizuru still can't figure out how the hell I did that one. Me either, actually. So, rather than make food, and likely kill myself, I'm just eating the bread and mayo next to the comp. Easier that way, ya know?

Nao: I guess so, but you really should eat something else... You know, something like actual food? Jesus, you're like a garbage disposal.

*Squirt~~~~~~Click

Nao(completely baffled and laughing): What the hell! Dude, that sounds so wrong...

Natsuki: It's just a bottle of mayo. Here, I'll send you what I'm doing. The webby isn't working right, so you'll get it in a text.

Nao: wait a sec, gotta find the phone.

*Rustle, rustle, knock...rustle, rustle...fidget...

Natsuki(Taking the photo of her food.): How in the world, do you of all, people loose your fuckin' phone.

Nao: I found it smart one... It was in my bed.

Natsuki: Lovely... anyway, text sent.

Nao: I haven't gotten it yet...

Natsuki: You will sooner or later I hope..

*chomp, chomp, chomp...
*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Natsuki: GAH! Ear rape!

*Buzz...buzz, bu-Click

Natsuki: Holy shit Nao, what the hell is that!

Nao: My phone...

Natsuki(Almost under her breath): It sounds like a broken sex toy.

Nao(Not really caring one way or the other): I heard that...oh god... are you really eating that? Dude! You can't even see the bread!

Natsuki: I know...I don't want to see the bread...

Nao: that's gunna kill you one day...

Natsuki(Mouth full of food again): So? If this don't do it, Shizuru will...I love the woman dearly, but she's a health nut or somethin'...

*Chomp, chimp, chomp...crinkle...squirt...

Nao: I don't doubt that for a second. You do know that if she finds out your eating that crap, I was not involved... REMOTELY, do I make myself clear?

*Chomp, chomp chomp...click...squirt~

Natsuki: Yeah, yeah. I hear you...hmm... I wonder... What do you think would happen if I ate the entire bottle in one night?

Nao(incredulous): You'll feel like shit tomorrow? I don't know..

Natsuki: Dare me to try?

Nao: Yeah sure why not...

~~~Next day~~~~

Natsuki: Gahhh...

Nao: What's wrong this time? She didn't shove another leek up your ass did she?

Natsuki: No, but I kinda wished she did... it would have been lass painful...

Nao: Dare I even ask?

Natsuki: If I were you, I wouldn't... but be warned... when Shizuru comes online I would run the hell away... as fast as humanly possible...

Nao: She got you good, didn't she...

Natsuki: That would be putting it mildly...very, very mildly...

-End...-