Destined?
Des: What am I supposed to say? Look I AM sorry
Sheelagh: Look you don't have to say anything; I know you're sorry
Des lowers his head
Des is in Sheelagh's office, his day had been long and he is confused, he has just watched a young man kill himself, a drug addict who was stealing pensions to get fixes, but that was his job, Sheelagh was his life . . . Sheelagh had just taken a big step in her life, she was still unsure but she knew she loved Des Taviner, no matter what he had done
Sheelagh: Look at me . . . DES look at me
Des slowly looks at Sheelagh
Des: Have you made your mind up? ... Whether or not you're going to turn me in, Shee if you do
Sheelagh quickly says: I've finished with Patrick, I've told him
Des: Oh right err whats next then?
Sheelagh: We live together?
Des: That's a big step
Sheelagh: I thought it was what WE wanted
Des: I do, it's just sudden, I've never felt like this before, I'm scared, the last thing I want to do is hurt you
Sheelagh: I'm scared too, of what others will think but I know I love you and it's more than enough to get us through anything
Des: Well you want to stay round mine tonight?
Sheelagh: I am not sure; I mean I really need to talk to my children
Des stands up and takes Sheelagh in his arms
Des: I understand this is going to be harder for you than for me but I am here for you one hundred percent
Des then steps back from Sheelagh and places his hands on her stomach
Des: And for our baby
Sheelagh looks into Des's eyes and smiles then she sighs
Des: Well I better be going, sed I'd go down to the pub
Sheelagh: Shall I call you?
Des: You can try if you want but I'll see you tomorrow at work yeah?
Sheelagh was confused, Des acted like him and Sheelagh were an item then he acted like he was single, Des was about to walk out the door when he turned round, walked towards Sheelagh and gave her a full on kiss then he walked out without a care in the world, Sheelagh sat down at her desk and started debating in her mind whether it was all worth it, in the end she came to the conclusion that even though she couldn't change who Des was, she wouldn't want to and anyway she couldn't go back now, she had no one to turn to, she doubted whether or not her children would understand. Sheelagh got up and left to go to her, well not to her home but her children's home
Sheelagh entered the house; she could hear the TV was on. Sheelagh breathed deeply and entered into the living room
Declan: You're a'right ma?
Sheelagh just gave Declan a smile
Fintan: Dads cooking
Patrick then came through and gave Sheelagh a cold look
Patrick: Not for Sheelagh though, it's just us lads from now on, isn't it?
Sheelagh whispered: Good to hear you break it to them gently
Fintan: What you on dad?
Sheelagh: Your dad and I are splitting up
Fintan: WHY? WHEN? HOW?
Patrick: Sheelagh is moving out a s a p; she told me today, it's totally her decision
Sheelagh hated the way Patrick was avoiding saying your mum
Declan: Can't you persuade her round dad?
Patrick: Why would I want to? The sluts been sleeping with someone else and is having his baby . . . I hope the brat dies
At this point Declan turns up the TV, trying to drown out his thoughts and Fintan stands up and walks over to Sheelagh
Fintan: Is this true?
Sheelagh: Yes
Fintan: I HATE YOU, YOU ARE NO LONGER MY MOTHER, YOU DISGUST ME
Fintan storms out
Patrick sneers: Couldn't of predicted that could you?
Declan ignores them both
Patrick hands Sheelagh a plastic carrier bag
Patrick: I've packed you a few essentials, the rest I burned now please fuck off for good, if I ever hear from you again . . . it will be too soon
Patrick practically pushes Sheelagh out the front door
Sheelagh breaks down into tears, she was glad it was over but she loved her three children more than anything, Sheelagh had no where to go . . .
Her phone bleeped; 'message received'
'Hey Shee, thinkin of u. Hope ur ok. Im by ur side & always will b. u drive me crazy in a gud way. l.o.l. Des xXx'
Sheelagh smiled, Des didn't like to be soppy but she liked that he put lots of love and 3 kisses; she reckoned he was drunk already
'Drunk already?! It's terrible, got no where to go Patrick threw me out, burned all my stuff, where are you?'
Sheelagh got worried as Des hadn't text back after 10 minutes but then she thought he must be having a wicked time at the pub, suddenly a car pulled up beside her
Driver: Why don't you get in for a spin? ...Sexy
Sheelagh: You scared me to death Des Taviner!
Sheelagh got into the car
Des: I skipped pub and went home and thought of you
Sheelagh smiled, Des placed his hand on Sheelagh's leg, then looked at her and smiled
Des: I've got some chicken and stuff in
Sheelagh: You going to cook?
Des: NO! You are
Sheelagh: Am I? Des I'm not your slave
Des: I never said you were, if you won't cook tonight I suppose we'll have to have a take-away
Sheelagh sighed in her head. Des then thought he was being a bit selfish
Des: I'm joking! I will cook
Sheelagh: And I'll help!
They then arrive at Des's flat, Des gets out and goes and opens Sheelagh's door
Sheelagh: Thank-you Mr. Taviner
Des: All part of the service
Des and Sheelagh enter Des's, no actually their flat. Sheelagh had been there a couple of times before, she thought she might feel weird but she didn't, Sheelagh felt relaxed.
Des: Whats with the carrier bag?
Sheelagh: It's my stuff from Patrick
Sheelagh plonks down her bag on Des's table then walks and lies on sofa and Des goes and stands behind the sofa and looks down and Sheelagh
Des: Oh well, its gives ya an excuse to go shopping
Sheelagh: I can't afford it Des, I've got to fight for all my money, I mean . . .is this an issue for you?
Des: Wha'cha mean?
Sheelagh: I need your help; it will only be for a couple of months
Des bends over more
Des: Err darling, let me explain, we are together; partners, everything that is mine is yours. I need you to know that
Sheelagh bends up to Des and strokes his face then leans in and kisses him
Sheelagh: Does that prove it?
Des walks round the sofa and kneels next to the sofa and carries on with the kiss
Des: I think that just about proves it but maybe we can just make sure
Sheelagh says in a shocked/jokingly tone: Des Taviner!!
Des stroked Sheelagh's hair gently: But I do need to cook dinner, so you can think about what you can do to me later while I cook dinner
Sheelagh: You cook? I'd like to see that
Des: Well you can taste it when I've cooked it!
Sheelagh smiled
Des: Can I get you a drink or anything?
Sheelagh: I'm fine DES!! But I'll tell you what?
Des: What?
Sheelagh: If I want a drink I'll get one!
Des laughs and walks off
(Ed note: You think everything great? Just you wait)
Des happily is cooking in the kitchen when the phone starts ringing
Des: Shee can you get that?
Sheelagh: Hello Taviner residence
Caller slams down phone
Sheelagh: That's weird
Des: What?
Sheelagh: They hung up!
Des: You obviously scared 'em!
Sheelagh: Oi cheeky
Des: But yeah what you gonna do bout it?
Sheelagh: I'll show you what I'll do
Sheelagh goes towards the kitchen with a grin on her face
Des says grinning: Alright back off
Sheelagh's phone rings. She goes to her bag and picks up her mobile
Sheelagh: Hmm it says anonymous
Des: Well answer it then muppet
Sheelagh answers the phone, she recognises the worried voice on the other end of the phone
Voice: Please help I don't know what to do?
Sheelagh: Declan what's the matter?
Declan sobs: It's dad he's...took an overdose, I can't wake him up
Sheelagh: Dec call an ambulance I'll be right round, try and make him throw up
Des looked to a worried Sheelagh
Sheelagh said strictly: Take me home immediately
Des: Err why? This is your home
Sheelagh: Des I haven't got time for this, just take me there now
Des knew better than to question or argue with Sheelagh so he took her there immediately
Sheelagh: I'll call or someit later
Des called as Sheelagh was walking away: Can't I stay? What is going on?
Des decides to just leave Sheelagh to it although he feels slightly jealous and a bit pushed out. He doesn't go home immediately, he stops at the offy to get some booze then he goes home, he starts drinking with all kinds of things going through his head . . .fears. Fears that Sheelagh will leave him, that she is having sex with Patrick at this present time, that Patrick will hurt Sheelagh. Des starts worrying so he washes it away with alcohol. Eventually Des falls asleep
MEANWHILE
Sheelagh is in the living room trying to console her crying son, Declan. Finton is upstairs and will not come down
Sheelagh: Declan it will be okay, look the paramedics are here helping him
Declan: You don't love me anymore else you wouldn't of left and Dad wouldn't of done that
Sheelagh: Me and your dad will always love you no matter what happens. We just don't love each other in a way where we can live with each other anymore. It's not your fault
Declan: I feel like it is
Sheelagh hears Finton coming down the stairs
Sheelagh: Finton
Finton: Save it slut, this is all your fault, if dad dies I'm gonna kill you and that bastard of yours, I probably will if dad doesn't die, your not welcome here go home...Sheelagh
Declan doesn't know who to stand by so he keeps quiet. Sheelagh is hurt by Fintons' comments
Finton: Dad doesn't need you, he has us, we won't hurt him
Sheelagh: I am here for my son's who I love
Sheelagh steps forward and strokes Finton's face
Sheelagh: I love you Finton Murphy and always will
Finton looks as if he is about to cry, he goes and hugs his mum
BUT THEN
Finton snaps, he slaps his mum right round the face and looks ready to really attack, for the first time in her life Sheelagh is scared of one of her children
Declan: Don't Finton
Finton looks at his brother
Finton: Why not?
Suddenly Siobhan enters with an older lady
Sheelagh: Siobhan? Melda?
Melda is Sheelagh's sister
Melda: I've come to look after the boys while Siobhan goes to the hospitals
Sheelagh: How did you know?
Finton: I called them cause I don't want you here
Siobhan whispers: Go mum, I'll call you, can we meet tomorrow for coffee to talk?
Sheelagh: Okay
Sheelagh walks out but she turns and looks at her children and a tear falls from her eyes, she tries calling Des but there is no answer so she gets a cab home. By the time she gets to Des's it is the middle of the night, she doesn't have a key to get in. Sheelagh rings the doorbell, she waits then she knocks, still no answer. Des is dead to the world (not dead but ya know asleep and drunk). After about 20 mins Sheelagh slumps down and lies on the floor. Sheelagh starts crying . . .eventually after an hour she cries herself to sleep
------------------------------------------------
Des woke up with a thumping head, he looked at the clock, it read 5 am, he scanned the apartment for any signs of Sheelagh, he saw none, he felt upset. Des went into his bedroom he really didn't want to get in the bed without Sheelagh so he went back to the sofa, he couldn't sleep so after half an hour he reached for his mobile. Des sent Sheelagh a text:
'Hope eveythin is ok. Here if u need me.'
He didn't know what to write so he just sent that
---------------------------------------------------
Sheelagh's phone bleeped, she stirred. Sheelagh read the message & sent one back
'Look outside your door muppet'
---------------------------------------------------
Des stared at his phone, it vibrated. Des was confused. He walked over to the door and slowly opened it and peered round it
Sheelagh: DES!
Des: Aww babes come here
Des puts out his hand, Sheelagh takes it, he pulls her up then keeps pulling until she is right next to him. Then Des puts his arms round her
Des then steps back then strokes his face: Come on babes, you look so tired and worn out. And and you have been crying!
See it's little things like that, that Des notices but Patrick never
Des grabs Sheelagh's hand and leads her into the apartment
Des: Sheelagh go to bed, I'm gonna ring Gina tell that neither of us will be in today and I'll make you a cup of tea. You need something to eat, what do you want?
Sheelagh: Des I need to explain
Des put his finger on Sheelagh's lip
Des: No you don't, you've been at P... err Declan's and Finton's all night so so it must of been big
Sheelagh: Actually I've been out there all night
Sheelagh then notices a pile of empty cans and an empty bottle of whisky
Sheelagh: Des were you drinking last night?
Des: Yeah but only a bit
Sheelagh: It doesn't look like a bit to me. Des I needed you last night but you were not there
Des: I WAS ONLY NOT THERE BECAUSE YOU PUSHED ME OUT
Sheelagh: Des?! I didn't push you out. I HAVE KIDS YOU KNOW. They will ALWAYS come before you
Des: Yeah you were with your kids...and Patrick. YOU COULDN'T BEAR TO BE AWAY FROM HIM JUST FOR ONE NIGHT. NO DES TAVINER ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU IS HE.
Sheelagh's emotions are all over the place
Sheelagh: Your right, I was with Patrick but he was FUCKING un-conscious. Declan was in bits, Finton just as bad if not worse. YOU SEE THIS RED MARK HERE, THIS IS WHAT FINTON GAVE ME FOR SLEEPING WITH YOU. Finton is so screwed up, Declan is confused but no my toy boy doesn't want to know about them. Des, you are only pissed off is because I wasn't here to give you a bj. You know full well I wouldn't sleep with Patrick.
Des couldn't get a word in edge ways
Sheelagh continues: You even had the cheek to ask me. Shows you don't know me doesn't it? I could of understood if you'd gone to bed. But no the first sign of any trouble or doubt that comes into your mind you push it away with alcohol. I have no idea what I was thinking when I thought me and my baby had a future with you. No you are a single man aren't you Des? HAD COULD I OF THOUGHT YOU WOULD OF PUT ME FIRST? SELFISH AREN'T I? BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I THOUGHT I HAD SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT ME AND PUT ME FIRST ON HIS LIST
Des shouted: WELL FUCKING WELL LEAVE THEN
Sheelagh: I THINK I SHOULD, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS. YOUR SCUM DES SCUM. . .YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME
Sheelagh slams out the door. Des searches for any alcohol he can find. . .
Sheelagh is in tears, she doesn't know where to go, where to hide, who to turn to. All she knows is that she wants to run from Des. Sheelagh ends up on Gina's doorstop. Sheelagh rings the doorbell, she can't stop shaking
"Who can that be at this time in the morning?" Gina moaned as she opened the door, "Sheelagh! . . . I said it would end in tears."
"Please don't," Sheelagh sobbed
"Come on in!" Gina said, "Don't worry it's like a hospital of healing hearts in here,"
"Hi Sheelagh, can I get you a drink?"
