All Prince Riario has to do to win the kingdom is slay the evil dragon, claim the hoard and rescue the grateful princess. What could possibly go wrong?
PAIRING: Leo/Riario
WARNINGS: Crack, fluff, humor, fairy tale, sort of
"Father said," Riario stated carefully and slowly in the voice generally used by someone trying to make themselves believe the unbelievable, "if I defeated the dragon, I would be entitled to the throne, I could take the dragon's hoard and marry the captive princess I saved." His eyes roved over the scene in front of him like they couldn't bear to settle on any one part for more than an instant. Finally he looked back at the princess and sighed. "It seems like he was mistaken."
"Greatly mistaken," Leo agreed, scratching at the dirty, torn remnants of the gown he wore.
Riario chose to focus on the ridiculousness of that. If the thin, pink gown had been on a woman, she would have been indecently dressed, even for her own boudoir, although Riario doubted that any woman in his father's court would have ever worn such a ripped and filthy garment.
The man before him was barely even wearing it—his broad shoulders stretched the sleeves to impossible widths, the bodice looked like it had been purposely cut wide open to allow for his muscled chest which was thoroughly on view, and the skirt contained strategically cut slits to allow for a better range of motion and also the occasional glimpse of strong thighs. Riario had to tear his eyes away from the one sight in the entire lair worth ogling.
"You are not a princess," Riario said firmly.
"I am not," Leo agreed again.
"And you do not wish to be rescued."
"No, I do not need or wish to be rescued. I am quite content here."
"Here?" Riario's gesture encompassed the entire crumbling castle that was perched perilously on a high cliff in the middle of nowhere. They stood inside the courtyard which was surrounded by a stone wall that had seen better centuries.
Leo crossed his arms over his chest and deprived Riario of part of the only worthwhile view. "Why are you even here? This place is safely out of the range of the King's Guard."
"Normally yes," Riario said quietly. "But this is still part of the kingdom, and the king, my father, has received reports that a marauding dragon had been laying waste to the countryside and menacing villages."
"That's bullshit. There's nothing around here for miles," Leo scoffed. "Except for the convent, and we stay as far from them as possible. So why are you really here?"
"I told you—" Riario nearly bit his tongue when his horse jerked away from him. He had dismounted and was holding the reins, but the charger was attempting to rear and whickering nervously, its eyes beginning to roll. He turned to the horse right before the whoosh of displaced air became audible and dust began to blow around the courtyard. Leo was standing still, apparently used to the display, but Riario had to concentrate on keeping his horse from breaking free.
When he turned around, the dragon had landed and Riario nearly swallowed his tongue. It was a real, live dragon, the sort his old nanny had told bedtime stories about. It was a huge winged green lizard with a long tail and claws that clicked on the stones of the courtyard as it approached the princ—Leo. Its back was nearly level with Leo's chest, and its long neck curled up to the head that showed large, dark eyes and a fringe of some sort under the chin that almost resembled a beard.
"Well, whoever the fuck he is, it seems like he really is alone," the dragon was telling Leo. "I couldn't sense any of the King's Guard lurking about." The dragon glanced over at Riario who was trying desperately not to grab his sword in self-defense or fall over from the shock that the dragon was talking.
The dragon huffed and looked back at Leo. "So whoever he is, he was fucking stupid enough to come alone."
"I am Prince Riario, heir of King Sixtus and captain-general of his royal guard," Riario said, pride winning out over the terror.
"You're still a fucking idiot to come into a dragon's lair all by yourself. Can I eat him now?" the dragon complained to Leo.
"No, you may not eat him," Leo put a restraining hand on the dragon's back. "Prince Riario, this is Zoroaster, also known as the fierce dragon Zo."
"I thought we had agreed on Zo the ferocious," the dragon, Zo, said sotto voce to Leo.
"What? That was close enough," Leo stage-whispered back.
Riario looked from one to the other. He cleared his throat. "I … don't think I understand what is going on here."
Leo sighed and stroked the scaled back in a familiar gesture. "Why don't we go inside and I'll try to explain."
