Author's note: I must be high on stimulant drugs since I can't stop writing at all! Now before I knew it I had already typed out this story or series or… whatever. This was just scribbles in my notebook for a few weeks and now I'm officially uploading it. I hope you like it. :D
Title: Blissful Days: Haine Rammsteiner and Nill
Description: This is a collection of oneshot dates between the pairings I support in different anime series. I just decided to call it Blissful Days because for me dates are always blissful when it's with the person meant for you and since I pair up people who I think are perfect for each other, the title should be appropriate. I also just wanted to imagine how different each date would be from one another. So if you've read one, who knows maybe you'll read the others if I ever decide to write them. :) I warn you though, not all of them will be the perfect happy date but I will try to inject as much fluff as I can. :D
Disclaimer: I do not own DOGS, if I did I would decide to have more Haine and Nill moments. I don't own any of their characters but I can always wish Haine belonged to me – not that I would dare separate him from Nill though. Also I don't earn any profit whatsoever form writing this except personal satisfaction maybe. :D
Let the day begin!
*note- when it's italicized it means Nill formed it with her lips. Since she can't speak anyhow, it's better and more efficient this way instead of always saying that Haine lip read it.
-OoO-
The last image in his mind was a blade through her abdomen. Her small figure had gone completely limp and the dry earth in the warehouse had been stained a crimson red. A heavy metallic smell had spread through the air and whatever sounds that followed felt like it came from a million miles away. Before he knew it, everything had gone black again.
-OoO-
The small girl with angel wings seemed appropriate against the glorious but slightly weathered façade of the church. Nill was standing by the front of the church looking slightly aloof and gazing at nothing in particular – rather she seemed to be searching for something. Unsurprisingly though, when she had spotted him approaching together with Badou, her eyes had brightened up and refocused immediately.
Welcome back these were the words she formed with her lips. She had begun to do this a while back and he had gotten much better at reading her lips that he could even make out a few continuous sentences. Her lack of a voice didn't bother him so much since he could easily grasp what was on her mind usually. His lip reading skill had also improved the communication between both of them and he had gotten used to unconsciously looking at her lips, ready anytime to know if she wanted to say anything.
"You want me to go somewhere with you?" he asked as he gazed at Nill who stood before him from the pew he was seated on. She nodded at his question. She was acting strangely – well, he couldn't pretend to know every little thing that went through her mind either way.
"Where to?" he asked. She placed her index fingers over her lips. He was capable of reading her body language just as well as her lips.
"It's a secret?"
She nodded cheerfully, glad that he had understood. He gave a small sigh and unconsciously brushed the collar on his neck with his index finger and thumb. It was aching as usual – it never really took a hint that he wanted it to just fucking stop. He raised his eyes towards her innocent face.
"Couldn't you ask the nicotine freak, the chick or the stupid priest to go with you?" she slowly shook her head. She pointed her finger at him. He took it that she was saying that she wanted only him to accompany her. She really was acting strangely, usually anybody would do.
"Are you sure you want me to accompany you? Given my luck, I'm pretty sure this day won't be as fortunate as you expect it to be." He said darkly in warning. She should know just what type of things he went through every single day. That sadistic lady luck hell bent on getting him injured at least once a day seemed to followed him all the time making sure that he would have a gun pointed at him at least once a day.
She nodded, unhesitating. With this he understood that she was determined to go somewhere no matter what. He knew when she was going to be stubborn and he knew that if he refused she would just keep asking him again and again – not in the same day but eventually until he would agree. She was persistent in a different way than normal people – not that she and him would ever be considered normal ever again.
"I don't really mind but when do we go?" he asked resignedly, it was better to settle this sort of thing quickly than to prolong the inevitable; he couldn't deny her for long anyway. She smiled at his reply. She knew it meant he agreed and settled with himself to go with her. She smiled brightly as she took his hand and pulled him up.
Her hand felt strangely small holding on to his large, thin and bony hand.
"We're going now?" He asked and she nodded happily and pulled him towards the door.
