"I think i'm afraid to be happy because whenever I get happy, something bad always happens"

Virgil woke with a jolt. Nightmares once again had plagued the silent walls of the apartment. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and slowly stood up, making his way to the bathroom. He silently shut the door, and stared at himself in the mirror. His reflection looked paler than usual. With a small feeling of sadness, he went back to his room.

He rarely showed his face to the others, as he had no need to. He paid his share of rent, and occasionally came out for food. Other than that, he stayed to himself. He had only had a few conversations with the other three people in the apartment over the years he had lived there. He liked the one named Patton, but he had too much compassion. Virgil couldn't be friends with him, no matter how badly he wanted to, as Patton's empathy would become unbearable. Logan seemed interesting, and more level headed than the others. But if he were to become friends with Logan, he would soon notice little things. If Virgil ever got worse, which he knew he would, Logan would notice. Last was Roman, whom Virgil had never liked. He was very loud, and narcissistic, which made Virgil at unease. He would prefer not to be near that one.

Virgil listened from inside his room as he heard the others stirr. They came out one by one, and he could hear distant conversations in the kitchen. He longed to be there with them. Not to participate, but to listen. He wanted to hear Roman's self praise. He wanted to hear Patton's dad jokes. He wanted to hear Logan's tangents about random topics. He wanted to be there, even if only for a moment.

His hopes and dreams got the better of him, and he stood in front of his bedroom door, wanting nothing more than to just turn the handle, step into the hallway, and walk down the stairs to join them. Virgil blinked a few times. Get a grip. He compromised with himself as he slowly turned the handle and stepped into the hallway. Maintaining the little courage he had, he slowly crept down the hall. At the top of the stairs, he sat down and watched through the bars of the railing.

The others stood in or around the kitchen, all talking and happy. Roman was reciting something dramatically, most likely an acting piece for an upcoming audition. From what Virgil had picked up over the years, he was in theatre, and did many performances. He seemed like he would be good at it, too. His voice was loud, and he thrived in the attention of others. Virgil had once tried to go to one of his performances, working hard to figure out the date, time, and location of it. But when he got there, things went downhill fast. The lights were too bright, the sounds too loud, and so many people around him. He held down his panic attack, wanting so badly to watch the show. He scraped together the money, and had managed his way through the crowd to get a seat, reasonably close to the front, too! But… midway through the show, Roman noticed him. And then at the intermission… God, Virgil hated thinking about it…

"You came to throw me off, didn't you?" Roman yelled at Virgil, who's eyes widened in fear.

"W-what? N-no! I just wanted to-"

"Save it." Roman snapped with anger in his unusually low tone, "You aren't welcome here, Anxiety. Don't come back. You only wanted to see me fail, didn't you?"

Virgil's heart pounded. He needed to get out of there fast.

"You can't say anything because it's true." Virgil felt tears sting at his eyes, "So get out of here. I need to get back to my show."

Roman had stormed off, leaving Virgil to cry silently, before leaving. The sorrow never fully escaping his eyes…

Virgil shook his head, he did not wish to reminisce about that now. He only wanted to watch the others being happy. Without him, of course.

He watched Logan cringe at one of Patton's jokes. Logan was always much more serious and level headed than the others, never letting an emotionally charged moment cause him to make a rash decision. Virgil admired that, but there was always a level of fear to that as well. Virgil was disturbed by how Logan could just be so unfazed by the world around him. How he could stay so disciplined in the face of anything. The time Patton had sprained his ankle, Roman was panicking as he raced around trying to think of a solution. Virgil had came downstairs for water right before Patton stumbled through the door, falling down with a yelp. Virgil remembered how his own heart seemed to stop and drop dead at the sight…

Patton came home later than he usually did. He worked at an animal shelter, and sometimes was a little late if he lost track of time playing with the puppies. But this was different. It had been almost an hour past when he should have been home. Roman was in the living room, trying to distract himself with a movie, and Logan sat beside him with a book. He was obviously not reading it, however, and instead his eyes kept circling back to the door before he could stop them.

Virgil was the most worried, pacing in his room for the longest time. His anxieties over the situation were spiking, and his heart was working overtime to get blood to his panicked body. He had at one point came down to get water. Yes, he had worked up thirst from worrying, but it was mostly an excuse to come down and see if anybody ahd news on Patton. The others ignored him, not unusual for when he came down, but this time it was too quiet, even with the TV playing obnoxiously.

Then, Patton came through the door. Virgil turned around, water bottle in hand to see him shut the door behind him, but soon after collapse to the floor with a cry of pain. He flipped around to hold his ankle in pain, and it was swollen.

Virgil's heart stopped as he fell. His head filled with panic and thoughts. He fell like that sometimes, and it… Patton couldn't be like Virgil. He just couldn't.

Patton whirled around to clutch his ankle in pain, and Virgil's heart resumed. He had just hurt himself, he was okay. Virgil only then noticed the way the empty water bottle fell from his fingers as he had watched the scene begin. So lifeless and empty, not unlike himself. It had fallen…

Not unlike himself…

Roman had kept up from the sofa and helped Patton to the sofa, where he sat down, gritting his teeth in pain. Roman began pacing, saying ideas out loud before shooting them down himself. Logan had stepped out of the room, not missing a beat as he grabbed the first aid kit. He bandaged the ankle in a makeshift brace, his face in a state of unchanging concentration. He looked like a robot, the way he didn't even flinch as Patton once jerked away in pain. He merely retrieved the ankle, and told Patton not to do that, as he might cause more damage.

