So... This is a thing. After episode 17 of RvB Season 14, I figured "I should write a fanfic showing what I think would happen after the events of the episode."
If Tucker isn't so hot with pick up lines, A. I'm not great with pick up lines. And B. His pick up lines aren't that great to begin with. Though, they do make me laugh.
And before you ask, no this will not involve FemChurch x Tucker. It'd just be weird for both me and poor Church over here.
Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue! Red vs Blue is owned by Rooster Teeth! If I did own it, then we'd have an episode showing exactly what this fanfic would show.
"Uh... Let me think about this for a second..." Epsilon, or Church as we will address the A.I. fragment for this fanfic, thought on something. Recently, he had entered this iteration, hoping that he hadn't misremembered anything.
Then again, he has pretty shitty luck.
Instead of remembering the Reds as how they really were, he misremembered them. As girls. It was weird, but he could get used to it. They were more capable than their male counterparts.
Well, except for Grif who still took naps. Other than Donut, they acted like their male counterparts, though he also did misremember Sarge having a southern accent.
He could get used to this iteration. Weeelll, except for the fact that Tex, his girlfriend. Or ex-girlfriend, I'm still a bit confused on that part, was now a British guy.
This made it easy for Church to decide. "Yeah, I'm cool with it, but I'm out." Wanting to not be in this really weird iteration anymore, Church glowed blue and therefore went on to the next iteration. Hopefully, this one wouldn't have female versions of anyone.
Tucker's voice was the first thing he heard. And he could tolerate that. "Hey, Church? Chuuuuuuurch! Church?" This brought Church to his senses as he entered the iteration, looking at Tucker. "Huh? What?"
Even though he had his helmet on, Church could tell that he looked at him the same way he looked at Sister. Which really isn't a good thing.
Come to think of it, why the hell was he looking at him that way?
"I was saying, how about you and me go for a ride in this tank? I can show you the cannon." Tucker said slyly. Alright, first Tucker looked at him the same way he looks at Sister, and now he was using his pick up lines on him? What the hell was wrong with him?!
"Tucker, what the fuck is wrong with...?!" That couldn't be right. He didn't have a woman's voice. Alright, what did he get wrong this time? "What the fuck is wrong with...?"
Church looked down as he saw that his chest piece was bigger than before and the cod piece felt somewhat empty. His eyes widened as he now figured out what he got wrong. He had misremembered his own gender as female. He only had one response to this.
"Oh, come on!" This caused Tucker to look at him, or rather, her weird.
"Uhh Church? Why are you so surprised at this? I mean, I know you're oblivious to shit, but this is new. What, did you suddenly turn into the rookie who can't even remember to feed her pet rock?"
Church looked up at Tucker, confused underneath her helmet
"What? No I didn- Wait, rookie? Her?" And as if on cue, Caboose came out. But it wasn't the Caboose we all know for as being a guy. No, it was Caboose but it was obvious that he was a female now. "Did someone call me? Tucker, did you need me? Did I do something wrong? Is Rocky dead?! Oh no, not Rocky! He was so young! So innocent!"
Well, at least Caboose stayed the same. Even if he was a girl now.
Tucker sighed, annoyed at Caboose already. "No, your pet rock isn't dead! I swear, I think you're the only girl on this team who doesn't have a blonde moment all the time, Church." The teal armored soldier looked at Church, who was silent. He snapped his fingers in front of her. "Church!" This snapped her out of it.
"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, I, uh, gotta go check on something." The now female leader of Blue Team headed to the base. Tucker yelled out to her, "Hey Church! You still want me to show you the cannon?! Every girl I've been with loves to see the cannon!" This followed immediately with a response from her, as she yelled back, "Up yours asshole!"
There was a minute of silence before Caboose spoke up. "Can I see the-?"
"No, I'd rather not have my first kid to have the same IQ level as you." And with that, Tucker went off to do something, leaving Caboose alone with the tank.
Aaand that's about it for the first chapter. Seriously, this is going to be one hell of a ride.