There's only so much a guy can take.
They say that love is everlasting, never-ending, eternal, whatever. No matter how much you dress up your words, or hide them within a heroic plotline, it always results in the same thing.
Love is forever.
I don't know how long ago They said it. Hell, I don't even know who 'They' are. When I asked my friends about it, Sirius said that 'They' were just a group of people trying to scam money off innocents by spitting out bullshit. Remus said that 'They' were philosophers or something like that. Peter just stood there blankly, trying to comprehend our use of quotation marks, poor guy.
But at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter who said it, or when, or why. What matters is that they did.
I don't think that people realise how dramatic, how final this statement is. Love is forever. Think about it. Forever. It isn't for a month, a year, or even a lifetime. Forever is, well, forever.
Personally, I hate that word.
Every time I see her walking down the corridors, hear her laughing with her friends, damn it, even when – if only for a moment – a thought about her crosses my mind, that word is pounding into my brain.
It's like a drum beat. It echoes through my head, steady and persistent, never stopping, never slowing. If anything it's getting louder. Even now, I can feel it pulsing through me.
Forever...forever...forever...forever...forever...forever...forever...forever
But what am I to do? She's everywhere I turn. I can't run, I can't hide, and yet what other option do I have?
She doesn't love me back. I can feel my heart break just thinking about it.
I fell for her the first time I saw her. Back then she didn't like me. At all. I can't really say that much has changed. In fact, if I were to be brutally honest with myself – something I do rarely – I would admit it's probably gotten worse.
Over time, a childish annoyance at a fellow student has risen to full blown hatred. A hatred that makes my shoulders droop, my stomach plummet, my smile vanish, and my heart slowly, achingly shatter. Not that she notices.
They say that love is forever.
Whoever believes that love is wonderful is sorely mistaken. To a point of insanity in my opinion, although I suppose I'm not really one to talk.
I believed in love for six and a half years. Those days were filled with hope. I knew that she didn't like me, but I thought over time that things would change. I was so sure...
That's all in the past now.
These days I put more effort into my head duties. I'm training harder than ever for quidditch, I'm actually studying, and the guys –who understand what's going on – are helping me come up with more and more complicated pranks.
I know at the end of the day these activities don't change a thing, but sometimes they can distract me long enough for a few moments of freedom. That brief pause in time when my thoughts revolve around something other than her.
When this happens I can almost convince myself that I'm over her, but then I snap out of it, rudely jolted out of my wishful fantasy.
She is my sun, my moon, and my stars, and I cannot escape however much I want to. However much I need to.
Love is forever.
They've said it before, they'll say it again, but I cannot believe it. I will not believe it. I have to have hope. Without it, I'm going to waste away, slowly disappearing with every glare, every shout, every insult she throws at me.
So this is goodbye, my Lily, my love. If all goes well, things are soon going to change.
They say that love is forever, but I'm gonna do my god-damned fucking hardest to prove them wrong.