Too Many Times

Hey, this is my first fan fiction so I'm sorry if it isn't what you would expect. I hope you guys like this.

Tomorrow is Christmas, Charlie and I are spending it with the Cullen's. I am shocked that they agreed to such a thing, especially with Jasper around. I love Japer; however, I know it's hard for him since he was just changed.

"Edward, are you sure this is a good idea? Me taking Charlie with me for Christmas?" I asked him while I was getting ready to go to bed.

"I hope so… we can't always take you away from Charlie, specially on such an important day like Christmas. Bella, you know Charlie loves you and that you should spend Christmas with him, you can't just leave him at home" He told me with solemn eyes.

I sighed… I was still somewhat worried. Japer was getting better at controlling his thirst for blood... but still.

"Don't worry; they'll be on their best behavior." He chuckled as he said the last part.

"Ok." I didn't feel like talking about it anymore. I climbed into bed and got under the covers where Edward was already waiting for me. He wrapped his arms securely around my waist and I rested my head on his cold chest, listening to the beautiful silence.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?" I answered.

"What are you thinking of?" He said putting his mouth very close to my ear; a shiver ran down my spine. Even though we had been together for a half a year now, Edward never seemed to stop dazzling me.

"Nothing…" he didn't respond, I suspected he wasn't going to say anything until I answered him. "I was just thinking about how wonderful it is, just sitting here and being with each other."

"Really? Is that all?" He asked me, his tone told me that he knew that there was more to what I was thinking than I let on.

"I was also thinking about spending eternity with you…" I felt him take in an exasperated sigh, but still, it wouldn't hurt to try and convince him.

"Edward I want you to change me. You promised?" I slowly turned toward him and stared into his wonderful topaz eyes. I hated bringing this up, but how am I not supposed to. It's on my mind constantly; it's what I want the most. I want to spend eternity with him, to not get old, to live a happy life with him. Yet it seemed that's exactly what he doesn't want, for me to live forever with him.

"Bella." He said slowly, choosing his words carefully. "We've had this conversation too many times. I will not change you. I will not turn you into the monster that I am. I will not throw away your soul and damn you to an eternity of hell on earth. I love you Isabella Swan and I want what's best for you."

"Being changed is what's best for me. I will grow old and you will stay the same. I'm going to die Edward. I don't want that. I want; no I need to be with you for the rest of eternity. Edward, you promised to turn me when we graduated why can't we just speed things up a little? "

"Do you really want to be like me?" He said abruptly sitting up.

"Yes, that's what I want the most." I whispered. My heart began beating erratically. Maybe I was really getting through to him, maybe I had actually managed to convince him and tonight I would begin my three days of pain and torture. I gazed down at my hands and my feet; I would never be the same if Edward actually agreed.

"Bella. Look at me?" He sat on the window sill, looking out at the cloudy night.

"Are you sure you want to be like me? A monster that has to hunt to stay alive, to never age and have to watch your parents die with out them knowing you were alive. If they saw you right before they died they would go insane. You would look like the 16 year old they last saw."

"I…" I couldn't think of a logical respond to that… I thought I had figured everything out. I guess... I was wrong.

"Bella… I think you're right though. I don't think I can live for eternity with out you." He crouched down into a frightening position, and showed his fangs. His once wonderful topaz eyes now were black. I low growl escaped from inside him. I couldn't believe this was happening. I wanted to yell, to protect myself from what was coming but I couldn't. All I could do is stand there and stare at Edward with a horrified look on my face. Suddenly, I saw him jump toward me and I shut my eyes, waiting for the pain.