My mind is broken.
My body is broken.
My life is broken.
And nobody can fix me.
After I welcomed him in, everything stopped and started all at once. My body snapped and twisted. My brain gone somewhere a billion miles away. My life ended, not with a bang, but a splinter. All I could feel was hands; grabbing, smacking, caressing… I was a raging storm, destroying and ravaging everything in sight after being pent up for so long. Darkness and heat was all there was. I was finally able to cave into my desires. To touch, to be touched. To hurt, to be hurt.
Then, only for a short time, I could see something other than black, feel something other than hands. Water brushed against what was left of my skin, light blinded my tired eyes, radio static squalled and cackled in my ears. Then, it stopped. There was nothing again. My thoughts weren't attached to my body. I was floating with the hands touching me all over.
I lost all sense of time, lost all sense of worry. I wasn't anywhere, but I was everywhere at the same time. They couldn't see me, but I could feel them. I felt them do everything, go everywhere, see everyone. My Venus. My Neptune. While they were living, I was not. While they have probably long forgotten my existence, theirs has become my entirety. That night with them repeats for me over and over again. I still feel the numbness that the paint thinner caused. I still feel the loneliness when they went to make the rounds, leaving me behind. I still feel the warmth of her body against mine. I still feel that final moment when they banished me from that body with water and light and those mystic handheld radios. I crave to relive it all over again.
I float nowhere and everywhere, feeling them living out their lives. I wait for them to join me. To light up my life, to quench my eternal thirst. I wait for my two girls to succumb to the devil so we may be together.
When I feel them flipping through channels on the radio, I call out to them. I know they hear the feedback, and I know they ignore it. I think of myself touching them, and they sometimes shiver or itch themselves for no reason. I'm the reason they're unable to fall asleep at night, for I whisper in their ears. I'm the one who makes them afraid of the shadows, for they know there is something there.
I am the devil, and so are they. They just have yet to let theirs take them. When it does, we will be reunited, forever and even after that. Until that day comes, I will wait. I will wait until everything becomes sand, and civilization's roofs topple down. I will wait until the stars dominate the skies, and everything has died. I'll wait for you.