"Hey Sam, err no I am ok thanks,"
"Do you want to talk about it?" Gina asked cautiously
"No, I'll be fine,"
"Well at least bloody drink something!!" Gina replied in her normal voice
"Tea then,"
"No we mean alcohol!" Sam replied
Sheelagh suddenly let slip, "I can't,"
In response to what she had said Sheelagh tightly closed her lips and put her hand over her mouth.
"Why not?" Sam enquired
"Well erm,"
"Sheelagh tell me it's not true or if it is true surely it's not Des's," Gina shook her head disappointedly.
Sheelagh nervously grinned, "It's Des's,"
"Oh my word!! You're going to have a baby, that is great news," Sam said excitedly
"Well at least one good thing could come out of this," Gina got up and walked out the room, Sam and Sheelagh glanced at each then Gina came back in the room, "Lets crack open the good bubbly!"
Everyone fell about laughing. Sheelagh felt a bit more relaxed and ignored her troubles
"Shouldn't you two be like getting ready for work?" Sheelagh asked
"Well I'm on compassionate leave since that ex of mine broke my heart by sleeping with my daughter! And to top it off I got evicted and I have no idea where my little girl is," Sheelagh could hear the bitterness in Sam's voice and put her arm round her
"Well shouldn't you be getting ready Sheelagh?" Gina bit back
"Well Des was going to ring in for us both but some how an argument got in the way,"
"Take the day off, you look emotionally washed out, stay here and keep Sam company and with that I'm off and before you ask I haven't had that much to drink." Gina got up and went to get ready which took a total of 10 minutes. As Gina came flying through the kitchen she chucked a load of DVD's at Sam and Sheelagh
"Oi," they both replied
Gina just smiled falsely at them and walked out the door shouting, "Toddle Lu,"
Sam noticed Sheelagh's smile had returned to her face
"So muppet, what do you want to watch?"
Sheelagh grinned at Sam, "Muppet? I'm not a muppet! I don't mind," as Sheelagh finished the end of her sentence she yawned
Sam: That boring am I?
Shee: I didn't get much sleep last night
Sam: Come on spill your heart out to Agony Aunt Sammy
Sheelagh giggled but her smile turned into tears: Well Patrick took an overdose, my kids hate me, Des is close to an alcoholic, Des was so jealous and I got locked out sleeping on the floor
Sam gasped: Rough night then, Sheelagh I really don't know how you do it
Shee: Its just life, can't live without it so you have to live through it
Sam looked at Sheelagh in admiration, they were both sitting on the floor, Sam leant over and wiped a tear away and then placed her arm round her shoulder. Sheelagh felt consoled by this
Shee: Your turn now!
Sam: I've said already, broken heart from whom I thought was going to be the love of my life but he slept with Abigail and then I got evicted because of the things Abby does
Shee: You're so much stronger than I am
Sam: Shee...lagh I'm really not, I'm just Sam found it hard to say this, she'd never told anyone before putting on a face
Sheelagh looked up into Sam's eyes, she could see fear. Sheelagh removed Sam's arm and with it still in her hand stood up and gestured, by pulling softly on Sam's arm, to follow. Sam stood up and Sheelagh lead her to the sofa. Then they both sat down and just held each other. They both felt content and fell in to a peaceful sleep. Sam woke up before Sheelagh and just looked at her. After what was close to an hour but seemed more like a couple of minutes to Sam, Sheelagh stirred. They looked into each other's eyes, Sheelagh freed her hand and brushed Sam's hair out of her face with it, then gently stroked the side of her face. Sheelagh couldn't understand these feelings
Sam: You confused?
Sheelagh wasn't a bit surprised Sam knew her so well
Sheelagh: Kind of
Sam: It's ok
Sheelagh: Well I think so. But are you sure?
Sam: Well yeah, I can't help Sam's voice trailed off
Shee: What?
Sam: Liking you
Sheelagh sighed: Sam I can't, I wish I could but Des needs me
Sheelagh got up to leave
Sam: But who do you need?
Sheelagh looked at Sam with tears in her eyes with her hands placed on her stomach she said: The baby needs Des, no-one's asked me that before but I already know the answer - You
Sheelagh walked out, she had to
Sheelagh walked home
Once she got in Des ran into her arms
Des: I'm sorry
Sheelagh looked into Des's eyes and accepted it for his sake and the baby's
Shee: It's ok, I'm sorry too
Then Sheelagh walked back from his arms and said brightly: I'll make some breakfast
Sheelagh found that she was acting like Sam, she felt an ounce of sadness, missing her already, she felt stupid
Des: Actually I'm not really hungry
Sheelagh: What's the time?
Des: Half-nine
Then the phone started ringing
Des: Hello
Siobhan: Hi Des, is my mum there?
Des to Sheelagh: It's for you
Shee: Who is it?
Des said resentfully: One of you kids
He resisted to say dam kids
Shee: Hey
Siobhan: Hi mum, can we still meet up?
Shee: Of course!! Just say when and where
Siobhan: 2 hours, at the hospital
Sheelagh couldn't questioned the hospital out loud else Des would go into a rage so she just agreed and ended the conversation
Shee: Des I'm going out in 2 hours to meet my daughter
She could see a glint of some kind of uneasy feeling in Des's eyes but she ignored it
Shee: I'm going to have a bath and get ready
Des: Do you want a lift?
Shee tried not to get angry but she had a short fuse: Des for goodness sake, you are in no fit state to go out let alone drive
Sheelagh stormed into the bathroom and ran a bath. As she undressed, she thought of Sam and how she longed for it to be her undressing her but then her hands ran over her bump which made her think twice so he shook these feelings away. She got into the bath. As she did her mobile phone vibrated, she reached over, she knew who it would be from.
'Sorry for earlier. I don't know what to say. All I know is that I'm missing you,'
Sheelagh replied back, 'No need to be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong, I'll be back round to Gina's later if you'll still be there'
'Of course I will, not like I got anywhere else to go is it, still feel sorry, truly sorry, what you up to?'
Sheelagh debated about whether or not to reply but she couldn't keep herself from not, 'I'm in the bath...u?'
'Same, wish we were together,'
This time Sheelagh didn't reply, not because Sam had over crossed the line but because she was too cautious; of anyone getting hurt. So instead she lay in the bath, daydreaming, that couldn't do any harm. Next thing she knew it had been over an hour, she got out quickly and went naked into the bedroom to get dressed. As she was rushing putting on clothes Des entered
Des: Everything is ok between us now, isn't it?
Sheelagh stood still and looked at him and lied: Yeah totally
Des: I love you
Sheelagh silently sighed: You too
About 20 minutes later Sheelagh was ready to go
Shee: I don't know when I'll be back, I've got a few other things to do
Des felt rejected but didn't show it: Ok, I promise not to drink
Sheelagh smiled at him, then lightly kissed him on the lips, it made Des happy which made Sheelagh sort of happy. Then Des moved his hands to Sheelagh's stomach and just left his hands there for a moment
Des: Go, you'll be late
Shee: See-you later
---------------------------------------------
Sheelagh met Siobhan outside the hospital
Siobhan: Hi mum
Shee: Hey darling
Sheelagh gave her a hug
Siobhan: Lets go for a coffee
------------------------------------------
They sat down at a table in the hospital café
Sheelagh: Why the hospital?
Siobhan: I didn't want to leave dad
Shee: O
Siobhan: I wanted to talk to you about two things, one, I totally support you mum, I understand, but I'm not going to turn my back on my dad
Shee: Darling, I would never ask you too
Siobhan: I know but that's what the boys think, but they will come round eventually
Shee: What's the other thing?
Siobhan: Mum it's hard for me to tell you this
Shee: Go ahead
With that Siobhan upped and ran away
Sheelagh decided not to go after her so Sheelagh left
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh went into town then to Gina's house
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh knocked the door, she found it strange she wasn't nervous but she was smiling, she felt hugely at ease. It wasn't long till Sam opened the door and let Sheelagh in. As Sam closed the door, they fell into each other's arms
Shee: I know what I said earlier but I couldn't stay away
Sam: Because you need me, it's ok; I'm always going to be here
This brought tears to Sheelagh's eyes, she stepped back from Sam's arms, Sam got worried but Sheelagh gave her a settling smile then reached into a bag and produced some flowers
Shee: These are for you
Sam felt chocked: Thanks
They walked through to the living room
Shee: You know when you said you had no where else to go in the text well if I was still single then I would have you in my arms forever
This made Sam's heart ache
Shee: Shall I go?
Sam: No defiantly not, unless you want to
Shee: No I don't want me to but...
Sam: Des?
Shee: Err yea but I'm going to stay
Sam smiled: You must be starving, I am, let me make us some lunch
Sam went into the kitchen, after a few seconds of being alone Sheelagh followed
Sam: Got my own stalker now, have I?
Sheelagh sat on a stool and grinned at Sam, Sam smiled back then got on with making lunch, Sheelagh didn't take her eyes off Sam
Shee: Sam?
Sam: Shee?
Shee: You are really stunningly beautiful
Sam blushed and looked at Sheelagh
Sam stuttered: Thanks
Sheelagh then stood up and walked slowly over to Sam, step by step. The chemistry was bubbling, Sheelagh stroked Sam's arm then gently pressed her lips against Sam's just for a few seconds then put her head on Sam's shoulders
Shee: I just wish I could do more but
Sam stroked Sheelagh's face as she said: Shh
Shee: Even if we could be together, you would be too good for me anyway
Sam: No I wouldn't be, I think we deserve each other; I just want to be with you
Sheelagh changed the subject: Hurry up with this lunch then!
Sam: Patients woman
Sam playfully hit Sheelagh with a tea towel, they both grinned but they're hearts were aching so much
Sam: Go and put a movie on and I'll be in, in a minute
Sheelagh obliged but she called out bossy as she left the room
A few minutes later Sam came into the lounge and sat next to Sheelagh, then handed her a plate, which consisted of a sandwich, crisps and a bit of salad. When Shee wasn't expecting it Sam playfully hit Sheelagh on the arm
Shee: Hey what was that for
Sam: For calling me bossy
Shee teased: Your gonna have to kiss it better now
Sam obliged and gave Sheelagh a peck on the arm, Sheelagh's skin tingled as she did this, as Sam pulled away she looked into Sheelagh's eyes and leant in, Sam could tell Sheelagh was getting a bit 'worked up' so was Sam, so Sam edged away and they ate the rest of their lunch in silence while watching the film but in all honestly neither of them were concentrating on the movie. Sheelagh saw Sam had finished her lunch so she took the plates into the kitchen. As she sat down again, she snuggled into Sam and moved Sam's arm so it was around her
Shee: Is this ok?
Sam: Perfect babe
Shee: I'll have to try to not fall asleep again; I need to go home in a bit
Sam looked saddened
Shee: Not just now though
Sam: Still wish you didn't have to go
Shee: Maybe someday I won't have to
Sam said surprised: Really?
Shee: Actually no not maybe, hopefully, defiantly
Sam: Can I ask you an awkward question?
Sheelagh turned to look at Sam
Shee: You want to know if I weren't pregnant, would we be together right now?
Sam nodded
Sheelagh looked away and replied with a simple Yes. This brought tears to both of there eyes. Then they just held each other tightly
Sam: You'd better be going
Both of there smiles disappeared
Sam: Will I get to see you tomorrow?
Shee: I certainly hope so
Shee stood up: Don't get up
Sheelagh leaned over and gave Sam a gentle kiss on the head
Sam: Can I erm text?
Shee: Why would I say no?
Sam: Because your with Des and not me
Shee: I know it hurts you so bad, it hurts me too
Sheelagh walked out
---------------------------------------------
Sheelagh entered, she felt like she was going to throw up, the amount of alcohol fumes in the air was unbelievable
Sheelagh shouted: Des its only 4pm and your already boozing
Sheelagh looked around then she heard noises from the bedroom. She went in and to her horror there was Des sound asleep and no other than Debbie McAllister franticly getting dressed.
Sheelagh shouted: What the fuck you playing at?
Des stirred, he saw Sheelagh standing there and looked horrified
Debbie: Well I came to offer my support as you two had had an argument
Sheelagh stormed out, Des glared at Debbie then he stormed after Sheelagh
Des shouted after her: Sheelagh, Sheelagh
Just a she was going to cross the road, he shouted, I love you, this made Sheelagh turn around but as she did, a car hit her. Des screamed. Her body flung to the floor
Des straight away called for an ambulance, he ran to her body and wept. He didn't touch it though...too scared
-----------------------------------------
Des sat in the waiting room of Sunhill Accident and Emergency department. He didn't know what to do, he had called Reg but he wasn't in, he had also let Gina know. Now all he could do was play the waiting game...
-----------------------------------------
Sam was lying daydreaming about Sheelagh when the phone started ringing. This startled Sam. Sam gulped, it's as if she knew something bad had happen
"Hello,"
"Sam,"
"Gina?"
"Yes, don't interrupt, Sheelagh's in A&E, got run over by a car Sam gasped, I know you lov Gina couldn't finish this word err feel deeply for her so get your arse there now,"
Sam slammed down the phone grabbed her keys and drove to A&E as quickly as she possibly could
----------------------------------------
Sam saw Des and gulped, no matter how she felt about Des she had to ignore these feelings
"Des, how is she?"
"Sam? Erm well, his voice broke down the baby can't be saved they have to remove it, Shee is un-conscious and badly shaken up, thanks for coming,"
"Yeah anything for a work mate,"
Sam sat down and stayed silent, she couldn't break in front of Des, a million thought were going through her mind
After around 24 hours, which was very worrying for them both, they mainly just slept, ate and waited. Des yawns
Sam: Do you want to go home for a couple of hours?
Des: I can't do this
He stormed out
Sam didn't know what to do
About half an hour later a doctor appeared
"I'm Dr. Kangue, Sheelagh Murphy has woken up,"
Sam immediately said: CAN I SEE HER?
