I wake up with my head buried in a, Palace custom made, pillow. All this stuff with Chuck. I should call him. Tomorrow, if he doesn't get home today. Take him out to lunch, or a walk in the park. I open my eyes and see a shadow figure at the end of the bed.
"Chuck." "Nathaniel." He's surprised. I wince, but can't really blame him. I've been letting him deal with this alone. But I'm not leaving now. He sure is moving around a lot. "Why are you packing?" I feel tingles of trepidation. "I'm leaving." "What?" I scramble up from the bed and is in his face before he can move around again. "You can't leave." I command. He doesn't care for orders. "Actually I can."
He swivels around again and grabs a red tie, before angrily dropping it. He abandones his bag on the floor with the tie. "You're not taking your clothes?" Mabye he'll stay. "I won't be needing them." Mabye not.
He's walking out past the couch I haven't slept in for months. "Chuck, what about Lily?" His pace increases. Shit. "Or Serena and Erik?" Almost at the door. "What about Blair?" He stops and retracts his hand from the door knob. Good. "She loves you." He shakes his head quietly staring at the floor. Like it doesn't matter.
I'm in front of him now. "Chuck." I turn his head upward so he'll look at me. I have to see him. He has to stay. I won't let him disappear. "You--." I vaguely remember that look. It's a mixture of the debutante ball and everytime I would bring Blair up after that. It's that cold look, when Bart was disappointed in him. But it's also the look he would get when he couldn't understand something. It's confusion. Hurt.
"Where are you going?" I ask, feeling useless and defetead. "I'm thinking Thailand." He murmurs voice cracked, by crying, I guess. "You have to come back." He sidesteps me and grabs a red-white piece of fabric. "Hold on to this until I get back." He's smirking, I think. So I hold of on making any quips. I can't really think of any.
I sink down into the couch when he leaves. I realize it's morning when I get a phone call from Blair in the a.m. She's frantic. "Have you seen Chuck?" It's a really ugly scarf. I can never understand his obsession with it. Why does he keep it after all this years? He'd be better of without it. It doesn't even go with most of his clothes. "I.." Blair says he loves it. Erik thinks it's sentimentality. "Nate?" I'm still holding it in my hand. I can drop it on the floor and just leave it there. "Archibald." Blair barks over the phone. I dangle the glorified scrap of clothing. "Have you seen him?" She pronounces the words like she's talking to a small child. "No." I bundle up the scarf and put it in the pocket, inside my jacket. "No, I haven't."