Disclaimer: My rights and ownership were wished away long ago

So Indigo - Night-Wisp wrote this story, a bunch of sentences designed to target my plot fox and make me write her fic. Because I believe she's a little devious like that.

She's also pretty fantastic so it's okay. And lateness aside, Happy Birthday!

When did I get so nitpicky?

090 (Un)fit to rule

Toby lounges on the Goblin Throne, outwardly calm and collected but inwardly panicking more and more with every day that he spends ruling the Labyrinth; he never really appreciated before just how much work went into it, being king and queen was just something Jareth and his sister did (in their spare time, really, when they weren't playing with Toby), but now they're gone and he's been trying to find them for two weeks now but there's just no time and he has no idea what he's doing and really, his certain granted powers as the Royal Brother-in-Law only go so far and the Labyrinth is beginning to get restless.

His mom and dad are fine with it because they think it means Toby is spending the weekend with Sarah and her completely ordinary (ordinary as in a totally eccentric but fully human) husband with the slightly odd name, odder mannerisms, and deep affection for the eighties. It is entirely subjective because the weekend on his parents' side of things is constantly being re-wound every two days, and Toby is starting to worry about breaking time (which might not be bad if it gets a Time Lord's attention, preferably the nice one, and he can convince him to help find Sarah and Jareth).

The entire thing is more pressure than he can take, especially with four - that is, count 'em, one, two, three, four!- Runners in the Labyrinth. And the Labyrinth is being really vindictive. She is not happy with Toby on the throne, it isn't right, and everybody who is anybody knows it. It's not that the Labyrinth doesn't like Toby, she adores him like Jareth does, but Toby is not Jareth, and she wants Jareth.

Toby is twelve, he's in the sixth grade, his voice hasn't even cracked yet, but somehow the royal couple thought it would be okay to leave him in charge while they went off to who knows where, just for a day or two, Toby, we'll be back before you know it and you'll do fine.

Lie, lie, and lie. Fine is not the spiral he finds himself riding ever downward. He can feel the Labyrinth pulling away from him, catering to her own whims, evidence by the fact that the Fierys are loose in the outer walls. They do not belong there, there's a reason they're confined to the forest. It's because they eat everything. Everything, rocks, crystals, worms, fairies, goblins. The Runners, if they're too slow. So far none have been, but there had been a few close calls where he's had to intervene, and he knows something is wrong if he actively has to aid the Runners. He isn't supposed to be the hero.

Toby cannot be everywhere at once. He doesn't know how, and now is not the time to experiment with that sort of thing. Frankly, he is exhausted trying to live up to everyone's expectations of him. He can't go looking for them himself; he's needed here, bound here, and sending the goblins out by themselves is just bad. He's not very good at instantaneous travel anyway. Usually, when he's summoned, the Labyrinth flings him and yanks him back like a yo-yo.

This is unacceptable, entirely, and the moment they return, he is going to Bog them.

The Labyrinth agrees and smiles, a mean thing with a flint of malice, and yes, she's definitely gotten more vindictive. It's really starting to unnerve him.

Toby sits on the throne, worrying his lip while goblins entertain the Wished Aways. The kids seem happy enough, punting chickens about. One is deep asleep in the pillow pit, encircled in a ring of goblins to protect him from flying feathers.

Toby makes his face look like Jareth's, when he's being kingly and an utter pratt. He waves his hand about, carelessly meaningful. He takes that tone, the seemingly light one with the deeper note of command.

"I wish the goblins would take, er, bring Jareth and Sarah. Right now."

The goblins at his feet (which there are rather a lot of because they're hiding from the Fierys) look at him blankly. Toby looks back, feeling his mask crack, crumple, drop.

"Please?"

Toby feels a tickle along his spine and knows what's coming.

"Oh, no."

The tickle grows into an itch and spreads.

"Don't say it don't say it don't -"

"I wish the goblins would come take you away right now!"

Toby lets out a bone-deep groan a moment before the Labyrinth violently flings him and a dozen goblins to fetch the fresh meat.

Because if she's not happy, nobody is.

