Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of its characters
Author's Note: Here's another re-post, hope ya'll enjoy! :)
Sam had waited until the last minute to turn in his college applications. There was only one reason for it, well, more like one person.
Dean.
Sam knew Dean's view of hunting, knew that his older brother would do anything his father asked of him without a moment's hesitation.
But Sam wasn't Dean.
Sam didn't enjoy the constant agility training they had to do. Or the long distances they had to run. He didn't enjoy killing anything. Not to mention the fact that growing up their mother had practically been a forbidden subject. Every now and then he'd get his brother to crack, sure, but never more than to express their mother's beauty, or something like that that held no meaning to Sam. It was something that had always irked and slightly amused Sam. Their mother was their reason to hunt, and they couldn't even talk about her.
Pastor Jim had brought up the idea of college the summer before Sam's senior year. At first Sam had been more than willing. He would've jumped straight on a bus without a glace back if it meant he could leave hunting for good.
Then he thought it over. College meant leaving. He had no problems leaving his dad, heck, he'd run away multiple times before, this wouldn't be any different. But leaving Dean?
He had thought that he could. Then as he brooded over it, he realized that would be impossible. He simply couldn't leave his older brother, not after everything Dean had done for him.
So Sam had waited. He only sent the applications because he felt like he wouldn't get accepted anyway. That was, until he got the phone call from the Pastor.
"I-, oh my gosh, really?" Sam couldn't help the excitement that bled into his voice, he sat on the edge of one of the beds.
His brother and father were out questioning the locals on their newest hunt.
"You did it son, you got in."
"You're seriously serious about this?" Sam bit his lip at the stupid question, his leg bouncing up and down as nervous energy flooded through his veins.
"I haven't even told you the best part yet."
Sam's leg stopped, "What?"
"Son, you earned yourself a full ride."
Sam couldn't find the words. Accepted. Full ride. The three words echoed in his mind. He had done it! He had actually done it! He was going to college! His eyes danced across the room until they landed on Dean's duffle bag. Mistake, that was a mistake, all at once his excitement drained out of him.
"Sam, you still there?"
"Father...how am I going to tell Dean?"
No matter how many times Sam thought it over he knew he had to go to college, it wasn't a question. He finally had his shot at a normal life and he had to take it. The real question was, would Dean understand?
Sam wasn't just afraid his brother would be disappointed. He was terrified.
He knew Dean. Did Dean know him enough to support his decision? The thought kept him up that night. As he listened to the rhythmic sound of his brother's soft snores next to him, he had the strangest sense that it would be the last time he slept in the same room as his brother for a long time.
Sam had decided, during the night, that he would try broaching the subject of college with his dad as politely as he could manage. Maybe, just maybe, if he caught his father in a good mood then he wouldn't have to worry about Dean hating him. Thinking back on it, he should have known better.
"Dad, how would you feel about me going to college?" Sam tried to sound casual as they started to dig into the dinner that Dean had just brought back.
His brother stopped eating to gaze at him, a clear question in his eyes. Sam couldn't look at him. If he did, he knew he'd back down immediately.
His father only snorted, "You aren't going to college Sam, now eat."
His words got under Sam's skin, whatever patience he had been holding onto flew out the window at his father's indifference to the subject.
"Why?" he demanded, losing his appetite for the chicken-whatever-the-heck-it-was that Dean had gotten for him.
His father sighed, "Why what Sam?"
"Why can't I go to college?" he asked. Sam heard Dean exhale loudly.
"We don't have the money." Was his dad's response.
Right, of course, Sam thought sourly.
"I'm going to college," the statement leapt out of his mouth before he could reign it in.
His father dropped the burger he had been working on to stare at him. Okay, not the most subtle way to drop the bomb, Sam mentally kicked himself.
"What?"
Sam suddenly felt hesitant, then his father smirked like he had known his youngest wouldn't have the guts to stick to such an outrageous idea and that tipped Sam over the edge.
"I'm going to college." It was a fact now.
"And just where do you think you're gonna go?" his father humored him, sounding as if he was playing along with a five year old.
"I know I'm going to go to Stanford," Sam reached into his backpack and pulled out the acceptance letter Pastor Jim had given him, he slammed the piece of paper down in front of his father, "Full ride dad, I'm going."
He thought his father's eyes would pop out of his skull, "When did you do this?" Uh oh, his dad's voice sounded cold, cold was worse than yelling, not that Sam would back down now. He was a Winchester after all.