Dr.: Yes but she is very weak and her body is a bit shocking
Sam followed the Dr. who led her into a small room, all the machines scared Sam. Sheelagh couldn't breathe on her own so she was on a ventilator. Her body was limp, her face bruised, her eyes heavy. Sam felt like breaking down but she wouldn't, she told herself 'must be strong'. Sam walked over and held Sheelagh hand
Sam: I'm here now
In response Sheelagh just about managed to stroke Sam's hand, then Sheelagh closed her eyes. Sam let a tear drop from her eye. She lay her head down next to Sheelagh's head. About 2 and half hours late Gina popped her head round the door and summoned Sam to come outside
Sam: Tell me what happened
Gina: You won't like it
Sam: I need to know
Gina sighed: Sheelagh found Des in bed with Debbie
Sam: McAllister
Gina: Yes, then she ran out, she was crossing the road when Des distracted her and a car hit her
Sam was crying
Gina: They're going to have to operate when Sheelagh is stronger
Sam looked through the window at Sheelagh; she wanted to make it all better
Gina: You haven't heard the worst yet
Sam looked at Gina puzzled
Gina: Sit on that chair
Sam obliged
Gina: The person driving the car was . . . Abigail
Sam was shocked in one way but in another she wasn't. Abby's actions didn't surprise her but the fact she'd run over the person she cared about nearly as much as she loved Abby. She was so glad she was sitting down. Sam slumped in the chair
Sam: Does Des know?
Gina: No
Sam just wanted to cry and say, it's all my fault but there was only one person she could be that honest with - Sheelagh
Gina asked sympathetically: Are you ok?
Sam lied: Yeah fine, we just need to find Des
Gina: Reg is with him, should he tell him?
Sam really didn't know but she knew that it was Sheelagh and Des that were together so she nodded and walked back to Sheelagh's side. Gina went off to get coffee
--------------------------------------------
Des came storming in
Reg: Stop Des, calm down
He raged into the room
Sam jumped and looked up at Des, his eyes looked furious
He lunged towards Sam
Reg: Look you'll disturb Sheelagh
Des: Do you think I really care?
Reg ran towards Des to stop him but Des pushed him off with one arm
He grabbed Sam by her hair
Des raised his voice: Look at what you did to her, my baby died because of you
Des raised his leg and kicked Sam in the stomach
Security came rushing in and seized Des and took him outside. As Des was leaving he said, 'Watch your back, I'll get you.' Gina had come back. She arrested Des for assaulting and threatening a police officer
Sam was on the floor, clutching her stomach
Reg helped Sam up
Reg: You'd better get that checked out, Des has a mean kick
Sam: NO. I'm not leaving Sheelagh
Reg: It's not like she is going anywhere
Sam just ignored Reg. He felt uncomfortable so he left
Reg: I'd better make a statement
Sam didn't turn her head till a few seconds later; she was just in time to see him walking away. Sam was glad she was alone now, she couldn't hold it in any longer, she cried. Sheelagh awoke from her sleep, she felt slightly stronger. Sam hadn't noticed she'd woken up. Sheelagh managed to lift her arm up and put it round Sam. Sam didn't jump; she just looked up at Sheelagh, who had managed to put on a smile, so Sam did as well. Then Sam put her head back down next to Sheelagh's body, the closest she could get to Sheelagh. They both dozed.
Dr. Kangue came through and gently woke Sam up; Sam lifted her head up, her eyes heavy. The disturbed Sheelagh, Sheelagh took off the ventilator mask
Dr: Please keep it on, I'm really sorry but we are going to have to operate today
Sam looked at Sheelagh and saw the tears in her eyes; Sam grabbed Sheelagh's hand
Dr: You are stronger so it's better to do it sooner
Sheelagh struggled to ask: Can I hold my baby?
Dr nodded: But please understand, if you have a general anaesthetic there is a possibility that you may not wake up. We could do it without. This is recommended.
Sheelagh managed to nod
Sam looked at Sheelagh with fear in her eyes
Sheelagh then managed to find the strength to say: Can I have someone in the room with me?
Dr: Of course, someone be in later to prep you and get you ready
With that the Dr departed
Sheelagh turned to Sam
Sheelagh was nearly out of energy but she had to ask: Sam, would you come with me?
Sam leaned over to Sheelagh and placed the ventilator mask back on her
Sam: Of course, you need me and I'm going to be there, now just sleep, don't waste your energy
----------------------------------------------
Sheelagh laid there, wishing she wasn't in this operating room. If only she had stayed with Sam and not gone home. To late for ifs
Sam was holding onto Sheelagh's hand so tightly
Dr: Maybe you could try distracting her by talking to her
Sam swallowed: Maybe when you're well enough, you could go away on holiday with err Des, that would be nice, somewhere hot...
Sam kept on talking to Sheelagh for a while
Sam heard the doctors mumble
Shee: They're getting my baby out
Sheelagh started weep silently
Sam looked over, all she could see was blood, then she caught a glimpse of a body but they whisked it away. Sheelagh started to cry and Sam cried with her
One of the doctors walked over
Dr: Mrs Murphy, your baby is a little girl, you'll be able to hold her later, we will get you sown up.
Sheelagh just cried and cried. Sam felt helpless
------------------------------------------
Once they were back in Sheelagh's room; Sheelagh fell asleep. An hour later a nurse came in with baby, Sam looked at this tiny baby. And then woke Sheelagh up. Sam helped Sheelagh up and then Sheelagh held out her arms. The nurse walked over and placed the little girl into Sheelagh's arms. Sheelagh looked into her baby's closed eyes she looked so peaceful, there was no way Sheelagh was going to look away, Sheelagh was in awe of her baby
Nurse: You can take your ventilator mask off but if you're finding it hard to breathe put it back it on. Take as long as you need.
The nurse walked out
Sam reached over and took the mask off
Sam: I'll go
Shee: I'd like it if you'd stay actually
Sam saw a tear drop from Sheelagh's eyes. Sam put her arm round Sheelagh. Sheelagh tried to shuffle across the bed but she was too weak
Sam: You want me to sit next to you
Sheelagh nodded fiercely
Sam managed to squeeze on the bed, this made Sheelagh feel bit better...safer. Sam didn't know what to say
Sheelagh: She's so gorgeous
Sam: She gets that from her mother
Sheelagh snuggled more into Sam
Sam started to cry gently
Sam: Sorry I should be strong
Shee: Not at all Sam, you're being strong
Sheelagh stroked her baby's face
Sam: Did you and Des talk about names?
Shee shock her head: Mine and Des's relationship wasn't really a relationship, I can't talk about it not now
Sam: I understand
Shee: I need to talk about it so much
Sam: Shh when your ready yes, but concentrate on your daughter
Shee: I like the name Niamh
Sam: That's nice
Shee: You know what's nice? Niamh Jessica
Sam: Yeah, your right, you know what? That's
Shee butted in: I know, why do you think I choose it
Sam looked at Sheelagh questionably then smiled
Shee: Sam do you want to hold Niamh?
Sam: Err
Shee: My arms are getting a bit tired
Sam took the little Niamh and held her. This made Sheelagh's heart ache. Sam stroked Niamh delicate face; she was so small and gorgeous. Sam handed the baby back to Sheelagh, as she did this she flinched
Sheelagh: What's the matter?
Sam: Err nothing just period pains
Sam lied
Sam: Look I'll be back in a bit I promise
Once Sam was outside she lifted up her top, it was very black and blue
Sam decided to grab a coffee and go to the ladies room
------------------------------------------
After half an hour Sam returned but she didn't go in
As she approached she saw Des in there with Sheelagh and Siobhan was outside so Sam left the hospital and went home. But Siobhan had seen Sam walk away
Once she was home, Sam just went into the bed Gina had leant her. She climbed in but she didn't sleep, just thought
------------------------------------------
Des: I'm sorry I wasn't here
Des was holding the baby
Shee: It's ok
Des: In fact I'm sorry for everything, a fresh start for us from now on, ok?
Shee: Des...I...love...s, you so erm fresh start now
Des: I love you too, I'll go and get a coffee and send Siobhan in
Shee: Ok love
Des put Niamh back into Sheelagh's arms
Des: Good choice of name Shee, Niamh Jessica Taviner, lovely. Goodbye Niamh, little one, daddy will always love you
Des wiped a tear from his eye and walked away
Siobhan entered
Siobhan: I'm sorry mum
Shee: Do you want to hold your sister?
Siobhan nodded and took the baby
Sheelagh glanced at the clock; she knew Sam should have been back by now
Siobhan: Ma, there was a erm blonde outside a while ago, she looked through but then left
Shee: Oh right
Siobhan: She a friend?
Shee: Yeah Sam
Siobhan joked: Quite fit, can you set me up?
Sheelagh forced a giggle
Siobhan looked at her mum
Siobhan: You like her don't you?
Shee: Erm
Siobhan gave her mum a sympathetic look
Shee: But what does it matter anyway I'm with Des
Siobhan: Are you with Des like you were with my dad when you met Des?
Shee rang the bell: Siobhan leave and give Niamh to the nurse
Siobhan: Don't you want to say goodbye?
Shee: JUST GO
Sheelagh turned her back on Siobhan
A week and a half went by. Sheelagh remained in hospital. Des visited her everyday. Sam on the other hand had spent the whole week in bed pinning. Sheelagh couldn't do this she ignored her feelings but every night when Des went home, Sheelagh's heart ached. Siobhan knew just how much so Siobhan was going to do something about it. She decided to try and talk to her mum about it first.
Siobhan: Mum how you feeling?
Shee: Fine and dandy
Siobhan decided to voice her opinion: I think you should ring Sam
Shee: You do, do you? Have you ever been in my situation?
Siobhan: Not totally
Shee: Exactly so don't you go...
Siobhan: BUT I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN
Shee I don't lov... hold on, you like women?
Siobhan: Yup, why you ask mum? Do you think it's dirty and wrong? Is that why you're hiding from Sam?
Shee: Why would I be hiding from Sam? She is just a mate
Siobhan: Don't do this to yourself, please mum. What about when you have your next argument? Who are you going to turn to then? You can't turn back to Sam, that's just taking her for a ride. If you love her or want her tell her now.
Sheelagh once again turned her back on Siobhan, just a she was walking away Sheelagh said, it's Des and me now, he needs me and we love each other
Siobhan shook her head. Now she turned to plan B
---------------------------------------------
Siobhan breathed deeply and knocked on the door
Sam answered the door. Siobhan noticed how different she looked from the last time she saw her. She looked paler, washed out and thin
"Is Shee okay?" Sam gasped
"Well depends what you mean by okay."
"Come in."
"No thanks, I'm just here to tell you to get your act together and go and see her," Siobhan said urgently
"But..."
"I have no time for buts Sam," the way Siobhan said this reminded Sam of Gina, "You make my mum happy, that's all I want for her and I'm sure that's what you want to, isn't it?"
Sam listened intensively then nodded her head
"Look Des won't be there tonight, so I suggest you go."
"How is she?"
"Go and you'll see,"
Siobhan closed the door on herself
Sam slumped down by the door and cried
-------------------------------------------
However hard Sheelagh wished it was always Des that came through the door. She had begun to feel much better hopefully she'd be out in a couple of days. She had been moved out of Intensive Care, to a ward but she still had her own room. But she wished that her future wasn't with Des but she made her bed now she had to lie on it
Sheelagh stared and the clock - 6:30pm
She sighed then reached for her book and started reading
Sam walked up nervously, she looked through the door of her room and she watched Sheelagh, looked at her with love. Sheelagh didn't notice anyone was there. After about 5 minutes Sam came into the room. Sheelagh looked up then turned her back on Sam. Sam kept on walking over to Sheelagh then put her hand on the side of Sheelagh's body after a few seconds Sheelagh moved her hand and put it on Sam's, then Sheelagh turned back round. Sam leant over and gave her a huge hug. Sheelagh sniffed Sam's hair. When Sam let go and started to stand up, both of them started crying
Sam: I've missed you so much
Shee: I don't know what to do
Sam: You don't have to do anything. I'm really sorry
Shee: Sorry?
Sam: For everything and especially for Abigail running you over
Shee: It's not your fault
Sam sunk her head
Shee: Come and hold me please
Sam got on to the small hospital bed, Sheelagh snuggled her head into Sam's body
They both felt so happy
Sheelagh looked up to Sam
Shee: Shall I tell Des it's over?
Sam: I don't know Shee; it's up to you. I just want you to be happy. If staying with Des then coming to me every time you have an argument, that is fine by me
Shee: I couldn't live like that honestly
Sam: So is it one or the other
Shee: No, it's just you
Sam: What do we do?
Shee: Well Gina said I could move in . . . maybe if you
Sam sat up in delight: YES!
Sheelagh hugged Sam tightly
Shee: It's a big step
Sam: What are you going to tell Des?
Sheelagh gulped: Tell him it's over, Sam can I tell you why I can't be with him and pick out his little faults
Sam: Yes
Shee with tears in her eyes: You can't tell anyone
Sam: Of course I won't
Shee: He set fire to the station with the petrol bomb
Sheelagh broke down
I've been trying to ignore this and just get on with loving him but it's eating away at me
Sam: That's a bit like a situation I had
Shee: Oh yeah
Sam pushed Sheelagh off her, making Sheelagh face her
Sam: Well you see there was this stunning woman and I had these feelings I'd never had before but I tried to ignore them
Sheelagh said sarcastically: Oh no what happened
Sam: It was a dream
Both Sheelagh and Sam laughed
Sam: That's better!
Shee: But what should I do
Sam: Whatever is in your head, no matter what I'll support you
Shee: I know
Sam: Your daughter so takes after you
Shee: Like how
Sam: Bossy
Shee: No that's you sweetheart
Shee and Sam started play fighting, gently tapping each other. Sam could see the happy glint in Sheelagh's eyes had returned. Sheelagh yawned
Sam: Sorry I'm wearing you out
Shee: Don't go
Sam: Who said anything about leaving?
Shee: Good, cause I aint letting you go
Sam: Is that a promise or a threat?
Shee gasped: Cheeky
Sam: Come home with me when you're better
Sheelagh wanted to hear the words: Why?
Sam grabbed Sheelagh's hand: I love you
Then Sam gently kissed Sheelagh's hand
Sam knew Sheelagh wouldn't say it back
Shee: I love you too
Sam: What? You mean it?
Shee: Of course
Sam leant forward to kiss Sheelagh but Sheelagh shook her head
Sam didn't feel rejected, she just held Sheelagh till she fell asleep then left
-----------------------------------------
Des was up at the ward bright and early
Des: Sorry babes that I couldn't come last night, I've been missing you like crazy
Shee: It's ok, Sam kept me company
Des: Nixon? But her daughter
Shee: Des my daughter's gay doesn't make me any different does it?
