Lana stood on the edge of the rooftop, the cool wind brushing up against her face and making her dark hair swirl around her face. Tendrils of her hair whished by and occassionally got stuck to one of the tears slowly making their way down her face. She looked over the city this late at night, and reached a hand out, having it caressed by the breeze. Lex would have a heart-attack if he could see her now.
They were in Metropolis for the night, attending one of the many high life charity balls. It had lasted late, and Lana had asked that they just stay for the night because she was exhausted. Lex had immediately obliged. He treated her like she was fragile and about to break ever since he had found out about her pregnancy.
Lana closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, letting the cool air fill her lungs as she thought about what she was about to do. Had she lost her sanity? Maybe. She would have never been able to forgive herself for being this cowardly a few months ago, but now... Well now, she felt there was no other option. She had said yes to Lex's proposal when she still loved another man, and now she was carrying Lex's child. Sure, she loved Lex, but the problem was she loved Clark more. Clark... He was another reason to go spiraling off into dark abyss. Any sort of anything resembling a relationship was gone, obliterated, completely destroyed. If only she wasn't so curious, so hurt by being lied to. Then she could stand to stay with him, to be as happy as she was such a short time ago.
She shook her head, exhaling a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. No more thought, she was already becoming more cowardly with the passing moments. Besides, she could just pretend she was flying, just jump out and forget the hard impact on the cement. She wouldn't be conscious for it anyways, right? The pain would be worth it, to make the greater pain of heartbreak go away. She might even get to see her parents again.
Lana lined up her toes to the edge of the roof, and intertwined her hands out in front of her, like she was getting ready to dive into a pool. No stopping now... She closed her eyes, leaned and pushed outwards, soaring away from the roof. Her stomach jumped, a triumphant smile graced her face. She hoped she was still wearing it when she died, just so she could prevent some pain from the two men she loved who might think she died unhappy because of them. Down, down, down... Up?
The impact didn't hurt at all... In fact, she was encased in a warm embrace... Is this what it feels like to die? Do you just start drifting up? The nagging curiousity that made up such an important portion of the personality that was Lana demanded she open her eyes. She gasped.
She was staring right into his eyes, and he brushed away a remaining tear from her cheek. He smiled comfortingly at her and her brain came to a complete and total grinding, crashing, screeching halt. She didn't comprehend the fact that they were floating up, or that he had somehow managed to be right there to catch her when she needed him most. All she knew was that she was in complete and total ecstasy and she couldn't be any happier.
But again, the nagging curiousity that had torn her away from this man so many times before kicked into overdrive, and dragged her brain into motion.
"So..." Just because her brain and mouth were working again didn't mean she had any clue of what to say.
"Yeah..." Came his goofy and equally horribly awkward response.
"Yeah..." She attempted to surpress a smile and nodded. Suddenly a sob racked her frame and he stopped smiling. "I love you..." she whispered to him, and touched the side of his face gently, as if she were about to break this reality. Was it a reality? Perhaps she was dreaming...
"I know... I love you too..." He said gently, placing his hand atop hers. Yep, it was definitely a dream, no doubt about it...
Lana sat up in bed and streched her arms back behind her, popping her shoulders and her back. Ahh, what a nice, if not completely heart-breaking dream that had been. Wait...
She reached a hand up to her face, and felt the salty trail that's let on your face after you cry or after you've been at the beach. She must've cried during the dream. She swung her feet out of the bed, and gasped, looking down at the boots laying beside the bed and jeans on her that she had thrown on last night after the ball. They were her favorite jeans, and for some reason she had been compelled to wear them when she was going to commit suicide. She looked down at herself and saw the same creamy white V-neck sweater she threw on. In retrospect, if she had succeeded in suicide, it would've been overly dramatic, the vibrant red blood on the fluffly creamy colored sweater. The necklace she had been wearing sat on the nightstand, along with the bracelet she had worn. She smiled.
Clark would have never removed her clothes, espicially now that she was engaged to another man. He was too much of... well, too much of a gentleman. She stood, glad Lex hadn't questioned when she'd requested they have separate beds, and glad that he didn't seem to know that she had been gone.
