Sometimes, I like to think of a time where he might have loved me... or at least like me. I am his daughter after all. Shouldn't he love me? Wouldn't any normal father want to spend time with their baby girl, kissing away the pain of bruises and scrapes instead of creating them? We'd play childish games like tag, hide-and-seek, maybe the occassional 'dolls' where we would push around out pretend families in a a car daddy painted green or purple because, honestly, who likes pink? Our bond would be unbreakable, as we do everything together. I'd be daddy's little girl, though he'd call me his monster in the making.
But that's nothing more than a distant dream, another realm. Right now, reality has a strong hold on me. No wait... he did. His hand grip my throat tightly as he slams me into a wall, my ears ringing among contact, eyes blinking as I try to regain control of my eyesight. His growling face comes into focus once more.
"I never wanted you in the first place." The heat of his breath hits me in the face. "Yet here you are, all to make your mother happy. Hmph... Her and her little emotions. Those control the poor girl.. I told her that one day I would kill you. As soon as you came crawling out, I wanted you gone. 'Oh, please, Mistah J. Don't kill our baby! She can be your heir; She's special, I know it.'" He says in a high pitched voice, trying to mimic my mother. The voice melts into another growl. I pull at his hands, trying to get him to let me breathe.
"Please..." I beg, gasping as I meet his dark, glistening eyes. The piercing blue looking strange against their khol-lined rims. A smile grows on the man's red lips, his grip tightening just slightly. He probably gets off on this when he gets the chance to treat mom in such a way. Unlike Mom, I don't enjoy the shit. The beast watches me struggle, drinking in the torture as if it was his lifeline. My face begins to burn hot, all the blood rushing to my cheeks. My lungs ache deep within my chest, the room becoming spotty. My arms become heavy and I allow myself to drop them to my sides limply, done fighting with him. This is it. I have fought long and hard enough. Time to let go. Consciousness starts to slip between my fingertips, the darkness closing in around my vision.
"Ah, ah, ahh... No, you don't." The man releases me, my body slumping down to the floor. Air rushes into my burning lungs causing me to cough and sputter all over the place. My head feels heavy, making me dizzy. He walks away from me, giving me a chance to gather myself. Joker longs for more of a fight than he does someone to just bow down. While both gestures stroke his enormous ego, a fighter ensures there to be even more fun than before, not to mention hell to pay for the victim.
It's crazy to think how some demented people in the world would wish to have this man as their father, even their lover is a it of a stretch. I just don't get it. Honestly, I wish for anything but. While life might be somewhat more entertaining for me than the next, it isnt all that people think it would be. Abuse is never far, just ask Harley. She has been dealing with this long before I was born, or even thought of for that matter. Thanks to me, she doesn't have to deal with it as much. Unlike her, I don't kiss his ass, or his rings as some fellow gangster-like men have had to do. I'd bite his damn finger off...
That's what gets me in trouble most of the time. I don't conform to the person he wants me to be. I'm not submissive. Not to mention, I have the temper of a hellhound. I hate him, maybe even more so than he hates me. I don't like being treated like shit found on someone's shoe. It's not like I asked to be born into this, definitely didn't ask to be born to a pair of psychotic clowns.
The thump of footsteps return, moving my way. I pull myself off the cool cement ground, trying to act as if what he did was minor. There is no way I will let him see me down and out. I am not afraid of him. One day, my chance will come. He better pray for mercy while he can... I doubt Batman will step in until the very last moment. The dim lights in the basement flicker for a moment.
"Look at you. Such a little fighter, just like Harl." Joker grins at me, taking a few steps towards me. I brace myself for a fight, just in case. He might be taller than me, but I can use that to my advantage. Abdomen hits, below the belt, through his legs... huh, who knew that Harley's training would come in handy against him. Was she planning this all along? She had to know that he wouldn't want a child, especially not a girl. Doesn't help that I seem to have been unplanned. A hand grabs the hair at the back of my neck, roughly pulling my head back. Three other hands grab onto my arms as they drag me to the surgical table in the middle of the room. Damnit! The goons must've slipped in when I was down for a few moments.
They shove me down onto the table, strapping me on tightly with thick leather straps. I don't recognize either of these men. One is heavy set, a shiny bald head capturing the light of our surroundings. The other is built more like a wrestler, a thick dark beard framing his face. Both men don't meet my eyes, they just complete their task before backing off. Wouldn't want to make the 'Clown Prince of Crime' angry with them. Joker moves an light directly above my face, the brightness blinding me. Squinting, I stare into it, being whisked away into a hallucination, a could have been.
The sun beams on my back, warm and comforting as always. Mom and I splash around in a pool of a beach house that the Joker managed to get his hands on. I don't know how he did it, but it is beautiful. The pool is large, a small waterfall on the deeper end of the pool. How many other kids can say they have a waterfall in the back of their house? Probably not many. I don't know a lot of kids, he isn't too fond of them. But I have my mommy; she likes al the same things that I do, like dolls, candy, especially games!
