Roman Sionis' Day Off
It was yet another bright and sun-shiney Friday morning. All the Leaguers were happy and delightful. One Leaguer in particular was EXTREMELY happy. That person? None other than Black Mask. Let's see what he has to say, shall we?
"Woohoo! I have the whole next 5 weeks off! My mill's closed for repairs so I can hang out with all you guys" Black Mask cheered excitedly
"so does that mean you're gonna take me to see Zootopia today, Uncle Roman?" Dinah asked excitedly
"you bet I am, kiddo! Go get your coat and shoes on and we'll get going" Black Mask responded
"Be good with Uncle Roman, sweetie! Don't forget to thank him afterwards" Hippolyta reminded sweetly
"ok Mommy, I love you" Dinah said, kissing Hippolyta on the cheek as she and Roman walked off
"so Roman's being a freeloader for 5 whole weeks, eh? Well that's just great" Batman grumbled sarcastically
"Bruce… have you been exposed to red kryptonite again?" Supergirl asked
"no Kara, I've been exposed to all the craziness and total maniacal insanity that's been going on in this madhouse. I have a superpowered alien idiot for a leader, a total sissy nerd for a sidekick, a complete child canary who's also a total momma's girl, an extremely smothering mother, a drunk alcoholic…" Batman started before Helena knocked him out in the back of the head
"Thanks big sis. He was being kind of a bully" Supergirl said
"It's alright sweetie. Come on, I'll make you some ice cream" Huntress said
"Yay" Supergirl cheered, Huntress grunting as she picked up the underweight teenager
"My goodness Kara, you're getting big" Huntress grunted
Later…
"Ok y'all Uncle Roman's back! And I brought home dinner" Black Mask announced, bringing home five boxes of cheese pizza
"Hey you two! How was the movie?" Hippolyta asked
"it was really good. Dinah fell asleep on the way home" Roman said, Hippolyta taking Dinah
"Awww, ok, I'll go put her to bed" Hippolyta cooed, walking upstairs with Dinah
"Wow, Roman, you got everything we ordered! Plus cinnamon rolls! And breadsticks" Robin exclaimed
"Yup I sure did, kiddo. By the way, where's Bats? I got him his order of wings" Roman asked
"He's at his AA meeting" Hippolyta answered
"Hey Ma, I'm home" Maggie Sawyer says cheerfully, walking in
"Hey sweetheart, how was your vacation at Oolong Island?" Hippolyta asks sweetly, brewing tea
"Oh it was terrific! I got such a great tan! Plus me and Kate had our nails match" Maggie adds
"Well that's very delightful sweetie. In the meantime, your Uncle Roman is taking a few weeks off from the mill so he can spend time with the family" Hippolyta says
"Oh really? Awesome!" Maggie cheers, rushing off to her room to text her girlfriends
"Hey, uh Ma, Jason's locked himself in the bathroom again with the meds" Nightwing hollers
"Oh dear, Roman, could you take care of that?" Hippolyta asks
"Sure thing honey" Roman replies, finishing reading his newspaper
"Ok, Spoiler's down for the day, thank Hera" Wonder Woman exhaled, leaving the quarantine room
"So… she didn't bite you again did she?" Huntress asked worriedly
"nah. She just took the medicine and went right to sleep" Diana answered
"So… are we ever gonna get our Stephanie back? Our cheerful little Spoiler?" Huntress asks
"I don't know Helena, I just don't know. All we can do is pray to the gods and goddesses above that they answer our prayers" Diana sighs
"Hey kids, wanna play Monopoly with me? I got the game all set up" Black Mask offered
"Sure, Uncle Roman" Diana said cheerfully, she and Huntress following Roman into the family room
In Hush's and Mr. Zsasz's Room…
"Hey, Vic?" Hush asks as the reformed knife wielding maniac snapped out of a daze and faced his brother
"Yeah?" Zsasz asks
"You hear that Roman's taking the week off" Hush said
"Yup, I heard about it just this morning" Zsasz answered, jotting down notes in his journal
"so… Civil War's almost here, huh?" Hush asked
"yup. It's Avenger versus Avenger" Zsasz remarked
"yeah. And why do I get the odd feeling that the stinger in the end may have something to do with a highly omnipotent alien warlord who wants some shiny power stones?" Hush asked