Des: Suppose, well I have a surprise for you anyway
Des handed Sheelagh an envelope
Des: Open it open it
Sheelagh opened it, a folded up leaflet was in it
Shee: A holiday?
Des: Yup just us two, in a romantic country cottage
Shee: Des that's just lovely, come here. But we still need to talk
Des: I know, the DCI is transferring Debbie; he said it's time
Shee: We'll talk more later
Des: And that is exactly what this is for
Shee: You really are sweet, aren't you?
Des: Well I love you
Shee: Des kiss me
Des: How could I refuse?
Des leaned in and gently kissed Sheelagh
By the time Des left Sheelagh, which was a fair few hours, Sheelagh was very confused to say the least. Sheelagh just cried, she didn't know what to do
Sheelagh gently stood up and walked to the nearest phone, which was just outside her room. Sheelagh shook as she rang the number
Shee: It's me
Sam: Hi, are you ok?
Shee said with a harsh tone: I haven't got time for chitchat. I don't want you to come near me again, never, just leave me alone
Sheelagh slammed down the phone but she didn't cry just walked back to her bed and slept
------------------------------------
Sam was determent not to turn to alcohol so she decided try and ring Abigail
"Hi,"
"Mum, I'm really sorry,"
Sam: How have you been?
Abi: Ok just really sorry for everything I've done
Sam: I'll always love you; you're my little girl
Abi: I love you too
Sam: You know where I am if you need me
Abi: Mrs. Murphy isn't placing charges but I'm still being charged with drunk driving and stealing the car, mum, what if I go to prison?
Sam: It will be ok; I will be here to support you 100
Abi: Mum, I've got to go
Sam: Where are you staying?
Abi put down the phone, Sam sighed. Something caught Sam's eye. Sam picked it up. It was a picture of her and Sheelagh on a work evening out, Sam smiled, she stared at it for a few minutes then placed it back down but instead of standing it up she put it place down
Sam missed Sheelagh terribly for the next few days. Then she had to go back to work so she decided to get on with her life, it's what Sheelagh wanted and cause Sam loved her then she would do whatever Sheelagh wanted
----------------------------------------
Sheelagh was lying on the sofa drinking tea; Des was in the kitchen drying up
Shee: Des it feels SO good to be back
Des: Till your better I'm going to be your slave
Shee: Just till I'm better?
Des laughed, he walked into the lounge and knelt beside Sheelagh
Des: You ok? Comfortable? Thirsty? Hungry?
Sheelagh shook her head
Des: Sex starved?
Sheelagh nodded
Des was surprised: REALLY?
Sheelagh stood up then Des stood up, Sheelagh pushed Des back on the sofa. They had a LOT of fun
As Des breathing slowed down: Didn't that hurt?
Shee, naked in Des's arms: Des, why do you think I was on top
Des: Thanks babes, that was exceptional
Shee: Thank you too without you well I'd still be able to do it
Des: I'd like to see that
Shee: Cheeky
But Sheelagh's hand started to wander...on herself
Des: Oh my God, I love you so much, you are so sexy
Sheelagh began to moan in Des's arms, he was so turned on even though they'd just had sex
But Sheelagh was doing this so she could imagine it was Sam's hand wandering on her
As Sheelagh was about to climax she groaned Sam's name
Des thought he heard Sheelagh say the name Sam. Why would she do that, he thought to himself. He must of missed heard
After Sheelagh was done, she dozed in Des's arms. While she slept, the incident was playing through Des's mind
Des shook Sheelagh up: If you sleep now you won't be able to sleep tonight
Shee: Yes daddy
Sheelagh realised what she had said
Des said seriously: Can I mean will we ever try to have children?
Shee: Well it's certainly something we can talk about
Des: I know how much you enjoy making them
Sheelagh jokingly gasped: No I don't
In truth she really didn't. She preferred making love with women...although she hadn't tried it...yet but the feelings she got when she was with a women was well unexplainable except that it was better than Des. The way Sheelagh saw it was Des was MUCH better than Patrick and although Sam was better than Des; Sheelagh couldn't be selfish
Des: Shee actually you look knackered, babes go to bed
Des kissed Sheelagh on the head then she agreed and got up but then she turned around and said
Des you never did tell me where you were when I was having the operation
Des: I was arrested...for assaulting a police officer but the person dropped the charges
Shee: Oh right, why did you do it?
Des: Out of anger...it was Sam who I attacked
Shee: You could of lost your job!
Des sat up, "I know but don't worry about it, it's over now,"
"Okay I'm going to bed now, I was tired even before our well our workout," Sheelagh winked at Des and walked away
"I'll join you in a bit," Des shouted
Sheelagh shouted back well tried but wasn't as loud as normal, "Go to the pub if you like, I'm just going to be sleeping,"
Des walked into his bedroom and made sure, "You sure?"
Sheelagh was too tired to answer so she just nodded
Des was a happy bunny; he grabbed his coat and went straight out
Sheelagh lay in bed thinking of Sam
-------------------------------------------
Sam was lying in bed thinking of Sheelagh
--------------------------------------------
Gina saw Des enter the pub; she darted over
"How's Sheelagh?"
"Yeah better, she'd be ready to come back to work in two weeks but we are going away but after that she'll be back,"
"About your holiday...you can't go, we are short staffed, sorry. You can go after that week,"
"Oh ok, well it is urgent we do go, we need to talk,"
Gina gestured Des to go and join the others; he went. Gina pulled out her mobile and sent a text to Sam
'Shee's all alone just ring her please,'
--------------------------------------------
Sam got the text but was undecided as to what to do
Sam picked up the phone and rang Sheelagh's mobile
Sheelagh looked at her mobile 'Sam calling'
"Hi."
"Hello Sheelagh, sorry for calling,"
"Don't worry about it, it's ok, I just felt things were too complicated and I didn't want to take advantage of you, it wouldn't have been fair if I just came round every time I had an disagreement with Des,"
"I'll always love you, I wish we could be together,"
"Don't Sam please, how are you?"
"Love sick, you?"
"Fine thanks,"
"Really?"
"Well I miss our chats and," Sheelagh stopped talking
Sam didn't want to push Sheelagh; they just spoke in silence, listening to each other breathing.
After a couple of minutes Sheelagh spoke, "I'd better go,"
"Oh ok," Sam said disappointedly
"Cause this must be costing you lots!"
"No, not much anyway every penny I spend is more that worth it!"
This made Sheelagh blush, she got a bit speechless, "Thanks, so what have you been up to?"
After this Sheelagh and Sam were talking (and laughing!) for about half an hour
"Doesn't time just go really quickly?" Sam said
"Yeah it does, it's getting late, and maybe I mean if you wanted to, you don't have to if you don't want to, it's up to,"
Sam butted in, "Shee spit it out!"
"Would you like to go out for a coffee or something sometime?"
Sam smiled, "Yeah I'd like that,"
"Speak to you soon then."
"Bye."
Both Sam and Sheelagh fell back on to their beds, they both couldn't stop smiling. They both fell into a peaceful sleep
--------------------------------------------
Des carefully got in beside Sheelagh, being careful not to wake her; he looked at her as he went off to sleep
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh woke up in pain, it was 2:30am, she looked at Des, and guilt filled her heart. Sheelagh got up and took some painkillers. Sheelagh went back into her room and picked up her mobile, she text Sam
'Cant meet u sorry just leave me alone'
Then Sheelagh silently cried herself to sleep
--------------------------------------------
The next 13 days passed quite quickly, which consisted of Des and Sheelagh spending time together, relaxing and the odd work out
The day before Sheelagh was due back to work, she went to meet Siobhan in a café
Siobhan: Mum you are living a lie
Shee: Err no I'm not, I know the truth
Siobhan: Des doesn't
Shee: Des needs me
Siobhan: Sam wants you and you want Sam
Sheelagh's was getting quite annoyed with Siobhan so she says angrily: It's not a question of wanting
With that Sheelagh stormed out the door and turned the corner, in to a dark alley. She started sobbing, she couldn't face the truth. The last thing Sheelagh wanted to do was hurt anyone, Des was included in that anyone. But wasn't she hurting Sam? Suddenly a familiar shadow appeared
Sheelagh gasped: Please don't hurt me
Shadow: Why would I do that? You know I love you
Sheelagh: I love you too, always will
Shadow: Then why can't we be together?
Sheelagh: Because I'm NOT in love with you
Patrick notices Sheelagh is crying: Why are you crying what has happened? Des isn't good enough for you
Sheelagh was good at lying: Can't I cry for my dead baby?
Patrick: I heard what happened, come here
Patrick opens his arms; Sheelagh accepts his gesture
Patrick: I'm sorry for o.d.ing actually I'm sorry for everything
Sheelagh looks up at Patrick
Shee: Our marriage wasn't all bad Patrick, the walks by the river, our children being born, those lazy days, rainy days, remember that holiday at the cottage in the countryside?
Patrick: Just outside Devon?
Shee: Yeah!
Patrick: That was fantastic! Isn't that where Connor first walked?
Shee: I believe so, do you remember what we did every night?
Patrick: Went and sat down by the river and drank wine
Shee: Our last night was magically, you were stunning making love that night
Patrick: Oh yeah we were adventurous that night! Making love by that river was amazing
Shee: Remember how you felt at those times?
Patrick: Of course I do
Shee: That's what it feels like to be in love, we don't feel like that now do we?
Patrick: No but
Shee: There are no buts about it; you need to move on
Patrick: Do you feel like that now with Des?
Shee lied: Yes I do
Patrick: Well then I'm happy for you and for Des
Shee: We will always love each other
Patrick: Yes we will
With that Sheelagh walked away from Patrick arms
--------------------------------------------
The next morning
--------------------------------------------
Des: Are you sure you're ready?
Sheelagh: Positive!
Des: Ok let's go
They set on their way to work
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh felt nervous, she reported to Gina almost straight away
Gina: Sheelagh are you sure your ok?
Sheelagh: Des has asked me that loads and the answer is yes, I'm ready to fight crime once again
Gina: Super Sheelagh to the rescue
Sheelagh laughed
Gina: Light duties only!
Shee: I know I know
Sheelagh opened the door to the women's changing room at the station. But as she opened it she heard a woman cry 'ouch'! Sheelagh darted in.
"I'm so sorr, oh it's you, well I am sorry," Sheelagh stood there with her mouth open
"Yeah right," Sam was stood there, near to naked, just underwear on
"What are you doing in here?"
"Had to get changed after an unfortunate accident, why is it a crime?" Sam said stubbornly
"No just surprised," Sheelagh said this pleasantly but the added on aggressively, "by your hideous body," this wasn't the truth but Sheelagh couldn't show any weakness. Sheelagh just stormed out and decided she'd go back later and get changed
After she'd gone Sam said to herself, "Shee I love you," then Sam sighed, she understood why Sheelagh had been so horrible, Sam sat down and fantasised about Sheelagh
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh found her mind wandering quite a bit while she was sorting out some paper work, she tried to stir it back, she couldn't take it, the pain in her heart suddenly Des came bursting through the door
"Can I help you PC Taviner?"
"Actually you can! Will you help me with an interview? Reg has had to go to a hospital appointment,"
"Sure,"
"Okay a bit of background, this guy has killed is wife,"
"Ok now lets find out the story!
--------------------------------------------
"Did you kill your wife?" enquired Des
A man in his late 30's was sitting there, he had a suit on and his eyes were heavy and red
"Yes I did, but it was an accident I pushed her," the man broke down into tears, "down the stairs."
"Why?" asked Sheelagh
"She's been in love with someone else for the best part of our marriage but she didn't bother to tell me till now, it hurt and I was angry,"
"Ok I understand that," said Des
"No you don't, the main reason why I was angry was because she didn't put herself first, she was with me because that's what I wanted, how could I be so selfish!"
Sheelagh gulped, tried not to compare this to her situation
Sheelagh told the man what would happened next then terminated the interview
--------------------------------------------
After what seemed like a long day Sheelagh went to get changed to go home. After she had got changed, she had to wait for Des, Sheelagh decided to be brave and go to see Sam
"Hi, I'm sorry for earlier,"
Sam looked up, Sheelagh hadn't forgot how stunningly beautiful Sam was
"Hi! How was your day?" Sam asked smiling
Sheelagh went and sat down
"Sam I don't want to bother you with chit chat, I've got to tell you something,"
Sam got worried, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm going to leave Des, I don't expect you to have me or anything, Sam I love you,"
Sam started crying, "I want us to be together,"
Then Sheelagh started crying, she stood up then walked over to Sam for a big hug
"I'm sorry, I'm not planning on telling him till we go away in two weeks, is that okay?"
"That's fine do it in your own time, can we see each other before?"
"I hope so! How about tonight...at yours?"
"You mean at Gina's that would be great,"
"See you then," Sheelagh got a bit nervous but Sam pulled her in close and they shared a sweet clinched kiss
BUT
Des had seen this kiss! He had gone looking for Sheelagh. But Des being Des thought nothing of this kiss so he decided to surprise Sheelagh outside
Des: Hey sexy
Shee: Hi Des
Des: Lets go then, early night?
Shee: If you don't mind, Sam and Gina have invited me round
Des: That's fine!
--------------------------------------------
When they got home, Des started cooking Dinner. Sheelagh had a plan
Shee: Des...
Des: Shee...
Shee: Can I stay round Gina's all night? It will just help me sober up more before I go to work
Des: Sure, you don't have to ask permission
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh was more excited than nervous!
Gina answered the door, "Sam's getting ready, has been for hours,"
Gina walked through to the lounge, Sheelagh closed the door and followed, she was a bit nervous, uneasy
"Can I get you a drink?"
"No thanks,"
"Ok then I'm gone,"
"Where you going?"
