nightelf37: All text that is not bold belongs to RLYoshi (id name pointed out in my own Story Crew at the Inventory). I own nothing, though I was granted permission by RLYoshi himself to post this. Years ago, it was his first fanfic, and he didn't quite like it, so he took it down. But I liked it, so I managed to get it back, and now it's here for you to read.
I own absolutely nothing here. Just a few edits.
Author's Notes: Time for my first fanfic! I've been playing a lot of Poker Night at the Inventory lately, so I decided to write a little one-shot story about it. Probably won't make this into a series or anything. Just so you know, the character in this story is NOT supposed to represent me; the only way he is like me is that he wears sweatpants, glasses, and a white baseball cap. So this isn't a self-insert.
Rated T mainly because that's what I would rate the actual game.
I do not claim ownership of Telltale Games, Poker Night at the Inventory, Sam & Max, Homestar Runner, Team Fortress 2, Penny Arcade, nor any characters within. If I did, you wouldn't be reading this, and I'd be out there doing something actually productive with my life.
Once again, I stood outside the strange building. A giant sign labelled the building as "The Inventory", but from the looks of things outside it appeared to be closed down. This was to keep prying eyes away. Being an official member of their poker night, I was permitted to enter whenever I please.
I wore my usual attire; a dark blue t-shirt over a lighter blue long-sleeved shirt, causing just the light blue sleeves to show. A large black "R" gave the t-shirt the slightest hint of design. My sweatpants were the usual green, and I had a yellow vest over my torso. I wore a simple white baseball cap, my glasses, and a crappy wristwatch that didn't even work anymore. Strapped to my back was a sword.
Hey, you can never be too careful, especially around here. At least half the time I walked over, I would get attacked by a bunch of homeless guys trying to take my stuff. And at last half the time I walked over, my sword would be stained with blood.
Now that I've told you what I look like, you know who not to attack. Ever.
I pressed the button and entered the proper combination to open the door, then stepped into the elevator. Only members know the combination, and trust me, it's hard to become a member. To be honest, I don't completely remember the combination, but I come here so often entering it is second nature.
At least 300 days a year, I've been coming here for almost three years now. I'd played with the same people, lost the same amount of money if I lost (ten thousand dollars) and won the same amount if I won (forty thousand; ten thousand from each). Sometimes the players wouldn't be able to afford the 10k, and would buy in with a prized possession. Even I had to buy in with my sword at one point, but I managed to retain it.
I'd won almost all of everyone's items. I had Max's pistol and badge, the Heavy's minigun, and Strong Bad's cruddy sunglasses. I had yet to win Tycho's watch, though.
I had seen the watch two or three times. He would bet it on occasion, but whenever he did, he won the tournament with ease. Like I said, my wristwatch sucks, so I really wanted to win that thing from him. Sure, the weapons were nice, and the sunglasses at least looked cool, but my eyes were on that watch.
Winslow greeted me, as usual, and brought me to the table. They were all there. I was late, as usual, and Strong Bad didn't let me forget it, as usual.
"I was starting to think you weren't gonna show up, Axey," he said, twisting my name like always. My hand twitched. I hated when people did that.
My real name is Jeff, but because I've hated that name for years, I decided on a nickname. I call myself Axel, and that was how I introduced myself.
That's how I always introduce myself. And since Strong Bad loves annoying me, and I hate the name Jeff, he'd be calling me that all the time if he knew it was my real name.
"Better late than never, Boxing Gloves," I shot back. Just like I hate the name Jeff, he hates it when people say his hands are boxing gloves. As I suspected, he shut up, grumbling to himself things that probably weren't that appropriate.
Winslow reminded us of the rules, and we started tossing our cash in.
Max, Strong Bad, Heavy and I all had the money, but Tycho looked uneasy. Oh yes, I thought. Bet the watch…bet the watch…bet the watch…
"Normally I walk around with large bricks of cash," Tycho blatantly lied, "but I'm a little light this evening. So I hope this makes up for it." As I hoped, he dropped his golden Pac-Man watch on the table. I eyed it for a good ten seconds.
I had to win that thing.
Tycho dealt first, and started handing two cards to everyone. I checked mine. A Three of Hearts and a Nine of Spades. Not good, but not bad either. I glanced up in time to see Strong Bad's glare. I knew at once he had a bad hand.