Joker works away at one of his plans to capture ol'batsy, one of his and mom's many names for the masked man. In the sunlight, he looks oddly beautiful, almost as if his body is glowing, his tattoos being swallowed by the brightness of the light. His red lips are pressed into a thin line in concentration.
"Lucy!" Mom splashes at me playfully. I look over at her grinning, returning the splash. "Show me those tricks you have been working on." She says, smile wide and loving. I nod, hoping out of the pool in my black and white one piece, finding a good spot on the grass where I won't run into anything. I have been in gymnastics from the moment I could start walking, her being my coach. "Puddin', look! She's about to put on a little show of her tricks."
Mom was big on teaching me the flips and balances of gymnastics. I might be without a balance beam now, but didn't mean I couldn't do my ariel walkovers, back flips, front flips, twists and flips. I'll admit, im a little nervous. Having both parents eyes on me is different. Usually, Joker doesn't pay much attention when he is busy with work, but there he sits in his lounge chair, eyes watching me as he waits. If I am going to do this, I have to be flawless. I have to make him proud, just this once.
I muster up all of my courage and go through the whole routine, never hesitating as I slide into the next trick. Once I started, everything just went smoothly, like water in a stream. I end with my arms in the air, smiling at both of them, holding my breath. Did I do okay? I might've stumbled a little bit at the last flip...
Mom claps wildly, "Amazing! A star in the making, wouldn't ya say so Mistah J?"
He smiles at me, proudly, something that I don't see all that often. "A star indeed. Looks like you'll replace your mother soon."
"Hey!" Mom sticks her tongue out at him as I slide back into the pool. Joker busts up in laughter, making me giggle myself. I wrap my arms and legs around Mom, giving her a hug.
"Don't worry, momma, I won't replace you." She presses a kiss to my forehead, smoothing out my hair. "I love you." I smile up at her.
Harley smiles back, smoothing my hair again. "I love-"
SLAP. I am quickly brought back to reality, a scream ripping from deep within my chest as he strikes me once more in the stomach with a leather belt. My shirt has been cut to expose my bare skin. There was a burning sensation as the welts began to form. His manic laughter fills the room, "You bruise so easily... Just like your mother."
"Screw you!" I spit, struggling to get up. He laughs again, watching me.
"Oohh... I wouldn't do that." He snaps the belt back onto my skin once more, this time giving multiple blows. I bite back my screams, not wanting to give him the satisfaction but my tears betray me. "What's wrong, Punkin? Can't take a little pain?" He raises the belt. I brace myself for impact but instead, he hits the table, making me jump. His long pale fingers brush against the welts. " You know, you're a lot like me..." He presses against one, bringing more tears to my eyes. "Aren't you lucky?"
"I am nothing like you!" I snap at him, struggling against the restraints. If only I could wrap my hands around his long neck and squeeze until his eyes pop out of his head or his neck just snaps... Whichever come first. He backhands me, my head snapping to the side. "Ahh..." I stretch my jaw a bit. Damn that hurt...
"Don't interrupt me!" His glare is hard and cold, sending a chill down my spine. "I don't like rude people.."
"Funny..." I mutter under my breath.
"As I was saying," His voice returns to its calm, crazy state. "You're a lot like me. I hated my father as well. Drunk bastard... Always abusing me. Far worse than what I've ever done to you."
I doubt it...
"No, you see, this is too easy. He would laugh, grabbing me by my throat saying, 'That's all ya got? I knew you were weak.' You wouldn't want me looking weak, would ya?" He trails his fingers down my cheek, not really pausing long enough for me to answer. With this other hand, he picks up a kitchen knife, running the blade along the metal of the table. "Oh what he would do to you." He makes his way behind my head, grabbing my face and roughly prying my jaws apart like one would their dog. "He would shove this knife down your throat for mouthing back at him. Maybe cut out your tongue and make you eat it." The man cackles behind me as I pull my head away from him, staying silent. I lick my dry lips, trying to control my racing heart. If that is really what the man was like, I would have been dead a long time ago, probably stored in mason jars all over a damp basement.
How could I know he was telling the truth? All he does is lie and manipulate people to get what he wants. I doubt mom even knows the truth, even though she would say otherwise.
"Be grateful you have me. I might not have wanted you in the first place, but at least you have it easy, eh?" He presses the blade to my cheek, gently cutting along the soft flesh. Though he didn't apply much pressure, the blade was sharp enough to do damage without much manipulation. "You deserve what you get."
"If you're gonna kill me, just shut up and do it. Stop stalling." I glare at him, keeping the fear in my body at bay. His grin widens, his fingers running along the small flesh wound.
