"I can't get the blood off my hands" he held his raw hands in front of
him, shaking violently. Skin hung off his torn nails."No matter what I do,
there's blood on my hands", Mikah whispered hoarsely in Croatian.
His eyes couldn't focus.There was a haze over the boy's eyes. Luka
stood quietly,"When did you join the army?"
"Just after you left for America" Mikah answered. His eyes and blank
stare burned into Luka. Behind the wild ratted hair, the long beard,
the scars on his now grayish skin, was the gentle little brother Luka
had left behind. "It was my chance to prove to Papa that I was better
than you"
He got up to strecth his skinny legs, the yellowed photo falling from
the pocket of the faded camis. The pocket on his thigh, ripped and torn
at the corner.
Luka glanced down at the black and white photo of two smiling boys.
******************************
There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
******************************
"Come out! Come out with your hands up, leave your weapons on the porch"
The strong nose poked out from under his helmet. His friends called him
names, but Mikah marched on, laughing with them.
"He's fleeing! Elephant, he's running!" Biddy called, his Croatian
loud and as frantic was the rounds from his machine gun. His body
shook, flailing him around in the air. Children cried loudly behind
them, children fell from the trees, small white tank tops and shorts
covered in blood.
Mikah stood with his hands at his side, listening to the screaming women.
"Biddy!" Mikah yelled, dust and debris settling into whatever wasn't
covered by their uniforms."Biddy!"
He turned around slowly, Biddy's helmet falling onto the ground, a villager
pointing his rifle into the back of the eighteen year old's neck.
"May God and his angels watch over you" Mikah bent down over Biddy's lifeless
body, kissed the boy's blood-streaked forehead and ran to catch up with
the rest of the soliders.
************************************
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...
************************************
"I..Luka! Luka!" Abby yelled,"LUKA!"
His face flew up, his dark eyes, large and darker. Abby shuddered, and took
a deep breath,"Do you want..."
He nodded, and walked slowly out of the trauma room.
Carter looked down at the lanky body that lay still in front of them."I want
to get a few x-rays before you bag him".
Mikah opened one eye, letting out the breath he had held when the officer came
into the park and lifted him off the bench, and into the back of the patrol
car. He opened his other eye, looking at the tearful nurse with surprise."Do I
know you?" his voice came out strangled.
"Luka! Luka!" Abby yelled, running out of the room, taking the doctor's
hand and dragging him into the room.
"Luka?" his voice cracked, blood pouring from his nose."Luka!"
"You need your rest" Luka said quietly, pulling the stool closer to the
bed.He ran his hand over the boy's knotted hair, stroked the top of his
head absentmindly."You need your rest, Mikah".
************************
Maybe I'm just blind...
************************
It looked deserted. The photo of his family, the stern almost hateful looking
grimace on his father's face burned and crumpled in the fire. A moth, wings
curling at its sides.
Mikah took a long drag of his cigarette.
The camp was quiet. Every now and then someone turned around and looked at the
empty spot. The blank area, the boxes they had packed, the missing sleeping
bag and loud boastful laughing from around the fire.
He sat down farther from the camp, holding the small knife blade in his hand.
He turned it over in his palm, pressed the blade lightly into the skin.
Mikah closed his eyes, falling even deeper into the dark night.
"Mikah!" someone yelled,"Hey loser, where are you?"
He dropped the blade into the sand.
****************************
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
****************************
He flailed, screeching in deep, smoky like screams."Bastards! Pigs!" he
yelled, blood crusted around his mouth, bruises around his eyes. He kept
screaming in Croatian, motioning with his hands, searching for the gun he
had lost, but still felt, warm in his pocket.
"What's that language?" Frank turned to Abby.
"Croatian" she muttered,"Have you seen Luka?"
The desk clerk wrinkled his nose, vomit caked on the boy's sleeve, the long
ratty beard that looked like wire."Yeah, the lounge".
Abby nodded, watching the long bony legs fall out from under him, the boy
falling to the floor like a moth with broken wings."I need a gurney over
here!" she yelled as the police officer snapped the handcuffs behind
Mikah's back."What do you think you're doing?"
"He's under arrest from .."
