Empty Tears
Dry these tears you can not
Love me you have not
Hold me you do
But not as I want
I love you
More than the moon and stars
I love you-myself (animesnape21)
"Fear is a path to the dark side
Fear leads to hate
Hate leads to anger
Anger leads to suffering"
-Yoda in the Star Wars series
--
Harry slumped into the desk that use to belong to his godfather, Sirius Orion Black. But when Sirius died on June 1st in the ministry of magic, Harry James Potter inherited Number 12 Grimwald Place. But Harry was only 1 glad he did. Most of him resented the fact that he inherited the house that his godfather was locked up in for an entire year. But it gave him a safe haven from the ever-hateful Dursleys.
Harry started crying again, completely depressed and only 1 person cared. But Harry had fallen completely head-over-heels for this man. Harry had fallen in love with his former teacher, friend, parents' friend, and a werewolf (not that Harry found anything wrong with that). That man was the ever so kind and completely gorgeous Remus Lupin.
Harry pulled a piece of parchment, a quill, and an ink bottle to him. He did not know what he was going to write, so he just let his emotions spill out. The result shocked him but not much.
Crying but yet
He is not here dry my tears
Empty blood flows through my veins
Yet he is not here
To fill them with the same love I feel for him
Falling into a darkness
Only he can save me from
The darkness
I have been forced to fight
Only he can save me
From the hell
The world thrust upon me
When I was only a year old
What happens when
The one you love
Was your parents' and godfather's
Best friend in school?
He has stolen my heart
I breathe only for him
Yet it hurts
Not having him near
Not being able to be with him
Harry wasted no time in pulling another piece of parchment near him. He had to do this. He had to tell Remus everything, hoping the man at least understood. Praying that the man didn't abandon him like everyone else had.
Moony,
How do you cope with grief when only 1 person cares enough to write? How do you cope with the loss of someone close to you, when only 1 friend writes to you, making sure you are ok? Cause Remus, I am in a ton of pain and don't know how to deal.
I cry empty tears everyday now because my life has lost all meaning. No one but you gives a fucking damn about me. They are too fucking blind to see that the mother fucking "Golden Boy" is in pain and in need of comfort. Only you can see what I'm feeling. Only you can understand what I'm feeling.
Am I just a fucking pawn to the gods of all the Egyptian lands (btw I am obsessed with ancient Egypt and Greece for your info Moony)? Am I just some mother fucking pawn in some mother fucking war no one but you can seem to see that I do not want to fight? I don't want to be the "Chosen One" or the "Boy-Who-Fucking-Lived"! No one but you seems to care that all I want is a normal life (not that I can get that with fucking moldy voldy alive and out there) and for once, a fucking quiet year at school!
I feel like I'm losing control. I just want to shut completely down and let the people who manipulate my life already, do so some more!
Before I lose all nerve and not write the real purpose of this letter, I have one last thing. I am so desperately in love with someone. Actually you to be correct. I know this sounds completely weird and disgusting so I would not care if you didn't even write to me now that this is out. But hear me out. I have loved you since I first met you on the train going to Hogwarts. I don't know what happened but the very sight of you sleeping silently by the window, made me feel like I hadn't ever felt. You are the bright moon and stars in the night sky that I can't enjoy anymore (well the real stars and moon obviously). You are the rising and setting sun in my life, each day I think of you and only you.
I am at Grimwald Place if you decide that you still want to even look at me now. I have spent most of my time in our secret hideaway, having finally escaped the Dursleys. I need to someone to save me, which is part of the reason I wrote. But I also wanted you to know I loved you. I understand if you don't come after me declaring my undying love for you.
Always in love with you,
Harry James Potter
Harry sent the letter and poem (poem on top) with Hedwig, instructing her to go straight to hunting after delivering the letter to Remus. He watched as his beloved owl flew out the open window of the drawing room, the sun setting with a vibrancy of colors that reminded Harry of Remus.
Harry stumbled from the room, tears stinging his eyes (having stopped before Harry wrote the letter). He climbed down the stairs and sat down on the bottom step. In COMPLETE view of the front door. Harry buried his head into his knees and cry for a deep love and for Sirius.
--
Remus' POV
Remus stood in the doorway of his inherited mansion on the night Harry finally sent a letter, saying that he loved Remus. Though Remus was poor, he had inherited a mansion that would become the new Order HQ's. He was watching the sunset reflect on the vast lake, thinking of Harry. In the distance, Remus saw the outline of an owl and saw it was a snowy white one, when it was close enough to be recognized.
Hedwig dropped a letter at Remus' feet and took off again. Remus bent down, picked up the letter, slit open the seal, and read the poem on top.
He put a hand to his mouth, realizing that Harry wrote something that beautiful, not that Remus ever doubted that Harry could. He pulled the second piece of parchment from its place behind the poem so he could read it.
"I am so desperately in love with someone. Actually you to be correct. I know this sounds completely weird and disgusting so I would not care if you didn't even write to me now that this is out." Remus felt his heart break and his jaw hang open. Harry Potter loving him was why his jaw was opened but when Harry wrote that he would not care if Remus ever wrote to him again, because of the fact that he loved Remus, was why his heart broke.
"I'll always be there to catch you when you fall Harry. Hang on I'm coming" Remus sent Harry a patrounus before apperating to Grimwald Place. He needed to save his true love before Harry did something rash.
--
Harry's POV
Harry saw a patrounus land in front of him through tear stained eyes.
"I'll always be there to catch you when you fall Harry. Hang on I'm coming" Harry couldn't believe his ears but a second there was a loud crack outside and the door creaked open, the familiar silhouette slip in. Harry put his face in his arms again, ashamed suddenly.
"Harry" Arms slid around Harry and Harry tried to pull away.
"NO! I'm not letting my one true love go again!" Remus said as he held tighter to Harry. Harry gave up the struggle he was putting up and went almost completely limp in Remus' arms.
"Remus" Harry choked out as he felt his chin being lifted. Through glassy eyes, Harry saw Remus smile lightly and stars danced in Remus' eyes. The next second, Harry felt lips press against his own.
Harry returned the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Remus' smooth and muscular neck. Remus tightened his grip slightly on Harry's waist, drawing the young man closer. Harry broke the kiss, both in need of air. After catching his breath, Harry tried to pull away from Remus again. But Remus wouldn't let go of Harry. So Harry collapsed in Remus' arms again, crying his heart out into Remus' shoulder.
"Shhh love we can fix this" Remus soothed as he rubbed comforting circles on Harry's back.
"What did I do in my life, to deserve anyone as kind, understanding, gentle, and loving as you? I mean I already suffer so why did the gods give me something good, someone to love in my life?" Harry sobbingly asked Remus.
"Harry I ask the same question. But we know the answer. I want this. I love you with all my heart and according to your letter, I know you feel the same way." Harry lifted his head from Remus' neck and looked Remus, his new boyfriend, in the eye before nodding.
"When your feeling up to it Harry, we need to go back to my mansion" Remus said after a while and was glad that Harry had a shocked look on his face.
"See I may be poor but like you, I inherited my godfather's house. Everything was paid for and the rest of the order is going to be there in two days and I feel you might want to see them. Will you come?" Remus put in before Harry could utter a sound. Harry gave his answer in the form of a soft kiss and saying,
"I'll just get my stuff."