Rites of Passage

by orpheneritus

Yuushi knows for sure now, that it is the world that is not good enough.

Rites of Passage by orpheneritus

When the summer break ends, the tennis club is left in the care of Ohtori as the third years start preparing for their High School entrance exams.

Yuushi makes a study plan for them and shows it to Gakuto who smiles quietly and says, 'If we must.' He seems to do a lot of things quietly these days. But still, Gakuto comes around to his house three times a week to study, though more often than not, Yuushi studies while Gakuto stares out the window and suggests a few other things they might be doing instead.

He's often distracted by Gakuto's suggestions. The soft mellow tones of his voice whispering a one sided conversation from the other side of the room. A conversation that is frivolous in one moment and erotic in the next. Gakuto's frank monologue of all things sexually perverse makes him laugh and flush at the same time, because his words are an opportunity that he hasn't stepped up to take… not since the summer.

Before the summer break he didn't understand what it meant to stand close to another person, to feel the gentle shudder of desire ripple through all his organs and harden his cock. He didn't understand… Not until Gakuto had stood next to him in the shower, bodylines running parallel, and sunk to his knees.

At night he thinks of it. His languid eyes glancing up at him, a slight smile. His partner opening his mouth allowing the head of his cock to rest gently upon his lips before enveloping him into the heat of his mouth. He thinks about it and jerks himself to completetion with a muffled grunt. He often falls asleep with his hand wrapped loosely around his cock.

Sometimes Gakuto is his old self again. Loud and energetic, annoying him with his sarcastic observations, crowing over every video game won. Yuushi loves these moments, because for a while he can forget about the times when Gakuto has not been Gakuto. He lives for these moments, the reasons they became friends.

They blow off cram school together, just once. The weather's still nice and it won't be long until the rains. Gakuto goes to different cram school, but doesn't seem to care about missing a couple classes and meets you outside the school.

Yuushi's excited, he feels the same vibe to their sudden day trip as permeated his memories of summer.

'Where to?' Gakuto asks with a tilt of his head.

'Somewhere we've never been before.'

Gakuto's smile widens, 'I can take to somewhere you've never been without even moving,' he replies.

In the end they get on the train and decide to get off in twelve stops. They head off in the direction of the coast and accidentally go fourteen stops and are slightly farther inland than expected.

'We should've stayed on,' he says looking down the road. 'Going fifteen stops would've been better than getting off on an unlucky number.'

'It's not unlucky, it was only fourteen by our count.' Yuushi points to the railway map. 'Really we should've got on at Shinagawa, which would've made it twelve stops.'

'That's illogical, Yuushi,' he replies.

They stop at a restaurant on the main street. The restaurant has a help wanted sign up in the window, but Yuushi can't see why, there are only two other patrons. But Gakuto stops and reads it before they go in.

The shop only has floor seating so Yuushi chooses the one at the back so he can sit cross-legged and lean against the wall.

Gakuto seems happy to be hanging out in the small no-name town. 'What do you think of me being a waiter, Yuushi?' Gakuto asks.

Yuushi lowers his drinking cup. 'Why would you want to be a waiter?'

Gakuto shrugs. 'I was just thinking of getting a job.'

He shakes his head. 'Atobe would report you in a second, you're not a allowed to have a job.'

'I could have a job if I quit school.' Gakuto looks away from him quickly and laughs. 'Kidding,' he replies.

But it's too late. Yuushi has a sickening feeling curling in his stomach and the words that Gakuto has said can't be unsaid.

'I have a great idea,' Gakuto says.

The public bathhouse is almost empty, only a few patrons hanging around. It isn't long before it's just Yuushi and Gakuto.

Gakuto is resting his head on the side of the bath, his eyes closed. His hair is wet and it reminds him of that day in the shower. Yuushi shifts to bring his leg up onto the seat, hiding his erection from Gakuto.

How Gakuto can be so relaxed, he doesn't know. All he can think about is what high school would be like without Gakuto.

'Yuushi?' Gakuto says from his reclined position. 'Does it bother you?'

'Of course,' he replies.

Gakuto opens his eyes and stretches his arms above his head. 'It's okay, you can forget about it.'

But he can't forget about it.

Eventually Gakuto kicks him in the side, 'Stop being morose, it ruins the purpose of skipping school.'

Yuushi looses his balance and has to kick out his foot to regain it.

