2017: currently under massive revision.

I'm not a native English speaker and I don't have a beta, so bear with me :)

Once upon a time you dressed so fine

Threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you?

People call say 'beware doll, you're bound to fall'

You thought they were all kidding you...

You used to laugh about

Everybody that was hanging out

Now you don't talk so loud

Now you don't seem so proud

About having to be scrounging your next meal...

How does it feel, how does it feel?

To be without a home

Like a complete unknown

Like a rolling stone

- Like a Rolling Stone, Bob Dylan

Prologue

It was past midnight when Caroline finally flung herself on the bed with a huff and even then she kept tossing and turning, unable to sleep.

People used to call her neurotic - just because she worried too much about the details and tended to overreact when things didn't go according to her meticulous plans. Well, they should see her now. No need to make up drama these days, there was never a dull moment in the hereafter.

To think she used to be on top of the world; captain of the cheerleading team, the quarterback on her arm, a promising future. But then she had to go and die and ruin everything. Turning into a photosensitive blood addict not only put a damper on her social life, but it also ruined her relationship with Matt.

Not that she could blame him for despising vampires. He had lost too much in the supernatural warfare that took place in Mystic Falls last year. And even in the off chance that he'd still want to date her upon learning the truth about what she'd become, she didn't think she could handle it right now. Reining in her emotions and sticking to the animal blood diet proved to be time-consuming.

As if that wasn't enough, covering up her strange behavior turned into a full-time job. Half of the things that came out of her mouth were big, fat lies. She had never been good at keeping secrets, so the only reason why nobody had called her out on it yet had to be because they simply weren't paying close attention. But what else was new, huh?

If her relationship with her mom was strained, the one with her father was nonexistent, his whereabouts unknown. As for her friends, they all had too much going on in their lives, and, presently, the bunch of them didn't exactly make for a strong support system. For all people called her self-involved, she failed to see how anybody she knew was any better.

Better that way, though. Coming out as one of the creatures her mother, incidentally the sheriff, actively tried to destroy would hardly bring them closer. Besides, she couldn't risk exposing Stefan and the others.

So far, immortality was shaping up to be a lonely, depressing experience.

Her train of thought was interrupted by an indistinct noise outside, magnified by her senses. Her head snapped up and she caught his scent in the air, a little ashamed to have instantly recognized it. She pushed herself up to her feet, though in the pitch dark night even she couldn't make out his face until he came in.

He leaned casually against the wall, studying her bedraggled figure. Her old self wouldn't be caught dead in this state. Oh, well.

"You look like shit," he said by way of greeting.

"Why thank you. That's nice to hear, considering I'm stuck with the same looks for eternity." She sighed, thinking of all the new skin treatments and haircuts she would never be able to try. Day after day, she would always look exactly the same.

He clicked his tongue without sympathy. "I'd be glad to leave you to sulk over eternal damnation, but I actually have a proposition to make."

She raised a sharp eyebrow at him. This was her ex - from before Matt got in the picture - turned sire, who she only recently found out had fed on her and messed with her mind when she was human.

Sure, vampires fed on the living, but she hadn't been a random, occasional victim. He seemed to be partial to her blood, as he drank from her during the entire time they were dating. It's not like she didn't already know he could be a jerk, but using her as his personal blood bank while pushing her around under compulsion was a new level of dick.

And he may have favored her blood, but she hadn't received any kind of special treatment when, months later, she turned into a vampire and he turned his back on her. After trying to stake her.

In the fallout, she had avoided him like the plague and openly ignored him whenever they crossed paths. But, with everything else going on, her anger eventually morphed into the resentment that only sometimes kindled in her chest. He had never apologized and she sure as hell hadn't forgiven him, but, unfortunately, she now knew first hand of the pain and depravity their flesh was heir to. Nowadays she had bigger concerns than hating on her ex, crying over the breakup with Matt or quenching that annoying impulse to bite friends and relatives. Concerns with, say, survival.

