This is the first in a series of one shots about people that House encounters and that have a "connection" to him. You'll see why if you're a fan. Even if you're not, they're light and enjoyable. A cyber hug to the first one who guesses the connection!
HOUSE'S PATIENCE #1
The Flight of the Clinic Patient
House picked up the next chart and headed for exam room 3. He walked in with his head in the chart and said, "Hello, Ian, I'm Doctor House."
"Good afternoon, Doctor."
House looked up at the sound of the British accent. The man sitting there was tall and slim and dressed in golf togs. He looked at if he had just come off the course as a matter of fact, and still had on his golf shoes. He was holding an ice pack to his head, but he was smiling. He was clean-shaven, with short-cropped brown hair.
"And what's the problem today? Oh, let me guess, you super-glued that ice pack to your head."
Ian chuckled. "Very humorous, Doctor. Actually, I don't believe there's anything wrong, but unfortunately my companions thought otherwise and insisted that I be examined."
"Any reason in particular?"
"Well, as you may have guessed, I was, in the course of a golfing event, blasted with a golf ball. It was apparently hit from a distance and with great force. I'm afraid it knocked me down."
"Did you black out?"
"I was disoriented for a bit. I'm not sure if I was rendered unconscious, but…"
"Okay, let's take a look." House approached him and began examining the bump on his head.
Ian winced a bit as House touched it. "I am sure that it is an inconsequential injury. I will not be done in by a golf ball."
"Stranger things have happened. Why do you think you're immune?"
"Because of the total irony of it. To be killed by a golf ball, after all that I have survived, is ludicrous."
House knew he shouldn't ask, but he was bored, so what the hell? "Okay, I'll bite, what have you survived? Cancer? Heart attack? Ex-wife?"
"No, fortunately, none of those. My personal trial was an airplane crash."
"Right." House said derisively. This guy was full of it.
"Absolutely true, Doctor. A few years ago, I was on an airplane that crashed in a sandstorm in the middle of the Gobi Desert, miles away from anything. There were several of us and there was not enough food or water for us to survive for more than a few days. We all knew that we would probably never be found and would die a horrible death."
"But you were found, it was a miracle, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, Yeah."
"No, we weren't found."
House looked at him again. Okay, the guy was delusional. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're not in the desert. This is a hospital in New Jersey. Most people would prefer the desert, but…"
Ian chuckled again. "No, no, Doctor, I know that I'm no longer in the desert. What I meant was that we weren't rescued by anyone. We made our own way out of the desert."
"So you walked hundreds of miles in the heat with no food or water. Yeah, that happened."
"No, we didn't walk out of there. We flew."
House looked at him again. "I thought you said your plane crashed?"
"It did."
"Then how…?" He was a little interested now.
"We built an airplane out of the undamaged parts of the old one."
House narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, sure you did."
'I know it hard to believe, but it is absolutely true. One of the passengers told us that he was an airplane designer and that we had the necessary parts to build a new plane. We worked night and day. We lost some of our people and were attacked by renegades. And just as we were nearing completion, we discovered something unbelievable: Elliott, the passenger who was our designer, had never built a full size airplane. He designed model airplanes."
House stood back on his heels. "I would've murdered him."
Ian laughed. "I almost did. I actually picked up a gun and pointed it at him. I was quite prepared to pull the trigger. I had never been so angry in my life."
House was into the story now. "But I assume you didn't kill him."
"No, I was persuaded not to. And as it turned out, Elliott was able to design an airplane that could fly. We completed the building of it and our pilot was able to take off. We flew out of the desert."
"Cool." House was amazed by Ian's story. "But that doesn't make you invincible. You will die someday."
"I am perfectly aware of that. But it won't be a golf ball. That would be too ludicrous."
"Life is sometimes like that."
"Too true, doctor, too true. Then let's say I hope that I am not finished off by a small round ball. And as I am not finished just yet, I don't believe I shall be breathing my final breath in the foreseeable future."
"Not ready to die, huh?" Despite Ian's optimism, House found himself liking the guy.
"Definitely not. There is quite a lot I wish to accomplish before my final reward."
"Like what? Bang Angelina Jolie? Sail around the world? Bang Angelina while sailing around the world?"
Ian laughed. "While those options are certainly appealing, my goals are considerably more modest. I am determined to play golf in every golf course that I am able to locate."
House looked at him. "Golf? That's your dream?"
"Do you play, Doctor?"
"Used to."
Ian eyed the cane in House's hand. "Ah, yes, I see."
"Okay, golf's fun, but you survived death to play golf?"
"No, of course not. But when I was in the desert, I actually practiced golf there. All the time, I thought, I wish I could get out of here and play golf somewhere else, anywhere else. So once I returned home, I decided that was what I wished to do. And so I have."
"Right. Let's see Angelina Jolie or golf. Well, I can't say I'd make the same choice, but whatever. Anyway, I think you'll be okay. Here's some instructions for tonight to be sure you don't have a concussion. If you have any of these symptoms, come back to the hospital. Otherwise you should be okay."
"Thank you, Doctor. I'm sure that I will be just fine. But I do appreciate your care and your patience in listening to my story."
House looked at him. "Most people don't consider me patient."
"I surmise that most people don't know you very well. I can understand that. Sometimes, it's much simpler to remain aloof."
House smiled. This guy was smarter than he looked. House handed him the paper and picked up his cane. As he was heading out the door, he heard Ian speak again.
"Doctor, you certainly don't believe that I only golf during my travels?"
"What?"
"While I enjoy golfing, Doctor, there are other benefits to traveling around the world. Essentially, a woman in every port – or course – as the case may be." His blue eyes twinkled as he said this.
House smiled again and left the exam room. The guy was strange, but cool too. And a damned good-looking guy too. He put the file on the counter and left the clinic.