Disclaimer: I don't won digimon, if I did all the characters would go through psychological torture (because I find it adorable.)
Note: This is between episode 41-42. I tried to give a more in depth look at Henry because I adore him (a.k.a object for torture), to see behind his calm masquerade. Cause no one would be calm on that situation.
In the dark
Here I am, in the dark, the only noise I can hear is from the wind outside. It's been five minutes that the energy has been cut off and I'm bored to death already.
My dad said that the wind was strong enough to take down the energy supply, but I'm sure that the D-reaper is into this. I don't know why he keeps hiding these stuff like I am a scared child.
The only thing left for me now is my notebook, which poor batteries won't handle so long, I'm just writing whatever comes into my mind, not really caring about grammar mistakes(4)… If only mom read this she would be pissed….
Truth is, I am scared, how can't I be? Two worlds had their fate throw on my hands and how I'm supposed to work it out? The stress is striking me down (2) and I can't express it. I can't show that me, the peaceful and sane Henry is going nuts. If I had a tantrum right now, what would the others think? All hell broken loose. Mou-men-tai Henry, Mou-men-tai.
Terriermon is probably the worst worry of mine. If anything ever happens to him again I think I wouldn't be able to live with it. He was never suppose to fight, never suppose to take danger right in his skin. He was suppose to be my friend, my pet, miss pretty pants. Not some fighting machine.
But I can't help it can I? It's our duty.
Why I am even writing this? Stress relieve I guess? It's ridiculous. I'm thinking too much, I'm always thinking too much. Never took things by impulse. For me the world is like a chess board, I need to look at every movement possible, every offensive and defensive stances.
Why am I this way?
The rain is falling so hard right now, and staring at this bright screen is starting to give me a headache. This anxiousness over an answer. The monster makers and Yamaki are sure that they can find an answer and a way to defeat this thing by their own. But how long this is going to take? How long before this thing takes over the whole city? I need a straight answer, a straight order, not doubts or theories.
I've been through so much in less than one year than some people ever been in their whole life and I haven't took the time to think about it till now. Of course I'm glad I've been chose to be a part of this, but it's also being a pain for me. I never talked about because, again, I can't show weakness or stress. But I haven't got a legit night of sleep ever since Terriermon digivolved and went berserk, I took some pills and I'm afraid of what this is going to lead to, since I can't sleep without them anymore. It seems I don't know nothing about night terrors. (1)
Every time I lost a battle I feel like a downsize no one else (2). Every time a digimon dies in front of my eyes I feel like I could had saved them. Like there was another way to deal with this situation. But the worst of all is when people rely on me for answers, for shelter, for anything. I try to be as kind as possible, but you see, I'm not the one that have many friends (3), I'm not a good one, at least not the one I wanted to be.
I can hear Suzie crying. What I've done to her on digital world I'll never forgive myself, it wasn't necessary and even less appropriated. She was just a small scared child that wasn't suppose to be there. I'm relieved she's physically OK, but I wonder what she's really thinking about this whole situation. Or maybe she's just seeing this as a big adventure in wonderland, completely oblivious of the happenings and I'm worrying too much, thinking too much.
Takato himself is destroyed, I can see in his eyes. The fear of what happened to guilmon can happen again, his lack of control that almost nuked the whole digital world. The looks of Jeri's empty eyes, the sadistic, enigmatic smile.
He told me he confessed his love for her and all she did was staying there, numb. He told me how he felt (opposite to me, the goggle boy makes his emotions clear as crystal) completely broken inside when he burst in tears inside the train. It hurts just to think about his "it's fine" laugh almost crying (2)
And there's also Rika. She changed so much, from that "I'm more awesome than you" attitude to the "I'm more awesome than you, but you're ok". At least that's what she wants to show, but deep inside we all know, she's just as worried as all of us.
Ugh, this half light is burning my eyes.
These last months took the best out of me. I just wish someone could come and tell me it's gonna be OK, but with the confidence that has been lacking these days. I just wish someone to tell me I'll be fine. Before I go insane.
-no, this means nothing
(1) song influence!
(2) favourite songs influence! Cookies if you know it!
(3) Did anyone ever saw Henry talking to anyone before Takato shows up? No.
(4) That was just a excuse for my lack of attention.
It's been a (long) while since I wrote any fanfic. Made this when the energy cut off and this suddenly popped on my mind (yay for boredom!)
But still, a review would be wonderful and give me a bump to write more. With or without energy.
I'm going to dance somewhere else now.