"Out on the town with some people from work, see you tomorrow at work,"
Gina then went, Sheelagh was left on her own
Inside Sheelagh a bit of excitement was building up...rapidly
Suddenly Sam entered looking strikingly gorgeous, she was wearing a sexy black nightdress, which ended way before her knees, it was also see through in some places. It was black lace around the top and bottom with sequins and in the middle it was black silk. Sheelagh looked at her practically drooling
"Good reaction," Sam said grinning
"You look aaaa...amazing," Sheelagh was stunned
Sam stepped towards Sheelagh; Sheelagh reached out her hand and began to guide it up the back of Sam's body. Then Sheelagh gently pushed Sam towards her
Des: What am I supposed to say? Look I AM sorry
Sheelagh: Look you don't have to say anything; I know you're sorry
Des lowers his head
Des is in Sheelagh's office, his day had been long and he is confused, he has just watched a young man kill himself, a drug addict who was stealing pensions to get fixes, but that was his job, Sheelagh was his life . . . Sheelagh had just taken a big step in her life, she was still unsure but she knew she loved Des Taviner, no matter what he had done
Sheelagh: Look at me . . . DES look at me
Des slowly looks at Sheelagh
Des: Have you made your mind up? ... Whether or not you're going to turn me in, Shee if you do
Sheelagh quickly says: I've finished with Patrick, I've told him
Des: Oh right err whats next then?
Sheelagh: We live together?
Des: That's a big step
Sheelagh: I thought it was what WE wanted
Des: I do, it's just sudden, I've never felt like this before, I'm scared, the last thing I want to do is hurt you
Sheelagh: I'm scared too, of what others will think but I know I love you and it's more than enough to get us through anything
Des: Well you want to stay round mine tonight?
Sheelagh: I am not sure; I mean I really need to talk to my children
Des stands up and takes Sheelagh in his arms
Des: I understand this is going to be harder for you than for me but I am here for you one hundred percent
Des then steps back from Sheelagh and places his hands on her stomach
Des: And for our baby
Sheelagh looks into Des's eyes and smiles then she sighs
Des: Well I better be going, sed I'd go down to the pub
Sheelagh: Shall I call you?
Des: You can try if you want but I'll see you tomorrow at work yeah?
Sheelagh was confused, Des acted like him and Sheelagh were an item then he acted like he was single, Des was about to walk out the door when he turned round, walked towards Sheelagh and gave her a full on kiss then he walked out without a care in the world, Sheelagh sat down at her desk and started debating in her mind whether it was all worth it, in the end she came to the conclusion that even though she couldn't change who Des was, she wouldn't want to and anyway she couldn't go back now, she had no one to turn to, she doubted whether or not her children would understand. Sheelagh got up and left to go to her, well not to her home but her children's home
Sheelagh entered the house; she could hear the TV was on. Sheelagh breathed deeply and entered into the living room
Declan: You're a'right ma?
Sheelagh just gave Declan a smile
Fintan: Dads cooking
Patrick then came through and gave Sheelagh a cold look
Patrick: Not for Sheelagh though, it's just us lads from now on, isn't it?
Sheelagh whispered: Good to hear you break it to them gently
Fintan: What you on dad?
Sheelagh: Your dad and I are splitting up
Fintan: WHY? WHEN? HOW?
Patrick: Sheelagh is moving out a s a p; she told me today, it's totally her decision
Sheelagh hated the way Patrick was avoiding saying your mum
Declan: Can't you persuade her round dad?
Patrick: Why would I want to? The sluts been sleeping with someone else and is having his baby . . . I hope the brat dies
At this point Declan turns up the TV, trying to drown out his thoughts and Fintan stands up and walks over to Sheelagh
Fintan: Is this true?
Sheelagh: Yes
Fintan: I HATE YOU, YOU ARE NO LONGER MY MOTHER, YOU DISGUST ME
Fintan storms out
Patrick sneers: Couldn't of predicted that could you?
Declan ignores them both
Patrick hands Sheelagh a plastic carrier bag
Patrick: I've packed you a few essentials, the rest I burned now please fuck off for good, if I ever hear from you again . . . it will be too soon
Patrick practically pushes Sheelagh out the front door
Sheelagh breaks down into tears, she was glad it was over but she loved her three children more than anything, Sheelagh had no where to go . . .
Her phone bleeped; 'message received'
'Hey Shee, thinkin of u. Hope ur ok. Im by ur side & always will b. u drive me crazy in a gud way. l.o.l. Des xXx'
Sheelagh smiled, Des didn't like to be soppy but she liked that he put lots of love and 3 kisses; she reckoned he was drunk already
'Drunk already?! It's terrible, got no where to go Patrick threw me out, burned all my stuff, where are you?'
Sheelagh got worried as Des hadn't text back after 10 minutes but then she thought he must be having a wicked time at the pub, suddenly a car pulled up beside her
Driver: Why don't you get in for a spin? ...Sexy
Sheelagh: You scared me to death Des Taviner!
Sheelagh got into the car
Des: I skipped pub and went home and thought of you
Sheelagh smiled, Des placed his hand on Sheelagh's leg, then looked at her and smiled
Des: I've got some chicken and stuff in
Sheelagh: You going to cook?
Des: NO! You are
Sheelagh: Am I? Des I'm not your slave
Des: I never said you were, if you won't cook tonight I suppose we'll have to have a take-away
Sheelagh sighed in her head. Des then thought he was being a bit selfish
Des: I'm joking! I will cook
Sheelagh: And I'll help!
They then arrive at Des's flat, Des gets out and goes and opens Sheelagh's door
Sheelagh: Thank-you Mr. Taviner
Des: All part of the service
Des and Sheelagh enter Des's, no actually their flat. Sheelagh had been there a couple of times before, she thought she might feel weird but she didn't, Sheelagh felt relaxed.
Des: Whats with the carrier bag?
Sheelagh: It's my stuff from Patrick
Sheelagh plonks down her bag on Des's table then walks and lies on sofa and Des goes and stands behind the sofa and looks down and Sheelagh
Des: Oh well, its gives ya an excuse to go shopping
Sheelagh: I can't afford it Des, I've got to fight for all my money, I mean . . .is this an issue for you?
Des: Wha'cha mean?
Sheelagh: I need your help; it will only be for a couple of months
Des bends over more
Des: Err darling, let me explain, we are together; partners, everything that is mine is yours. I need you to know that
Sheelagh bends up to Des and strokes his face then leans in and kisses him
Sheelagh: Does that prove it?
Des walks round the sofa and kneels next to the sofa and carries on with the kiss
Des: I think that just about proves it but maybe we can just make sure
Sheelagh says in a shocked/jokingly tone: Des Taviner!!
Des stroked Sheelagh's hair gently: But I do need to cook dinner, so you can think about what you can do to me later while I cook dinner
Sheelagh: You cook? I'd like to see that
Des: Well you can taste it when I've cooked it!
Sheelagh smiled
Des: Can I get you a drink or anything?
Sheelagh: I'm fine DES!! But I'll tell you what?
Des: What?
Sheelagh: If I want a drink I'll get one!
Des laughs and walks off
(Ed note: You think everything great? Just you wait)
Des happily is cooking in the kitchen when the phone starts ringing
Des: Shee can you get that?
Sheelagh: Hello Taviner residence
Caller slams down phone
Sheelagh: That's weird
Des: What?
Sheelagh: They hung up!
Des: You obviously scared 'em!
Sheelagh: Oi cheeky
Des: But yeah what you gonna do bout it?
Sheelagh: I'll show you what I'll do
Sheelagh goes towards the kitchen with a grin on her face
Des says grinning: Alright back off
Sheelagh's phone rings. She goes to her bag and picks up her mobile
Sheelagh: Hmm it says anonymous
Des: Well answer it then muppet
Sheelagh answers the phone, she recognises the worried voice on the other end of the phone
Voice: Please help I don't know what to do?
Sheelagh: Declan what's the matter?
Declan sobs: It's dad he's...took an overdose, I can't wake him up
Sheelagh: Dec call an ambulance I'll be right round, try and make him throw up
Des looked to a worried Sheelagh
Sheelagh said strictly: Take me home immediately
Des: Err why? This is your home
Sheelagh: Des I haven't got time for this, just take me there now
Des knew better than to question or argue with Sheelagh so he took her there immediately
Sheelagh: I'll call or someit later
Des called as Sheelagh was walking away: Can't I stay? What is going on?
Des decides to just leave Sheelagh to it although he feels slightly jealous and a bit pushed out. He doesn't go home immediately, he stops at the offy to get some booze then he goes home, he starts drinking with all kinds of things going through his head . . .fears. Fears that Sheelagh will leave him, that she is having sex with Patrick at this present time, that Patrick will hurt Sheelagh. Des starts worrying so he washes it away with alcohol. Eventually Des falls asleep
MEANWHILE
Sheelagh is in the living room trying to console her crying son, Declan. Finton is upstairs and will not come down
Sheelagh: Declan it will be okay, look the paramedics are here helping him
Declan: You don't love me anymore else you wouldn't of left and Dad wouldn't of done that
Sheelagh: Me and your dad will always love you no matter what happens. We just don't love each other in a way where we can live with each other anymore. It's not your fault
Declan: I feel like it is
Sheelagh hears Finton coming down the stairs
Sheelagh: Finton
Finton: Save it slut, this is all your fault, if dad dies I'm gonna kill you and that bastard of yours, I probably will if dad doesn't die, your not welcome here go home...Sheelagh
Declan doesn't know who to stand by so he keeps quiet. Sheelagh is hurt by Fintons' comments
Finton: Dad doesn't need you, he has us, we won't hurt him
Sheelagh: I am here for my son's who I love
Sheelagh steps forward and strokes Finton's face
Sheelagh: I love you Finton Murphy and always will
Finton looks as if he is about to cry, he goes and hugs his mum
BUT THEN
Finton snaps, he slaps his mum right round the face and looks ready to really attack, for the first time in her life Sheelagh is scared of one of her children
Declan: Don't Finton
Finton looks at his brother
Finton: Why not?
Suddenly Siobhan enters with an older lady
Sheelagh: Siobhan? Melda?
Melda is Sheelagh's sister
Melda: I've come to look after the boys while Siobhan goes to the hospitals
Sheelagh: How did you know?
Finton: I called them cause I don't want you here
Siobhan whispers: Go mum, I'll call you, can we meet tomorrow for coffee to talk?
Sheelagh: Okay
Sheelagh walks out but she turns and looks at her children and a tear falls from her eyes, she tries calling Des but there is no answer so she gets a cab home. By the time she gets to Des's it is the middle of the night, she doesn't have a key to get in. Sheelagh rings the doorbell, she waits then she knocks, still no answer. Des is dead to the world (not dead but ya know asleep and drunk). After about 20 mins Sheelagh slumps down and lies on the floor. Sheelagh starts crying . . .eventually after an hour she cries herself to sleep
------------------------------------------------
Des woke up with a thumping head, he looked at the clock, it read 5 am, he scanned the apartment for any signs of Sheelagh, he saw none, he felt upset. Des went into his bedroom he really didn't want to get in the bed without Sheelagh so he went back to the sofa, he couldn't sleep so after half an hour he reached for his mobile. Des sent Sheelagh a text:
'Hope eveythin is ok. Here if u need me.'
He didn't know what to write so he just sent that
---------------------------------------------------
Sheelagh's phone bleeped, she stirred. Sheelagh read the message & sent one back
'Look outside your door muppet'
---------------------------------------------------
Des stared at his phone, it vibrated. Des was confused. He walked over to the door and slowly opened it and peered round it
Sheelagh: DES!
Des: Aww babes come here
Des puts out his hand, Sheelagh takes it, he pulls her up then keeps pulling until she is right next to him. Then Des puts his arms round her
Des then steps back then strokes his face: Come on babes, you look so tired and worn out. And and you have been crying!
See it's little things like that, that Des notices but Patrick never
Des grabs Sheelagh's hand and leads her into the apartment
Des: Sheelagh go to bed, I'm gonna ring Gina tell that neither of us will be in today and I'll make you a cup of tea. You need something to eat, what do you want?
Sheelagh: Des I need to explain
Des put his finger on Sheelagh's lip
Des: No you don't, you've been at P... err Declan's and Finton's all night so so it must of been big
Sheelagh: Actually I've been out there all night
Sheelagh then notices a pile of empty cans and an empty bottle of whisky
Sheelagh: Des were you drinking last night?
Des: Yeah but only a bit
Sheelagh: It doesn't look like a bit to me. Des I needed you last night but you were not there
Des: I WAS ONLY NOT THERE BECAUSE YOU PUSHED ME OUT
Sheelagh: Des?! I didn't push you out. I HAVE KIDS YOU KNOW. They will ALWAYS come before you
Des: Yeah you were with your kids...and Patrick. YOU COULDN'T BEAR TO BE AWAY FROM HIM JUST FOR ONE NIGHT. NO DES TAVINER ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU IS HE.
Sheelagh's emotions are all over the place
Sheelagh: Your right, I was with Patrick but he was FUCKING un-conscious. Declan was in bits, Finton just as bad if not worse. YOU SEE THIS RED MARK HERE, THIS IS WHAT FINTON GAVE ME FOR SLEEPING WITH YOU. Finton is so screwed up, Declan is confused but no my toy boy doesn't want to know about them. Des, you are only pissed off is because I wasn't here to give you a bj. You know full well I wouldn't sleep with Patrick.
Des couldn't get a word in edge ways
Sheelagh continues: You even had the cheek to ask me. Shows you don't know me doesn't it? I could of understood if you'd gone to bed. But no the first sign of any trouble or doubt that comes into your mind you push it away with alcohol. I have no idea what I was thinking when I thought me and my baby had a future with you. No you are a single man aren't you Des? HAD COULD I OF THOUGHT YOU WOULD OF PUT ME FIRST? SELFISH AREN'T I? BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I THOUGHT I HAD SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT ME AND PUT ME FIRST ON HIS LIST
Des shouted: WELL FUCKING WELL LEAVE THEN
Sheelagh: I THINK I SHOULD, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS. YOUR SCUM DES SCUM. . .YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME
Sheelagh slams out the door. Des searches for any alcohol he can find. . .
Sheelagh is in tears, she doesn't know where to go, where to hide, who to turn to. All she knows is that she wants to run from Des. Sheelagh ends up on Gina's doorstop. Sheelagh rings the doorbell, she can't stop shaking
"Who can that be at this time in the morning?" Gina moaned as she opened the door, "Sheelagh! . . . I said it would end in tears."
"Please don't," Sheelagh sobbed
"Come on in!" Gina said, "Don't worry it's like a hospital of healing hearts in here,"
"Hi Sheelagh, can I get you a drink?"