Although Zo swore and stalked off—as much as a large lizard could be said to stalk—Leo led Riario and his horse to an old stable that still retained part of its roof. He waited until Riario had calmed the horse and secured it, removing his saddle and packs. Then at Leo's urging, he also removed most of his heavy armor, all but the breastplate. He also kept his sword and daggers as he followed Leo through the wide entrance of the castle into what would have once been its great hall.
It was in as poor condition as the rest, but it looked like someone had at least tried to pile things into stacks and heaps of organization. Riario noticed several large tables scattered throughout with candles burning on them, and two artist's easels grabbed his attention. Before he could veer off toward them, Leo grasped his elbow and guided him toward the dais where Zo was curled up.
"Is it safe to come out now?" a voice called from behind a large screen. Riario jumped and unsheathed his sword, unconsciously turning and putting out his arm to keep Leo safely behind him. Leo shoved past him instead.
"Put that away," Leo pointed at the sword then moved toward to the screen. "Yes, Nico, I think it's safe for you to come out. It seems like the invasion was a false alarm. It's merely one knight."
A bright blond head peeked around the screen, and the boy scrambled over a pile of books and scrolls to reach them.
"So who's this then?" the boy asked, looking Riario up and down. Riario wasn't used to being spoken to so casually, and he was tempted to keep his sword out a little longer until Leo glared at him and he finally sheathed it.
"I am Prince Riario, heir to the kingdom and captain-general of the—"
"Does he say anything else or is that all he knows?" Zo complained from the other end of the room.
Leo led them both toward the dragon and gestured Riario to a chair waiting there. He dropped into a facing one, picked up a battered notebook and pencil, and began to draw. Riario had trained himself not to outwardly show the signs of tension and anxiety, but it was difficult to remain still and silent when all three stared at him intently.
After a long moment of Leo looking repeatedly from him to the notebook and back, Zo reached out a foot and poked Leo's leg. "The sooner you explain to this ridiculous human, the sooner he can get on his horse and get the hell out." He blinked slowly, eyelids flickering, and his tongue poked out. "Or if he goes batshit crazy, the sooner I can roast him and eat him. Either way, I'm satisfied."
"How many times have we talked about this, Zo? You cannot go around indiscriminately killing humans," Leo said, distracted by whatever he was drawing.
"I don't want to kill all humans," Zo argued. "Just the really annoying, trespassing ones."
"Nico!" Leo yelled, making Riario realize just how on-edge he was because he jumped when Leo's voice raised.
"I'm right here," the boy reminded him in a much quieter tone.
"Oh. Right. Can you get me and the prince something to drink? And you'd better see if there's any of that sheep left over for Zo. He's getting cranky again."
"I'm not cranky," Zo insisted. "I'm just getting tired of humans thinking they can come sniffing around my castle, trying to take my things."
"We haven't seen one in ages. I thought the booby traps would be enough to keep them out. Obviously, I'll have to start re-designing them."
Riario cleared his throat and shook his head at the cup Nico offered him. "If it isn't too much trouble," he began.
"You are the trouble," Zo muttered.
Riario tried again. "I would like to know what is going on. If I can just slay this dragon and be on my way—"
Zo got to his feet and lunged, but Leo was quicker and jumped between him and Riario. "Calm down, Zo. I'm sure once we explain to the prince, we can convince him to leave us in peace. Nico, put down the tray."
Riario risked a glance behind him where Nico stood behind his chair, heavy silver serving tray over Riario's head. He hadn't even heard the boy getting ready to attack.
Leo took his seat once Nico had curled up beside Zo on the dais, in a pose that looked comfortable and familiar.
"First of all," Leo began with a stern look at Riario, "everything you think you know about dragons is wrong."
Riairo opened his mouth and Leo said again, "Wrong." Riario shut his mouth.
"They don't actually eat people," Leo said, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, baring an incredible amount of chest and legs. Riario tried not to stare.
"As you can see, Zo is just as intelligent as we humans and is gifted with many advantages that actually place him far above us. He can fly." Leo's eyes glittered brightly, and Riario tried not to gaze too deeply into them either.
