A/N: So Passover is over and I decided to write this little story for all my fellow Jews out there forced to be without bread. I feel your pain. This actually came to me during my family's Seder. My aunt made a joke about Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and I started to think about funny things to do during a Seder and then I thought of Glee. I was laughing for 5 minutes. My parents were not amused. But alas, the plotbunny had been born!
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I don't even own a box of tissues to cry about my pathetic lack of ownership.
It was an understatement to say that Rachel Berry liked parties. Rachel Berry loved parties. She also loved throwing parties. She threw a We-Won-Invitationals-Even-with-the-April-Rhodes-Detour party, a Welcome-Back-Mr. Schuester-and-Sue's-Kids party, a We-Won-Sectionals-Even-with-Sue's-Meddling-and-the-Cheating party and a Let's-All-Be-Friends-Again-Because-Things-Are-Getting-Awkward party.
However, Sectionals was long gone and everyone was pretty much friends again. Now it was April and Rachel had a new party that she was sure would increase morale and unity as a group. So on Friday during school, Rachel could be found walking around the school handing out bright pink, sparkly invitations to her bewildered and annoyed gleeks.
Quinn had learned long ago that if Rachel Berry gets an idea in her head, it's best to just go with it. Which is why, on Monday night she found herself setting the dining room table at Rachel's house for a Passover party. A Passover party for people who weren't even Jewish, well, except for Puck and possibly Tina. Even so she set up the Seder plate and settings, mostly because she had a feeling this night was going to be entertaining and mostly because she lived with Rachel; it was easier to just agree with her.
Puck was pissed. In fact, the only good thing about this stupid Passover party was that he got to spend an evening away from his mother and the "Why can't you be a better Jew?" talks. So, with potato kugel in hand, he drove to Rachel's house. Hopefully, Rachel was a good cook; Puck just didn't think he could last a whole Seder on just potato kugel and matza.
Soon, everyone had arrived and after some semi-awkward conversation they all sat down eat. Rachel stood at the head of the table and picked up a Haggadah like a flight attendant explaining how to use the face mask.
"This is the Haggadah. We read through it during dinner and it tells the story of Passover as well as the traditions of the Seder. Anytime it says "leader" I read and any time you see "participant" you read. Everyone reads a paragraph and it goes around the table." She said sitting down. Everyone smiled and sat down, except for Puck who was staring defiantly at Rachel.
"No way Berry! I'm the leader. The leader is always a guy anyway. Now move it or lose it." He said. Rachel took a breath, stood up and looked at him.
"Can you read Hebrew?" There was a pause. When Puck didn't answer Rachel sat down triumphantly and pulled out the chair next to her. Puck grumbled as he sat down and Kurt plopped a yarmulke on his head.
"Ok everyone let's begin. Guys, there are yarmulkes on your plates and no, you don't have to read the Hebrew parts." Rachel said at Finn's worried look. She smiled as the boys put on their yarmulkes and then frowned.
"Kurt, you can't bedazzle a yarmulke! Why would you do that?" She asked incredulously. Kurt just smirked.
"Who says Passover can't be fabulous?" He answered back. Not wanting to start a scene, Rachel began the Seder.
Everything was going smoothly, the readings were going well and everyone was having a good time. Rachel knew this would be a good idea. Everyone tried their hardest to follow Rachel, Tina and surprisingly Brittany in the Hebrew. When asked how she could read it so well, she replied: "They spell it phonetically, can't you guys read it too?"
Then came something Rachel was unprepared for: The Four Questions. When they came to that part everyone stopped and looked at her. She paused before she came up with the solution. Hopefully, her friends would cooperate.
"This part is usually read between the youngest at the table and the leader. So, who's the youngest?" Soon, everyone was yelling out their birthdays until Artie spoke up.
"My birthday's in November, I think I'm the youngest." Finn grinned.
"Artie man, that works perfectly, 'cause you're also the shortest." He said happily. Artie then proceeded to read his way through the Four Questions only to stop halfway through because he was laughing too hard. Apparently, he was 5'7. Then everybody became hysterical.
Once everyone calmed down they started to read again. This time it was Santana that stopped them. She frowned at the book.