"oh yes, we can't ignore the fact that the Infinity Wars is a-cookin'" Zsasz replied
"Mm-hmm. Plus the fact that anyone and I mean ANYONE can die" Hush added
"uh huh. Come Civil War, we oughta place bets on who kicks the bucket and who gets brought back for Infinity War" Vigilante replied
"ok Greg, Bats won over Supes. Might as well pay up" Hawkgirl said, her hand out
"Dagnabbit" Vigilante cursed, handing Shayera $30 bucks
"whatcha talking about?" Hippolyta asked
"oh Greg lost the bet" Hawkgirl said smugly
"oh that reminds me. Boys… pay up" Hippolyta asked
"oh for the love of Bob Kane" Hush snapped, digging into his wallet and handing her $20
"Zsasz, you too" Hippolyta said softly
"ay gevalt…" Zsasz moaned, handing her $15
"thanks very much darlings. Toodles" Hippolyta giggled, blowing each of them a kiss as she walked off
"well there goes my money for that Mother's Day present I ordered" Vigilante sighed
"yeah. Also there goes my gambling money for poker later tonight" Hush moaned
"MOMMMMM! Bruce tried to sell me on eBay again" Robin whined
"oh come on Tim! You'll LOVE it in Cancun" Batman pleaded
"oy…" Hush moaned, facepalming in annoyance
"hey, what's up?" Roman asked, dressed in his polo shirt and khaki pants
"what the…? You freeloader, you! Look how much you're racking up the cable bill" Hush snapped
"hey come on guys, I have a whole week off" Roman said
"oh baloney, you are so full of excuses, you know that?" Zsasz asked
"you wanna say that to my face knife boy?" Roman snarled
"SSHHHHHHHH! I just got Dinah down for her nap" Hippolyta hissed
…
…
"sheesh" Zsasz said more quietly
"does anyone wanna play Sequence?" Nightwing asked
"eh, why not? I got nothing else going on today" Hush sighed
…
…
"ZZZZZZZZZ…" Silver snored loudly in her bed
"geez girls, look at all that rain come down" Vesper commented, looking out the window
"mm-hmm, that's a spring shower for you" Veronica grumbled, turning on her side
"ugh, nothing on but baseball and tennis. This stinks" Julie grumbled, switching off the TV
"well take a nap then" Cat sighed, getting into bed
"I think I will. Nighty-night" Julie yawned, getting into bed and falling asleep
"oh girls? Could you be Mommy's little helper and help me clean the blinds?" Hippolyta asked sweetly
"Sure Mama" Silver said, getting out of bed
"Oh you little suck-up…" Vesper growled in disgust
"She is SUCH a kiss-ass" Julie groaned
"mm-hmm, I know THAT's right" Roxy yawned, coming out of the shower
…
"Oh it is absolutely dreadful outside" Hippolyta remarked
"Mm-hmm. Now you noticed?" Harvey remarked, reading the newspaper
"Well, so much for our bike ride…" Hippolyta groaned, getting into bed beside her husband
"Anything else going on tonight?" Harvey asked, snuggling closer to his wife
"No, not much darling. Tomorrow's Jade's cheerleading tryouts" Hippolyta yawned
"Hmm. Ah well, I'll go take her to it" Harvey said, putting away his newspaper
"ok. G'night honey" Hippolyta said, kissing Harvey goodnight
"G'night hon" Harvey replied, turning off his light as both went to sleep for the night
…
"good news Zsasz, we finally built you a room" Black Mask announced the next morning
"woo-hoo" Zsasz cheered loudly
"Great. So that means he won't be freeloading me and my wife's room" Hush added
"So… I see you finally built Victor a room. That's very generous of you, Roman" Hippolyta said
"yeah, well after a few stories I decided why not?" Roman remarked
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH" Robin screamed, running for his life as he was chased by a flock of sheep
"no, no, lemme guess…" Kara said, turning to her older twin
"Bruce" both Kara and Alex said in unison
"remind me to build a padded room for him later" Roman remarked
"well good news: I got all the cleaning done" Flash announced
"thank you very much Wally" Hippolyta said warmly, handing him $15
"morning" Zatanna yawned, waking up
"morning Zee. Thanks for sleeping in" Hippolyta said, kissing Zatanna on the cheek
"thanks Mama" Zatanna replied warmly, making herself some pancakes