"I'll call," I said, tossing my money in. Max raised another two hundred, and Strong Bad folded with a grunt. Heavy and Tycho called as well, and Tycho laid down the cards. An Ace of Clubs, a Nine of Diamonds, and a Three of Diamonds.
Hot dog, two-pair! I decided to stick around, even though I was planning to fold. I called the bet, and Max folded. Coward.
"Blue sweater man," the Heavy began as he raised.
"Tycho," corrected the gamer, folding.
"Tycho. What do you do for living?"
"Games, webcomics, conventions, and more."
"Busy life," I chipped in, calling the bet. The next card was put down.
Three of Clubs. I mentally cheered before raising by six hundred.
"You don't know the half of it."
"And you, Axel. What do you do?" The Russian asked as he called, seeming interested. Weird. People weren't usually that interested in my life.
"Still in college, but I'm working towards being an actor. I work part-time at a pizza place, and of course I do this," I answered, nearly deadpanned. The final card, a Two of Hearts, was put down. The Heavy and I revealed our cards. He had a King of Spades and a Queen of Clubs, but that didn't help him now. I chuckled as my Full House won me quite a few chips. "And it gets me a lot of cash, as you saw right then."
The game continued for a while. I was able to raise a couple more thousand dollars than I started with, but Tycho and the Heavy had a lot more than me. Thankfully, Strong Bad was down to just a thousand or so. When Max folded, I decided to goad him into an all-in.
"I'm raising." I threw two thousand dollars in, receiving shocked looks from the others. Strong Bad, unable to resist, called my bluff and threw his money in there.
As I suspected, all he had was a Pair of Fives, easily losing to my Three of a Kind Aces. I raked in the cash, and gave Strong Bad a smug grin as Winslow narrated.
"Strong Bad has been eliminated from play."
"Fine! I'm blowin' this pop-stickle stand!" he said, trying to sound cool, but coming off more of a brat.
I was pleased when I noticed I now had fifteen thousand dollars. Max and Heavy were down to just five thousand each, but Tycho had twenty-five thousand, making me nervous. At this rate, that watch would end up staying on his wrist. And I wasn't about to let that happen.
When the Heavy dealt the next hand, I was excited to see a pair of Aces right off the bat; Hearts and Clubs. I wasn't as excited when Tycho grinned maniacally at his hand. I decided to try my luck.
"All-in," I said in a deep voice, pushing all 15k into the middle. Naturally, Max and the Heavy folded, but I got scared when Tycho called my bet and pushed his own fifteen thousand bucks worth of chips in with mine.
We revealed our cards. He had two Kings; one of Diamonds and one of Hearts. Luckily, Ace beats King, so I knew I had this in the bag.
The first three cards were a Jack of Hearts, a Two of Clubs, and…a King of Spades. Oh crap oh crap oh crap…
The next card was just a Three of Hearts. That didn't help. I braced myself for the next card. Ace…ace…ace…ace…ace…
The gods heard me and, wouldn't you know it, the next card was the Ace of Spades. I grinned and Tycho grimaced as I pulled in thirty thousand dollars.
Max and Heavy looked relieved that they folded, but I wasn't gonna let them get off that easy.
"Deal the next hand."
"Max has been eliminated from play." I breathed a sigh of relief when Winslow said that desired line several hands later.
"Thank god that's over! I've had to go to the bathroom for ages," Max cheerfully said as he stood up. "Bye!" I watched as he wandered around the place, watching Strong Bad play an arcade game, and…gnawing on the staircase rails. I rolled my eyes.
"You betting or what, Axel?" I heard Tycho's voice echo in my brain. I turned and saw the cards had already been dealt.
"Sorry. Got distracted by Max chewing on the rails again." I picked my cards up and examined them. Three of Clubs and Nine of Diamonds. I decided to call.
"I really wonder what's up with him," Tycho said. Now Max was checking out the bar. How he got there that fast I'll never know.
It was only a few hands later that I realized I was down to just three thousand dollars. Tycho had most of them, but Heavy had a good portion too.
Maybe I could try and get Heavy out first…
"All in," I said, pushing my 3k into the middle. This was probably a bad idea, since I only had a Four of Diamonds and a Six of Hearts, but I was rolling with it.