The stupid priest decided to come back from his walk just then. He seemed to sense something amiss because he looked to Nill's direction than to Haine's. He still wondered how the heck he could do that when he was apparently a blind priest – he was pretty sure that was a big fat lie. Either that, or he just had very sharp senses – but he wouldn't put anything past that guy, he was the same as him after all.
"What's going on?" he asked slowly.
"We're going somewhere." He replied lazily, not wanting to waste his time with him. Whenever he spent more than a few minutes with him, he always ended more annoyed than before. There was a sudden outraged gasp from Ernest Rammsteiner.
"You couldn't possibly be planning on eloping with my beloved angel are you?" he asked indignantly. Haine pushed back the urge to punch his face, instead he decided to ignore him and slowly pry his hand from Nill's hold. He had just realized something then.
"Wait here. I'll get something." He said before he swiftly moved towards the locker he had in the church. When he got back he held an extra black coat in one of his hand. Nill looked at him questioningly. He held out the coat towards her.
"Here." He said curtly. She took it uncertainly and he continued. "It's one of my extra coats. You should cover up your wings or else people will look at us strangely. It might attract unwanted attention." He added dryly, knowing exactly what would happen if they saw a girl with wings walking down the street with him.
Recognition sparked in her eyes and she glanced at her wings instinctively. She must have realized how exposed they really were because she pulled on his coat and pulled it around her snugly. Though the coat only reached only until a little below his waist it actually reached until just above her knees; the sleeves were longer than her arms too. It couldn't be helped; it had to be a little big to be able to cover up the wings properly.
"It's a little long. Does it bother you? I can try to find one that's smaller – though I'm not really sure I have anymore extras." Most of his extras had holes and were torn in various places. He had lost count of how many times he had his coats patched up and how many new coats he had to buy at least twice of thrice a month.
She shook her head at his question. She wrapped the coat tighter around her and maybe he had imagined it but something seemed to have flickered in her eyes just then.
"Who knew you could be so considerate Haine? Speaking of which, do you have any intention of telling me where you two are going?" the stupid priest said with a hint of teasing. He had obviously been listening to their conversation intently. He didn't make it a point to be secretive anyway.
"I'm not sure with the particulars but it's none of your business anyway." He shot back and proceeded to walk towards the door with Nill following close behind him.
"You're so cruel Haine. You're taking away my beloved angel. What's the point of my going back here if you were just going to take her away?" He said in mock hurt – looking at them but not moving an inch. Haine knew that he wasn't really planning on stopping them; he probably felt the need to sound worried at least – or maybe he just wanted to say something but was trying to find an opening to say it.
"Shut up. You're a freaking priest, go pray to the Lord Almighty or do some good for the world as much as an apparently blind priest can do." He said tersely then he turned towards Nill behind him.
"Let's go then. Lead the way." He addressed Nill as they both stepped out onto the marble staircase.
"Be sure to bring her back safely!" The stupid priest shouted when they were at a distance. Haine clicked his tongue in annoyance – so that was what he wanted to say. Really, he would make sure she was going to be fine but it would be a different story for him to make it through the day without having a bullet lodged into his body.
-OoO-
The two of them were walking through the busy and crowded street. Haine's tall and lanky form walked leisurely in front of her. She walked forward trying to match his pace but very snug in the coat he had lent her. It was a bit cold when she had given it to her but it had eventually warmed up after a while. It was large enough to let her hide her wings comfortably and she was grateful he had let her borrow it. The sleeves were too long and it reached until just above her knees – but she didn't mind. It was Haine's coat. It made her smile unconsciously whenever she remembered that small detail.
She walked as fast as she could but her short legs just couldn't keep up with his long strides, sooner or later the gap between grew large enough that she almost lost sight of him in. She couldn't cry out to him and she paused to catch her breath. Before she knew it Haine was standing in front of her with his hand outstretched. He offered it to her. She gave him the same questioning look as before.
"Hold on to my hand so you won't get lost." He said shortly. Nill looked up at him, he was so much taller than her. She hesitantly placed her hand in his – his hand was thin, bony, callused… but it was warm and it felt nice to hold.