Ironically, her life expectancy had dropped dramatically since becoming a vampire, as evidenced by her recent brush with final death. It was hard to believe that, in the end, the Salvatores were the ones who came charging to her rescue, while Tyler just stood by and did nothing to help the girl he had known all his life.

After that fateful night, she and Damon had reached some kind of truce. He had stopped by a couple of times before to check on her, she assumed on damage control duty. They hadn't exchanged more than a couple of clipped sentences, but she hadn't thrown him out. She considered it progress.

Tonight, however, she was not in the mood for social calls, especially if it required they actually spoke to each other. Of course, he seemed unfazed by her unwelcoming glare.

"Interview with the Vampire, huh? That's more like it," he said, picking up the book from her nightstand and recalling a time she had been into the Twilight saga. "Are you still hunting with Stefan?"

"What is it to you?"

She sat on the bed again, pulling her knees up to her chest. Damon didn't miss how her shorts rolled up and her shapely legs earned an appreciative look from the vampire.

"You're insolent for a puppy sucker, Barbie," he commented with familiarity and then paused. "But I don't have time for this. I came here because I have a little trip to make and it's in your best interest to come with me."

It took a couple seconds for her to process his words. She let them rattle around in her brain, but they didn't make any more sense for that. After everything she'd been through, if Damon Salvatore thought he could come to her house and make fun of her he had another thing coming.

"I thought you would never ask," she said brightly, much to his confusion. "I was here just waiting for the devil to fly in through the window and take me for a ride. Literally."

He rolled his eyes and went back to flipping through the book carelessly.

"There's this party in Charlotte this weekend. Vampires only," he explained curtly. "You're my plus one."

"Yeah, I don't think I can make it," she replied, deadpan.

He looked up, clearly not happy with her refusal. "Because being a basket case is taking up all of your time?"

Her lips pursed slightly. "And here I thought we had a good thing going," she said dryly. "I don't talk to you, you don't insult me."

"I'm offering an opportunity here, for you to seize your school break and get away from this place," he said, already annoyed.

"Such a thoughtful suggestion, but I'll pass. I'm not going anywhere alone with you, especially not to a place packed with vampires. What are you even meeting them for? The Annual Vampire Ball?" She scoffed. Damon could be an ally now, but they weren't friends.

"What's with the self-hatred? You're a vampire. Being antisocial will take you nowhere."

She scowled. Considering she used to be one of the most popular girls at school and he was a notorious sociopath, she didn't think he should be questioning her social skills.

"You're a predator, Blondie," he said darkly. "The sooner you get that, the better. You can't spend the rest of forever in this shit of a town and I don't plan to stick around to save your ass next time you're assaulted by an ancient vampire or a pack of werewolves. It's time you learn how to blend in civilization."

Caroline glared up into his sparkling blue eyes. "You really know how to sell it."

Damon pushed himself off the wall and tossed the book on the bed (obviously, literature didn't do her any good). He stepped closer to the window, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like stupidbloodsuckingwasteofspace, but she could be wrong.

"I know you can be a little light on gratitude, so I'll accept the unspoken 'thank you, Damon' and I'll come to pick you up Saturday noon. I still have plans to get laid tonight, so I'm out of here."

She snorted. "Why would you want to help me, Damon? What would you have to gain?"

He stopped, without looking back. "Once you learn how to survive in our world, you won't be my problem anymore. That's reason enough for me."

Using vampire speed, he vanished into thin air, leaving the blonde girl more agitated than before.

Over the next few days, nothing much happened, but her mind kept reeling with worry and that was taking a toll on her academic performance. She couldn't concentrate in class, drifting back and forth over her fear of dying (again) and the melancholy thought of never being able to have a normal life like the kids around her that would grow up to start families of their own.