"I don't care" her heart pounded so loud,it was all she could hear, so
her voice got louder,"Take them off. He's not going anywhere."
The officer looked at the tall shadow behind her, and knelt by the crumpled
mess of skin and bones. He stepped out of the way to let Luka take the boy
in his arms, and onto the gurney.
*********************************
Everything I am
And everything you need
I'll also be the one
You wanted me to be
*********************************
He slapped the boy's neck, watched him shudder, and fall to his knees.
Mikah gritted his teeth, pointed the gun to the back of his neck, and closed
his eyes. Days and nights turned into one, and all he could do now was close
his eyes whenever he had to kill someone.
He waited till the weight fell against his shaky body, and stepped back.
"Yo, Elephant! We're heading back over to that house." Moco called, laughing.
"We're gonna get'em for everything"
Mikah narrowed his eyes, shadowing himself from the sun with his hand."What?"
"That fucker's gonna pay for getting Biddy" he answered.
Mikah looked down at the sandwich in his hands, felt the bread in the side of
his cheek swell. He walked slowly behind him, his heart racing, cold sweat
beading on his forehead.
**********************************
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
**********************************
Luka lurked in the shadows, listening with the intention of being professional, his
heart breaking. He swallowed hard, trying to fight tears.
"He's severly dehydrated, I can't start a line" Abby barely whispered, never tearing her
eyes off of the dark shadow in the corner, the lifeless arms and legs on
the gurney."Call surgery" she wiped her hands on the side of her pants.
He sank farther into the corner, his hands holding his head.
"This is your brother, isn't it?" Abby touched his shoulder lightly."Luka?"
He nodded, biting down on his lip.
"Abby?" Susan called,"I need a kidney dish. He's vomiting"
Luka stepped up to the gurney, looking down into the mauvey-pink plastic,
watching the neon green stomach acid, the yellow-tinted mucus, and the blood
pour from his brother's mouth. He stepped away, sticking his hands in his
pockets, and walked out the trauma room door.
"He's seizing" Susan called out.
**********************************
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
**********************************
He couldn't see in front of him. Mikah kept his eyes opened, blinking, blinking hard
as the tears dripped down his face. He made his way through the black smoke, making his
way through the fires.
His skin blistered under his uniform, sticking to the heavy canvas.
Mikah kept walking, stepping over the metal pieces, body pieces. He bent down, touching the
doll that had melted onto a stone."Moco! Tevi!" he yelled, stopping to cough. Vomit rose in
his throat."Holy fuck!"
His friends bodies had twisted together, melted together in some sort of ending brotherhood.
Mikah looked up at the house they'd thrown the bomb into.
They were around the table. Each head bowed in prayer. They were holding hands. Their skin
had melted together. Standing there in front of the house, he could still hear the little
one whimper softly, like a drowning kitten.
Mikah ran, ran fast. He fell over stones, and broken pieces of homes. He tripped over someone's
corpse, and vomited. Vomited till his throat stung. Till he saw blood. Mikah kept running.
The soft whimper kept playing over and over in his ear, he kept seeing the husband and wife,
their hands seared together, their bodies stuck in permaent prayer. He vowed never to eat again,
vomiting before collasping in front of the Red Cross tent.
They'd bombed the wrong house.
***********************************
When your education x-ray
Can not see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
***********************************
Luka picked up the picture, looking at the bird-like shadow in the corner."You need to rest."
Mikah nodded, shuffling back over to the bed."Mum and Papa ask about you. He talks about you like
you're still down the street.Like your still in Croatia". His paper thin eyelids fell and fluttered,
before Mikah curled up, hugging his knees to chest.
Luka looked at the picture again. Suddenly he looked like the baby of the family, Mikah older, stronger,
and in so many pieces. He pulled the blanket over his brother.
He kept walking till he got to his apartment. No keys, no coat. Luka shuddered, snow catching on his lab
coat. He stood in the doorframe, looking out into the hall, watching the mother down the hall bring
her crying child into the apartment, the older woman carry her groceries into her home.
Luka swallowed hard, and slid down the door, head in his hands. He looked at the picture one more
time,"May God and his angels watch over you" he whispered hoarsely to the picture.Luka closed his eyes.