"ok Mom, I'm going to work and I'm taking Dinah with me. Love you" Huntress called
"bye sweethearts, have fun" Hippolyta cooed, blowing them kisses
"Tim, my boy, your mother and I have been talking and…" Two-Face said to Robin
"uh-oh" Kara and Alex said in unison, both knowing what was coming
"…we decided it was time that we told you about the birds and the bees" Two-Face finished
"…I need an adult" Robin said in a high-pitched voice
"oh for the love of… we ARE adults! How many times do I need to keep tellin' you to ACT LIKE A MAN" Black Mask snarled, slapping Robin in the face
"here you go Timmy. I fixed your pocket protector" Power Girl said kindly
"thanks Kara. I'm late for school! Bye Mom, bye Dad" Robin said, rushing off
"…Nerd" Black Mask finally said
"I HEARD THAT" Robin hollered
"so whatcha feel like doin' today, buttercup?" Alex asked, turning to her younger twin
"I dunno sis, how's about we hang out in my room?" Kara offered
"Alrighty" Alex replied, both walking off hand in hand
"What the hey is up with THEM?" Hush asked in confusion
"You'd rather not know, Tommy. Now come on, I need help mowing the lawn" Black Mask barked
"what the? Are you insane? It's eighty degrees out, plus there's tons and tons of bees out there" Hush complained
"I'll give you something much, MUCH worse than a beesting if you don't get out there" Black Mask threatened
"You wouldn't…" Hush said as Black Mask loaded his pistol
"I'm NOT kidding. Now get out there and mow, unless you want your leg to be bandaged as well" Black Mask said
"Well guess what? My leg IS bandaged, so the joke's on you" Hush sneered, walking out to the garage
"…I will admit, that was a good comeback" Black Mask said to the camera
…
"what in Hera's name is that unholy stench?" Hippolyta asked, pinching her nose
"me" Hush answered, sweat dripping off of him rapidly as he came into the house
"oh for god's sakes Tommy, go use the shower" Sheila griped, shooing her husband out of the living room
"you call that mowing? There's still five to eight inches left!" Black Mask griped, coming back
"grr… Sheila, your husband is just as lazy as your nephew Tim" Black Mask said, getting himself a beer
"hey Roman, uh, do you have plans for later tonight?" Linda asked
"why yes, as a matter of fact I do. I promised the twins I'd take 'em to that Wizard World Comic-Con thing tonight" Black Mask replied
"WHAT? Wait a minute, I said I was doing it" Hal hollered, stomping into the room
"Hal, let's not raise our voices, we don't wanna wake Dinah. You know you do NOT wanna make her mad, right?" Black Mask warned, recalling the time an eight-month old Dinah bit Hal in retaliation for playing his rock n' roll music too close to her nursery
"…oh, yeah" Hal realized
"so listen, I spent all the money to get the tickets. How in the hell am I gonna get YOU in?" Black Mask wondered
"I might have an idea…" Zsasz offered, grinning slyly
"oh geez, here we go…" Kyle moaned
"listen Zsasz, you are NOT fencing me any tickets. Remember when we got arrested for illegally entering Disney World?" Black Mask asked
"no, you didn't get arrested. I did, because the kids were scared of my face" Zsasz remarked
"oh baloney. You had your silly tally marks on your chest. Furthermore as I recall, the marks were written in red" Black Mask continued
"boys, boys, settle down. I'll go buy Hal an extra ticket" Hippolyta butted in, settling the squabble between Black Mask and Zsasz
"thanks Ma" Hal said, quickly leaving the room
"oh thanks a lot! You just HAD to butt in, didn't you?" Black Mask snarled
"It's my job. Now run along, the girls are waiting…" Hippolyta called, walking off
"…why are you looking at us like that?" Hal asked as Zsasz stared at him in a begging position
"no, Zsasz, you are NOT coming tonight. You got banned from those conventions last year, remember?" Black Mask reminded
"you know what? Come here Vic, I got an idea…" Hal said, whispering in Zsasz' ear
"woohoo" Zsasz cheered, rushing off to his room
"…WHAT did you say to him?" Black Mask asked
"uh…." Hal stammered before running off
"YOU GET BACK HERE, YOU COWARD!" Black Mask roared, chasing after him
….