Once finished, he instructed Roman to help Patton to the door and down the stairs, and that he would help as well if needed. Roman helped Patton to his feet and carried him on his back to and out the door. Logan followed behind them.

Then Logan glanced at Virgil, not even turning his head. Virgil just stared back, unmoving. He couldn't think of what to say. He just stayed silent.

"We will be back soon." Logan had said before shutting the door behind him. Virgil just stayed unmoving for a minute as it replayed in his head. That was all Logan could even say. Virgil couldn't blame him, however. What was he supposed to say to the man that lived in the house, but never seemed to be in their company?

Virgil felt his sadness at that, and he looked over to Patton. He was cracking dad jokes and making pancakes for the others. Virgil had always liked Patton's jokes, and had noticed how the happy man seemed to want to include him. He was the only one that occasionally came to Virgil's door, asking if he wanted to join them for a meal, or movie night, or some other activity. Virgil always wanted to say yes, but his mouth spoke before he could even tell it otherwise. He always said no.

Patton remained persistent in his efforts, however, never giving up on Virgil. It made Virgil both happy and upset that someone cared about him. On one hand, it was so beautiful to see someone who didn't care about Virgil's rough exterior and need for solidarity. He just liked Virgil the way he was, despite barely even knowing him. But on the other, it just meant that he would be upset when everything ended. So Virgil had to keep his distance, for Patton's sake.

Yes, he reminded himself…

For Patton's sake…

A cheerful knock on the door. An even more cheerful voice shining through the wood.

"Anxiety!" Patton's voice had a smile in it, "It's Family Fun Night! Me and the others are going to watch some movies! Want to join us?"

Virgil held back his feelings, "No thanks, Patton." His voice was steady, which impressed him.

"Are you sure?" Patton now sounded mildly disappointed, "You don't even have to stay the whole time! Just a few minutes!"

Virgil fought back tears, "No Patton."

A long pause… "Okay. Goodnight, Anxiety…"

Once the footsteps leaving his door were inaudible, Virgil let tears stream down his face. He wished he had said yes.

Virgil watched the others, and smiled softly as they all talked. He soon felt his world freeze as Logan made eye contact with him. It was short, and surprised, but Logan quickly composed himself, washing the surprised look away and turning back to the others. Patton had noticed this, however, and looked up to where Logan had looked to see Virgil sitting at the top of the stairs.

"Oh, good morning Anxiety!" Patton beamed, "Want to have breakfast with us? There's some extra pancakes here with your name on them!"

Virgil fought internally. He wanted to, but didn't want to at the same time. Why did that have to be the case every time Patton asked him to join them.

Virgil found himself doing something he had never done before, and it surprised not only himself.

"S-sure…" He said, standing up and walking down the stairs slowly, hands in his black hoodie pockets.

Patton's face lit up like a christmas tree, "Wait, really?! Yay!" He cried, bouncing up and down as he put some pancakes on a plate for Virgil. The others took their plates and sat down at the table, followed by Patton and then Virgil.

It was a tense silence, and Virgil knew they were staring at him. This was out of the ordinary for him, and nobody knew how to react. Eventually, Roman broke the silence.

"So, what were you doing at the top of the stairs, Anxiety?" he asked, and Logan joined in.

"Indeed. If you wanted breakfast, you could have just came down. Patton is happy to make you breakfast, as he is to us." Logan's voice was calm, but held a hint of something else. Concern, perhaps? More likely curiosity.

Virgil felt cornered, but knew he had to answer. "I was just curious, I guess…"

Roman cocked an eyebrow, "Curious about what, Hot Topic?"

"J-just what you guys were t-talking about… Sorry…" Virgil felt his voice betraying him with little stutters, and he hated it. He wished he had just stayed in his room.

"Oh!" Patton smiled warmly, "You know you can always come down and join us, Anx."

Virgil looked up at Patton to see the man smiling. He felt a warm feeling inside himself grow as well. He was unfamiliar with the feeling, yet longed for it to stay forever.

The breakfast was filled with conversations between the other three, and Virgil even occasionally offered a little comment, or input. He felt valued here, and wondered why he had never done this before.

Soon, they began to disperse. Roman was first, saying he had to get to an audition for a roll in an upcoming play. Then was Patton, needing to get to the animal shelter. Lastly was Logan, going to his room to grade papers from the students in his class. This left Virgil alone in the living room of the apartment, and he cleaned off his plate and went to the door of the apartment and left silently.

He walked down the sidewalk and to the public bus that would soon come by. When it came, he got on, nodding a greeting to the bus driver as he walked to the back of the bus. He sat down in an empty seat, and felt the bus take off downtown, and thought silently to himself as the calming sounds of the cars passing by took over his mind.

Virgil saw the other three people like they were the sun. Not in that he needed them, but in that he never saw them directly. When they were too weak, he didn't think about them. When they were too strong, he hid within his walls not wishing to encounter them. But when they were leaving, in those moments captured by the beauty of the sunset, Virgil saw them for the beauty they were. Virgil in those moments watched them leave, feeling his heart pang. And in those moments, Virgil wondered why he had never seen them before.

Virgil looked out the window to the all too familiar surroundings. He pressed the button to request the next stop.

The Hospital.