Sarah isn't happy. Jareth isn't either. She blames him, but it's not his fault. His seeming omniscience (which is really a product of obsessive control issues and absolute power) doesn't extend outside his kingdom.

But it isn't like it was a situation they were walking into blind. He knew exactly what they were getting into, agreeing to come here. He had made it seem like it was their only choice, to prevent nothing short than a force of nature from overtaking the Underground. Which, she supposes, is true.

The Imperial Majesty Jadis, Queen of Narnia, Empress of the Lone Islands, Lady of Cair Paraval , the White Witch, Destroyer of Charn.

Jareth's mother.

She has an opulent flat in London Below, the theme apparently being winter, what with all the ivory, silvery cool tones, furs, and crystals. Circumstances that brought her here has taken much of her power, a cost to escape her fate. It will never return to her, and now she's used what remains to carve out her own little empire. There's much demand Below, little supply, and Jadis has always been a gifted at getting people what they want. So long as it goes along with what she wants.

The former tyrant has a snide, backhanded comment on everything, about her son from his hair to his boots to the way he runs his kingdom, about Jareth's father, about everything.

She doesn't say a thing about Sarah, in her continued campaign of pretending that her son did not bind himself to a daughter of Eve.

Sarah doesn't see how Jadis has any room to criticize Jareth's decisions as a monarch, all things considered. Or his fashion sense, because she's pretty certain Jadis is trying to pull off wearing a pale blue snake skin as a dress, which actually makes her look like a lizard. Although as far as Jareth's father is concerned, she's pretty spot on.

They've met.

She hates it, how subdued he is. All 'Yes, Mother' and 'No, Mother'. He insists that one has to pick and choose battles when it comes to Jadis. So far, the strategy has apparently been abject surrender. Also, she's heard more than enough about what a despicable, obsessive, controlling troll Jareth's father is.

"He calls himself king, but when has he ever ruled? When has he had to defend his right to sovereignty? All he ever concerns himself with is the next Hunt."

"Then why'd you hook up with him in the first place?" Sarah blurts out, and suddenly there is total silence.

Slowly, Jareth turns to Sarah and makes a face. Jadis pauses a moment, perhaps surprised to hear Sarah speak. Over the past two long weeks (Really, it was meant to be a short visit, but Jadis guilt-tripped like a pro, and Jareth is a mama's boy) Sarah has said nearly less than Jareth while in Jadis' presence but mostly because the fallen queen completely ignored her.

Now those stone cold eyes are zeroed in on Sarah, who doesn't quite hold back a shiver. Jadis sets her tea cup down, porcelain clinking deliberately.

"Have you met Herne?"

"We're...acquainted."

By acquainted, she means to say the Erlking kidnapped her once. That's apparently a thing with men in this family, which makes Sarah passingly wonder what Jadis and Herne's courtship was like. Jareth gives her another look.

Jadis nods and asks, "Have you seen his trousers?"

Jareth presses his fingers against his temples.

"Yeah, I -," Sarah admits. "Yeah."

What? Jareth takes after his daddy in fashion sense.

Sarah is a little pink-faced, Jareth has one hand over his eyes, and then Jadis smirks. Cold calculation makes her eyes sparkle.

"Tell me, Sarah dear, how many sons and daughters will you bear? I might like to take on one or two and teach them some real magic."

"Oh. Er."

Toby can't get away with wearing leather pants. That's Jareth's thing, let no others imitate. No, Toby is dressed like himself in a striped crew neck t-shirt, jeans, and Vans. He wears a great leather coat that dusts his ankles, and the Pendant, a thin circlet of gold atop his sandy blond hair, and a scepter.

Because it's cool.

(Because he's twelve, and he kind of thinks it makes him look like a pimp.)

It doesn't have the same effect, he looks like a kid let loose in a costume shop, but the goblins really help sell it when the Runner stares with his mouth open.

Nudging a doll aside, Toby sets the scepter firmly on the kitchen floor (that has peas and spaghetti everywhere, including the boy which is rather telling), leaning on it with both hands. He wishes for a little wind to make his coat flare out a bit. Channeling the Goblin King himself, he shakes his head and tutts, says,

"Well, that's a fine mess, isn't it, Arthur?"