Zo huffed out an amused sound, accompanied by a little puff of smoke. It made Nico cough and fan the air.
"He does, however, possess the ability to breathe fire, so we do have to take precautions against accidental singeing and smoke damage," Leo continued.
"It looks as though he also hoards?" Riario gestured politely to the mess scattered around the great room.
"We don't all hoard gold," Zo said defensively.
"Apparently dragons can hoard all kinds of fascinating things. And Zo has intriguing and eclectic tastes. He brings me back the most incredible things he finds, and I always have plenty of equipment for my experiments. Plus I never have to struggle to strike a flame when I need one. This is the greatest workshop I can imagine!"
And now Riario looked around the hall realizing this was Leo's hoard and disorder. Leo was looking at him expectantly. Riario was used to dealing with royalty and visiting dignitaries and all kinds of potentially dangerous diplomatic envoys. He meant to say something conciliatory and polite. What came out was, "The dragon can bring you painting supplies but he cannot supply you with trousers?"
Nico laughed and Zo made a rasping noise that Riario soon recognized was a chuckle. Leo tilted his head and took the question in stride. "I haven't actually thought about it."
"How long have you been here?" Riario asked.
Leo shrugged. "I'm not really sure. It's been a while. A year? Almost two? I think it was spring. Or was it fall?"
"And you've had no desire to escape and go back to your home?"
"This is my home. I don't have to escape." Leo's jaw clenched. "I do not wish to go back to my father's village where I am nothing but a bastard son with outlandish ideas about art and science. They hated me. Here I have the freedom to study and think through my thoughts and build whatever I want without fear of meeting a pitchfork and torch-wielding mob."
"You tell him, Leo," Zo muttered lowly.
"What about the boy?" Riario insisted. "Shouldn't he allowed to go home?"
"Actually, I was here first," Nico spoke up when Zo rumbled. "You see, my grandparents were big believers in the ancient tales, and when our village suffered a terrible drought, they decided to re-institute the old virgin sacrifices."
Riario opened his mouth, and Nico sighed. "I know, but all my sisters were already married, so they decided I would have to do. They tied me to a huge rock on the mountain where they thought the dragons dwelt. Lucky for me, Zo happened to be flying past and found me. He saved me and brought me home. And I've been living here ever since." Nico patted the strong shoulder he was leaning against, and if dragons could smirk, Riario was sure this one was. It seemed to involve showing quite a few large, sharp teeth in Riario's direction.
"Did it cure the drought?" Riario asked in curiosity.
Nico shrugged. "Who knows? Zo burned down half the huts in the village soon after, so all of them moved off the mountain. No one was hurt, he waited until they were laboring in the fields," Nico rushed to reassure Riario.
"They got what was coming to them," Zo said succinctly. "No one should ever treat their young like that."
Riario's thoughts went unbidden to the treatment his father had meted out to him all his life. "That still doesn't explain the princess. Or lack thereof."
"I got lost in the woods after I had to flee my village in a hurry," Leo said. He didn't go on until Nico cleared his throat loudly. "Zo found me wandering about and offered to bring me along to help care for the boy he'd rescued."
"I was old enough to take care of myself," Nico started what was clearly a well-worn argument.
"And yet, Zo thought you needed looking after." Leo hesitated and glanced at Zo. "He thought I was a woman."
"I can't tell you humans apart! You all look alike!" Zo took up his part of the argument. "Except for the knights. The shiny armor really sets them apart. Plus it gives them a particular crispiness if you flame the armor just right."
"Zo!" Nico yelped, and Zo gave Riario his toothy smirk again.
"Why were you dressed as a woman in the first place?" Riario had to know. The dress was too distracting; that was certainly why he couldn't take his eyes off the man and all his skin that was on display.