Once or twice she had wanted to hold his hand just to know what it felt like. Every once in a while she would suddenly get the urge to just touch him – to feel his warmth and know that he was alive. To caress his cheek whenever he made a pained face, to hold his hand when he seemed lonely, to wrap her arms around him when he was angry – she just wanted to stay by his side.
Now she was walking together with him holding his hand. She herself wasn't aware of the pink that tinged her cheeks just then. She felt strangely happy just walking together with him.
"So which way do we go?" he asked looking around him idly. She nodded to herself and pulled him along in one direction. The two of walked side by side, Haine simply following whatever direction she would take him. They walked quite a distance before she had stopped in front of a construction site long abandoned. The gates were chained shut with a sign that had DO NOT ENTER written in large bold red letters.
She had always seen this building from far away but since she never went out unless necessary, she could never really come here by herself. She stared up at the unfinished building; the workers seemed to have abandoned it halfway in the frame base of the building. It seemed so high from where she was standing. Metal pieces jutted out from different places, almost as if they were reaching out towards the heavens begging to be freed. She unconsciously raised her arm towards the vast sky like the building.
"Is this where you wanted to go?" Haine asked curiously. She turned to look at him and saw that he was looking at her through the corner of his eye. He looked towards the top then turned to face her. "Up there right?" he asked as he placed a hand on his hip.
She nodded. He sighed and muttered something under his breath. She wasn't sure but it was something like 'a hassle climbing'. Before she could say that she didn't need to go up, he had swept her off her feet and held her up with one arm, pulling her against his lanky build.
While carrying her in one hand, he easily climbed using the other and jumped over the chained gate. The gate clattered a bit noisily as he jumped off and landed on the hard ground. Dust rose from the ground where he landed. He set her down on her feet slowly, making sure she was stable before he fully let go of her.
"Let's go then." He said and walked ahead agilely. She clenched her hand and it felt quite empty without his hand in it. She realized that she was a tad disappointed to have to let go. She ran after him when she saw that he had gone on ahead. Just as she reached him she accidentally tripped on a stone she hadn't seen.
He caught her swiftly by her waist and steadied her. He gave a sigh when he looked at her, looking a bit weary.
"You should be more careful, I might not always be here to catch you." He said dryly as he scratched the back of his head with one of his hands.
She nodded and stood upright. She scanned the base of the building for a way to go up and saw only a single ladder leading to the top. She looked back at Haine and saw that he had followed her gaze. He looked at the ladder for another second then he turned to her with a remote expression.
"You go first." He said when his scarlet eyes met hers. He strode lithely towards it and while she followed behind him, she was able to see that he walked with certain twist in his noticed that he always walked with his back straight and confident while his every step was headstrong. Just his walk portrayed so much about him; it was only now that she noticed.
Both of them stood at the start of the ladder and Haine looked at her as if to say go ahead with a slight inclination of his head.
"I'll make sure you make it to the top in one piece before I climb after you." He said audibly and she nodded. "Hold tight and don't rush, I don't want you to end up like a pancake while I'm not looking." He added and she smiled in reply. She knew she was doing it for her sake and it really wasn't like him to act very caring or worried – well, not openly anyway. She held on the cold metal bar and took a step upward.
"Wait." He said abruptly and she turned back to him, her hand still on the ladder.
"Pocket this. Use it to tap the ladder loudly when you reach the top so I'll know when I can look up." He said as he looked away. She looked at his palm and saw that in it was an average sized screw, if she hit it against the metal ladder it was sure to make a distinct sound – then she looked at her dress and comprehended what he had meant by his statement. She blushed slightly and realized that she had forgotten that she was in a dress.
She nodded as she took the screw and pocketed it in the coat he had lent her before she turned back towards the ladder and made her way upwards steadily. Her heart was at ease as she took steps upward…maybe, it was because she knew he would catch her if she ever slipped. Haine always made her feel like everything would be okay and she would always trust him completely. If she trusted anybody at all, she was sure it would be Haine.
