I've just gotten an idea from watched an abridged episode of Hellsing. I've always wondered if there might be another way how Seras got her rifle, so I made a small comic strip that consisted of several abridged references and a vampire's lung injured. Be warned! Everybody is OOC!

Seras was still sitting in her bed, fully dressed but still sleepy. How did she get herself into such a mess?

"Hey, Police Girl!" Alucard called from the other side of the door outside. "I have a gift for you!"

"Since when do you give gifts?" Integra questioned as she walked by. "I thought you didn't like that girl."

"But she'll love this present I'm giving her," the red clad vampire said, lifting up a long wooden case that looked quite heavy. "I had it custom made for her." He returned to his banging on the door. "Hey, Police Girl, this present is getting heavy! If you don't open the door quick, I'll force the door open with this-"

The wooden door swung open and there stood Selas. "There. I opened the [bleep]ing door. Happy now?" she asked, looking quite angry. "Oh, good morning, Sir Integra," Selas greeted, noticing her master's master. "Alucard, what did you bring me?"

"A present. Let me into your room," the dark-haired vampire said. Without even waiting for her answer, he stepped in and put the case on the table. With a swift movement, he opened it, revealing a large rifle.

"Master, you are too kind! I can't believe you actually bought me an actual [bleep]ing rifle!" Selas exclaimed, smiling. "Thank you!"

Alucard grinned and said, "Just make sure you don't ever shoot me in the-" Suddenly, his young servant picked up the rifle, loaded it, and fired right through her master's right lung in less than five seconds.

"Aaah!" Alucard exclaimed, collapsing onto the floor in agony. "My right lung! Argh!" As a pool of blood flooded around him, he glanced up at his servant in agony.

"That's for shooting me through my right lung when we first met," Selas said. "Now, we're even." She put the rifle back into its case quickly and walked out of the room with it.

"Never… again will I… give her a gun for a gift," Alucard mumbled before blacking out.

What do you think? I'm not sure if it's a good crack one-shot. Review if you demand an extra chapter, more improvements, a sequel, or an actual abridged Hellsing FanFiction story. Review!

Wheelie