Lana touched her face, recalling the spot where Clark had touched her face. It could still be a dream, but she was seriously wishing it into reality. She had been flying last night, literally. That must be the huge secret, but that couldn't be all of it. How many times had he saved her and she never knew? Déjà vu, big time. Why... how?
She shook her head, focusing back in on what she had to do, but eventually, she had to talk to Clark.
Lana walked down the stairs to the Daily Planet, eagerly looking for Chloe. Chloe was her best friend after all, and she really needed to talk to her.
And there he was, finishing up his conversation with Chloe, probably about to dash off to save the world, again. He said goodbye to Chloe, and turned around, looked right at her, and brushed the side of his face where she had touched him last night. He rather reminded her of a deer caught in the headlights.
"Clark!" and he was gone, leaving airborne scattered papers in his wake. She turned to look at Chloe, and could already guess what their conversation was about. Lana looked inquisitively at Chloe. Chloe took a breath, but her mouth just hung open for a second, before she exhaled and shut it, shaking her head.
"You're just gonna' have to talk to him... I do not want to get involved in this..." Chloe turned around just in time to get bumped into and have a million papers thrown over her by Jimmy.
Thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump...
Clark's mind was numb. He had no idea what to say or do. So he did what he always did when he had no idea what else to do, he threw a ball across the loft and let it bounce back to him. He heard her from a long way off, but he stayed put, ignoring the pressure-like feeling on his chest that came from being trapped.
Thu-thump,thu-thump,thu-thump...
Her heard her shoes on the ground, the noises changing as the ground beneath her changed. She was inside the barn now.
Thu-thump thu-thump thu-thump...
The throwing of the ball could have very well been a sign of Clark's heartbeat, since it had rapidly sped up, increasing the closer Lana got.
Thuthumpthuthumpthuthump...
Her shoes made similar sounds on the wooden stairs. Suddenly, just as Lana reached the top of the stairs, the ball hurtled right on through the wall, leaving a hole the same size behind.
"Wow..." Lana said, making Clark freeze up completely. "I guess that means you're nervous too..." She said quietly. She stood awkwardly at the edge of the loft.
He finally turned to face her, again, reminding her of a deer in the headlights. It was evident to her that she was going to be doing the talking.
"I haven't seen you this nervous to be around me since freshman year..." She was trying to lighten the mood, but it wasn't working.
Finally he started talking. "A-are you okay?"
"Well, I guess if you ignore the skydiving without a parachute last night, then yes, I think so." She smiled, some how last night seemed funny. He smiled back, but then paused, the grin fading away. He gave a worried look over her, and noticed her awkward position on the edge of the loft.
"Don't worry, no more suicide attempts are in progress, I promise." She looked at him sincerely.
"I'll feel better about that if you're over here instead of by the edge of the loft." He told her somberly. She walked over , but still stood, because the entire thing was still to awkward.
"About last night..." She started but couldn't finish. She tried again. "I know you're probably wondering why I tried to throw myself off the side of a building, the same way I'm wondering how you caught me and we started moving upwards..."
He rose his eyebrows and waited for her to go on. She exhaled.
"I still love you." She tried again.
"I still love you too, but you're engaged to Lex and you're... you're..." He trailed off, looking unhappy and hurt.
"Pregnant." She finished for him. "But that doesn't matter now."
"Yes, it does. You love Lex and he loves you and you'll just have to forget me..." He protested.
"But I can't!" She said loudly. "Why can't you see that?"
"I... I have too many secrets, too many things that'll put you in danger, and..." He shook his head sadly.
"But I know those secrets now..." She said gently, and knelt beside him.
"No... You're no where near knowing them all..." He looked up at her, and she saw the pain in his eyes. "It's better this way, I promise. I know, I've tried it the other way..."
His words puzzled her, but she left after giving him a swift kiss on the cheek.
Okay, first random attempt at Smallville fanfiction, no idea why I wrote it. It's a little sadistic really... No idea what to do with it. Oh well! I gotta go now, but R&R please!
-psk