Halfway up the ladder she glanced down at Haine and saw that he was touching his neck collar lightly with his fingers. She wondered if it had begun to ache again as she turned back and continued climbing to the top. He always looked so sad whenever it ached. He had told her before that memories he always wanted to forget would keep resurfacing and haunting him repeatedly whenever it ached. To Haine, the memories were probably more agonizing than the physical pain his scar brought him.
Her fingers were already numb for holding on so long to the metal ladder. She wanted to flex her fingers on both hands but doing so would evidently lead to her falling down. Instead she settled for stretching one hand a time during intervals – it didn't help very much though, she concluded as her hands were still as numb as before.
He had said to take her time but she didn't want to make him wait so long. She steeled her nerved, grit her teeth and determinedly continued upward as fast as she could. When she had reached the top her fingers were quite sore already. She took out the screw with a trembling hand and began to hit it against the ladder. The metallic sound echoed to the bottom and after a single tap Haine had looked up and saw her at the top. He made his way to her his way to the ladder and easily climbed up towards her. She watched from above as he effortlessly climbed up the ladder like it was as easy as walking. But she wasn't surprised though – this was Haine after all, she wouldn't be surprised if she found him wrestling a lion or a bear with his bare hands.
When he had reached the top she impulsively reached out to help him up. He took it despite the fact that he hardly needed it. He didn't use her hand as a support; instead he used his other hand to pull himself up without any difficulty. He squeezed her hand for a second then gazed at it. She immediately regretted offering it to him because he was now looking at her red, sore and slightly numb hand. He clicked his tongue.
"I should've just carried you up here myself." He muttered under his breath, looking slightly annoyed – but it was more to himself rather than to her, she noticed.
He pulled her up with him and both of them walked cautiously along the metal bars to the edge of the building facing the sky. He didn't let go of her hand, the warmth from it spread through her numb hand – it was beginning to get some feeling back into it.
Haine let go of her hand and sat by the ledge letting one of his legs dangle, while the other was raised where he rested his chin in an angle where he could easily her face.
"So this is it?" he asked as both of them looked at the horizon – until the line where the sky touched the ground with buildings and houses seemed unending. The two were so opposing and yet they were connected – the clear sky and the murky earth they were standing on.
Nill nodded in reply to his question.
"Why here?" she could hear the small hint of curiosity in his lazy tone.
She stepped agilely from the metal bar to a metal in front of him and twirled around with her hands held out. She smiled as she gestured to the scene behind her.
"Did you… want to show this to me?"
She nodded eagerly with a smile.
"Is that why it couldn't be anyone else?"
She nodded again and looked at him. She was surprised to see that he had a small smile on his face. His expression said something like I guess it wasn't so bad.
"What for? Why did you show me something like this?" he asked, still looking at the horizon.
She jumped back nimbly and sat beside him carefully, making sure not to fall. She gestured for his hand and he gave it to her with a slightly puzzled expression. She wrote something down with her index finger.
"Endless possibilities . . . as far and as wide as the sky?" he voiced out what he understood from what she wrote and she nodded.
"Why?" he asked in the same tone as before. She gently touched his face with her hand. She formed one word with her lips.
"Hope?"
She nodded again.
"I've long forgotten the meaning of that worthless word." He replied curtly as he looked away from her. He was almost glaring at the sky now. She placed both of her hands on his face and made him look at her. He sighed at her intense gaze.
"It's not necessary. Hope won't let me escape the curse of my existence. I've already killed so many, my fate is already sealed. I'm doomed to eternal suffering so what use is hope to me? I'll probably end up dying a horrible death somewhere nobody would bother to bury my sorry corpse." He said matter-of-factly.
She shook her head frantically and formed a sentence with her lips.
I want you to live*
"Why? Why would you want someone like me to live?" he asked with a sense of despair in his tone.
Because you're someone important to me
"Someone important to you? I don't deserve something like that. I'm a stray dog and that will never change."
You can change it yourself
"It's not something I can change even if I want to. My past will continue to haunt me until the day I die. I can't just pretend to be normal and forget what I really am."
The sad expression she had on her face was reflected in his crimson eyes.