"Eager are we?" I watch as he rubs the blood between his fingers. He grabs my face quickly, prying my jaws apart once more and placing the blade against the side of my mouth. "Just one question... Why so serious?" He slices up my cheek quickly, laughing over my screams. His eyes glisten and gleam as he drinks in my pain, blood soaking my shirt, running down my neck.
"Mistah J!" I hear Harley's voice yell through my screaming. Joker stops, glaring down at me with annoyance. She must've ran down here after hearing this ongoing torture come to a bloody end. Usually, she never interferes, but this must have been taken too far, even for her.
"Harley..." He growls
"Please, Puddin'…" She begs, coming over to the table. I catch her eye as she looks down at me, her face blurry. She almost looks like she will cry herself. Mom looks up at him, blue eyes wide.
He huffs a sigh, running a pale hand through his green hair. "Our fun is done for the night, Lucy. He steps away from the table, allowing mom to unfasten me. She presses a towel to the side of my face. I could care less about bleeding out everywhere. He is going to pay.
"No, your fun is done." I get off the table, ignoring the protest of aches from my body. He is all too ready for me. As I run at him the blade slides easily into my abdomen, the satisfying squelch as it pierces my body. He grins at me, crimson blood running along his hand. Mouth agape and eyes wide, I focus on him, a gasp escaping from my lips, searching for words but nothing comes out.
"Shh...Sh, sh, sh.." He lowers me to the ground, blade still in place. "It really has been fun... Nighty night."
DARKNESS
I jump awake, breathing heavily. My clothes are drenched with sweat, clinging to my body. Frantically, I look around the room, searching for any sign of him. Im still here... It's okay. Haedyn shifts beside me in our make shift bed. Though I coldnt see his face, I could feel his eyes on me.
"Hey are you okay?" His rubs my back, ignoring the state of my shirt.
Im safe... It was just a dream. A horrible, horrible dream. I force my breathing to slow down, leaning against him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just..." I fall silent, closing my eyes tightly, trying to will away the remaining images of the nightmare.
"Another one? How bad this time?" He brushes the hair sticking to my forehead back behind my ear.
"Awful... Top three.. Haedyn, they just keep getting worse." I glance through the darkness at him, barely making out his silhouette.
"Maybe I can talk to dad. Get him to help."
Yeah, right. The man of fear creating something to take away mine? This is what he lives for, what he feeds off of. Unless it helps him in some way, he wouldn't waste his precious time, not even for his son's best friend who's desperately in need of an escape from her own problems.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Yes. "No. I just want to forget about it." I sigh. Of course I want to tell him about it, but then he would try to play hero. Get himself in trouble period. I can't have that. There aren't very many people I trust. Okay, I only trust myself. Haedyn is the closest person I have come to trusting. He wants me to open up to him, so he can fix me or at least help, but I am too damaged.
"Are you sure you're okay? Need anything?"
"Sleep..." I whisper, curling up against him as he wraps his arms around me, laying back. "Thanks for staying tonight. I'm sure your roommates don't mind."
"Anytime. They probably think I am great at getting laid as many times as I am not there." He chuckles softly. "Besides, you're my girl. My ride or die as some say on campus." A smile plays at the corner of my lips. "I'll do my best to keep the nightmares at bay this time. Who better to protect you from your fears then the son of fear himself?" Haedyn presses his lips to my head, "Sleep well, Lena."
"You too." I whisper. Haedyn doesn't deserve to be burdened with someone like me. He's too good for this. Too good of a person, period, to be the son of the Scarecrow. Dr. Drane got lucky with Haedyn. Haedyn should be worried about me. He should focus on his school life, finding a girl, having the normal life that we both should have. It is too late for me, but not for him. He will never leave though. Not until it kills him.
He pulls the sheet over us, even though I'm good just clinging to him. I listen to the steady beating of his heart. You're a lot like me... Joker's voice taunts me, echoing in my head. I am nothing like him. I will be damned if I ever become such a monster. A man who is willing to kill so many innocent people simply for giggles deserves to be called worse. Honestly, I'm not sure if I believe in God, yet still I find myself praying that he lets Batman kill the Joker. Rid the earth of such a beast. I know Batman says he can't do it becase that will mean he has fallen to the Joker's level. He would just return him to Arkham like a good little superhero. Me? I was born on that level. I'm ready to kill him, if only Batsy would let me get away with it. Turn those bat-ears the other way.
The Joker isn't related to me, no matter what science says. He will pay for everything he has put me through. His time will come, the time where he dies along with his chaos, left alone to dance with the devil. For now, I can't do anything about it. All I want to do, in the moment, is stay here in Haedyn's arms, away from that pasty man, even if it is only for one night. I snuggle up to Haedyn, letting sleep wash over me once more, no longer being tormented by the horrid images I endured earlier in the night.