"Over spring break."
He didn't see his father's fist until it slammed into his jaw. He heard Dean gasp in shock, but remained firm in his choice to not look at his brother.
He should have known, he thought, his father would never give his consent.
"You think you can just back out on us now?" his father demanded, his voice steadily rising, "You think you can just abandon your brother and I now?!"
"I'm not abandoning anyone dad!" Sam yelled back, "It's just college-"
"No Sam, I won't allow it-"
"Tough."
"What did you say?"
He's not intimidating, Sam suddenly decided, he took a step towards his father, "I said 'tough' dad," he spat out the last word like it tasted sour, "I'm not asking for your permission."
"So that's it then, is it? You're just going to run away?"
"That's right," Sam agreed.
"Like a coward," his dad seethed.
"I am not a coward," Sam argued, putting as much emphasis on 'not' as he possibly could, "You're the coward here dad. Mom died and you weren't strong enough to deal so you left. Instead of dealing with her death you RAN! And you've been running ever since!"
No, huge mistake. Sam could see it in his father's eyes.
"Fine."
The word was cold, unforgiving.
"What?" he could feel all the anger slowly drip away.
"Go to college," his dad spat, he waited a moment before he added, "But if you leave, don't you ever come back."
Sam stood, shocked. Sure, in all actuality he had expected a fight, he and his father did little else these days, but…was his father disowning him? Over college?
"Dean," the word slipped out of his mouth as he turned to the one person he had looked up to. The person who'd raised him. Who'd always had his back.
That one person wouldn't meet his eyes. Wouldn't respond.
That did it. Whatever tie Sam had previously had with his family was severed. If Dean no longer wanted him, than he had no place there. He grabbed his backpack and duffle bag and left without another word. Because if Dean didn't want him there then nothing else mattered.
Dean.
Guilt bubbled in his gut as Sam walked towards the nearest bus station. 'He wouldn't even look at me,' he thought bitterly. Maybe he felt the same way as dad, Sam shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thought, Dean would never disown him, would he?
He thought back to how Dean had stayed silent throughout the whole argument. That didn't mean anything, he tried to reason with himself as the bus station came into view. Dean often didn't jump into the arguments he had with their father, that wasn't anything new. But he had always been quick to smooth things over once everything was said and done. He had always tried to patch everything up as best he could.
The fact that he hadn't? He hadn't even tried to talk their father around? That hurt more than the bruise that was starting to form on Sam's chin.
He didn't know how long he waited at the bus station. Or how many times he pulled out his phone to call Dean before shoving the device back into his pocket.
'He'll call later,' Sam told himself, 'Dean wouldn't disown me.'
What if he did? That annoying voice in the back of his mind taunted. Sam sighed, and just repeated, 'he'll call later.'
The bus to California arrived. Sam hesitated before stepping on. He knew this was it. His last chance to turn back. To joke with Dean and act like he was just pretending. No. He walked onto the bus and took a seat in the middle portion of the vehicle. There was no going back.
He leaned his head against the window and shut his eyes, trying, and failing, to keep the image of Dean not meeting his eyes out of his head.
His phone buzzed in his pocket. Sam shifted so that he could pull it out. He glanced at the message and couldn't help but smile as warmth spread throughout his body.
I'm proud of u Sammy,
Be careful on ur own
-D
Sam would've laughed out loud if he wasn't in a public bus. Sure, Dean had said 'alone', but Sam knew he wasn't. Not really. Not if Dean supported him. He was proud of him. Dean. Dean was proud of Sam. Sam couldn't have felt more delighted. He must've been insane to doubt his older brother. Sam reread the message before saving it to his phone.
Whenever he felt like giving up, or dropping out, during that first year in college, all he had to do was pull out his phone, read the message, and find his motivation. If Dean believed he could then there was no way in hell he was letting his big brother down. Sam pushed his brain to the limits. Achieving top marks in all of his classes. They weren't for him. No. None of it was for Sam. Sam did it all for the reason he had almost decided not to go to college in the first place. Dean.
Had Dean told him to stay Sam knew deep down he would've. He had left hunting, and returned to the life, all for the sake of his brother. It was all tied to Dean somehow, he realized. Every decision in his life that he'd ever made had somehow been connected to his older brother. He bit his lip and looked down at his hands, if only Dean knew everything...
*Hope you enjoyed! Please review if you have the time, thanks again! :)*