Harry discovers Twilight

By SapphireDuck

Inspired by "I grew up with Harry Potter. I threw up on Twilight", c/o Facebook.

Thanks, E-Cat!

I do not own any characters you recognise, and the "passage" from "Twilight" is completely made up by me.

Harry heard the roar of Uncle Vernon's car tear away from the driveway. He chanced a glance and saw Dudley's large bulk in the back of the car as the Dursleys went out. Harry felt elated; rarely was he given time alone. Harry wasted no time bolting to his bedroom door, and he yanked it open. He scurried down the stairs, and checked around. He was alone. Harry cheered in celebration, and punched the air. He half-skipped to the fridge, and pulled it open. Standing before it, he rubbed his hands together and licked his lips. Time to find a tasty treat!

Harry made himself a simple cheese and beetroot sandwich, and took some crisps. He also poured himself a very small glass of lemonade, he didn't want to take too much, to avoid arousing suspicion. He ate his sandwich quickly, and gulped down his lemonade. After he washed the dishes and put them away perfectly, Harry took his crisps and went back upstairs to his bedroom.

On the way to his bedroom, he peered in Dudley's room, to laugh at the mess Dudley's room was in, as he never tidied it. As Harry went to shut Dudley's bedroom door, something shiny caught Harry's eye.

Dudley's new computer.

Harry slipped inside and half-danced across Dudley's room, he was being very careful not to accidentally knock over Dudley's ant farm or stand on some Lego. Harry sat in Dudley's computer chair, and sank in it slightly, due to Dudley's massive weight having an effect on it. Harry looked up at the screen, and jumped back in the chair.

"I must show you how I sparkle..." Harry read aloud. Harry felt himself turning green as he forced himself to look at the nauseating image, it was of a boring looking, pale and uninteresting girl with long brown hair and dull eyes, with her arms wrapped around a fairy-boy who looked like he glittered.

"Dudley, you big poof" Harry thought aloud, as he scrolled down the page. Harry saw a passage underneath the awful image, and it looked like Dudley had been writing about it. Was Dudley a fan of this fake trash?

Harry laughed out loud. Dudley had poured his heart and soul about how he "loved Edward's muscular chest as he majestically glittered in the sunlight like the amazing vampire he is..." and how "Bella's just a cow and she doesn't deserve my darling Edward..." Harry laughed out loud again. Not only did Dudley like glitter fairies, but he also loved this "Edward"?

Harry wondered where Dudley went wrong. After all, Uncle Vernon had influenced Dudley into hating all things abnormal, and there he is, loving some sparkle boy. Not only that, Dudley loves this Edward?

Harry heard the Dursley's car pull into the driveway; Harry lept across Dudley's room, and closed Dudley's bedroom door. Grabbing his crisps to hide under the loose floorboard, Harry bolted into his room, hid his snack, and stuffed his fist into his mouth, muffling his manic laughter.

Oh, how Dudley will be teased...

Not Beta checked.