"So…what the hey is THIS?" Kara asked, watching a show on Netflix
"it's called Zoo. It's a science fiction B movie thriller" Alex explained
"Pfft. It looks like a lame rip-off of Planet of the Apes" Kara scoffed
"Hmmm…." Alex pondered as she watched the show develop
"yeah, you're right, it is kinda lame" Alex admitted, changing the clicker to Everybody Loves Raymond
"hehehehe this is gonna be good" Kara giggled delightedly, clapping with joy
…
"well looks like it's guys' night at Comic Con tonight" Black Mask exhaled
"oh? Why's that?" Hippolyta asked, fixing dinner
"Apparently the twins locked themselves in their room and are Netflix binging" Black Mask deadpanned
"oh my. Well Zsasz asked if he could accompany you and Hal to Comic Con" Hippolyta said
"of course he did" Black Mask deadpanned
"ok, we're all set" Zsasz said, him and Hal dressed in their respective uniforms
"ugh… I KNOW I'm gonna regret this…" Black Mask muttered to himself
"ok, you mugs, let's go. Hal, you keep a very, VERY close eye on Zsasz, you hear?" Black Mask asked
"right-o" Hal replied, saluting, Black Mask rolling his eyes in annoyance
…
…
"apparently Kara and Alex put themselves to sleep with some orange juice" Jade said, coming down the stairs
"oh? Did you make sure to turn off the lights and close the door?" Hippolyta asked sweetly
"you bet I did, Mama" Jade said cheerfully, kissing Hippolyta on the cheek as she sat on the sofa and read her magazine
"oh hello boys! How was your get-together?" Hippolyta asked
"well… Zsasz behaved himself this time, Hal, well…" Black Mask started
"ok, what'd he do THIS time?" Carol asked, coming out of the shower
"oy…" Black Mask moaned, rubbing his sore forehead
"come on Roman, fess up. WHAT did my idiot husband do?" Carol asked, tapping her foot
"he… well, you see, he… um, well it's like this, uh…" Roman stammered
"I don't have all night you know. I was about to go to bed until I heard about this" Carol snapped
"it's alright, I'm here honey. My car broke down so I hitched a ride with Lobo" Hal explained
"oh! Well thank you so much for telling me Hal, dear" Carol said sweetly, pulling her husband in for a kiss
"what the? You're a GREEN LANTERN, for God's sakes! You could've just FLEW HERE for crying out loud" Black Mask exclaimed
"well excuse me, but my ring is recharging at the moment" Hal replied back
"…has your husband been to one of those comedy clubs? I'm telling you, he's got a good comeback" Black Mask said to Carol
"will you schmucks please shut up? I'm trying to have a bubble bath and you schmendricks keep interrupting me" Linda growled irately
"ok, I'm outta here. I see a Miller Lite with my name on it…" Black Mask grumbled, leaving in an irate huff
"Linda, honey, what's the matter?" Hippolyta asked worriedly
"apparently Wally's staying with his parents again" Linda explained
"oh geez, here we go…" Hal groaned, him and Carol exiting
"Linda, sweetheart, we've been over this before. The Parks are very nice people" Hippolyta said
"no, no, you don't understand; they're nosy, they're overbearing and they just love sticking their noses into my business. Like last night, I swore I saw them spying on me through my peephole" Linda ranted
"oh pfft, don't be so silly" Hippolyta scoffed, giggling
"Mom… he's been late" Linda said
"late for dinner?" Hippolyta asked, Linda rolling her eyes
"no, no Mom… he's been late for…" Linda said, whispering the rest into Hippolyta's ear
"ooh…" Hippolyta said in realization
"late for what?" Black Mask asked
"butt out Roman, this is between me and my husband" Linda spat
"well as your elder brother I insist on knowing what is troubling you" Roman insisted
"fine. He's late for you-know-what" Linda huffed, Black Mask choking on his beer
"WHAT?" Black Mask asked in shock
"I'm past my time. I. want. Kids. NOW" Linda snarled, removing her nightgown like a wild animal
"um… I think I better go refill my beer" Black Mask stammered, running out of the room
"I'm goin' to bed. Tell Wally when he gets home, he's a dead man" Linda said icily
"I will do that. Goodnight sweetheart" Hippolyta crooned, giving Linda a kiss
"night Mom" Linda yawned, walking up the stairs to her bedroom
"hey guys, I'm home" Wally said as soon as Linda tossed a pillow and a blanket at his face
"don't tell me… she knew I was spendin' the night at my parents' house?" Wally asked
"mm-hmm" Hippolyta said
"and?" Wally asked