Leo sighed and looked at his friends, but they were clearly enjoying the interrogation and didn't step in to help. So he said, "I was engaging in a romantic encounter in the mayor's barn with his buxom daughter and her equally attractive twin brother when the mayor came to find out why they were hiding the night before her wedding to a tailor from the next town. When the barn door opened, we grabbed whatever clothing was near to hand, and unfortunately, I found her dress. It was all I had to cover myself when I slid out of the hayloft and ran from the hounds he turned loose. That's how I got turned around in the woods after I ran down the stream to get the dogs off my trail. Zo found me, soaking, cold and hungry the next day." Leo sighed, oblivious to Riario gaping at his tale. "Still, though, twins."
Riario cleared his throat and reached for the cup Nico had left on the table beside him, his need for a drink stronger than his fear of poison. He nearly choked, coughed and wiped his mouth. "That's quite a good wine," he said in surprise.
"Of course," Leo said, taking a sip of his own.
"How do you get such good wine up here? How do you get any food supplies actually?"
"We have a neat system in place. Zo can carry someone as light as Nico for some distance, so he drops him off within walking distance of a larger village or town. Nico can shop and barter, get what we need, then go back to whatever clearing Zo is hiding in. We space it out so no one gets suspicious," Leo explained. "Zo is more than capable of hunting and taking care of himself, but we've encouraged him to spread out his pillaging as well."
"What a sad state of the world that a fucking dragon has to pilfer only one cow or sheep from each herd or flock so the poor humans don't get too suspicious," Zo said sarcastically. "Humans are a bloody pox on the land."
"But where did you come from?"
The room went silent except for the crackle of a log on the fire. Riario realized he'd said something wrong.
"We don't ask about that," Leo said.
"It doesn't matter as long as he's here now," Nico said loyally.
Riario strove to change the uncomfortable subject. "It sounds as though you are able to procure most of the things you need," except for appropriate clothing, he wanted to add.
"Well, Vanessa sneaks us things from the convent occasionally. When she can get out of there to visit us," Nico said.
Riario's mind reeled with the realization that a number of people knew about this dragon hidden away in plain sight, and yet, no one had come forward to complain about it until the recent vague murmurings and rumors that had reached his father.
"And you pass the time with your 'experiments'?"
"This really is the perfect place to indulge in some of my studies," Leo said. "You see, I've long been interested in the mechanics of flight, and being able to personally examine a living, breathing flying machine is amazing. I've totally reinvented and reimagined all my designs. Zo invigorated my research and put me ahead twenty years. I flew off a parapet last month, and one of my gliders worked better than I'd ever dreamed."
"Right up until it didn't and you were crashing," Zo argued. "If I hadn't flown under and caught you—"
"I'm telling you, my prototype for the device to slow the rate of descent would have worked—"
"And if it hadn't, you would have been a pancake at the bottom of the ravine," Zo's voice raised to meet Leo's.
"It would have been successful," Leo yelled.
"Zo forbid him from jumping off the castle ever again," Nico whispered to Riario while the fight raged on.
Riario couldn't respond. He'd searched out the castle to slay the dragon. His father had given him the quest to prove himself. He had told Riario that he could claim the untold riches the dragon had surely hoarded, and of course, he had imagined a grateful and gracious princess welcoming him with open arms and returning with him in glory for his reward.
This adventure was not going anything like he'd planned. And he wasn't sure what to do.
Instead of a slavering, ravening dragon, he'd discovered an intelligent being that showed unusual care and compassion for the humans it had adopted. Instead of piles of gold and jewels, he'd found heaps of mechanical junk and one bright boy. Instead of a beautiful princess, he'd found a Leo.
His mind whirled. He had failed again. He would forever be a disappointment to his father.
The fight stopped abruptly when Zo stood up and sniffed loudly. "There it is again," he said.
"What?" Nico asked from his new seat on the floor.
"That smell. I caught a whiff earlier." Zo sniffed again, head moving back and forth until he was closest Riario. "It's you. You smell all wrong."
"Excuse me?" Riario's voice dropped lower and angrier.
"You smell all poncy. Too clean," Zo said.
"Judging by your obviously deplorable housekeeping, I can see that rudimentary personal hygiene is beyond you," Riario answered.
Zo shook his head and Riario went motionless as the large nostrils breathed in right at his head. "It's not like that. I mean you don't smell like blood," he said bluntly.