"Hey Sam, err no I am ok thanks,"
"Do you want to talk about it?" Gina asked cautiously
"No, I'll be fine,"
"Well at least bloody drink something!!" Gina replied in her normal voice
"Tea then,"
"No we mean alcohol!" Sam replied
Sheelagh suddenly let slip, "I can't,"
In response to what she had said Sheelagh tightly closed her lips and put her hand over her mouth.
"Why not?" Sam enquired
"Well erm,"
"Sheelagh tell me it's not true or if it is true surely it's not Des's," Gina shook her head disappointedly.
Sheelagh nervously grinned, "It's Des's,"
"Oh my word!! You're going to have a baby, that is great news," Sam said excitedly
"Well at least one good thing could come out of this," Gina got up and walked out the room, Sam and Sheelagh glanced at each then Gina came back in the room, "Lets crack open the good bubbly!"
Everyone fell about laughing. Sheelagh felt a bit more relaxed and ignored her troubles
"Shouldn't you two be like getting ready for work?" Sheelagh asked
"Well I'm on compassionate leave since that ex of mine broke my heart by sleeping with my daughter! And to top it off I got evicted and I have no idea where my little girl is," Sheelagh could hear the bitterness in Sam's voice and put her arm round her
"Well shouldn't you be getting ready Sheelagh?" Gina bit back
"Well Des was going to ring in for us both but some how an argument got in the way,"
"Take the day off, you look emotionally washed out, stay here and keep Sam company and with that I'm off and before you ask I haven't had that much to drink." Gina got up and went to get ready which took a total of 10 minutes. As Gina came flying through the kitchen she chucked a load of DVD's at Sam and Sheelagh
"Oi," they both replied
Gina just smiled falsely at them and walked out the door shouting, "Toddle Lu,"
Sam noticed Sheelagh's smile had returned to her face
"So muppet, what do you want to watch?"
Sheelagh grinned at Sam, "Muppet? I'm not a muppet! I don't mind," as Sheelagh finished the end of her sentence she yawned
Sam: That boring am I?
Shee: I didn't get much sleep last night
Sam: Come on spill your heart out to Agony Aunt Sammy
Sheelagh giggled but her smile turned into tears: Well Patrick took an overdose, my kids hate me, Des is close to an alcoholic, Des was so jealous and I got locked out sleeping on the floor
Sam gasped: Rough night then, Sheelagh I really don't know how you do it
Shee: Its just life, can't live without it so you have to live through it
Sam looked at Sheelagh in admiration, they were both sitting on the floor, Sam leant over and wiped a tear away and then placed her arm round her shoulder. Sheelagh felt consoled by this
Shee: Your turn now!
Sam: I've said already, broken heart from whom I thought was going to be the love of my life but he slept with Abigail and then I got evicted because of the things Abby does
Shee: You're so much stronger than I am
Sam: Shee...lagh I'm really not, I'm just Sam found it hard to say this, she'd never told anyone before putting on a face
Sheelagh looked up into Sam's eyes, she could see fear. Sheelagh removed Sam's arm and with it still in her hand stood up and gestured, by pulling softly on Sam's arm, to follow. Sam stood up and Sheelagh lead her to the sofa. Then they both sat down and just held each other. They both felt content and fell in to a peaceful sleep. Sam woke up before Sheelagh and just looked at her. After what was close to an hour but seemed more like a couple of minutes to Sam, Sheelagh stirred. They looked into each other's eyes, Sheelagh freed her hand and brushed Sam's hair out of her face with it, then gently stroked the side of her face. Sheelagh couldn't understand these feelings
Sam: You confused?
Sheelagh wasn't a bit surprised Sam knew her so well
Sheelagh: Kind of
Sam: It's ok
Sheelagh: Well I think so. But are you sure?
Sam: Well yeah, I can't help Sam's voice trailed off
Shee: What?
Sam: Liking you
Sheelagh sighed: Sam I can't, I wish I could but Des needs me
Sheelagh got up to leave
Sam: But who do you need?
Sheelagh looked at Sam with tears in her eyes with her hands placed on her stomach she said: The baby needs Des, no-one's asked me that before but I already know the answer - You
Sheelagh walked out, she had to
Sheelagh walked home
Once she got in Des ran into her arms
Des: I'm sorry
Sheelagh looked into Des's eyes and accepted it for his sake and the baby's
Shee: It's ok, I'm sorry too
Then Sheelagh walked back from his arms and said brightly: I'll make some breakfast
Sheelagh found that she was acting like Sam, she felt an ounce of sadness, missing her already, she felt stupid
Des: Actually I'm not really hungry
Sheelagh: What's the time?
Des: Half-nine
Then the phone started ringing
Des: Hello
Siobhan: Hi Des, is my mum there?
Des to Sheelagh: It's for you
Shee: Who is it?
Des said resentfully: One of you kids
He resisted to say dam kids
Shee: Hey
Siobhan: Hi mum, can we still meet up?
Shee: Of course!! Just say when and where
Siobhan: 2 hours, at the hospital
Sheelagh couldn't questioned the hospital out loud else Des would go into a rage so she just agreed and ended the conversation
Shee: Des I'm going out in 2 hours to meet my daughter
She could see a glint of some kind of uneasy feeling in Des's eyes but she ignored it
Shee: I'm going to have a bath and get ready
Des: Do you want a lift?
Shee tried not to get angry but she had a short fuse: Des for goodness sake, you are in no fit state to go out let alone drive
Sheelagh stormed into the bathroom and ran a bath. As she undressed, she thought of Sam and how she longed for it to be her undressing her but then her hands ran over her bump which made her think twice so he shook these feelings away. She got into the bath. As she did her mobile phone vibrated, she reached over, she knew who it would be from.
'Sorry for earlier. I don't know what to say. All I know is that I'm missing you,'
Sheelagh replied back, 'No need to be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong, I'll be back round to Gina's later if you'll still be there'
'Of course I will, not like I got anywhere else to go is it, still feel sorry, truly sorry, what you up to?'
Sheelagh debated about whether or not to reply but she couldn't keep herself from not, 'I'm in the bath...u?'
'Same, wish we were together,'
This time Sheelagh didn't reply, not because Sam had over crossed the line but because she was too cautious; of anyone getting hurt. So instead she lay in the bath, daydreaming, that couldn't do any harm. Next thing she knew it had been over an hour, she got out quickly and went naked into the bedroom to get dressed. As she was rushing putting on clothes Des entered
Des: Everything is ok between us now, isn't it?
Sheelagh stood still and looked at him and lied: Yeah totally
Des: I love you
Sheelagh silently sighed: You too
About 20 minutes later Sheelagh was ready to go
Shee: I don't know when I'll be back, I've got a few other things to do
Des felt rejected but didn't show it: Ok, I promise not to drink
Sheelagh smiled at him, then lightly kissed him on the lips, it made Des happy which made Sheelagh sort of happy. Then Des moved his hands to Sheelagh's stomach and just left his hands there for a moment
Des: Go, you'll be late
Shee: See-you later
---------------------------------------------
Sheelagh met Siobhan outside the hospital
Siobhan: Hi mum
Shee: Hey darling
Sheelagh gave her a hug
Siobhan: Lets go for a coffee
------------------------------------------
They sat down at a table in the hospital café
Sheelagh: Why the hospital?
Siobhan: I didn't want to leave dad
Shee: O
Siobhan: I wanted to talk to you about two things, one, I totally support you mum, I understand, but I'm not going to turn my back on my dad
Shee: Darling, I would never ask you too
Siobhan: I know but that's what the boys think, but they will come round eventually
Shee: What's the other thing?
Siobhan: Mum it's hard for me to tell you this
Shee: Go ahead
With that Siobhan upped and ran away
Sheelagh decided not to go after her so Sheelagh left
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh went into town then to Gina's house
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh knocked the door, she found it strange she wasn't nervous but she was smiling, she felt hugely at ease. It wasn't long till Sam opened the door and let Sheelagh in. As Sam closed the door, they fell into each other's arms
Shee: I know what I said earlier but I couldn't stay away
Sam: Because you need me, it's ok; I'm always going to be here
This brought tears to Sheelagh's eyes, she stepped back from Sam's arms, Sam got worried but Sheelagh gave her a settling smile then reached into a bag and produced some flowers
Shee: These are for you
Sam felt chocked: Thanks
They walked through to the living room
Shee: You know when you said you had no where else to go in the text well if I was still single then I would have you in my arms forever
This made Sam's heart ache
Shee: Shall I go?
Sam: No defiantly not, unless you want to
Shee: No I don't want me to but...
Sam: Des?
Shee: Err yea but I'm going to stay
Sam smiled: You must be starving, I am, let me make us some lunch
Sam went into the kitchen, after a few seconds of being alone Sheelagh followed
Sam: Got my own stalker now, have I?
Sheelagh sat on a stool and grinned at Sam, Sam smiled back then got on with making lunch, Sheelagh didn't take her eyes off Sam
Shee: Sam?
Sam: Shee?
Shee: You are really stunningly beautiful
Sam blushed and looked at Sheelagh
Sam stuttered: Thanks
Sheelagh then stood up and walked slowly over to Sam, step by step. The chemistry was bubbling, Sheelagh stroked Sam's arm then gently pressed her lips against Sam's just for a few seconds then put her head on Sam's shoulders
Shee: I just wish I could do more but
Sam stroked Sheelagh's face as she said: Shh
Shee: Even if we could be together, you would be too good for me anyway
Sam: No I wouldn't be, I think we deserve each other; I just want to be with you
Sheelagh changed the subject: Hurry up with this lunch then!
Sam: Patients woman
Sam playfully hit Sheelagh with a tea towel, they both grinned but they're hearts were aching so much
Sam: Go and put a movie on and I'll be in, in a minute
Sheelagh obliged but she called out bossy as she left the room
A few minutes later Sam came into the lounge and sat next to Sheelagh, then handed her a plate, which consisted of a sandwich, crisps and a bit of salad. When Shee wasn't expecting it Sam playfully hit Sheelagh on the arm
Shee: Hey what was that for
Sam: For calling me bossy
Shee teased: Your gonna have to kiss it better now
Sam obliged and gave Sheelagh a peck on the arm, Sheelagh's skin tingled as she did this, as Sam pulled away she looked into Sheelagh's eyes and leant in, Sam could tell Sheelagh was getting a bit 'worked up' so was Sam, so Sam edged away and they ate the rest of their lunch in silence while watching the film but in all honestly neither of them were concentrating on the movie. Sheelagh saw Sam had finished her lunch so she took the plates into the kitchen. As she sat down again, she snuggled into Sam and moved Sam's arm so it was around her
Shee: Is this ok?
Sam: Perfect babe
Shee: I'll have to try to not fall asleep again; I need to go home in a bit
Sam looked saddened
Shee: Not just now though
Sam: Still wish you didn't have to go
Shee: Maybe someday I won't have to
Sam said surprised: Really?
Shee: Actually no not maybe, hopefully, defiantly
Sam: Can I ask you an awkward question?
Sheelagh turned to look at Sam
Shee: You want to know if I weren't pregnant, would we be together right now?
Sam nodded
Sheelagh looked away and replied with a simple Yes. This brought tears to both of there eyes. Then they just held each other tightly
Sam: You'd better be going
Both of there smiles disappeared
Sam: Will I get to see you tomorrow?
Shee: I certainly hope so
Shee stood up: Don't get up
Sheelagh leaned over and gave Sam a gentle kiss on the head
Sam: Can I erm text?
Shee: Why would I say no?
Sam: Because your with Des and not me
Shee: I know it hurts you so bad, it hurts me too
Sheelagh walked out
---------------------------------------------
Sheelagh entered, she felt like she was going to throw up, the amount of alcohol fumes in the air was unbelievable
Sheelagh shouted: Des its only 4pm and your already boozing
Sheelagh looked around then she heard noises from the bedroom. She went in and to her horror there was Des sound asleep and no other than Debbie McAllister franticly getting dressed.
Sheelagh shouted: What the fuck you playing at?
Des stirred, he saw Sheelagh standing there and looked horrified
Debbie: Well I came to offer my support as you two had had an argument
Sheelagh stormed out, Des glared at Debbie then he stormed after Sheelagh
Des shouted after her: Sheelagh, Sheelagh
Just a she was going to cross the road, he shouted, I love you, this made Sheelagh turn around but as she did, a car hit her. Des screamed. Her body flung to the floor
Des straight away called for an ambulance, he ran to her body and wept. He didn't touch it though...too scared
-----------------------------------------
Des sat in the waiting room of Sunhill Accident and Emergency department. He didn't know what to do, he had called Reg but he wasn't in, he had also let Gina know. Now all he could do was play the waiting game...
-----------------------------------------
Sam was lying daydreaming about Sheelagh when the phone started ringing. This startled Sam. Sam gulped, it's as if she knew something bad had happen
"Hello,"
"Sam,"
"Gina?"
"Yes, don't interrupt, Sheelagh's in A&E, got run over by a car Sam gasped, I know you lov Gina couldn't finish this word err feel deeply for her so get your arse there now,"
Sam slammed down the phone grabbed her keys and drove to A&E as quickly as she possibly could
----------------------------------------
Sam saw Des and gulped, no matter how she felt about Des she had to ignore these feelings
"Des, how is she?"
"Sam? Erm well, his voice broke down the baby can't be saved they have to remove it, Shee is un-conscious and badly shaken up, thanks for coming,"
"Yeah anything for a work mate,"
Sam sat down and stayed silent, she couldn't break in front of Des, a million thought were going through her mind
After around 24 hours, which was very worrying for them both, they mainly just slept, ate and waited. Des yawns
Sam: Do you want to go home for a couple of hours?
Des: I can't do this
He stormed out
Sam didn't know what to do
About half an hour later a doctor appeared
"I'm Dr. Kangue, Sheelagh Murphy has woken up,"
Sam immediately said: CAN I SEE HER?
