I'm so sorry for writing this...I just couldn't stop thinking about that last scene of the last episode, where we have a close-up on Sam's face and I needed to write how I picture Sam's thoughts during this scene
One again so sorry, I know it's really bad... :(
As I watch Dean cover Bobby I can't help to feel all those emotions mixed inside. Dean's an adult since he's 4 years old, took care of me and more than ¼ of a century later, he's still taking care of people he loves. I feel…I don't know…proud? Love? Don't know why, I shouldn't be since I didn't do anything to make him like that. I just couldn't be happier that we're related and I never want to leave you
Can't help myself to think that I'm barely alive right now and soon I'll be gone. I'm so scared to go to sleep tonight and have such a bad nightmare that the wall will break and I'll never wake up. I don't want to leave my brother, never. Want to be by his side, fight by his side, even protect him like he protected me since forever. Want to be there for the next months…years…decades.
Right now, I'm fighting back that sadness growing in me, I just want to smack myself for scratching that wall. It may have cost me many years of my short life…
From what I've heard from Dean, look like I didn't came back sooner cause Bobby decided not to tell about my return…or at least my body's return, for a whole year. Can't picture myself how Dean must have been angry back then, being left out of the loop by someone he trusted so much. And, only couple of months later, he's right there taking care of Bobby like never happened. I guess he really meant it in the cemetery when he said he forgive everyone for everything. How could have been that stubborn and stupid enough to think he may not miss me when I'll be gone for I've did.
I've decided, from now on, I'll really try to make the most of every single seconds I have left and try to be happy for everyday I'm lucky enough to wake up. Before I'm done, I need to take care of that Eve bitch to be sure she won't hurt my family anymore. Even if I die, if I have to give my life to protect my family, I will. But, not because I want some sort of redemption for something I didn't do, but because I love them…