I don't want you to lose you, Haine. Don't go somewhere I can't see you, please
"I can't promise you anything. Nothing good ever comes out of a faithless mongrel but I can at least tell you something if I ever intend to go away permanently."
Will it ever end? All the fighting, will it ever end?
"It will never end – not until I kill every last one of my kind. This weight I carry will never be lifted unless I destroy myself and finish whatever I have to do."
Why do you fight? For what reason? For who do you fight?
"For who? I wonder about that too. Maybe for myself, so that I can finally get some peace of mind – to make all the nightmares stop."
Does it ache?
"The collar? The pain will never go away. It aches to remind me of what I really am. A monster made for destruction."
You're not a monster
"I won't persuade you to see me as a monster but it won't change the fact that I'm a freak of nature." Silence ensued after that.
She couldn't say anything in reply to that – both of them were the same after all. She peeked at him and saw that he was staring at the sky. She reached out and held his hand in hers again. He shifted his gaze back to her.
"Hey, was all of this just for my sake?" he asked out of the blue. She slowly nodded.
"Really. There's no need for you to waste so much effort on a stray dog. You should just kick me out and live your life. If you did that, you wouldn't have to be troubled with someone like me." He said with a sigh.
Haine, is a very important person I can't bear to lose.
"I wonder how it came to that? Is it because I saved you back then?" She shook her head but before she could give another reply the sound of gun shots whizzing past her ear was the only thing she could hear. Haine suddenly jerked sideways and her hand still holding his pulled her down with him.
They were falling.
She saw the blood spread across his chest. He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She understood what he was planning to do. He was going to use his body to cushion her fall. She felt his warm blood wet her face as they descended. The wind roared in her ears for a second then it was abruptly cut by the sound of bones breaking.
Haine's bones.
Dust rose from the ground and swirled around the two of them. As she slowly broke away from his hold around her – she looked at his mangled body. She could only see red – a sudden feeling of déjà vu hit her. This had happened a long time ago – her looking down at Haine's bloodied body. He felt like she was going to vomit any moment.
She wanted to scream but no sound would come out of her lips no matter how hard she tried. A gruff hand suddenly held her by the hair and pulled her away from him. Haine pointedly glared – he was still half conscious in his state.
"It's about time for you to head home asshole, head home to hell that is. We'll be taking your adorable little friend here. Have a nice trip! That's what you get for being a fucking loser!" a burly man cackled as he pulled her forcibly to her feet by her hair. She struggled against him as he harshly dragged her and left her staring at Haine's blood-spattered body on the ground.
-OoO-
He slowly opened his eyes and spasms of pain erupted in his chest immediately. He sat up despite the pain clawing away at his body. He muttered rpofanities under his breath as he stood up and began to walk unsteadily towards the church. His broken bones were like glass shards inside his body and it hurt every step he took.
After a few meters he could finally walk without any problem and he speeded up his pace until he arrived at the church. He practically burst in through the doors and by a shred of luck – the tardy bastard was lounging around while the chick was seated on one of the pews. Both of them turned to his direction when he entered.
"Wow, you look wonderfully bloody today. What trouble did you get yourself into while I wasn't looking?" Badou asked sarcastically. He walked past him towards a door in the side of the church. He entered it and swiftly began to undress to change into new clothes. He threw his bloodied clothes into the trash bin – clothes that got bloody from stupid mistakes left an after taste in his mouth that he wanted to scrape out with iron wool.
When he was done and fully equipped to do some very painful killing, he stepped out into the altar room then forcefully pulled Badou by the collar to his feet.
"Wha-?" he asked with surprise but he cut him off. He really wasn't in the mood to talk right now.
"Shut up and come with me." he said tersely as he pulled him by the collar and dragged him along the marble church floor.
Just as he dragged Badou out the door without bothering to shut it, he saw the stupid priest who was holding a bag of groceries whistling quite contentedly. He walked forward without another word and left him to ask Naoto questions which were supposed to be directed at him.
"That was Haine wasn't it?"
"Yes." She said promptly.
"Was Nill with him by any chance?"
"I don't recall seeing her. Where is she by the way? I haven't seen her since I arrived."