Dr.: Yes but she is very weak and her body is a bit shocking
Sam followed the Dr. who led her into a small room, all the machines scared Sam. Sheelagh couldn't breathe on her own so she was on a ventilator. Her body was limp, her face bruised, her eyes heavy. Sam felt like breaking down but she wouldn't, she told herself 'must be strong'. Sam walked over and held Sheelagh hand
Sam: I'm here now
In response Sheelagh just about managed to stroke Sam's hand, then Sheelagh closed her eyes. Sam let a tear drop from her eye. She lay her head down next to Sheelagh's head. About 2 and half hours late Gina popped her head round the door and summoned Sam to come outside
Sam: Tell me what happened
Gina: You won't like it
Sam: I need to know
Gina sighed: Sheelagh found Des in bed with Debbie
Sam: McAllister
Gina: Yes, then she ran out, she was crossing the road when Des distracted her and a car hit her
Sam was crying
Gina: They're going to have to operate when Sheelagh is stronger
Sam looked through the window at Sheelagh; she wanted to make it all better
Gina: You haven't heard the worst yet
Sam looked at Gina puzzled
Gina: Sit on that chair
Sam obliged
Gina: The person driving the car was . . . Abigail
Sam was shocked in one way but in another she wasn't. Abby's actions didn't surprise her but the fact she'd run over the person she cared about nearly as much as she loved Abby. She was so glad she was sitting down. Sam slumped in the chair
Sam: Does Des know?
Gina: No
Sam just wanted to cry and say, it's all my fault but there was only one person she could be that honest with - Sheelagh
Gina asked sympathetically: Are you ok?
Sam lied: Yeah fine, we just need to find Des
Gina: Reg is with him, should he tell him?
Sam really didn't know but she knew that it was Sheelagh and Des that were together so she nodded and walked back to Sheelagh's side. Gina went off to get coffee
--------------------------------------------
Des came storming in
Reg: Stop Des, calm down
He raged into the room
Sam jumped and looked up at Des, his eyes looked furious
He lunged towards Sam
Reg: Look you'll disturb Sheelagh
Des: Do you think I really care?
Reg ran towards Des to stop him but Des pushed him off with one arm
He grabbed Sam by her hair
Des raised his voice: Look at what you did to her, my baby died because of you
Des raised his leg and kicked Sam in the stomach
Security came rushing in and seized Des and took him outside. As Des was leaving he said, 'Watch your back, I'll get you.' Gina had come back. She arrested Des for assaulting and threatening a police officer
Sam was on the floor, clutching her stomach
Reg helped Sam up
Reg: You'd better get that checked out, Des has a mean kick
Sam: NO. I'm not leaving Sheelagh
Reg: It's not like she is going anywhere
Sam just ignored Reg. He felt uncomfortable so he left
Reg: I'd better make a statement
Sam didn't turn her head till a few seconds later; she was just in time to see him walking away. Sam was glad she was alone now, she couldn't hold it in any longer, she cried. Sheelagh awoke from her sleep, she felt slightly stronger. Sam hadn't noticed she'd woken up. Sheelagh managed to lift her arm up and put it round Sam. Sam didn't jump; she just looked up at Sheelagh, who had managed to put on a smile, so Sam did as well. Then Sam put her head back down next to Sheelagh's body, the closest she could get to Sheelagh. They both dozed.
Dr. Kangue came through and gently woke Sam up; Sam lifted her head up, her eyes heavy. The disturbed Sheelagh, Sheelagh took off the ventilator mask
Dr: Please keep it on, I'm really sorry but we are going to have to operate today
Sam looked at Sheelagh and saw the tears in her eyes; Sam grabbed Sheelagh's hand
Dr: You are stronger so it's better to do it sooner
Sheelagh struggled to ask: Can I hold my baby?
Dr nodded: But please understand, if you have a general anaesthetic there is a possibility that you may not wake up. We could do it without. This is recommended.
Sheelagh managed to nod
Sam looked at Sheelagh with fear in her eyes
Sheelagh then managed to find the strength to say: Can I have someone in the room with me?
Dr: Of course, someone be in later to prep you and get you ready
With that the Dr departed
Sheelagh turned to Sam
Sheelagh was nearly out of energy but she had to ask: Sam, would you come with me?
Sam leaned over to Sheelagh and placed the ventilator mask back on her
Sam: Of course, you need me and I'm going to be there, now just sleep, don't waste your energy
----------------------------------------------
Sheelagh laid there, wishing she wasn't in this operating room. If only she had stayed with Sam and not gone home. To late for ifs
Sam was holding onto Sheelagh's hand so tightly
Dr: Maybe you could try distracting her by talking to her
Sam swallowed: Maybe when you're well enough, you could go away on holiday with err Des, that would be nice, somewhere hot...
Sam kept on talking to Sheelagh for a while
Sam heard the doctors mumble
Shee: They're getting my baby out
Sheelagh started weep silently
Sam looked over, all she could see was blood, then she caught a glimpse of a body but they whisked it away. Sheelagh started to cry and Sam cried with her
One of the doctors walked over
Dr: Mrs Murphy, your baby is a little girl, you'll be able to hold her later, we will get you sown up.
Sheelagh just cried and cried. Sam felt helpless
------------------------------------------
Once they were back in Sheelagh's room; Sheelagh fell asleep. An hour later a nurse came in with baby, Sam looked at this tiny baby. And then woke Sheelagh up. Sam helped Sheelagh up and then Sheelagh held out her arms. The nurse walked over and placed the little girl into Sheelagh's arms. Sheelagh looked into her baby's closed eyes she looked so peaceful, there was no way Sheelagh was going to look away, Sheelagh was in awe of her baby
Nurse: You can take your ventilator mask off but if you're finding it hard to breathe put it back it on. Take as long as you need.
The nurse walked out
Sam reached over and took the mask off
Sam: I'll go
Shee: I'd like it if you'd stay actually
Sam saw a tear drop from Sheelagh's eyes. Sam put her arm round Sheelagh. Sheelagh tried to shuffle across the bed but she was too weak
Sam: You want me to sit next to you
Sheelagh nodded fiercely
Sam managed to squeeze on the bed, this made Sheelagh feel bit better...safer. Sam didn't know what to say
Sheelagh: She's so gorgeous
Sam: She gets that from her mother
Sheelagh snuggled more into Sam
Sam started to cry gently
Sam: Sorry I should be strong
Shee: Not at all Sam, you're being strong
Sheelagh stroked her baby's face
Sam: Did you and Des talk about names?
Shee shock her head: Mine and Des's relationship wasn't really a relationship, I can't talk about it not now
Sam: I understand
Shee: I need to talk about it so much
Sam: Shh when your ready yes, but concentrate on your daughter
Shee: I like the name Niamh
Sam: That's nice
Shee: You know what's nice? Niamh Jessica
Sam: Yeah, your right, you know what? That's
Shee butted in: I know, why do you think I choose it
Sam looked at Sheelagh questionably then smiled
Shee: Sam do you want to hold Niamh?
Sam: Err
Shee: My arms are getting a bit tired
Sam took the little Niamh and held her. This made Sheelagh's heart ache. Sam stroked Niamh delicate face; she was so small and gorgeous. Sam handed the baby back to Sheelagh, as she did this she flinched
Sheelagh: What's the matter?
Sam: Err nothing just period pains
Sam lied
Sam: Look I'll be back in a bit I promise
Once Sam was outside she lifted up her top, it was very black and blue
Sam decided to grab a coffee and go to the ladies room
------------------------------------------
After half an hour Sam returned but she didn't go in
As she approached she saw Des in there with Sheelagh and Siobhan was outside so Sam left the hospital and went home. But Siobhan had seen Sam walk away
Once she was home, Sam just went into the bed Gina had leant her. She climbed in but she didn't sleep, just thought
------------------------------------------
Des: I'm sorry I wasn't here
Des was holding the baby
Shee: It's ok
Des: In fact I'm sorry for everything, a fresh start for us from now on, ok?
Shee: Des...I...love...s, you so erm fresh start now
Des: I love you too, I'll go and get a coffee and send Siobhan in
Shee: Ok love
Des put Niamh back into Sheelagh's arms
Des: Good choice of name Shee, Niamh Jessica Taviner, lovely. Goodbye Niamh, little one, daddy will always love you
Des wiped a tear from his eye and walked away
Siobhan entered
Siobhan: I'm sorry mum
Shee: Do you want to hold your sister?
Siobhan nodded and took the baby
Sheelagh glanced at the clock; she knew Sam should have been back by now
Siobhan: Ma, there was a erm blonde outside a while ago, she looked through but then left
Shee: Oh right
Siobhan: She a friend?
Shee: Yeah Sam
Siobhan joked: Quite fit, can you set me up?
Sheelagh forced a giggle
Siobhan looked at her mum
Siobhan: You like her don't you?
Shee: Erm
Siobhan gave her mum a sympathetic look
Shee: But what does it matter anyway I'm with Des
Siobhan: Are you with Des like you were with my dad when you met Des?
Shee rang the bell: Siobhan leave and give Niamh to the nurse
Siobhan: Don't you want to say goodbye?
Shee: JUST GO
Sheelagh turned her back on Siobhan
A week and a half went by. Sheelagh remained in hospital. Des visited her everyday. Sam on the other hand had spent the whole week in bed pinning. Sheelagh couldn't do this she ignored her feelings but every night when Des went home, Sheelagh's heart ached. Siobhan knew just how much so Siobhan was going to do something about it. She decided to try and talk to her mum about it first.
Siobhan: Mum how you feeling?
Shee: Fine and dandy
Siobhan decided to voice her opinion: I think you should ring Sam
Shee: You do, do you? Have you ever been in my situation?
Siobhan: Not totally
Shee: Exactly so don't you go...
Siobhan: BUT I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN
Shee I don't lov... hold on, you like women?
Siobhan: Yup, why you ask mum? Do you think it's dirty and wrong? Is that why you're hiding from Sam?
Shee: Why would I be hiding from Sam? She is just a mate
Siobhan: Don't do this to yourself, please mum. What about when you have your next argument? Who are you going to turn to then? You can't turn back to Sam, that's just taking her for a ride. If you love her or want her tell her now.
Sheelagh once again turned her back on Siobhan, just a she was walking away Sheelagh said, it's Des and me now, he needs me and we love each other
Siobhan shook her head. Now she turned to plan B
---------------------------------------------
Siobhan breathed deeply and knocked on the door
Sam answered the door. Siobhan noticed how different she looked from the last time she saw her. She looked paler, washed out and thin
"Is Shee okay?" Sam gasped
"Well depends what you mean by okay."
"Come in."
"No thanks, I'm just here to tell you to get your act together and go and see her," Siobhan said urgently
"But..."
"I have no time for buts Sam," the way Siobhan said this reminded Sam of Gina, "You make my mum happy, that's all I want for her and I'm sure that's what you want to, isn't it?"
Sam listened intensively then nodded her head
"Look Des won't be there tonight, so I suggest you go."
"How is she?"
"Go and you'll see,"
Siobhan closed the door on herself
Sam slumped down by the door and cried
-------------------------------------------
However hard Sheelagh wished it was always Des that came through the door. She had begun to feel much better hopefully she'd be out in a couple of days. She had been moved out of Intensive Care, to a ward but she still had her own room. But she wished that her future wasn't with Des but she made her bed now she had to lie on it
Sheelagh stared and the clock - 6:30pm
She sighed then reached for her book and started reading
Sam walked up nervously, she looked through the door of her room and she watched Sheelagh, looked at her with love. Sheelagh didn't notice anyone was there. After about 5 minutes Sam came into the room. Sheelagh looked up then turned her back on Sam. Sam kept on walking over to Sheelagh then put her hand on the side of Sheelagh's body after a few seconds Sheelagh moved her hand and put it on Sam's, then Sheelagh turned back round. Sam leant over and gave her a huge hug. Sheelagh sniffed Sam's hair. When Sam let go and started to stand up, both of them started crying
Sam: I've missed you so much
Shee: I don't know what to do
Sam: You don't have to do anything. I'm really sorry
Shee: Sorry?
Sam: For everything and especially for Abigail running you over
Shee: It's not your fault
Sam sunk her head
Shee: Come and hold me please
Sam got on to the small hospital bed, Sheelagh snuggled her head into Sam's body
They both felt so happy
Sheelagh looked up to Sam
Shee: Shall I tell Des it's over?
Sam: I don't know Shee; it's up to you. I just want you to be happy. If staying with Des then coming to me every time you have an argument, that is fine by me
Shee: I couldn't live like that honestly
Sam: So is it one or the other
Shee: No, it's just you
Sam: What do we do?
Shee: Well Gina said I could move in . . . maybe if you
Sam sat up in delight: YES!
Sheelagh hugged Sam tightly
Shee: It's a big step
Sam: What are you going to tell Des?
Sheelagh gulped: Tell him it's over, Sam can I tell you why I can't be with him and pick out his little faults
Sam: Yes
Shee with tears in her eyes: You can't tell anyone
Sam: Of course I won't
Shee: He set fire to the station with the petrol bomb
Sheelagh broke down
I've been trying to ignore this and just get on with loving him but it's eating away at me
Sam: That's a bit like a situation I had
Shee: Oh yeah
Sam pushed Sheelagh off her, making Sheelagh face her
Sam: Well you see there was this stunning woman and I had these feelings I'd never had before but I tried to ignore them
Sheelagh said sarcastically: Oh no what happened
Sam: It was a dream
Both Sheelagh and Sam laughed
Sam: That's better!
Shee: But what should I do
Sam: Whatever is in your head, no matter what I'll support you
Shee: I know
Sam: Your daughter so takes after you
Shee: Like how
Sam: Bossy
Shee: No that's you sweetheart
Shee and Sam started play fighting, gently tapping each other. Sam could see the happy glint in Sheelagh's eyes had returned. Sheelagh yawned
Sam: Sorry I'm wearing you out
Shee: Don't go
Sam: Who said anything about leaving?
Shee: Good, cause I aint letting you go
Sam: Is that a promise or a threat?
Shee gasped: Cheeky
Sam: Come home with me when you're better
Sheelagh wanted to hear the words: Why?
Sam grabbed Sheelagh's hand: I love you
Then Sam gently kissed Sheelagh's hand
Sam knew Sheelagh wouldn't say it back
Shee: I love you too
Sam: What? You mean it?
Shee: Of course
Sam leant forward to kiss Sheelagh but Sheelagh shook her head
Sam didn't feel rejected, she just held Sheelagh till she fell asleep then left
-----------------------------------------
Des was up at the ward bright and early
Des: Sorry babes that I couldn't come last night, I've been missing you like crazy
Shee: It's ok, Sam kept me company
Des: Nixon? But her daughter
Shee: Des my daughter's gay doesn't make me any different does it?