"I call this baby bet," Heavy laughed, pushing three thousand dollars from his giant pool of chips into the middle of the table. Tycho did the same. The three cards were a Two of Spades, a Seven of Hearts, and a King of Clubs.
Heavy and Tycho checked. The next card was a Queen of Diamonds. Not going that well…they checked again. And the next card was…
A Five of Diamonds. I grinned, they checked, and I won with a Straight.
"What's wrong? Didn't expect the underdog to make a comeback?" I taunted, pulling the nine thousand chips to me.
"Die in a fire…" Tycho growled. His eyes were glowing red, and I uncomfortably shifted my chair an inch or two away.
"What was that tiny chips? You all want to fight with me?" the Heavy said happily. "This is best idea!" With that, he pushed all of his fifteen thousand dollars into the pot. This was my chance. I also had 15k, and Tycho had the remaining 20k. If I could win this, we'd be just about tied, though I'd have a five thousand dollar lead that I'd probably soon lose.
"Call," I said, pushing my money in as well. Tycho had folded long before, so it was down to me and the Heavy.
I had a Jack and Four of Clubs. The three cards down were a Nine of Hearts, a Jack of Diamonds, and a King of Clubs. After we filled the middle of the table with our money, the next card went down: an Ace of Clubs.
Oh please…one more club… I thought as I glanced nervously at Heavy's cards. He had a Jack of Hearts and a King of Diamonds, so right now he was beating my pair with a two pair. I just needed a club…
The Two of Clubs. Yes. The worst card in poker just saved me. I breathed a sigh of relief, while grinning like I was insane.
"The Heavy has been eliminated from play," Winslow said, with the faintest hint of joy. I saw him give me a smile. Obviously he wanted me to win the watch as well.
"What? I lose?" Heavy said in disbelief. Then his voice turned to sadness. "I bring terrible loss to team," he mumbled as he walked over to a table and sat down. He just sat there, watching the game. I turned to face Tycho, who immediately put on a creepy smile.
At least I had one more chance for the watch. I just had to beat him. I had 30k and he had 20k; what could go wrong?
A lot. Within just three turns, I had been fooled out of most of my money, left with 10k. I mentally berated myself for accepting Tycho's all in, but I managed to survive on careful bets and early folds.
"Tell you what," Tycho said. "We bet all our money. Winner take all. Simple as that." He put on his creepy grin, and I decided to agree.
"Why not?" I said, now exhausted from playing cards for well over an hour.
I shoved my 10k in, and he shoved his 40k in. It was probably not the best choice I've made, since Tycho was known for being very careful. He folded almost everything he had, and only bet large amounts – let alone going all in – if he had something to show for it. But it was really my only choice.
We revealed our cards. I had a Ten and King of Hearts. Tycho had two Aces; one Spades and one Clubs. My heart sank, and the first three cards were flipped over. A Queen of Hearts, a Two of Spades, and a Nine of Clubs.
Wait a minute…if I get lucky enough…
Tycho appeared to read my thoughts, as his smile quickly vanished. The next card was turned over…a Jack of Hearts. He glared, and I realize the chance of me winning this were, while rising, still almost impossible. I clenched my fists, shut my eyes, and prayed…
An Ace of Hearts. Royal flush. Royal flush. ROYAL FLIPPIN' FLUSH! Not only did I win, but I won with a Royal flush.
"Nice one," Tycho nodded, sliding his watch over to me. I wasted no time in pulling my broken watch off and slipping on Tycho's watch. The gold looked exceptionally shiny as I wore it. I looked up in time to see Tycho head for the bar.
I myself stood up, collected the forty thousand dollars, and headed out. On the way, I bid farewell to the other four players, as well as Winslow. Finally, I had everyone's prized possession. But I'd still be coming back.
Why?
Well, I guess I could say it's because of all the possible money, but that's not the whole thing. I could say it's because I like injuring people who attack me, but that's only part of it. The truth? Like I said, I had everyone's prized possessions. A heart-warming thought entered my mind.
Tomorrow, I decided, I'll have some special gifts for them.
CLICK ANYWHERE TO DEAL NEXT HAND
Final Notes: I hate Strong Bad in this game. Tycho would probably be my favourite of the characters, followed by the Heavy. Anyways, thanks for reading my first fanfic! Please review, 'cause I need to hear yo' opinion on my writing style.
nightelf37: Of course, that doesn't apply here. See ya on Third!