SUNSHINE, LOLLIPOPS, AND RAINBOWS
RATING: T (for the imaginative minds out there…)
PAIRINGS: IanxWanda, WandaxBacon, KylexSunny
LENGTH: One-shot
GENRES: Humor & Romance
SUMMARY: Wanda catches Ian humming Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows. After a bit of persuasion, Ian sings it for her. Unfortunately for him, Wanda brings the song to breakfast … and Kyle, a long-time hater of the song, hears it.
WARNINGS: By the end of this fic, Ian's life is in grave danger. Very, very grave danger.
CLAIMER OF DIS-LIKE PROPORTIONS: Stephenie Meyer is incredibly mean and won't sell me the rights to The Host. Geez, I wonder why … oh, and as for the song, I don't own that either. Leslie Gore does.
DEDICATION: For my friend Lilah, who loves annoying people with loudly and off-tune-ly singing Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows as much as I do. And for Eddsworld, without which I never would have heard of the song. (If you've never heard of Eddsworld, you are seriously missing something in your life. Google Eddsworld. Right now. Well, maybe not right right now … read the story first!)
"Wanda."
"Mmm?" The angelic young girl wants to open her eyes, but she isn't quite awake yet. Plus, the mattress is just so soft … and she is just so warm … and she was having such a nice dream …
Something presses against her lips, causing a fire not unlike that of molten lava to spread through her body. She gasps, a dainty little noise, and her eyelids pop open, revealing huge, gray eyes.
The man lying on her right grins, his sapphire eyes twinkling happily. It's been a year, but he still can't believe she's his.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty," he greets her.
She groans in annoyance and buries her head in the pillow in a desperate attempt to regain some sleep.
"Yes, you do have to wake up," her partner answers her unspoken question. "Breakfast starts in five minutes, and, thanks to last week's raid, there's bacon."
"Bacon?"
Between two blinks of an eye, the girl is standing, her feet stinging from the rocky floor of the cave. Like a wolf sniffing out its prey, her eyes are narrowed in concentration and her absurdly tiny, freckle-covered nose is eagerly examining the air for the aroma of her favorite food.
"You know, you can't smell it from here," he remarks, watching her in amusement.
Ignoring him, she darts off into the corridor in search of breakfast – but is swiftly pulled back.
They make a strange pair in the center of the cave – the tall, strong-built, black-haired man and the miniature, doll-like, curly-blond-haired girl. She finds herself spun around and up until her nose is touching his … and their lips are touching again.
"You can't go outside like that," he says between kisses, "you're only wearing a bra and underwear. And when was the last time you brushed your hair? Two weeks ago? Three?"
A cat-like snarl completely opposite to her outward appearance resonates out through her lips. It roughly translates to, "Don't scold me while we're making out. And for the record, it was only ten days."
A much-too-short minute later, he breaks apart and begins rummaging through a multicolored piles of clothes. She sighs and does the same.
Suddenly, she notices something. A strange, musical sort of sound she's never heard before that seems to be coming from … him.
"Ian, what are you doing?" she inquires.
"Humming."
"Oh, so that's what it's called. What are you humming?" A turquoise cardigan catches her eye – oh wait, there's a stain on it, never mind.
"Why do you want to know?" he retorts, strangely defensive.
She shrugs. "Just curious."
"Oh. Well, it's this really stupid old song I've got stuck in my head."
"Stuck in your head? How can a song be stuck in your head?" She bangs on her head a little to prove her point.
"It's an expression," he explains, examining a pair of jeans and determining them clean enough to put on. "It just means that you've got a song, or a piece of a song, constantly replaying in your head, even though you aren't actually listening to it. It's quite exasperating."
"Oh."
"What, has it never happened to you?"
"I don't know any songs, really," she admits, pulling on a blouse.
"Okay, then, I'll teach you one," he decides, now wearing an almost-clean white t-shirt.
"Teach me the one you were humming."
"Why?"
"Well … I liked the tune. It sounded … happy."
"It's a really, really stupid song."
"So?"
"Okay, fine."
He closes his eyes, braces himself, and commences singing in a voice that isn't particularly musical, but not all that terrible either.
"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together,
Brighter than a lucky penny,
When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.
My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
That's how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!
Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
When you're in love to stay.
Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together,
Brighter than a lucky penny,
When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.
My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
That's how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!
Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
'Cause you're in love, you're in love,
And love is here to stay!"
Opening his eyes one at a time, he finds her clapping and smiling as if she's just been handed the moon.
"What's stupid about that song?" she demands.
"It's from a lame 1920s movie. And it's about sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. Not to mention that it contains the word 'dear.'"
"I think it's a really sweet, joyful song," she decides.
He rolls his eyes. "If you say so."
To demonstrate how much she loves what is now her favorite song, she sings in a voice like pealing bells, "Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together ..."
She's still singing when the two of them stride out of their cave towards the kitchen.
"Kyle? What's wrong?"
A petit, dark-haired girl with a worried expression on her pixie-like features leans closer to the gigantic man she's sitting next to. A plate of bacon and cornbread sits, halfway-devoured, on the stone table between them.
"I can … hear something," the man mutters, black brows furrowed in confusion above bright blue eyes very similar to his brothers'.
"Huh?" the girl's expression morphs into one of confusion, but soon she can hear it, too. A light, pretty, slightly-off-key singing voice.
"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together ..."
The singer, otherwise known as the angelic girl, practically flies into the gigantic kitchen-cave and (still singing) makes straight for the counter near the back of the cave, where she grabs a plate of bacon meant for someone twice her size. Finding a free seat next to the dark-haired girl, she perches on it and pops a piece of greasy, porky goodness into her mouth between repetitions of her song.
"What are you singing, Wanda?" asks the other girl.
"Well, I'm not sure what it's called … but isn't it a great song?"
"Yeah, it's so cute and sweet," the dark-haired girl agrees.
"Want me to teach it to you?"
"Sure!"
A minute later, both girls are belting out the lyrics at the top of their lungs. All the while, to the amusement of everyone else eating breakfast at the time, the large man's face grows stormier and stormier.
Finally, he won't take it any more. "Wanda, where did you learn that song?"
"—the rain cloud disappears, dear – What? Kyle, did you say something?"
"Where. Did. You. Learn. That. Song," he repeats, eyes glittering with the warning of impending doom.
The angelic girl, knowing not to cross him when he's angry, quickly says, "Ian was humming it, so I asked him what it was, and he taught it to me."
Adopting a look of (fake) sadness, the large man tells her, "I'm sorry, Wanda, but Ian is going to be dead very, very soon."
"What? But how could you? He didn't do anything wrong! Besides, he's your bro—"
Her protests fall on deaf ears as he bellows, "IAN!" and charges out of the kitchen.
The object of his brother's search dives into a cramped space too small to rightfully be called a space, displacing a few boxes of dried fruit. He breathes a sigh of relief between panting.
Safe.
He's absentmindedly wondering how Wanda ever managed to fit in this space, without seriously hurting herself - his legs are still sticking out of the hole, his torso is twisted around unnaturally, and rocks scrape his arms – when he hears a shout from a few hundred feet down the corridor.
"Iiiiiiaaaann, I know you're innnnnn there …"
Shit.
"Please don't hurt me."
"As if there's any chance of that, little brother."
So, what did you think? Funny? Stupid? Awesome? Out of character?
Whatever you thought, reviews are loved.
Less than three!