*******************************
Roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone.............
him, shaking violently. Skin hung off his torn nails."No matter what I do,
there's blood on my hands", Mikah whispered hoarsely in Croatian.
His eyes couldn't focus.There was a haze over the boy's eyes. Luka
stood quietly,"When did you join the army?"
"Just after you left for America" Mikah answered. His eyes and blank
stare burned into Luka. Behind the wild ratted hair, the long beard,
the scars on his now grayish skin, was the gentle little brother Luka
had left behind. "It was my chance to prove to Papa that I was better
than you"
He got up to strecth his skinny legs, the yellowed photo falling from
the pocket of the faded camis. The pocket on his thigh, ripped and torn
at the corner.
Luka glanced down at the black and white photo of two smiling boys.
******************************
There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
******************************
"Come out! Come out with your hands up, leave your weapons on the porch"
The strong nose poked out from under his helmet. His friends called him
names, but Mikah marched on, laughing with them.
"He's fleeing! Elephant, he's running!" Biddy called, his Croatian
loud and as frantic was the rounds from his machine gun. His body
shook, flailing him around in the air. Children cried loudly behind
them, children fell from the trees, small white tank tops and shorts
covered in blood.
Mikah stood with his hands at his side, listening to the screaming women.
"Biddy!" Mikah yelled, dust and debris settling into whatever wasn't
covered by their uniforms."Biddy!"
He turned around slowly, Biddy's helmet falling onto the ground, a villager
pointing his rifle into the back of the eighteen year old's neck.
"May God and his angels watch over you" Mikah bent down over Biddy's lifeless
body, kissed the boy's blood-streaked forehead and ran to catch up with
the rest of the soliders.
************************************
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...
************************************
"I..Luka! Luka!" Abby yelled,"LUKA!"
His face flew up, his dark eyes, large and darker. Abby shuddered, and took
a deep breath,"Do you want..."
He nodded, and walked slowly out of the trauma room.
Carter looked down at the lanky body that lay still in front of them."I want
to get a few x-rays before you bag him".
Mikah opened one eye, letting out the breath he had held when the officer came
into the park and lifted him off the bench, and into the back of the patrol
car. He opened his other eye, looking at the tearful nurse with surprise."Do I
know you?" his voice came out strangled.
"Luka! Luka!" Abby yelled, running out of the room, taking the doctor's
hand and dragging him into the room.
"Luka?" his voice cracked, blood pouring from his nose."Luka!"
"You need your rest" Luka said quietly, pulling the stool closer to the
bed.He ran his hand over the boy's knotted hair, stroked the top of his
head absentmindly."You need your rest, Mikah".
************************
Maybe I'm just blind...
************************
It looked deserted. The photo of his family, the stern almost hateful looking
grimace on his father's face burned and crumpled in the fire. A moth, wings
curling at its sides.
Mikah took a long drag of his cigarette.
The camp was quiet. Every now and then someone turned around and looked at the
empty spot. The blank area, the boxes they had packed, the missing sleeping
bag and loud boastful laughing from around the fire.
He sat down farther from the camp, holding the small knife blade in his hand.
He turned it over in his palm, pressed the blade lightly into the skin.
Mikah closed his eyes, falling even deeper into the dark night.
"Mikah!" someone yelled,"Hey loser, where are you?"
He dropped the blade into the sand.
****************************
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
****************************
He flailed, screeching in deep, smoky like screams."Bastards! Pigs!" he
yelled, blood crusted around his mouth, bruises around his eyes. He kept
screaming in Croatian, motioning with his hands, searching for the gun he
had lost, but still felt, warm in his pocket.
"What's that language?" Frank turned to Abby.
"Croatian" she muttered,"Have you seen Luka?"
The desk clerk wrinkled his nose, vomit caked on the boy's sleeve, the long
ratty beard that looked like wire."Yeah, the lounge".
Abby nodded, watching the long bony legs fall out from under him, the boy
falling to the floor like a moth with broken wings."I need a gurney over
here!" she yelled as the police officer snapped the handcuffs behind
Mikah's back."What do you think you're doing?"
"He's under arrest from .."