'Do you have a hard on?' Gakuto asks with a grin.

He buys bread and drinks at the local bakery and they eat in the park. Yuushi spends most of his time fending off Gakuto's tackles which are just a cover for his attempts to feel his crotch.

He wouldn't mind another blowjob and it seems that Gakuto wouldn't mind giving him another one, but he doesn't know how to move it past the games they are playing, he can't remember how they got there the first time. So he goes on acting as if they had never touched each other before. Yuushi half hopes that they will eventually stumble back into that place.

They go home when Gakuto manages to loose ten thousand yen playing shogi with a couple of locals, which in reality is his ten thousand yen that Gakuto still owes him.

When Gakuto comes around to study after the weekend, he's lost him. Gakuto is back at the window. He stands up after only an hour and collects his bags. 'Leaving early?'

Gakuto nods. 'I'm doing an extra cram class.'

Yuushi watches him leave and feels like he's failed to do something. He has trouble getting back into studying, he can't shake the bad feeling. Packing away his books, he grabs his coat. He'll meet up with Gakuto after his cram class, wait for him at the door. Fix their problems, talk, play tennis, anything…

He waits outside for more than a half hour. He watches others their age leave with laden school bags and heavy steps. He waits until it seems that no one else will come. Then he goes up.

The teacher is cleaning the whiteboard. 'Is Mukahi-san still here?' asks Yuushi.

The teacher frowns and looks over her attendance list. 'I thought I recognized the name,' she replies. 'He's not here. He's never been here.'

'Never?'

She slides the last of her belongings into her satchel and shoulders the bag. Yuushi is still standing in the doorway. 'I'm sorry,' she says. 'But your friend has never come to class.'

He shakes his head. 'But he said…'

The teacher stops for a moment and looks at him, her eyes soften. 'It happens sometimes,' she says. 'It gets too hard and they can't keep up. The exam is an obstacle that not everyone is strong enough to get over.'

'Gakuto's strong enough,' Yuushi interrupts.

Her hand rests briefly on his arm. 'You should go tell him so.'

Yuushi waits like nothing is wrong, waits until Gakuto comes around to his house again. He's afraid if he says anything before hand that Gakuto will just stop coming.

Once he arrives, Yuushi doesn't know what to say. Gakuto sits by the window and doesn't study.

'What are you looking at?' he finally asks.

Gakuto looks back at him over his shoulder then turns back to the window. 'My past,' he replies.

Yuushi closes his books and sits down beside Gakuto. He can see the park from where they are sitting. His thigh brushes against Gakuto's and he can smell the change of tensions in the air, but he doesn't shift away. 'Why aren't you going to cram school?' he asks.

Gakuto goes tense and his head drops.

'I would've found out eventually.'

Gakuto rests his elbows on his knees and leans forward. 'I hoped not for a little while longer.'

'You're going to leave school aren't you?' He really doesn't need an answer, Gakuto is saying everything without saying anything at all.

'That's not how it will happen, it's just what will happen.' Gakuto sighs and turns away from the window. 'I'll take my tests like my father expects. I'll fail them as my mother predicts daily and they'll have something new to fight about. Somewhere in the middle I'll just disappear,' his voice closes up on the word disappear.

'Gakuto, you can't just disappear,' he protests.

'Why not, Yuushi. I'm already disappearing. There's no tennis, there's no free time with you, I need to choose a fucking career path. I don't even know who I am right now.' He's trembling as his voice ascends.

'Gakuto,' Yuushi kneels in front of him and grabbing his shoulders. 'No one knows what they want to do, you just pick something.'

'I can't.' Gakuto replies.

'Why not?' he pleads quietly. 'Just pick something, study, do the tests, go to high school with me, with everyone…'

'And then what Yuushi. Work the nine to nine job that I hate, become a responsible member of society, marry a woman that will tolerate my disinterest in her, and die?'

'No.' Yuushi cuts in. 'I don't know. Isn't that the way it is for everyone.'

'Maybe…' he says slowly. 'But I'm selfish. I want to go on forever playing tennis and having a good time, I want to get a job that I like. I can't take these tests, I'm not good enough for this kind of world.'

Gakuto leans forward, defeated, until his head rests against his chest. Yuushi wraps his arms around him tightly. 'That's not true Gakuto. You can do this, I can help you do this. I need you to try, you need to try.'

Gakuto nods and it's enough to make him feel better.

