A/N: I do not support the pairing you are about to read the first and hopefully last fic about. This is wrong, and I do not ship it in any way; it's all just a joke. I do not ship whatsoever, either, so do not ask for future ship fics. Thank you for being so kind as to read a fic about such a crack-y pairing.

Baljeet sat there in his room, thinking. He was thinking hard. Harder than he'd ever thought before. And this wasn't even about math. This was about romance.

Earlier that day, he had realized something: Phineas had one hot mom. His friend and neighbor for who knows how long, and he had just realized now the hotness of his mother. He couldn't believe it. His mother. Baljeet continued to ponder how it was possible he was so attracted to her. It was illogical. He was ten; she was… at least three times that. It could never work. Yet… he couldn't get the idea out of his mind. He needed her. More than he needed math. And he needed math badly. It just didn't make sense. This shouldn't be happening.

The next day, he woke up and still couldn't stop thinking about Linda. He got dressed and went outside, heading to Buford's house; maybe a good bullying would knock the thoughts out of him. Buford gave him a wedgie as soon as he saw him. He laughed and noticed Baljeet's rather unnoticing of the bullying inflicted upon him. Buford knew when someone should be screaming in pain - after all, he had been a bully for at least three years – but Baljeet wasn't. He couldn't figure it out. Finally, he asked.

"Oh, nothing… I just can't get these thoughts out of my head!" Baljeet responded

"I'm sorry I can't help you in the thought department, but if you tell someone, maybe it would be easier" Buford answered

"Well… it's… this girl…" Baljeet began

"Ah, woman trouble. I know that. The ladies can't keep their hands off the Buford"

"…please, never say that again."

"Alright, what's your problem?"

"I just can't stop thinking about her! I know she's already kind of with someone, and I know it's wrong, but I just can't stop thinking about her!"

"Is it Isabella?" Buford asked

"No, Buford, it is not Isabella."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! I am completely sure! I am not attracted to Isabella whatsoever! Besides, she's an older woman!"

"Is it Candace?"

Baljeet sighed. "No, it is not Candace. Do I need to just outright tell you!"

"That would be helpful."

"It's… It's Phineas' mother"