Arthur gapes.

Toby doesn't have presence (he is not a six foot fae king who sheds glitter and feathers) but he has dramatic flair - Thank you for that, Sarah, Jareth. And he has two dozen red eyes peering out of the sudden darkness occupying one corner of the hallway entrance, and even if they didn't teach him how to run a kingdom, his sister and brother-in-law taught him drama.

"Who are you?" Arthur demands.

Toby knows his part well at this point. He'll bow his head a bit, introduce himself as the acting Goblin King and Lord of the Labyrinth, and would you like to play a game?

However, there are five children (there are a set of identical twins, joy) all under the age of six being babysat by goblins already; he doesn't need another. He doesn't want another Wished Away or Runner, because the Labyrinth is trying to kill them, he's losing his mind, and he is not changing anymore dirty diapers.

He's not even going to think about all the paperwork he hasn't even touched.

So he jabs a thumb at himself and says, "I'm Toby. And you have two options to get your sister back. You can try and find your way through the Labyrinth which is alive and a little homicidal. There are also cannibals, goblins, and fairies, which are also cannibals. I mean, they bite."

"What's my other option?"

The crystal ball'ing has all but been mastered over the years, and Toby balances it on a finger. He wills his intent into the thing and purpose, like Jareth showed him.

"It's more of a mission, a very special one. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find the true Goblin King and his Queen. This crystal should guide you but don't lose it or you'll never find your way."

Toby flicks his finger, and the crystal floats like a bubble into the other boy's hands.

"That's all I get? I don't get a weapon or a shield or a cloak?"

Toby rolls his eyes and spots a blue, fuzzy throw blanket. He hurls it at Arthur's face.

"There's your cloak. Now get going, you don't have all night. Thirteen hours actually."

Toby waves a hand, directing the command of Find them into the orb, and that's as much as he can do. As his hand passes over Arthur, he disappears.

If the Labyrinth can mess with the rules, why can't he? He feels a little better until he feels a warm trail up his spine, an impression of laughter that makes him tremble, and the Labyrinth throws him.

The Labyrinth is more than alive. It's intelligent, highly underestimated, possess a volatile set of emotions, a skewed sense morals... It's a woman, basically.

Which means she's a little crazy, as Toby, young though he is, has observed is a common trait in women. She has hurled him far from her center, purposely near the Runner Alice who has spent most of her time hiding from fairies. Now in a glade surrounded by woods, he feels more than a little frustrated. Knowing the realm as well as he does, he knows exactly how far he is from the castle.

"You can't do it like this," Toby argues to what seems to be the air. "You're practically a whole reality against a bunch of scared kids. And now you're just being mean, letting out the minotaur and the clowns."

Toby didn't even know they had clowns until he heard screams echoing out of the maze and looked. He nearly started screaming himself. Clowns shouldn't have teeth like that.

"It's just not a fair game, " He says, very stupid and provocative in hindsight.

That's exactly when Alice comes screaming out of the forest with a clown hoard cackling after her.

He has made his move, taken a risk with Arthur. He's a huge gamble, not being like Sarah at all. At some point, the Labyrinth has changed the rules again and started a new round. It's her against the Runners. And him.

Apparently, she's taking Jareth's role. The villain, the big bad antagonist. And Toby has Sarah's, that of the champion. The Runner's Champion. He can't go back to the castle, not with magic because she won't let him. He has to do it the long way, and help the Runners make it because all of the Wished Aways are not toilet trained, and the throne room stinks.

"Hey!" He shouts, catching everyone's attention. "Follow me!"

Alice didn't even hesitate, changing courses so quickly, she kicks up dust. The clowns are less graceful, tripping over their feet and each other. It affords them time to get ahead as Alice seizes his hand, and they charge into the trees together.

There are clowns chasing him, and Alice, who looks nothing like the storybook version, is holding on to his hand tight and slowing him down quite a lot. However, Toby has been playing here for most of his childhood, and he knows the tricks. The Pendant around his neck and the Order from a Sovereign grant him a certain edge as well.

They guide him to the way he is looking for, to the peach tree, and Toby presses against a knobby pattern in the wood. A door opens, short enough that they have to crouch to go through and pitch black. It seals shut behind them.