"oh… um, you see…" Hippolyta said, whispering what Linda told her into Wally's ear
"oh…my…fucking God" Wally spat
"you know what Wally? You can just go back to your parents' house since you like it there so much. As a matter of fact, until you decide to give me some of your Fastest Man Alive tricks in the bedroom, you can consider yourself kicked out of the house. So go back to your redneck hippie house and enjoy all the smelly Duck Dynasty crap" Linda argued
"fine! I will" Wally pouted, dashing off
"what the hey was that all about?" Nightwing asked
"Linda kicked Wally out of the house, kid" Black Mask growled
"you don't think it involved…" Nightwing said
"uh-huh. Apparently Mr. Johnson was very, very, VERY late for work" Black Mask exhaled
"uh guys? Wally's boss called; he got laid off" Green Arrow said
"who, Mr. Henderson?" Hush asked
"no you peabrain, Wally! Mr. Henderson got so fed up with Wally's tardiness and so he canned him like a can of grenadine out in Louisiana" Green Arrow snapped
…
"uh-oh" Hush uttered in realization
"guys? Um… why is Linda selling all of Wally's stuff on eBay?" Kara asked
"uh-oh" Hippolyta uttered
"woohoo! I'm finally rid of that imbecile… I'm….WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH" Linda bawled, hugging Hippolyta as mascara drained from her face
"aww…there, there sweetie, Wally will be back soon…" Hippolyta assured
Meanwhile…
"Wallace, for the millionth time, come down here and do your laundry" Mrs. West grouched angrily
"NO" Wally shouted defiantly, going back to running around naked
"ugh… Hubert, we gotta do something. His floozy of a wife sold all his crap on eBay" Mrs. West complained as her husband was watching Family Feud
"eh, can it Ma. I'm watchin mah game shows here" Pa drawled drunkenly, belching loudly
"alright, that does it. Tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn, I'm kicking him outta this house and sendin' him back to that loony woman and those completely crazy kids of hers. In my day, we never had any of those flying thingies. We had horses, we had cows, we had automobiles, we had…" Ma rambled, Pa groaning
"oh come on Ma, he wont ever come back. Those two weirdo twins are over there. There's something about 'em and I cant put mah finger on it. That lady… she's a witch! She musta casted some kinda mumbo jumbo hocus pocus spell that made 'em all crazy and making all kinds of hullabaloo and stuff" Pa deduced
"yeah, yeah well tomorrow I'm sending him back there like it or not" Ma snapped
"wait Bernice! I see somethin' a happening. I see our son bound in a straitjacket, babbling all kinds of hooey… that witch is pure crazy, crazy I tell ya. She must be immortal because she feeds on everyone's silliness and insanity" Pa continued
"oh gimme a break, you loony old goat. Absolutely nothing can be goin on in that house over there" Ma scoffed
"what's going on?" Wally asked
"son… we're evictin' you" Ma said
"oh hahahahahaha good one Mom. Now come on, seriously, what's going on?" Wally asked
"son… when you were just a wee lil whippersnapper, your Ma stamped an eviction notice on your hand. Apparently the date of your immediate eviction is April the 1st" Pa said, Wally gasping loudly as he saw the eviction stamp
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Wally screamed in despair
…
"huh" Hush said
"what is it Tommy?" Sheila asked
"nothing, dear. Just an odd feeling that something very strange is gonna happen when Wally moves back in" Hush said
"hmm. What do you suppose could happen?" Sheila asked, massaging her husband's shoulders
"I don't know honey. Just… I think the day Wally comes back, I think he's gonna crack" Hush explained
"like a peanut?" Sheila asked
"no. not like that, I mean… crack as in…" Hush said, whispering the rest into Sheila's ear
"oh. So THAT explains why Wally's friend Mr. Johnson was very late for work" Sheila gasped
"ugh… yes dear" Hush moaned, trying to erase the mental images out of his head
"and THAT explains why Wally's been coming home late at night and why Linda keeps making him sleep on the couch" Sheila went on
"yes, yes, what's your point?" Hush asked, growing impatient
"I think Flash has become… incompetent" Sheila said, dramatic music playing loudly
"that is the silliest thing I've ever heard" Hush scoffed, going to sleep. Little did he know, however, what Sheila theorized would indeed happen… much, much sooner than he'd think