I am no stranger to fanfic, but I have never written a Bones story. I love Cam and Arastoo together. I am working on a romantic piece, just getting through a long term of writers block. I wrote this after I found out the writers of Bones broke them up and I heard this song on the radio and it just clicked for me. Anyways, please review and Enjoy!

The lyrics from "i hate u, i love u" by gnash and Olivia O'Brien are in italics.

Just wanna feel your kiss

Against lips

I hate you I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to, but I can't put nobody else above you

She wondered if he would come back. If he even still lived in DC. Would he come back for her? Would she say yes?

She couldn't admit it to anyone else. She could barely say it to herself. But she loved him. She was still hopelessly in love with him. The thought of him still bought a smile to her face.

She was heartbroken. She had never been this heartbroken… not since she walked out on Michelle all those years ago. Cam had been dumped before but nothing had felt this painful.

The pain of always feeling like your missing something. She lost her best friend, her lover and her safety. Everything she had known after 3 years of being together was gone. He took all of that with him. He sincerely broke her heart. The biggest fear of being intimate with Arastoo was the fact of losing him. She had never been so vulnerable and it made her uncomfortable.

But as much as she wanted to say she had the strength to tell him no if he wanted her back.

She loved him. She was in love with him. She is in love with him.

Those emotions do not go away quickly.

And when it towards the love of your life? They will never leave.

Could she live the rest of her life always being in love with the one that got away?

I hate you I love you

I hate that I want you

Do you miss me like I miss you?

Fucked around and got attached to you

Cam had always been so independent. She prided herself so much and her inability to need to dependent on another human being, especially a man. She had worked so hard to maintain that stamina around him but in months he pushed backed around her well-protected heart.

He made everything better. He made everything more fun. He made everything perfect.

She got so comfortable with him. So use to the idea that he was going to be with her forever, that she would never have to say goodbye.

Wedding bells were just alarms

Caution tape around my heart

How was it that in the span of a week, she went from thinking she was going to become his fiancée to quickly becoming his ex?

Everything moved so fast. He didn't fight for her. He just assumed she wouldn't put him above her job…. He had reason to believe so. In the beginning of their relationship she was so guarded and cautious around him because she was his boss that she almost lost him.

But he knew her. Better then anyone and he knew she would need time to process something as big as marriage. Arastoo was the first man in 20 years that she saw marriage as a possibility. After Andrew, the last person Cam truly trust with her heart, ended their engagement due to his numerous acts of infidelity, she needed more time to feel like this engagement would actually make it to the alter.

He knew that about her. Why did he choose to ignore that?

Cam would have said yes. She loves him… loved him? She would have said yes. It is so clear now that Arastoo is the love of her life.

Did he still have the ring? Did he return it… or did someone else have it? That thought made her sick.

When love and trust are gone

I guess this is moving on

Everyone I do right does me wrong

So every lonely night, I sing this song

Another sleepless night, another night to contemplate, another night to miss him more, another night to feel empty.