The demon on my shoulder says; you will pay for this.
Did you think that you could escape all the consequences?
Cindy watched Lindsay carefully for her reaction. The woman seemed to still be processing the information. "Linz.."
"Right now, I think you need to leave me alone." She choked out. "You had your time to think, now I need mine." She whispered, the tears leaving her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. "Please. Just leave me alone. You don't have to leave. Just leave me alone." She said, slowly backing down the hall. Cindy took a step towards her but the strangled noise from Lindsay's throat made her stop. "Cindy. Please. I am begging you. I don't want to be in the same room with you right now." As she disappeared into the bedroom, Cindy made her way out onto the porch. She sat down on the steps and called Claire.
"I told her. I told her everything." She said, starting to cry. "Claire, I broke her heart and I won't be able to fix it."
"Calm down. Are you still at her place?"
"I'm sitting on the front porch." Cindy said, sniffing.
"Stay there. I will be there in ten minutes." She said. Cindy disconnected and wrapped her arms around her knees. She wanted to stop crying. She had told herself she had done enough crying. All she wanted right now was to wrap her arms around Lindsay and somehow let her know that things will work out; that they will be okay. She wanted to make everything better. She just wanted it to be normal. She looked up as Claire rushed up the sidewalk, Jill at her side. "Where is Lindsay?"
"Inside. In the bedroom. She won't let me near her. God, Claire, I fucked up. Badly. I didn't just sleep with him. I got pregnant." She said, crying harder so the words were almost indecipherable. Claire wrapped her arms around Cindy as Jill went inside. "I wanna fix it." She said, looking at Claire. "I wanna fix it so bad."
"I know you do. But you can't fix anything this second. You need to calm down." She said, rocking back and forth while gently stroking Cindy's hair. Ever so slowly, the redheads shoulders stopped shaking and soon there was just the occasional sniffle.
"What is with rocking back and forth and being held and having your hair, for lack of a better term, petted that can miraculously calm even the most freaked out person down?" She whispered, holding tightly to Claire.
"I think it is just something calming." She looked up as Jill came back outside. "How is she?"
"I can't get her to unlock the bedroom door."
"Take over here." Claire said, almost passing Cindy off to Jill.
"How are you?" She whispered, holding the redhead close to her.
"I don't want to be a mom. There can only be one mom in the club, and that's Claire." Cindy whispered. "Like I am even ready to be a mom. I can barely take care of myself. How am I supposed to manage a baby?"
"You'll be fine. I am sure of it." Jill said. The front door opened and Claire stepped outside.
"She doesn't want anything to do with anyone right now." She said, sitting on the stoop on the opposite side of Cindy from Jill. "She did say that we are to not let you out of our sight though."
"Why? It isn't like she is worried about me. Maybe she just doesn't want me to get too far away so she can't shoot me anymore."
"She doesn't want to shoot you." Jill said.
"She has a lot of new information to process, and that is going to take her a while. You have to let her have that time."
"I shouldn't have even come back. Because then I could have gotten away with not telling her. By choosing to come home, there was no way I could have gotten around that is there?"
"Well, for a couple months you could have." Jill said. Cindy shot her a glare. "Sorry. Just ignore me." She said, looking at the ground.
"What do I do now? I am not going to sit on her porch for eternity. I can't go back to my apartment. I can already see how going to that place would really make her want to shoot me." She was quiet for a moment. "I didn't tell Arik I'm pregnant. I was on my way to the doctors office when I talked to him about backing off and getting help for his drinking. As much as I hate him, I think he has a right to know. I mean, it is his kid." She whispered. "Wanna distract her while I go see him?"
"I will not let you see him alone." Jill said. "Claire can stay here and I will go with you." She stood up. Claire nodded and silently went back into the house. "Come on." She whispered, taking Cindy's hand. The redhead took a deep breath and headed towards her car.
"Just so you know, he is trying to change. So, don't hold everything against him, okay?" She looked at Jill.
"Okay. I will stay quiet third party." She said, smiling at the woman. They were silent on the drive to the apartment. As they went up the stairs, Cindy looked pale. "You going to be okay?"
"Yeah." She said, nodded and throwing on an unconvincing smile. She knocked gently on the door and Arik let her and the blonde in.
"So does this go against that backing off rule?" He asked, clearing off the couch so the two women could sit down.
"No. I need to talk to you. Jill is only here because she doesn't think I should be alone with you. Sort of like a mediator. Anyways, how are you?" She said, gently taking his hands in hers.