She was all for never aging, but that also meant she was fated to watch other people get on with their lives and would eventually survive her loved ones. Possibly. If she made it that far. If she learned how to navigate the dark world she now belonged to. Avoid the lycanthrope and senior vampires, exercise diplomacy with witches and sorcerers. She seriously did not sign up for this.

She swung her locker open and collected her jacket, suddenly realizing she was growing hungry. She really needed to time her meals better, because having cravings at school was awfully inconvenient.

"Caroline, what's going on?" asked Bonnie as the blonde shut her locker door with a little more force than strictly necessary. "You've been dazing out a lot and now you kind of look upset with something."

Caroline was startled by her friend's concerned voice. To be honest, she hadn't noticed Elena and Bonnie were standing right behind her in the middle of the hallway.

"It's nothing, I'm just- I have this annoying headache," she blurted out, hoping her friends wouldn't pick up on the small detail that vampires don't normally feel pain.

"There's nothing wrong with your diet, is there?" The witch frowned, suspiciously.

Ugh, she was sick and tired of Bonnie's judgemental tone. Yes, she'd banded with the wrong people and made some pretty bad decisions in the past, but she didn't ask for this to happen. She fed on blood now, so what? Nobody could expect her to just starve to death.

"Hey, what are you guys doing for the weekend?" Elena chimed in, effectively diffusing the tension.

"No plans, why?" said Bonnie.

"We could hang out at the Boarding House tomorrow, watch horror movies, have popcorn and ice cream for dinner. Damon will be out of town." She paused and lowered her voice a bit, speaking in a confidential manner. "He's been acting weird for weeks, kind of keeping a low profile, which is not like him. It's like he knows something the rest of us don't."

"When is Damon not acting like he knows better than everybody else?" Caroline shifted awkwardly, earning a sideways look from Bonnie.

"What is he up to?" Bonnie addressed Elena.

"I don't know, and could be nothing," Elena replied. "He's just different, somehow."

"Well, Katherine is gone," Caroline offered, saying the old vampiress' name like it burned her tongue. "I guess that changed things for him."

"Have you tried asking him?" Bonnie suggested.

"Like he would tell me." Elena scoffed.

The blonde tilted her head to the side, immersing in thought again. Guys usually fell over themselves to please Elena. Whether she was aware of it or not, Caroline was willing to bet her darling friend could get anything out of Damon if she wanted. He clearly had a type.

Elena turned to her. "Care, you could sleep over, Stefan won't mind."

Caroline fought a bitter smile. These days she felt like everybody's charity case. Like the community was coming together to- what? Make sure she didn't lose her humanity? Or that she wasn't too incompetent to be a vampire? When they looked at her their eyes were either guarded or full of pity.

"Thanks, but a- family thing came up and I will be busy this weekend," she said.

Bonnie eyed her oddly and Caroline practically ran away. She felt guilty for alienating her friends, but they just didn't get it. Bonnie acted like she wasn't the same girl they grew up with, and Elena just pretended nothing had changed. Both of them were wrong and being around them sometimes was unbearable.

God, she'd die friendless and alone.

Hunting that night was torture. She hated the woods and bunny blood and all the silence. Stefan was so focused on training her to be the most humane vampire possible, she couldn't count on him to tell her much about her new nature. Like everything was taboo and it was incredibly frustrating.

Her muddled brain kept going back to Damon's ominous visit. She hadn't come to terms with being clinically dead, she was certainly not ready to face the other things that bumped in the night on her own, but she was damn tired of that place. Between keeping her distance from both Matt and Tyler and feeling like the odd one out among her friends, Damon's offer to get away for a couple of days sounded more appealing by the minute.

Hard to admit, but the guy had impeccable timing. How did he know? The idea that he could somehow read her mind or smell her fears was a little unsettling. And what did he mean, he wasn't sticking around?

"Focus, Caroline." She heard Stefan's voice behind her.