"Wait, we have to sing? This is so lame." Rachel stood up and started walking around the table, passing around paper.
"On the contrary, this is a great exercise for us. Now, I broken up Dayaynu into four parts, so all the tenors and sopranos to my left and all the basses and altos to my right." Rachel said cheerfully. Everyone just looked at her, then Matt picked up where Santana left off. Finn looked at her and smiled.
"Maybe after, we can get everyone to sing it, it sounds pretty." He whispered. Rachel beamed and passed out the potatoes in salt water.
The rest of the Seder went pretty smoothly, except for when Mercedes couldn't pronounce the rabbi's name and threw a diva fit and for when Drizzle(as she was affectionately called) woke up in the middle of the seder and refused to quite down until Rachel and Quinn sang a duet of "Rubber Duckie" and for when Finn had a horrible coughing fit over the Hillel's Sandwich. Oh yeah, and the brisket caught fire. Quinn leaped at least 3 feet in the air, Drizzle in hand while Mercedes started screaming. Tina and Mike started to lift Artie in his chair when Puck had the common sense to dump water on the burning meat. Unfortunately, he elbowed Kurt in the face on the way back.
"Holy Moses! Kurt, dude, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hit you in the face." Puck yelled leaning over Kurt whose was lying on the floor clutching his eye in pain. He sat up and gingerly removed his hand.
"Is it bruised? Am I bleeding?" He asked slowly. Puck shook his head and pulled Kurt to his feet.
"No man, you're cool. Let's get you some ice to ease the swelling though." Puck said pulling Kurt into the kitchen. Everyone calmed down and sat back in their seats. After 10 minutes however, they still hadn't continued on with their Seder. Puck and Kurt still hadn't returned from the kitchen. Rachel sighed and Finn stood up.
"I'll go see what's taking them so long." He said walking down the hallway into Rachel's kitchen. Then he ran back in and quickly sat down, averting his eyes when Rachel tried to look at him.
"Finn what's wrong? Is Kurt seriously hurt of something? What's taking them so long?" Quinn asked while feeding Drizzle a bottle. Finn swallowed slowly and said something very quietly. When everyone just looked at him, he said it louder, his face turning red.
"Puck and Kurt... they're gonna be a while 'cause, um, they're like, making out on your kitchen table." The entire table was speechless. Then Rachel slammed her fists on the table and stood up.
"Not on my kitchen table! It's a high holy day for God's sake! Quinn, where is my spray bottle?" Rachel yelled looking through a cabinet. After she found what she was looking for, she stormed into the kitchen. After some angry yells and squeaks, Kurt and Puck walked sheepishly out of the kitchen and sat back down at the table. There clothes were slightly disheveled and Kurt's cheeks were pink. Rachel calmly walked back in and sat down. After giving a look to both boys, she finally continued the Seder.
The evening was winding down, Matt, Mike, Santana and Brittany had left with many containers of leftover food. Everyone balked when Brittany added horseradish to everything, so no one was sad to see it go. Tina was helping Artie into his father's car, promising hilarious stories of her family's seders. Mercedes and Quinn were cleaning up and Rachel was taking down her decorations. Puck had kissed Quinn on the cheek, took his daughter and her giant diaper bag, pulled Kurt in for a scorching kiss and then left with more food then he came with. Kurt giggled and helped with the clean-up, avoiding questions and just smiling. Finn walked into the kitchen were Rachel was putting dishes away.
"You know, if there was ever a person to throw a Passover party, it would be you Rachel, and you certainly threw a great one" Rachel blushed and he bent down quickly to kiss her cheek. Picking up a Tupperware container, he waved goodbye and he was out the door.
Walking into the living room, Rachel saw Quinn sitting on the couch with her feet up. She sat down and turned on some trashy reality show.
"Mercedes and Kurt left?" She asked taking off her sweater and snuggling into the couch.
"Yeah, a few minutes ago, Kurt wouldn't stop singing "A Wonderful Guy" and I was getting a headache. But don't worry, they brought enough food home with them to feed an army. Wow Rachel, you really outdid yourself." Quinn said changing the channel.
There was no doubt that Rachel Berry loved throwing parties. With friends like that, it was easy to see why.