Des: Suppose, well I have a surprise for you anyway
Des handed Sheelagh an envelope
Des: Open it open it
Sheelagh opened it, a folded up leaflet was in it
Shee: A holiday?
Des: Yup just us two, in a romantic country cottage
Shee: Des that's just lovely, come here. But we still need to talk
Des: I know, the DCI is transferring Debbie; he said it's time
Shee: We'll talk more later
Des: And that is exactly what this is for
Shee: You really are sweet, aren't you?
Des: Well I love you
Shee: Des kiss me
Des: How could I refuse?
Des leaned in and gently kissed Sheelagh
By the time Des left Sheelagh, which was a fair few hours, Sheelagh was very confused to say the least. Sheelagh just cried, she didn't know what to do
Sheelagh gently stood up and walked to the nearest phone, which was just outside her room. Sheelagh shook as she rang the number
Shee: It's me
Sam: Hi, are you ok?
Shee said with a harsh tone: I haven't got time for chitchat. I don't want you to come near me again, never, just leave me alone
Sheelagh slammed down the phone but she didn't cry just walked back to her bed and slept
------------------------------------
Sam was determent not to turn to alcohol so she decided try and ring Abigail
"Hi,"
"Mum, I'm really sorry,"
Sam: How have you been?
Abi: Ok just really sorry for everything I've done
Sam: I'll always love you; you're my little girl
Abi: I love you too
Sam: You know where I am if you need me
Abi: Mrs. Murphy isn't placing charges but I'm still being charged with drunk driving and stealing the car, mum, what if I go to prison?
Sam: It will be ok; I will be here to support you 100
Abi: Mum, I've got to go
Sam: Where are you staying?
Abi put down the phone, Sam sighed. Something caught Sam's eye. Sam picked it up. It was a picture of her and Sheelagh on a work evening out, Sam smiled, she stared at it for a few minutes then placed it back down but instead of standing it up she put it place down
Sam missed Sheelagh terribly for the next few days. Then she had to go back to work so she decided to get on with her life, it's what Sheelagh wanted and cause Sam loved her then she would do whatever Sheelagh wanted
----------------------------------------
Sheelagh was lying on the sofa drinking tea; Des was in the kitchen drying up
Shee: Des it feels SO good to be back
Des: Till your better I'm going to be your slave
Shee: Just till I'm better?
Des laughed, he walked into the lounge and knelt beside Sheelagh
Des: You ok? Comfortable? Thirsty? Hungry?
Sheelagh shook her head
Des: Sex starved?
Sheelagh nodded
Des was surprised: REALLY?
Sheelagh stood up then Des stood up, Sheelagh pushed Des back on the sofa. They had a LOT of fun
As Des breathing slowed down: Didn't that hurt?
Shee, naked in Des's arms: Des, why do you think I was on top
Des: Thanks babes, that was exceptional
Shee: Thank you too without you well I'd still be able to do it
Des: I'd like to see that
Shee: Cheeky
But Sheelagh's hand started to wander...on herself
Des: Oh my God, I love you so much, you are so sexy
Sheelagh began to moan in Des's arms, he was so turned on even though they'd just had sex
But Sheelagh was doing this so she could imagine it was Sam's hand wandering on her
As Sheelagh was about to climax she groaned Sam's name
Des thought he heard Sheelagh say the name Sam. Why would she do that, he thought to himself. He must of missed heard
After Sheelagh was done, she dozed in Des's arms. While she slept, the incident was playing through Des's mind
Des shook Sheelagh up: If you sleep now you won't be able to sleep tonight
Shee: Yes daddy
Sheelagh realised what she had said
Des said seriously: Can I mean will we ever try to have children?
Shee: Well it's certainly something we can talk about
Des: I know how much you enjoy making them
Sheelagh jokingly gasped: No I don't
In truth she really didn't. She preferred making love with women...although she hadn't tried it...yet but the feelings she got when she was with a women was well unexplainable except that it was better than Des. The way Sheelagh saw it was Des was MUCH better than Patrick and although Sam was better than Des; Sheelagh couldn't be selfish
Des: Shee actually you look knackered, babes go to bed
Des kissed Sheelagh on the head then she agreed and got up but then she turned around and said
Des you never did tell me where you were when I was having the operation
Des: I was arrested...for assaulting a police officer but the person dropped the charges
Shee: Oh right, why did you do it?
Des: Out of anger...it was Sam who I attacked
Shee: You could of lost your job!
Des sat up, "I know but don't worry about it, it's over now,"
"Okay I'm going to bed now, I was tired even before our well our workout," Sheelagh winked at Des and walked away
"I'll join you in a bit," Des shouted
Sheelagh shouted back well tried but wasn't as loud as normal, "Go to the pub if you like, I'm just going to be sleeping,"
Des walked into his bedroom and made sure, "You sure?"
Sheelagh was too tired to answer so she just nodded
Des was a happy bunny; he grabbed his coat and went straight out
Sheelagh lay in bed thinking of Sam
-------------------------------------------
Sam was lying in bed thinking of Sheelagh
--------------------------------------------
Gina saw Des enter the pub; she darted over
"How's Sheelagh?"
"Yeah better, she'd be ready to come back to work in two weeks but we are going away but after that she'll be back,"
"About your holiday...you can't go, we are short staffed, sorry. You can go after that week,"
"Oh ok, well it is urgent we do go, we need to talk,"
Gina gestured Des to go and join the others; he went. Gina pulled out her mobile and sent a text to Sam
'Shee's all alone just ring her please,'
--------------------------------------------
Sam got the text but was undecided as to what to do
Sam picked up the phone and rang Sheelagh's mobile
Sheelagh looked at her mobile 'Sam calling'
"Hi."
"Hello Sheelagh, sorry for calling,"
"Don't worry about it, it's ok, I just felt things were too complicated and I didn't want to take advantage of you, it wouldn't have been fair if I just came round every time I had an disagreement with Des,"
"I'll always love you, I wish we could be together,"
"Don't Sam please, how are you?"
"Love sick, you?"
"Fine thanks,"
"Really?"
"Well I miss our chats and," Sheelagh stopped talking
Sam didn't want to push Sheelagh; they just spoke in silence, listening to each other breathing.
After a couple of minutes Sheelagh spoke, "I'd better go,"
"Oh ok," Sam said disappointedly
"Cause this must be costing you lots!"
"No, not much anyway every penny I spend is more that worth it!"
This made Sheelagh blush, she got a bit speechless, "Thanks, so what have you been up to?"
After this Sheelagh and Sam were talking (and laughing!) for about half an hour
"Doesn't time just go really quickly?" Sam said
"Yeah it does, it's getting late, and maybe I mean if you wanted to, you don't have to if you don't want to, it's up to,"
Sam butted in, "Shee spit it out!"
"Would you like to go out for a coffee or something sometime?"
Sam smiled, "Yeah I'd like that,"
"Speak to you soon then."
"Bye."
Both Sam and Sheelagh fell back on to their beds, they both couldn't stop smiling. They both fell into a peaceful sleep
--------------------------------------------
Des carefully got in beside Sheelagh, being careful not to wake her; he looked at her as he went off to sleep
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh woke up in pain, it was 2:30am, she looked at Des, and guilt filled her heart. Sheelagh got up and took some painkillers. Sheelagh went back into her room and picked up her mobile, she text Sam
'Cant meet u sorry just leave me alone'
Then Sheelagh silently cried herself to sleep
--------------------------------------------
The next 13 days passed quite quickly, which consisted of Des and Sheelagh spending time together, relaxing and the odd work out
The day before Sheelagh was due back to work, she went to meet Siobhan in a café
Siobhan: Mum you are living a lie
Shee: Err no I'm not, I know the truth
Siobhan: Des doesn't
Shee: Des needs me
Siobhan: Sam wants you and you want Sam
Sheelagh's was getting quite annoyed with Siobhan so she says angrily: It's not a question of wanting
With that Sheelagh stormed out the door and turned the corner, in to a dark alley. She started sobbing, she couldn't face the truth. The last thing Sheelagh wanted to do was hurt anyone, Des was included in that anyone. But wasn't she hurting Sam? Suddenly a familiar shadow appeared
Sheelagh gasped: Please don't hurt me
Shadow: Why would I do that? You know I love you
Sheelagh: I love you too, always will
Shadow: Then why can't we be together?
Sheelagh: Because I'm NOT in love with you
Patrick notices Sheelagh is crying: Why are you crying what has happened? Des isn't good enough for you
Sheelagh was good at lying: Can't I cry for my dead baby?
Patrick: I heard what happened, come here
Patrick opens his arms; Sheelagh accepts his gesture
Patrick: I'm sorry for o.d.ing actually I'm sorry for everything
Sheelagh looks up at Patrick
Shee: Our marriage wasn't all bad Patrick, the walks by the river, our children being born, those lazy days, rainy days, remember that holiday at the cottage in the countryside?
Patrick: Just outside Devon?
Shee: Yeah!
Patrick: That was fantastic! Isn't that where Connor first walked?
Shee: I believe so, do you remember what we did every night?
Patrick: Went and sat down by the river and drank wine
Shee: Our last night was magically, you were stunning making love that night
Patrick: Oh yeah we were adventurous that night! Making love by that river was amazing
Shee: Remember how you felt at those times?
Patrick: Of course I do
Shee: That's what it feels like to be in love, we don't feel like that now do we?
Patrick: No but
Shee: There are no buts about it; you need to move on
Patrick: Do you feel like that now with Des?
Shee lied: Yes I do
Patrick: Well then I'm happy for you and for Des
Shee: We will always love each other
Patrick: Yes we will
With that Sheelagh walked away from Patrick arms
--------------------------------------------
The next morning
--------------------------------------------
Des: Are you sure you're ready?
Sheelagh: Positive!
Des: Ok let's go
They set on their way to work
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh felt nervous, she reported to Gina almost straight away
Gina: Sheelagh are you sure your ok?
Sheelagh: Des has asked me that loads and the answer is yes, I'm ready to fight crime once again
Gina: Super Sheelagh to the rescue
Sheelagh laughed
Gina: Light duties only!
Shee: I know I know
Sheelagh opened the door to the women's changing room at the station. But as she opened it she heard a woman cry 'ouch'! Sheelagh darted in.
"I'm so sorr, oh it's you, well I am sorry," Sheelagh stood there with her mouth open
"Yeah right," Sam was stood there, near to naked, just underwear on
"What are you doing in here?"
"Had to get changed after an unfortunate accident, why is it a crime?" Sam said stubbornly
"No just surprised," Sheelagh said this pleasantly but the added on aggressively, "by your hideous body," this wasn't the truth but Sheelagh couldn't show any weakness. Sheelagh just stormed out and decided she'd go back later and get changed
After she'd gone Sam said to herself, "Shee I love you," then Sam sighed, she understood why Sheelagh had been so horrible, Sam sat down and fantasised about Sheelagh
--------------------------------------------
Sheelagh found her mind wandering quite a bit while she was sorting out some paper work, she tried to stir it back, she couldn't take it, the pain in her heart suddenly Des came bursting through the door
"Can I help you PC Taviner?"
"Actually you can! Will you help me with an interview? Reg has had to go to a hospital appointment,"
"Sure,"
"Okay a bit of background, this guy has killed is wife,"
"Ok now lets find out the story!
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"Did you kill your wife?" enquired Des
A man in his late 30's was sitting there, he had a suit on and his eyes were heavy and red
"Yes I did, but it was an accident I pushed her," the man broke down into tears, "down the stairs."
"Why?" asked Sheelagh
"She's been in love with someone else for the best part of our marriage but she didn't bother to tell me till now, it hurt and I was angry,"
"Ok I understand that," said Des
"No you don't, the main reason why I was angry was because she didn't put herself first, she was with me because that's what I wanted, how could I be so selfish!"
Sheelagh gulped, tried not to compare this to her situation
Sheelagh told the man what would happened next then terminated the interview
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After what seemed like a long day Sheelagh went to get changed to go home. After she had got changed, she had to wait for Des, Sheelagh decided to be brave and go to see Sam
"Hi, I'm sorry for earlier,"
Sam looked up, Sheelagh hadn't forgot how stunningly beautiful Sam was
"Hi! How was your day?" Sam asked smiling
Sheelagh went and sat down
"Sam I don't want to bother you with chit chat, I've got to tell you something,"
Sam got worried, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm going to leave Des, I don't expect you to have me or anything, Sam I love you,"
Sam started crying, "I want us to be together,"
Then Sheelagh started crying, she stood up then walked over to Sam for a big hug
"I'm sorry, I'm not planning on telling him till we go away in two weeks, is that okay?"
"That's fine do it in your own time, can we see each other before?"
"I hope so! How about tonight...at yours?"
"You mean at Gina's that would be great,"
"See you then," Sheelagh got a bit nervous but Sam pulled her in close and they shared a sweet clinched kiss
BUT
Des had seen this kiss! He had gone looking for Sheelagh. But Des being Des thought nothing of this kiss so he decided to surprise Sheelagh outside
Des: Hey sexy
Shee: Hi Des
Des: Lets go then, early night?
Shee: If you don't mind, Sam and Gina have invited me round
Des: That's fine!
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When they got home, Des started cooking Dinner. Sheelagh had a plan
Shee: Des...
Des: Shee...
Shee: Can I stay round Gina's all night? It will just help me sober up more before I go to work
Des: Sure, you don't have to ask permission
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Sheelagh was more excited than nervous!
Gina answered the door, "Sam's getting ready, has been for hours,"
Gina walked through to the lounge, Sheelagh closed the door and followed, she was a bit nervous, uneasy
"Can I get you a drink?"
"No thanks,"
"Ok then I'm gone,"
"Where you going?"
"Out on the town with some people from work, see you tomorrow at work,"
Gina then went, Sheelagh was left on her own
Inside Sheelagh a bit of excitement was building up...rapidly
Suddenly Sam entered looking strikingly gorgeous, she was wearing a sexy black nightdress, which ended way before her knees, it was also see through in some places. It was black lace around the top and bottom with sequins and in the middle it was black silk. Sheelagh looked at her practically drooling
"Good reaction," Sam said grinning
"You look aaaa...amazing," Sheelagh was stunned
Sam stepped towards Sheelagh; Sheelagh reached out her hand and began to guide it up the back of Sam's body. Then Sheelagh gently pushed Sam towards her