"That's strange. Haine left together with her sometime ago. Why would he come back here without her?" he asked curiously and without another moment to waste Naoto stood up and followed both of them.
"So you're telling me Nill was taken right under your nose?" Badou asked incredulously as the two of them stood on the side of the crowded street. Haine had finally gotten tired of dragging Badou's sorry ass around and decided to let go and tell him what exactly the deal was.
"Yes, I purposely let them take her." He said shortly, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Badou scratched his head – he knew he didn't like it whenever he was in a bad mood.
"So now you don't know where she is."
"No duh, genius. Maybe if I was a psycho gun wielding kidnapper then I would know where exactly they took her." He snapped, losing whatever was left of his patience.
"Hey, easy. Let me think." he said as he raised his hands in front of him. He pulled them back when he saw that he had seemed to calm down a bit. He rubbed his chin with his hand and spoke "Well, lately there have been rumors of a slave trading company who kidnaps people and sells them off to another country. It must be them." He said it as if he was simply thinking aloud.
"Are you saying they kidnapped her?" a female voice intruded from behind them. Haine recognized that annoying voice and decided to ignore her.
"Probably somewhere spacious and deserted then." He said aloud and Badou understood. Naoto huffed and stood directly in front of Haine, her face only an inch away from his. He really didn't have any patience left to deal with her at the moment.
"Don't ignore me." she said firmly.
"You search the north side, I'll search the east and you go west Haine." Badou said breaking off the fight that was threatening to break out. His and Badou's eyes met. His expression was something that said you can't be serious.
"If we have her help we can search faster." He said logically with a shrug.
He really didn't want to ask for her help but he would just have to swallow his damn pride and get with it. He gritted his teeth and forced out a sentence.
"West right? I'm going ahead then." Badou knew it was sign that he was just going to deal with it despite his obvious reluctance.
"What are we searching for?" Naoto spoke sternly, trying to get some facts straight. It seemed even she had sensed the direness and impatience in the atmosphere.
"Somewhere spacious and isolated – probably a warehouse of some sort." Badou replied briefly and she nodded.
"Understood. Whoever finds her has to bring her back to the church. We'll meet back there in an hour." She said, adding necessary details to make an efficient plan. He was a little way off but he clearly heard what she had said.
"Yeah yeah," Badou replied lazily. "Man, what a pain." He muttered under his breath as he loaded his gun.
Haine walked swiftly through the crowd looking only for his for three things – Nill, a warehouse and any bastard he could kill to get the frustration and irritation out of his system. After a few trial and errors he stopped at one warehouse that was big enough to hold more than two dozen people. There were three transport vans parked outside the building and the windows were sealed with bars. There were two people outside patrolling the perimeter. It was almost like a prison – he had a feeling he had hit the jackpot.
Without further delay he swiftly shot the two guards and used their one of the bodies as a shield when he barged into the warehouse. Gunshots greeted him the moment he stepped in. He had gone trigger happy and he shot every single person who pointed a gun at him. He took extra care not to accidentally kill one of the bystanders.
Inside the warehouse was large cages filled with an assortment of women and children – they were probably other victims of the gang of kidnappers. They screamed and begged when he dropped the body he held to the ground and pointed the gun at the leader. Right behind him was Nill hung by ropes wrapped around her wrists. She was looking at him with wide eyes, her mouth was gagged and even from afar he could see the purple bruises on her arms and legs. Her dress had been torn in various places and her face was swollen. It seemed these mother fuckers didn't know how to handle their merchandise with care. Beside the leader was the man who had shot him just a little while ago.
"You?" he asked in utter disbelief. "I killed you!"
"Not enough apparently." He shot back briskly as he took another step towards them. The leader grunted and pulled out a knife he smiled manically just then.
"You think you've won? I've still got your pretty little friend here." He said with a wide smile.
"So? It's not gonna make you live any longer asshole." He said viciously as he readied to pull the trigger of his gun.
"Boss. That guy isn't human. We should retreat before he –" the pansy assed crony began to say but he was cut off by his boss stabbing him in the chest. The surprise from his sudden kill delayed his shot for a second and the leader had taken advantage of it. Before he could shoot, the leader drove the blade into Nill's abdomen and slashed it sideward. A fountain of blood emerged from the huge gash.