"I don't like clowns," Alice gasps.

"Me neither. Hey, don't scream, okay?"

A few more steps, and the ground falls away, plunging them down further into darkness.

Of course Alice screams.

They tumble out into the outer courtyard with moving walls, with the puzzle doors, and the helping hands. His hand is really starting to hurt, and he's trying to think of a nice way to yank his hand free.

"Do you hear that?" Alice asks.

She's squeezing his hand even harder now. Toby listens though. It's a clop sort of sound, like hooves on paved ground. Only the pattern is wrong for a horse, or goat, or any four-legged creature like that. It's too quick and too few clops.

It's the minotaur, he realizes, when it bellows out an engaged roar, a sound like a bulldozer and a lion.

He shoots down a path without thinking, knowing the way. Around a corner, he brushes aside a curtain of vines, drags Alice into an alcove of stone and tree roots, and presses a hand over her mouth to keep her from breathing so loudly.

Slow steps trace their path, halting only a few feet from their shelter. He hears the deep huffs, a gravelly rumble out of its throat.

Trembling, he barely breathes when a shadow touches the curtain hiding them. Alice stops breathing entirely and turns her face into his chest, arms tight around his middle. He watches the shadow move away, listens for the clopping to fade, and does not move.

And all the while, he wills one word into the Pendant around his neck.

Hide.

He waits a full minute after the noise fades, distance and stillness. And another minute after that.

"It's okay. It's gone."

Alice's breath comes out in a shaky gasp, and she's trembling all over, and Toby feels an inch tall. He pats her back awkwardly, murmuring I'm sorry and it's okay, your sister's okay. Alice cries.

Alice is ten.

Why did he ever think being Goblin King was so great anyway?

Something crashes into their hiding place, skidding to a rough stop, and Toby starts screaming with Alice.

"Shut up, idiots, they'll hear you!" Jason, the invader, hisses at them.

Jason was the second Runner to start and his time is wearing down. He hasn't had it easy either. The Labyrinth keeps trying to toss him in the Bog, as if the boy personally offended her.

But Jason doesn't know the Labyrinth is out to get him; naturally, he thinks it's the brat who appeared in his house on a cloud of glitter (that's non-negotiable), and kidnapped his twin brothers, and brought him here.

So he isn't surprised when, after he takes a good look at him, Jason tries to punch him in the face. Alice tugs him out of the way.

"No, he saved me!" Alice says.

"He brought us here, and I'm gonna make him take us back!"

Jason lunges again, feints, and gets around the petite girl. There's a fist coming at Toby's face, but suddenly there's not because now he's behind Jason, who tumbles through a cloud of fairy dust and into the stone wall.

Teleporting is only doable with sight lines and short distances. He decides to talk fast before Jason gains his balance because the other boy is bigger and angrier than he is, and he can't keep doing that.

"Listen for a minute, okay? I'm on your side now. The Labyrinth changed the rules. It - she's alive and upset and she's been taking it out on everyone."

"Why should we trust you? How do we know this isn't some sick trick?"

Toby blinks and says, "Um."

"I don't think we have a choice," Alice says quietly. "If it's a trap, it doesn't matter because we'll never make it on our own anyway."

"Forget him then. You can come with me."

Alice is no longer huddled in his arms but next to him, holding his hand. She takes a step forward, and he realizes that she's defending him, all four feet nine inches of her. He has no shame in letting her. Jason towers over the both of them. "No offense, but you don't look like you're doing that great."

He doesn't. His clothes are tattered, filthy, and he's a little bruised and scraped here and there. He looks ready for a fight and determined to win every one.

He looks scared.

"I promise this isn't a trick," Toby says. "I'll make sure you're all okay. I promise."

Toby holds out his hand, knowing it's ridiculous. But he trying to fix this because he messed up. He didn't know what he was agreeing to when he said he'd look after things. This is much different than playing around the kingdom with Hoggle, and Didymus and everyone. This is serious. This is someone's family.

Jason glares at him, ignoring his hand, and says, "If this is a trick, I swear I'll make you regret it."

Toby already regrets it.