Caroline narrowed her eyes and, combining her heightened senses and sporting abilities, got a hold of the animal, breaking its neck and swallowing its blood. Nourishing though it was, animal blood tasted like disappointment and vinegar. She wiped her mouth clean, trying to bury the frustration building inside her. She didn't want to have that conversation again with Stefan, though when she raised her eyes she only found an empty spot where he had been.

Everything was oddly silent and she suddenly felt like an intruder amidst the dense growth of trees, where the darkness threatened to engulf her. It was irrational, though. She knew that. It should be at least another week before the next full moon, so there was no reason for a vampire to fear the night. But the last memory she had of being alone there was as the victim of rabid werewolves and there was a chance she would never feel safe in Mystic Falls again.

"Stefan, where are you?" she shouted, and almost jumped out of her skin when he reappeared.

His dark green eyes were bloodshot red when he gazed down at her, inspecting her face and body for injuries or tears. Finding none, he sighed, enveloping her in a one-armed hug.

"Let's go," he said, squeezing her shoulder.

She heard the pity in his voice and shut her eyes tightly. She wasn't cut out for this. Feeding off of furry animals, hiding in the shadows. She wasn't alive and she wasn't in the same league as Damon and Stefan. She'd been struggling with this feeling of inadequacy ever since she'd turned. Maybe she lacked patience and tact, but she had ambition, she had dexterity, why wasn't she better at this? How did everybody and their mother manage to one-up her?

That night, she dragged herself to bed and fell into a restless sleep.

They were in the woods surrounded by a werewolf pack - Stefan, Elena and Bonnie. The witch was trying to keep them away using her magical powers, and Elena grabbed Caroline's hand to pull her as Stefan led the way. They managed to give three steps backwards before a big wolf jumped on them and their screams echoed in the night. When Stefan turned to them it was too late, there was no way he could take them all to a safe place. He made a quick decision. He chose Elena.

When Caroline woke up, startled, she felt for her phone on the nightstand and texted Stefan.

"You awake?"

It didn't take long until it vibrated with a new message.

"Hey, Care. Stefan's busy in the kitchen. Everything okay? E."

She dropped the phone, but couldn't go back to sleep.

How come Bonnie had only recently discovered her magical powers and was already so good at it? While she pretty much sucked as a vampire, no pun intended. And Elena... They say everything happens for a reason, and in Mystic Falls that reason was always Elena. Undying love and devotion, time-old grudges, freaking wars - all for the doppelgänger. It wasn't her friend's fault, it couldn't be helped, but Caroline was tired of getting caught in that vortex. She had sort of died because of Elena, she didn't think she could go the extra mile.

Admittedly, she had always been a little jealous of her friends. She was, er, competitive by nature. But now their presence was a constant reminder of her impairment. The urge to venture herself in the world kicked in. Perhaps she could learn a trick or two with the elder Salvatore brother, and, if not, she'd be on her own for the very first time. Maybe city vampires were different, better. They probably just hit the blood bank instead of hunting rabbits in the woods.

Making a split decision, she grabbed the phone again and called Damon.

"What is it?" he asked morosely.

"What should I tell my mom?" she cut to the chase. She didn't want to use compulsion on her mother.

"Right." He went silent for a second. "I'll take care of that. Liz won't object, believe me."

The line went dead and she wondered if he meant he was going to compel her mother. She didn't worry much, though, knowing that Damon liked Liz a lot more than he tolerated her. With that strangely comforting thought, she dozed off.

To be continued...

This story is AU. Starts some time during season two, after Daddy Issues. No Originals here, though; instead this fic will dabble in the Vampire: the Masquerade mythology. That said, Katherine is locked in the tomb, Caroline was held hostage and tortured by Jules and co until Damon, Stefan and the cavalry arrived, and Liz is oblivious to the Salvatores' secret.

By now it goes without saying, but I like to drop a few quotes from movies and series here and there, so you might recognize some lines :)

This chapter's references: Interview with the Vampire.

If you're enjoying the story, please consider leaving a review to let me know you're there :)