"Good. I have gone to at least one AA meeting a day in the past week. It helps. It's weird not drinking at all." He said, smiling at her. "You look good. I mean, compared to when you looked like hell last week." He laughed a little. "What do you need to talk to me about?"
She cast a glance at Jill. "Can you leave us for a minute Jill? Just like, go into the other room for a moment?" She asked. After gently placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, she got up and went into the kitchen. "I'm pregnant. It's why I looked like hell last week. When I met with you, I was on my way to the doctor's." She watched as Arik leaned back in the chair and let out a breath.
"Is it possible to feel worse about taking advantage of you than I already did?" He said. "Does your girlfriend know?"
"I don't think I can safely call her my girlfriend anymore. I had to tell her I had slept with you, as drunk as I was it was willingly, and then tell her I was pregnant all in a five minute span. She doesn't want anything to do with me right now. I am hoping she comes around by tonight so I don't have to bug Jill or Claire to let me stay with either of them. Because it would not help things if I stayed here, even if it was on the couch. But I figured that you had a right to know that I was pregnant. You know, at least I know this. If it's a boy, he is gonna look like you, meaning he is gonna have the ladies throwing themselves at him when he gets older."
He smiled. "Let's hope he takes after you more than me." He whispered. Jill stood in the doorway and cleared her throat.
"Claire said Lindsay finally emerged from the bedroom. She wants to talk to you." She said, looking at Cindy. The redhead nodded and Arik held out his hand to her as she stood up.
"I'll call you." Cindy said. "Maybe if you are up to it, you can come to one of my doctor appointments with me? Arik, I want you to be better so bad. Because I want the baby to know its dad. If you can promise me right now that you will keep with AA and try to do your best to behave, I will believe you. But if you mess up one more time..that's it. I have given you so many chances. This is your last one."
He wrapped his arms around her. "I promise I will try my damndest to change. If not for you, then for the baby. Don't give up on me Cin. I couldn't take that." He whispered. She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and followed Jill out of the apartment. When they were in the car again, Jill looked at her.
"You have changed." She stated.
"Well, the part I didn't quite get around to telling Lindsay yet was that I am seeing a shrink. All those mood swings were bugging me, and it turns out I am a manic-depressive."
"That explains the complete 180's you pull." She said, smiling.
"Yeah. So I am on medication for it. And it's working. Now I just need to convince Lindsay that things are going to be okay. I hate how badly I have screwed up, you know?"
"We all make mistakes. Trust me, I know. I have made a few. What you need to do is let Lindsay absorb things in her own time. She doesn't love you any less, she is just..I don't know the right word for it."
"Angry?"
"Among other things, yes. Not to sound too lecture-like, but you did break her trust. Badly. But she can forgive you for it at some point. It's just how she is. I don't want to see you taking advantage of that either. She is my best friend, and I don't want to see her hurt. Understood?"
"A bit late for that, in case you didn't notice." Cindy retorted. "But understood. I never planned things out this way, you know. I just wanted to be happy. So much for that dream." She turned off the car and looked at the house. "Is it bad that I am scared to go in there?"
"Suck it up. Because you are going in alone. According to Claire, she wants just you." Jill said, wrapping her arms around Cindy. "Good luck." She whispered. She walked off to join Claire on the porch as Cindy slowly made her way into the house. She could hear her heart pounding. Lindsay was sitting on the couch, staring intently at the opposite wall.
"Claire said you wanted to talk to me?" She asked, still standing. She had a feeling she wasn't going to be there much longer, so she didn't see the point in getting comfortable. Lindsay looked up at her.
"You hurt me. Badly. I trusted you. I trusted you to stay away from him, and you didn't. Because you had to have a fucking mood swing and get drunk, you did nothing but sink to his level. And now I have to sit here and feel like a jackass for being so mean to you when you are pregnant. But I honestly have no choice, because I think this is the right thing to do. I don't want to say this, but I have to. Cindy, I think you need to leave. To go somewhere else and stay because right now I cannot stand the sight of you. And believe me, it is breaking my heart to tell you that. Because I love you so damn much but now you are just pissing me off and I can't take it anymore." Lindsay said, standing up and walking towards the redhead. She wiped some of the tears from her eyes. "I am so sorry. Who knows, maybe I will come to my senses and come beg for you to come home, but I don't know." She gave the woman a light kiss on the lips, tasting the salt from both of their tears. "Goodbye." She whispered.