"I don't care" her heart pounded so loud,it was all she could hear, so
her voice got louder,"Take them off. He's not going anywhere."
The officer looked at the tall shadow behind her, and knelt by the crumpled
mess of skin and bones. He stepped out of the way to let Luka take the boy
in his arms, and onto the gurney.
*********************************
Everything I am
And everything you need
I'll also be the one
You wanted me to be
*********************************
He slapped the boy's neck, watched him shudder, and fall to his knees.
Mikah gritted his teeth, pointed the gun to the back of his neck, and closed
his eyes. Days and nights turned into one, and all he could do now was close
his eyes whenever he had to kill someone.
He waited till the weight fell against his shaky body, and stepped back.
"Yo, Elephant! We're heading back over to that house." Moco called, laughing.
"We're gonna get'em for everything"
Mikah narrowed his eyes, shadowing himself from the sun with his hand."What?"
"That fucker's gonna pay for getting Biddy" he answered.
Mikah looked down at the sandwich in his hands, felt the bread in the side of
his cheek swell. He walked slowly behind him, his heart racing, cold sweat
beading on his forehead.
**********************************
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
**********************************
Luka lurked in the shadows, listening with the intention of being professional, his
heart breaking. He swallowed hard, trying to fight tears.
"He's severly dehydrated, I can't start a line" Abby barely whispered, never tearing her
eyes off of the dark shadow in the corner, the lifeless arms and legs on
the gurney."Call surgery" she wiped her hands on the side of her pants.
He sank farther into the corner, his hands holding his head.
"This is your brother, isn't it?" Abby touched his shoulder lightly."Luka?"
He nodded, biting down on his lip.
"Abby?" Susan called,"I need a kidney dish. He's vomiting"
Luka stepped up to the gurney, looking down into the mauvey-pink plastic,
watching the neon green stomach acid, the yellow-tinted mucus, and the blood
pour from his brother's mouth. He stepped away, sticking his hands in his
pockets, and walked out the trauma room door.
"He's seizing" Susan called out.
**********************************
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
**********************************
He couldn't see in front of him. Mikah kept his eyes opened, blinking, blinking hard
as the tears dripped down his face. He made his way through the black smoke, making his
way through the fires.
His skin blistered under his uniform, sticking to the heavy canvas.
Mikah kept walking, stepping over the metal pieces, body pieces. He bent down, touching the
doll that had melted onto a stone."Moco! Tevi!" he yelled, stopping to cough. Vomit rose in
his throat."Holy fuck!"
His friends bodies had twisted together, melted together in some sort of ending brotherhood.
Mikah looked up at the house they'd thrown the bomb into.
They were around the table. Each head bowed in prayer. They were holding hands. Their skin
had melted together. Standing there in front of the house, he could still hear the little
one whimper softly, like a drowning kitten.
Mikah ran, ran fast. He fell over stones, and broken pieces of homes. He tripped over someone's
corpse, and vomited. Vomited till his throat stung. Till he saw blood. Mikah kept running.
The soft whimper kept playing over and over in his ear, he kept seeing the husband and wife,
their hands seared together, their bodies stuck in permaent prayer. He vowed never to eat again,
vomiting before collasping in front of the Red Cross tent.
They'd bombed the wrong house.
***********************************
When your education x-ray
Can not see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
***********************************
Luka picked up the picture, looking at the bird-like shadow in the corner."You need to rest."
Mikah nodded, shuffling back over to the bed."Mum and Papa ask about you. He talks about you like
you're still down the street.Like your still in Croatia". His paper thin eyelids fell and fluttered,
before Mikah curled up, hugging his knees to chest.
Luka looked at the picture again. Suddenly he looked like the baby of the family, Mikah older, stronger,
and in so many pieces. He pulled the blanket over his brother.
He kept walking till he got to his apartment. No keys, no coat. Luka shuddered, snow catching on his lab
coat. He stood in the doorframe, looking out into the hall, watching the mother down the hall bring
her crying child into the apartment, the older woman carry her groceries into her home.
Luka swallowed hard, and slid down the door, head in his hands. He looked at the picture one more
time,"May God and his angels watch over you" he whispered hoarsely to the picture.Luka closed his eyes.
*******************************
Roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone.............