"What are you saying?" Leo had shoved Zo's shoulder over so he could crowd his chair closer to Riario's. "He's not human?"
"No, he's definitely one of you," Zo confirmed. "He doesn't smell like anyone else's blood. He's never taken another's life. I've always smelled it on you, Leo, and Nico, of course, but never on a knight before."
Riario stiffened as though Zo had impugned his honor.
"Is that true?" Leo asked. "But you're the captain-general of the King's Guard."
"That is largely a ceremonial post when we are not actively at war," Riario bit out. "This is my first personal trial handed down to me by my father. He commanded that I prove myself before I am officially named the legitimate heir."
Zo and Leo exchanged a look. "Prince Riario, why did the king send you here? To this very mountain?" Leo asked.
"I told you, he had received reports that there was a dragon harassing the villages. I was to investigate and kill the beast, even though I was not firmly convinced they existed."
"Who did he hear the rumors from? You've seen for yourself that the mountain is bare of villages."
"I had assumed there were more here," Riario admitted. "Perhaps someone from the convent found out about you?"
"I think you might be on to something there," Leo said. "Vanessa said that the convent is where the king and nobles send women they have had illicit relations with. It is the best-kept cloister in the kingdom. The easiest route used to be over this side of the mountain. But I have placed traps to discourage travel and Zo has helped with some well-placed avalanches and rock slides. The king probably thought if you killed the dragon, he could send in the guard and open up the roads again, making it easier for them to visit."
Then Leo said casually, "And if you didn't kill the dragon, he might be out one heir but I'm sure he's got others."
"You think this might have been a trap?" It almost choked Riario to say the words even though the idea that his father would have plotted something terrible was completely in character for the man.
"Would you like to stay here with us?" Leo asked gently as the possibilities unrolled in front of Riario's horrified stare. "I'm sure we can find room for you. We have quite a lot of fun together, but there are some things that neither Zo or Nico can offer me." Leo leaned forward and put a hand on Riario's knee.
Riario tried to bring his mind around to thinking of talents he could share with the man. "I can play the lute," Riario offered even as a large claw carefully removed Leo's hand from his knee to separate them.
"I love music," Nico spoke up while Leo glared at Zo and the offending claw hovering between him and Riario.
"You can't begrudge me a companion," Leo told the dragon.
"Why would you pick this one as a mate?" Zo retorted.
Leo shrugged. "He's very good-looking. Seems reasonably intelligent. And I think there's definite potential in there, once he gets over the shock of this entire situation."
"I can also make sure the King's Guard never come back on this side of the mountain," Riario heard himself offering. Even as he said the words, a plan began to take form in his mind. "I can go back and tell them that the rumors of a dragon are just that...lies and rumors from superstitious peasants. And then I can inform them that natural disasters have ruined the trails on this side of the mountain so they'll have to go around to reach the convent. That should get them to leave you alone."
"But you would have to leave," Leo said.
"Just for a bit," Riario leaned back in the chair when Leo suddenly loomed over him, ignoring the smoke that wafted over them.
"Will you come back?" Leo whispered. Riario nodded slowly, lost in Leo's eyes and the feel of Leo's hand on his face. Then he closed his eyes and melted into the kiss that Leo gave him until...
"You're on fire," he murmured against Leo's lips.
"You're hot too," Leo nipped his bottom lip.
"No, I mean, your dress is on fire." Riario was pushing him back even as he said it. An errant flame from Zo's jealous huff had ignited the back of the skirt. Riario pushed him to the floor, grabbed a nearby curtain and smothered the fire quickly.
"Are you all right? Are you burned?" he said, helping Leo sit back up.
"No, I'm fine," Leo patted himself down then swore. "But this dress is toast."
Riario courteously pulled his eyes away from the lack of fabric covering Leo's rear end. "I have spare trousers in my pack. I will leave them here with you, as my pledge that I will return."
"Wow, for a prince you are very unromantic," Leo grinned. Until Riario swept him closer and dipped him back in a long, lingering kiss.
And so they all lived happily ever after.
The end