There's a new schedule. One that keeps Gakuto at his side as much as possible. His father pulled a few strings and got Gakuto a place in his cram school. He is dedicated to helping Gakuto. Together they choose Gakuto's career path. A schedule with enough sciences to potentially go into civil engineering or actuarial science.

Gakuto smiles more often, but he knows that each one is becoming less genuine. But when it's all over Gakuto will be happy that he chose to stick it out. To stay with him.

They study in his bedroom. That night he gets his second blowjob, right in the middle of statistical maths. Gakuto's red hair spills across his belly as the other boy mouths his cock. He can't hold on long and he tries to warn Gakuto by squeezing his shoulder. He pulls back a little too late. Yuushi laughs and apologizes as Gakuto wipes the side of his neck with a tissue.

He makes time for them to play tennis, even though most of the other third years are too busy to join, he makes sure that Gakuto plays at least once a week. They're on their third set when Gakuto sits down in the middle of the courts. 'Yuushi, I'm tired,' he says.

Yuushi grabs the water bottles from the bench and throws one to his partner. 'That's cool. We can rest for a while and play another game.'

Gakuto sits on the bench beside him and rests a hand on his thigh. 'Yuushi I'm tired,' he says again. 'You can stop trying so hard. Let's just go study.'

The week before exams Gakuto asks him if he wants to fuck. It might've gone better if they'd prepared a little longer. Yuushi stands behind Gakuto, knowing what to do, but not really how to do it. He grasps Gakuto's hip with one hand and braces his erection with the other. He can tell that he's causing Gakuto pain by the trembling in his legs and the breath that comes forced between his teeth, but when he pulls away Gakuto pushes back against him, encouraging him.

It's tight and he's never felt anything like it. The squeeze against the head of his prick, the even pressure and the tight ring of Gakuto's arse around the base of his cock. It's the most pleasure he's ever felt and it's too much pleasure. He comes when he tries to move and it's all over.

'I'm sorry, Gakuto. That was… disappointing.'

Gakuto just shakes his head and pulls him down onto the bed.

He feels bad. Gakuto made him feel really good and he just blew it. He sucks Gakuto off instead. They spend the night together. Most of it with their hands on each others dicks.

He feels ready on the day of the exams. And though Gakuto looks a bit down he knows that Gakuto is ready too. Everyone is taking the last few moments to brush up on their weakest subject, but Gakuto takes him by the arm and leads him out of the way.

'What's wrong?'

Gakuto drops his bag to the floor. 'Nothing,' he says. 'I was hoping to get a good luck kiss.'

They've never kissed.

The touch of their mouths is careful. Their breath passing from one to the other as their tongues quest slowly into each other. He pulls back as footsteps approach. Gakuto sucks his lip briefly before letting go. His hand still rests at the base of Gakuto's neck and the teacher gives them a strange look and tells the to wait with the others.

Yuushi heads back to the exam rooms, but Gakuto excuses himself to go to the bathroom. 'Test starts in five,' he reminds his partner.

He stares at an empty desk. His pen hangs loosely from his fingers. He can't begin, he can't leave, but he can't leave Gakuto either. He promised to get him through this. The other students in the room give him side long glances, he knows what they are thinking. It's not unusual to have one or two crack in the exam room. Some of them can't believe it would be Oshitari Yuushi, others are already cheering his failure, notching themselves mentally one more rank in the standings.

When the cry sounds it echoes throughout the silent rooms, heads jerking up from every desk in the area. He knows then what he couldn't have known. But his legs take him where he needs to be faster than mind can work it out. He pushes past the teachers standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

There are rivers of red over his hands. One teacher is phoning the ambulance. Sato-sensei presses a face cloth against Gakuto's forearms, her belongings scattered across the tiles, her face tear marked, but determined. He kneels down beside her and takes one of Gakuto's arms with a trembling hand and a racing heart.

Gakuto's head rolls back against the wall and his eyes slide open a fraction. 'You weren't supposed to come, Yuushi.'

He presses harder against the cuts, hard enough to make his partner wince, to see that he is still alive. To know that he has another chance. 'I'm sorry I disappointed you, Gakuto, but I won't let you disappear.'

'I can't do this Yuushi, I'm not good enough for this kind of world.'

But Yuushi knows for sure now, that it is the world that is not good enough for Gakuto. 'Then I'll change it, Gakuto. Just for you, I'll fucking change it.'