Once upon a time there was a lady called Fiona. She was madly in love with Bill Weasley. Her best friends were Sadhbh and Bryony and Emily. Bryony was going out with Sirius Black, who was not dead cos he just wasn't. and the others were not in love with anyone. One day FEBS (Fi, Emily, Bryony and Sadhbh) went to kill Snape and he said to Bryony and Fi, "You are in love with Sirius! You are in love with Bill Weasley! But you have to come with me and you will be married to the Dark Lord!"
And Bryony and Fi said "NNNOOOOOO!" and then they ate porridge and then cos Snape was allergic to cactuses he died! Then Dumbledore had a baby, and he ate a book about telephones.
Soon Tonks decided that she loved Sirius too and she tried to kill Bryony. So then Bryony said that would have to live in a kettle so Tonks lived in a kettle. And then Sadhbh married her Charlie Weasley and then adopted Dumbledore. Then Bryony felt sorry for Lupin so she bought him a toilet roll despenser and he married it !
FEBS all went shopping in WHS for pencils and Miss Cooney said that they were were party poopers and had stolen her pencil. And so they ran away and hid in a potions room which was full of shoelaces! So then they had to marry a shoelace and then divorce it! Then Bryony and Fi were taken to Voldemort but it was too late cos Sirius and Bill were there to save them so then Sirius proposed to Bryony and Bill proposed to Fi and they got married and lived happily ever after.