Characters: Will Freeman, Hugh Womple
Disclaimer: About and Boy is an American sitcom developed by Jason Katims based on a novel of the same name by Nick Hornsby. It is made byTrue Jack Productions and airs on NBC. All characters, plots and creative elements derived from the source material belong exclusively to their respective owners. I, the author of the fan fiction, do not, in any way, profit monetarily from the story.
The worse thing about Marcus's dad wasn't even the nudity. Actually, that was the worst thing, but, like, every second the list was getting longer. That dude had some majorly annoying habits. Like slurping.
Will had come home after a long day of work, when—well not that long, since he didn't actually have a job or anything, and "work" was more like detailing his bike, but still. He'd come home and he was hungry. He figured he'd just warm up a couple cans of Progresso and then enjoy a nice, relaxing evening stalking Dr. Sam online when he realized there was a man in a pair of short shorts (ugh!) watching a live feed of penguins on a laptop while sitting at Will's dining room table.
Over his better judgment, Will then offered that man a bowl of minestrone.
For his efforts, he was rewarded by spending the next ten minutes frozen in muted horror and accosted by an auditory onslaught of slurps, smacks, and the occasional burp.
"Fifi," Hugh said suddenly, apropos of nothing.
"I'm sorry," Will said, emerging from his fitful trance. "Fifi?"
Hugh didn't respond.
Now curious, Will sauntered over, bowl in hand, while looking over Hugh's shoulder at the feed. It was mostly a lot of snow and a few black dots. "Fifi. So, that's like one of the penguins or something?"
Hugh looked up as if he were surprised to see Will standing there. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Fifi? Who is Fifi?"
"The woman I christened 'Fifi' is your neighbor and, forgive my phrasing, the female receptacle of my seed. The nickname really fits her."
"First off, that was unforgivable," Will said with a shudder, "and, secondly, I'll just stick with Fiona."
"Suit yourself," Hugh said with a shrug. (Hugh was this guy's name, by the way.) He leaned in Will's direction, whispering. "Although I must say, that Fifi is—without a doubt—the most sensual and sexually voracious woman I've ever been with."
"Let's not talk," Will said and, spinning around, headed for the stairs.
"WILL!" Hugh called after him. Will stopped but didn't turn around. "Can I ask you something?"
Will faced him. "Based on our conversations thus far, I'm really hesitant to answer yes to that question."
Hugh continued, undeterred. "You seem to be a man of certain...sexual abilities." It was the most rational thing Will had heard from Hugh's mouth to date.
"That is correct," he said. "Why?"
"Because I've already been here two days and Fiona hasn't shown even the slightest interest in…" he lifted his eyebrows. "You know."
"Yes, yes. I know," Will said, wincing.
"I was referring to aligning our genitals in carnal bliss."
"I said I knew!" Will groaned. "God, Hugh! Like, have you ever heard of TMI?"
"Usually," Hugh continued, unfazed, "Marcus can barely make it out of the door to school before we're ripping each other's clothes off and making a dash for the bedroom. Or kitchen. Or laundry room. Or—"
"Okay, dude," Will said on the verge of depositing the contents of his stomach in the toilet. "You seemed to have boundary issues, so I'm going to establish them for you. I don't want to know about you and Fiona doing it. I don't want to hear you slurping as you eat. And I don't want to see your package. Ever."
Hugh ruminated on those conditions. "Fair enough," he said. "I'll only be here another day, so it's a small price to pay for free room and board."
"Thank you," Will said, and started back to his room to finish his (now cold) soup in peace.
"Wait!" Hugh said. "You didn't answer my question."
"What question?"
"Do you think I'll get any nookie out of Fiona before my flight in 36 hours?"
"Yo, man, you've broken one rule already."
"I'm not talking strictly about sex when I say 'nookie.'"
"No?" Will said, incredulous. "Because I'm pretty sure that's what the rest of the planet means when they say that."
"I mean..." He trailed off, searching for the word. "I mean attraction. Allure. Affection. Intimacy."
He looked at Will with such longing in his eye, and it called back to mind something Fiona had said the day before. About how she and Hugh's on-again-off-again relationship had been confusing for Marcus.
Will finally spoke. "Maybe Fiona has just grown up."
"I'm sorry; I'm not understanding," Hugh said.
"I just mean that I'm sure that when you and Fiona first got together you were two single, swinging, young people who could—" The words caught in his throat. His was breaking his own rule, but there was no other way around it. "What the hell," he muttered. "'Have sex whenever you wanted to."
"Yeah. So?" Hugh said.
"Well, now you're both a lot older and she realizes there are more important things on the table than a quick roll in the hay."
Hugh gave Will a disbelieving stare, then busted out laughing in his rapid-fire chortle, sincerely amused. "Right, so you mean to tell me that now that you have a few years under your belt you've abandoned casual sex altogether?"
"Of course not," Will said. "But I'd like to think that if I had a kid with a woman, I'd start thinking about her less as a fuck buddy and start thinking about her more as the mother of my child."
The statement stopped Hugh in his tracks. His brow furrowed and his voice grew small. "What does Marcus have to do with this?"
The question lingered in the air between them, floating there, suspended like a soap bubble waiting to pop. In that moment, even Will—free-wheeling, care-free, hedonistic Will—felt a pang of conscience that the precious young boy that lived just on the other side of his dumbwaiter called this man "dad."
"What does Marcus have to do with this?" Will repeated. "I guess...everything."
As Hugh sat hopelessly dumbfounded, Will finally ascended the stairs en route to his bedroom. He kicked off his slippers, placed his soup on the nightstand, and lay back on the bed. As he opened the lid to his laptop, the thought crossed his mind that nudity might not be the worst thing about Marcus's dad after all.
THE END
END NOTE: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I treasure your comments.