Microsoft's Night Before Christmas
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to anything mentioned here - it's all in fun
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last-minute E-Bay shopping.
The stockings were hung by the modem with care,
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.
Sith Lords for Billy, and Doom III for Dan,
And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
To: santaclaustoyshop. has now been re-routed to Washington State,
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.
All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle,
To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.
After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire.
With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that's just down by the bay.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they code new Windows for Johnny and Sue.
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums,
Today, under the tree, only a new hard drive and Vista SP3.
With the Microsoft label smeared on your trees,
From now on Christmas runs only on Windows you see.
More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, ADOBE! Now, CLARIS! Now, INTUIT too!
Now, APPLE! and MOZILLA! You are all of you through.
It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist!
Recommended by no less than the Jolly Old Elf,
And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.
Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer's wet dream.
"To the top of the NASDAQ! To the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"
And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whirr and the hum of our satellite platter,
As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.
And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates,
Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,
Have a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.