This is my idea of what I thought a scene in the L.A. episode of Castle might be like. It started out as a daydream while in a shipper haze while trying to think realistically about what might happen in the next new episode. Unfortunately I do not own Castle or any of its characters. This is just for fun. It is a one-shot story and is my very first attempt at Castle fanfiction. I hope you enjoy it. Please review. :)
After a very emotional day for Beckett, she didn't particularly want to be alone. Castle didn't know what to think when she came into his room last night and asked if she could sleep in his bed. The question brought up so many emotions in him, excitement, anxiety, happiness & fear just to name a few. But he agreed, of course he agreed, he could never turn her away in her moment of need.
So now, with the morning light gleaming through the windows, he lay there beside her, his eyes traveling down their bodies, noticing how their arms and legs became intertwined during the night. At that moment he decided that he never wanted to move, he just wanted to stay that way forever and part of him dreaded the moment when she would finally open her eyes and it would all be over.
Her breath was steady & she looked so peaceful as she slept which was a nice change after the emotional beating she had received within the past 24 hours. She had practically cried herself to sleep but the whole experience gave Castle mixed emotions. On one hand, he hated to see her upset. Life had not always been good to her and more than anything he wished he could just make all of her heartache disappear. But on the other hand, the words she had spoken the night before made him blissfully happy to the point of guilt. He felt bad to have such a sense of happiness while she sat there teary eyed and dying inside. Castle played the memory over in his mind.
They were sitting on the edge of his bed and tears were flowing freely down Beckett's cheeks. "I've lost people I've loved before & the pain is indescribable," Beckett confessed. "But this is the first time I've had to deal with the death of someone I had once been in love with. It's an entirely different kind of pain."
"I can imagine," was all that Castle managed to say.
Beckett had managed to reveal a faint smile of appreciation of the fact that he was listening so intently and trying to understand. "Thank you, Castle. I don't think I could have gotten through any of this without you." Beckett suddenly frowned. "And that kind of scares me to death."
Castle's brow furrowed, suddenly confused. "Why?" He asked.
"You've been there for me through so much and now I can't seem to imagine you not being there."
"I'm not going anywhere." He replied.
"But how do you know?" She asked. "You could meet someone & decide to run off and get married. Or your work could take you away someday, you can't keep writing Nikki Heat novels forever. Or God forbid something happens to you while you are shadowing me. That's the one that keeps me up some nights. I just don't know what I would do if I ever lost you. Depending on someone this much is terrifying."
Castle ignored her scenario about him running off and getting married. He wasn't ready to go there yet.
"No matter what happens with my books, I will always be there for you. I want to be in your life." He admitted. "I always need police expertise for all of my novels anyway so I will help you for as long as you can put up with me."
He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I didn't know you worried so much about me getting hurt. I knew what I was signing up for. If anything does happen, it wouldn't be your fault." His heart swelled at the thought that he meant this much to her.
"Yeah, but it wouldn't stop me from blaming myself." She said, her voice shaky. "I even feel responsible for Royce in a way & if I came so close to the deep end about this, I can't even imagine how I would ever be able to deal with losing you." Her voice cracked and tears once again made a trail down her cheeks.
Castle felt a painful ball of emotion form in his throat but at the same time her implication that his demise would be harder for her to deal with than someone she was once admittedly in love with made his head spin. He instinctively pulled her into his arms in a warm embrace. Beckett's head fell immediately upon his shoulder. Her breath came out in short gasps as she continued to cry until finally her breathing was steady again as she became in control of her emotions.
She pulled away from him and began to speak, her head tilted slightly down unable to make eye contact. "Would you mind if I slept in here tonight? I don't want to be alone." She waited for an answer while a slight blush formed on her cheeks.
"Of course." That was the last thing that was said before they both crawled into bed & drifted off to sleep.
Now, with the memory of that running through his mind, he lay there, awaiting the end of her slumber. Her breathing suddenly became more erratic and her body slightly shifted. He knew it wouldn't be long now until she opened up her eyes.
Her lids began to flutter and Castle greeted her with, "Good Morning," to let her know he was awake and to partially distract her from the fact that he had been staring at her for the past half hour.
"Good Morning," she said, wiping the sleep out of her eyes. As her eyes opened up completely, she noticed the very close position their bodies were in but didn't even attempt to move out of it. She liked the warm feeling of their bodies entwined. Her eyes drifted over Castle's face until she met his eyes with hers and a jolt of electricity seemed to shoot through her body. She swallowed hard and her gulp did not go unnoticed.
"Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we...ya know?" She asked, the bashfulness from last night completely gone and replaced with desire.
Even though she didn't come right out and use the word "Sex," she didn't have to spell it out for him. He knew exactly what she was referring to.
"Ever since the first day I met you," he responded with a light chuckle. "How about you? Do you ever think about it?" he asked, nervous about the question but felt brave enough since she was the one who brought it up.
Her eyes glided down to his lips, "Constantly," she admitted in a breathy tone that made Castle shiver and his heart beat faster.
It was his turn to gulp as she scooted in even closer. She ran her hands up his bare arms, thinking about how hot he looked in a T-shirt. She wished he'd wear them more often. She leaned in until he could feel her breath on his ear. She began softly kissing under his lobe and continued lightly pressing her lips across his jawbone. When her lips reached the destination of his mouth, he pulled back slightly.
"Kate, we can't," he said, the painful reality of stopping her from doing something he had wanted for so long suddenly hit him and he had to close his eyes to shake the thought away. "I can't be with you when you are already with someone else."
Beckett sighed, "Oh God, I'm a horrible person," she declared more to herself than to him, but then met his eyes. "Am I a horrible person for completely forgetting that I even had a boyfriend?"
"Am I a horrible person for wanting you to call him right this minute and break up with him so I can have my wicked way with you?" he responded to her question, with a question, his voice low, sexy and rough. He couldn't help but stare at her lips.
"Am I a horrible person for wanting the same thing?" she sighed again. "I'm sorry, Castle. My relationships are complicated," she disclosed.
She pulled away from him, feeling the loss of his warmth and sat on the edge of the bed. "Sometimes I wonder if I keep purposely getting involved with people, who I know I can keep myself partially detached from, just so it doesn't hurt as much when I inevitably lose them."
Castle followed her lead and sat on the edge of the bed beside her, grabbing her hand and running his thumb across the inside of her palm.
Beckett's heart swelled in her chest at how sweet he was being, suddenly wishing once more that the circumstances were different so they could have made love.
Much to Caste's surprise, he saw what he would describe as a wicked grin cross her face. Her expression made him smile and he wondered what she was up to.
She finally looked up at him and said, "It's too bad. It would've been great."
Castle beamed at their private memory of his offer for a dinner & debriefing that now seemed like a million years ago.
He took the bait & leaned in until his lips were mere centimeters away from her ear. "You have no idea." he said.
He pressed his forehead against hers and they both smiled brightly at the cherished memory and the realization of how far they'd come.
Castle was intrigued by this sudden progression in their relationship and even though they couldn't be together right now like he would have wanted, the fact that it was looking more and more like she may want the same thing was a huge leap forward. It wasn't his dream come true yet, but it would have to do for now.