"Too late loser! She's such a pretty little rag doll now!" he said gleefully as he laughed.
The sight of her blood staining the ground made something snapped inside Haine. Before he knew it, everything had suddenly gone pitch black.
Badou's hazy voice broke through the darkness after a while.
"What the hell happened here?" his loud voice asked to no one in particular. A heavy smell of iron slowly penetrated into his senses.
"I think… this was his doing." A female voice answered shortly.
"You've gotta be kidding me. All of them are freaking dead." Badou's voice said with outrage and disgust.
The sound of splashing footsteps came closer to where he was. Warm breath brushed against his face and he felt something move in his side.
"She's still alive, thank goodness. But her condition is critical, we need to get her to a hospital now." the chick's voice said urgently. "I'll carry her. Can I leave him to you?"
There was sigh and the sound of heavy splashing with every step they made.
"Got it."
He forced open his heavy eyelids but the only thing he saw was crimson red, he couldn't comprehend it and before he could anticipate it, his consciousness faded away once more.
-OoO-
There was a steady rhythmic beeping sound coming from somewhere. The fresh smell of anesthetics filtered into her brain. Nill slowly opened her eyes in the pure white room. She was lying in a soft and warm bed with the sun light seeping in through the blinds of the window to her right side. She moved her arm and saw a tube attached to her arm. She slowly sat up and examined herself; she wasn't in her usual clothes. Where was this place?
"You're awake." A deep voice said quietly from beside her. She turned her head and saw the familiar mass of silver hair sitting on a chair right beside the bed she was lying on. His crimson eyes met her own and she couldn't help but scrutinize them deeper. He didn't turn away from her gaze – rather, he looked at her openly.
It's deepened.
She formed the words with her lips unintentionally.
"What has?"
The despair and the pain in your eyes.
"You can see something like that?"
I can – because I've always been looking at you.
"really."he said with a sad smile. Not once did he look away from her and this was the first time she had seen him so vulnerable. Those eyes that always eluded her as to what he really felt was as clear and distinct as the beeping sound from the machine beside her bed.
His eyes didn't contain anger or hatred she usually saw – all she could see was guilt and self-loathing, something she had never seen in his eyes before.
What's wrong?
"My existence." He replied solemnly.
I don't understand
"You don't need to." He said with a bitter smile.
Something must have happened back at the warehouse when she had fainted from the pain – something that opened up all his old wounds. She didn't know what really happened and she knew he would tell her if she asked – but she didn't want to ask, not if it was causing such pain. Instead she chose to change the flow of the conversation.
I wanted to pull you out of that world just for a while.
"Which deranged world are you referring to?" he replied following her lead.
That world of fighting and blood you're always drawn into. Just for a moment – I wanted to give you some peace of mind… but it seems I just ended up pushing you deeper into it. I'm sorry.
"Why are you apologizing, idiot? I should be the one apologizing for putting you through that. I should have known better than to assume my sinister lady luck would spare that one day." He said darkly and then added, "Sooner or later I'm going to fall – fall prey to the temptations of the dog inside me."
But you'll come back right?
"What?" he didn't bother to hide the confusion in his voice.
Like you always come back to visit me in the church, you will definitely come back.
"How are you so sure? I'm a stray dog. I have nowhere to return to." He said reasonably in a matter-of-fact tone.
You'll come back. I need you to come back like you always do. Even if you come back all bloodied and wounded while in an extremely bad mood. Even if you come back cursing at Badou. I'll always be waiting for you to come back. And if you ever fall, I'll catch you and I'll bring you back. Because…
She stopped herself halfway.
"Because –?" he asked with a slight hint of interest. She searched for the adequate words to describe what she felt and the same words she had said before popped into her mind.
Because Haine is someone very important to me.
"You said the same thing back at the construction site. How could I ever be important to anyone?"
Because a lot of people would be sad if you just went and disappeared without a word. I'm sure they too would come searching for you.
