p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"No one forgets that the monsters are still there even when they're not looking. You hide your face under the covers hoping because you can't see it means that it can't see you. Just because I've stopped asking to see the test results doesn't mean I don't know it's getting worse. I can see it getting worse. The same way you hear the footsteps coming closer. I hear my breath rasping in my lungs. How just like you can't ignore the hand as it starts to pull the sheet from over your head I can't ignore the pain as the doctors prod and poke sensitive places that bloom pain with every breath I take and the doctors touching these places makes them explode. But unlike when you pull the cover tighter only to find them rip the sheet away and come face to face with not a monster, but your little sister wanting to sleep with you because of her nightmare. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"What I find is more tests and prodding as the doctors whirl around me checking temperatures and piercing my skin to make way for needles that siphon blood out of my veins and other needles that force blood into my veins. Everything is a bit hazy with doctors and nurses coming in and out and I know I must be no help as I can barely move with my body so weak. Who knew that lying down and doing nothing, but sleeping all day could wear you out. I didn't, but the nurses and doctors don't seem surprised when I can barely muster up enough energy to try and turn this way and that so they can gather the information they need like how fast my heart is beating or if I'm getting enough oxygen. I think it's useless I already know I'm dying I have come to terms with it far sooner than anyone else has. It could be because I knew this day was coming far longer than they did. I've had years to come to terms with dying I mean I've planned for this moment actually. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The world shouldn't put death at my fingertips so easily if it wanted me to live. I hear the door being pushed open as Doctor Andrews comes in with a bright smile that like his white coat covers something darker underneath. He's in charge of me here. He tells the other doctor and nurses what to do with me. My father seems to come alive as he sees the doctor. He's been sitting in here for hours now I think. He must surely be bored I sleep so much at this time. Dr. Andrews questions me again about how I feel. He must think I'm a vampire the way he keeps giving me blood saying it should give me more energy. It does give me more energy I'm actually aware of my surroundings now which wasn't the case a couple weeks ago. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Nope, a couple weeks ago all I could remember was being so thirsty that gallons of water at a time couldn't assuage my thirst and having to use the restroom. Most of the time it was dark when I woke up or I think it was, maybe I was too tired to even open my eyes or keep them/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"open for a long period of time. The only light I remember seeing was brief flashes of the bathroom, not even continuous visions of walking to the bathroom turning on the lights using the bathroom or even leaving. What I do remember was the fact that the pain left me for a while and then came back in full force. I must have looked a wreck at this point smelled bad too. I don't remember brushing my teeth changing my clothes or even taking a shower. Which makes sense as I couldn't even keep track of if it was day or night./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"What I find is more tests and prodding as the doctors whirl around me checking temperatures and piercing my skin to make way for needles that siphon blood out of my veins and other needles that force blood into my veins. Everything is a bit hazy with doctors and nurses coming in and out and I know I must be no help as I can barely move with my body so weak. Who knew that lying down and doing nothing, but sleeping all day could wear you out. I didn't, but the nurses and doctors don't seem surprised when I can barely muster up enough energy to try and turn this way and that so they can gather the information they need like how fast my heart is beating or if I'm getting enough oxygen. I think it's useless I already know I'm dying I have come to terms with it far sooner than anyone else has. It could be because I knew this day was coming far longer than they did. I've had years to come to terms with dying I mean I've planned for this moment actually. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The world shouldn't put death at my fingertips so easily if it wanted me to live. I hear the door being pushed open as Doctor Andrews comes in with a bright smile that like his white coat covers something darker underneath. He's in charge of me here. He tells the other doctor and nurses what to do with me. My father seems to come alive as he sees the doctor. He's been sitting in here for hours now I think. He must surely be bored I sleep so much at this time. Dr. Andrews questions me again about how I feel. He must think I'm a vampire the way he keeps giving me blood saying it should give me more energy. It does give me more energy I'm actually aware of my surroundings now which wasn't the case a couple weeks ago. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Nope, a couple weeks ago all I could remember was being so thirsty that gallons of water at a time couldn't assuage my thirst and having to use the restroom. Most of the time it was dark when I woke up or I think it was, maybe I was too tired to even open my eyes or keep them/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"open for a long period of time. The only light I remember seeing was brief flashes of the bathroom, not even continuous visions of walking to the bathroom turning on the lights using the bathroom or even leaving. What I do remember was the fact that the pain left me for a while and then came back in full force. I must have looked a wreck at this point smelled bad too. I don't remember brushing my teeth changing my clothes or even taking a shower. Which makes sense as I couldn't even keep track of if it was day or night./span/p