"They shouldn't waste their time for someone like me. What are they? Fucking dumbasses?" he replied, but with none of the usual bite his replies always had. He way he said it was like he wanted to reject the very idea that he had friends.
They're your friends.
"Friends huh, I never knew I had something like that. Once upon a time I suppose I had someone like that, do you know how that person ended up? I ended up killing that person with my own hands." He said darkly, eyes cast down.
You're not the same as that time.
She reached out for his hand resting on her bed and he mechanically gave it to her. The warmth she had felt before had disappeared. Now his hand was cold and clammy as she held it between both of her hands.
"I am. I'm still the same. I don't have anything nor will I ever since I would only end up destroying it. I have nothing." He clenched and unclenched his other fist on his lap.
You have me.
She said as she tightened her grip on his hand. She broke her gaze from his face and stared at his hand.
"Don't say that. It might just come and bite you back." He slowly began to pull his hand away but she resolutely held on to it. Without looking at his face she formed the words she wanted him to know.
I'll keep saying it. And I'll say it until the day I die.
She was on the verge of tears then. She held them back with her utmost effort but it was in vain – the tears ran down her face and fell onto Haine's hand.
"You won't die. I'll make sure you don't and if there's someone that has to die it has to be me." He reached out his other hand and wiped her tears with his hand.
You'll make sure I don't die?
She asked him and he somehow sensed that she was about to say something else.
Then you'll have to live because if you die I would want to die together with you.
"Don't waste the life I saved, you deserve a better death than having to die with me." He replied with a sigh.
You've been alone all this time but I'll like I said, I'll always be waiting for you. I don't want you to die alone – that's why if you ever die, I'll die with you. I don't want to live in a world in which you don't exist, Haine.
"Why are you saying such things? Aren't you making me seem too important?" he said in the same tone she heard before – the tone that implied he wanted to reject the very idea.
Because to me – you are important. You are the most important person in my life and without you… my very existence would have no meaning.
"Stop saying such stupid things." He suddenly snapped. She was a bit surprised at the change in his demeanor.
They're not stupid. They're the truth.
She replied persistently. He bowed his head and abruptly pulled her hand against his forehead. She saw that his eyes were closed shut and his mouth was a thin line
"Don't say anymore. If you keep spouting that nonsense – I might actually believe it. Just…just don't say anymore."
It was the first time she had heard him a tone of pleading from him. He was in pain, he didn't want to hope any longer and just be disappointed. In the end, she felt her helplessness as she gazed at his hunched shoulders – shoulders that betrayed weakness. Despite the fact he considered himself a freak of nature, he still had part of him that was human – he had a heart… but it had been scarred to many times that he only knew how to be hurt. She knew she couldn't erase his misery – it was part of who he was. She could only wait – wait for him to return to her when he needed somewhere to go back to.
And the two of them stayed like that for a long time – her reaching out to him yet him not wanting to take her hand. Indeed, the two of them were to be in that position for a long time…
-OoO-
Endnote: well, starting off with Haine and Nill made me so happy but then it suddenly got all angst and stuff in the last part that I felt so sad while typing it. Ahhh, I just love these two but I wonder why I made it soo sad :'(. I don't know what the heck happened to me while I was typing this but – tell me what you think in a REVIEW. Pretty please? Please? : Also, thanks so much for reading, guys or gals… or aliens? Nah! I don't think aliens watch or read DOGS anyway. 6.6
P.S. I'm sorry, I'm not really sure if you can see the sky there Haine's place but the story just wouldn't be right without so whether or not they're underground or maybe they aren't let's just say that you can see the sky. :D oh yes, if you're wondering, the sky which I say is so clear is actually Nill and the murky earth is Haine. The reason I put a sky there is so that I can show that two different types of people like Haine and Nill can be connected. :) I just love that meaning behind the whole story but you might not have gotten it so I'm writing it here, just in case.
P.P.S. sorry, almost forgot. I need you guys to comment on Haine in the story. I have a feeling that he's a little too angsty but I like him that way so I need an unbiased of opinion of him. Thanks! This time for real, I won't add anything more. :]